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So today was definitely a down day for me. Got to work which has been the biggest source of depressive feelings and situations lately and realized I hadn't heard about our monthly birthday celebrations and since mine was coming up I should have been in this month's. I looked it up and it was 2 weeks ago. I was at work when they were doing it. The organizer, the manager who runs it, and my boss included couldn't be bothered to tell me, get a hold of me, e-mail me about it, whatever. So I was initially mad that I missed out on pizza and ice cream cake and a shot at a day off with pay. That started dragging my mood down. Then I started ruminating on the fact that no one could be bothered to get a hold of me for this. In years past they've paged people, got a hold of supervisors, etc while it's going on to get them in for the free food and a host at the day off. This year, nothing. They have a list of everyone who's supposed to be there and they check that damn thing religiously every year and yet I'm forgotten again because they don't need me to fix something or look to blame me for something I had nothing to do with. So then I started spiraling even more. Now, my rational brain is attempting at this point to tell my emotional brain to take a chill pill that this can be fixed by getting in on the next month's meeting, hopefully, and I'll still be getting a shot at an extra day off and the free food. My emotional brain basically flipped my rational brain the bird and decided to not only wallow in it, but to start making me feel like I'm worthless and forgettable which made me angry because of all the things I'm trying to feel that isn't one of them, so then that amped up the others. It was a nasty, nasty morning. Bree was my bright light in all of this. We talked on teh phone, she messaged me all day and when she got home she gave me a big hug and we went out for comfort food and screw the diet. Being around her quieted a lot of that garbage my emotional brain was feeding me and I was able to reign it in and enjoy being with her and while I wanted to throw on my boobs and bra when I got home, I waited for her because I knew ultimately she was what I really wanted right then and I had an inkling we'd end up going out. Bree makes it all better. I wish everyone had someone like Bree.

Day one Post Op: Pain and Mobility Expectation - To be too sore to live and need help with absolutely everything. Reality - I have taken my pain meds every 4 hours, and I am not in much pain, just a little sore. It's more of a discomfort.I am able to lift cups of water and pillows. I can't lift my arms higher than my chest muscles, but turn on lights using my head. I couldn't twist bottle caps off yesterday but I can tonight. Comfort (sitting, lying) Expectation - I wasn't sure, but was expecting it to be miserable and hard to get up and down. Reality - I first have to use my LEG muscles to sit on the edge of the couch and slowly scootch back. I have a "dead" neck pillow behind my low back, two firm pillows propping up my legs and a pillow under either elbow, plus a neck pillow. My caregiver needs to add these to my sitting situation. Bed is the same except I have a regular pillow under my back and a leg pillow sits slightly under my butt. If it's not there, I am not comfortable at all. Sleeping Expectation - I thought I'd be out cold for a week! Reality - The most sleep I have had in one batch was 2 hours and 16 minutes. Oddly, I am not that tired. As soon as I watch tv, I doze. I hear the show with my eyes closed, but not sleeping per se. Burping Expectation - None. Reality - OMG OUCH! Also,last night I thought I was going to vomit prior to every burp. I got the bucket ready, and just burped into it (Except once, which was just from eating an orange) Drain Tube Expectation - Not sure, but assumed there would be some. Reality - None. Bruising Expectation - Lots and dark. Reality - Minimal (but I guess it could get worse over the next few days) Recovery isn't as terrible as I thought it would be. I don't know what would happen if I wasn't taking my pain meds though. I saw my surgeon for follow up today, and the car ride sure sucked with all the bumps. My left nipple is still bleeding, she said thats normal. It also appears that I do have nipple sensation still, which was very important to me. She asked if I could feel my nipples, and I said no, so she came over and scratched me harder than I was doing and I felt a tiny sensations. She said that would most likely come back stronger with time. The most odd thing about this experience is that a small portion of my bottom lip is numb, still 46 hours post op. It's from the ventilation tube. Honestly, the worst part about this entire experience was getting the IV put in. I have small and curly veins, so they pricked me a few times. I was also expecting my hand to be bruised because if it, but nope, not at all. I guess if I had to give advice to anyone having (top) surgery in the future it would to be to work your core and leg muscles, because those are the ones you'll use to get up and down. Also, have a wide variety of sizes and firmness in pillows on hand.

So, I know it has been awhile. I have so many positive things to share and also some negative ones. So the Fall semester hit me like a freight truck. I had forgotten the inevitable stress that went along with being on student government. Luckily, I survived. The highlights of the fall semester are that I, with the support of the student body and government, began a campaign to get a gender neutral bathroom on campus. In doing so I’ve had the privilege of representing our community at my school and alerting the faculty and staff of the issues that will and have arisen for many transgender students. We will see a gender neutral bathroom in the middle of campus. It has been approved, and is currently being planned. The second victory, is a personal one. I started Testosterone on November 19th, 2015. And the following week I got a tattoo to commemorate that event. I have certainly found out a lot about myself since doing so. I’ve found I am an introvert, I like Cars, I’ve begun painting, and I love physical activity. A few of my tastes have changed, and I like it. I no longer feel restless and anxious all the time. This Spring Semester is half over for me, and I find myself enjoying life more than ever before. Though I know I still have a lot of work ahead, I wanted all of you to know that I didn’t fall off the face of the earth. Since the school year has begun I have not quit in my goal to bring transgender, and non-binary gender identities into the spotlight in gender education. Hopefully I will get to post again soon.

Hi Karen, Thanks for the reply and you two look like sisters I was an only child so someday I will have a sister too LOL DBH and Blessed Be. Hugs Violet

Hiya Ben. Good to hear Your news Young Man. Congratulations on starting Testosterone. Well Done with the Gender-Neutral Bathroom. Also, I love the Tattoo! You look a very happy and contented, Handsome Young Man. Ben, Thank You so much, for helping to Promote the Trans' cause, in such big way's. You Can be Very Proud of Yourself. Ben, Have a Good Day Young Man. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Hugs, Stephanie.

Hey Ben! Great to hear from you, and I'm so happy to hear about your success with the bathroom, starting T, and mostly, feeling good in your very own skin. I think that's awesome. What are you studying in school, by the way? Hope this semester is a great one for you. Hugs, Emma

Michael, in regards to why I wanted the inverted T method, which is also a benefit would be to preserve nipple sensation and less risk of nipple necrosis because the nerves and blood supply aren't severed. the thought of nipple necrosis freaks me right out! I have no idea what the cost difference is between double mastectomy with free nipple graphs and the inverted t. the other procedure I was looking at was the "fishmouth" because again, they don't sever the nerves and blood supply. My surgeon said she never uses drains in any of her procedures because they mostly cause dog ears which usually need unnecessary revisions later down the road. Honestly, I hadn't come across any stories without drains either, so I was surprised when she said she didn't use them.

Congrats, Brigsby. In your previous blog entry, you mentioned that you had wanted the inverted "T" method. I've been too lazy to google it and wondered, is there a benefit in getting the inverted "T," or does it have anything to do with cost (perhaps not as expensive), or what? I'm wondering if the inverted "T" method is why you don't have any drains - this is the first time I've heard of anyone having top surgery and not having to deal with drains. -Michael

With surgery like this is bound to be some degree of discomfort but I always view this as "Pain is transitory" and well worth the time it takes to recover. In regards to legs, I found it difficult to keep my arms down for breast augmentation and would guess this is similar to what you have gone through. Hopefuly they prescribed decent pain relief meds for you. Best wishes on a speedy recovery!!!

Hi Brigsby, Congratulations on your surgery. I am sure everyine here feels the same! Hugs, Emma

That looks painful. Recover super fast. Hugs Michele

I want to put triple antibiotic ointment cream on you! I really wanted to put it on my incision too, but was told to leave it strictly alone. I think I have a weird obsession with the ointment. I hope you heal quickly and are feeling top notch very soon, and love your new body! *hugs*

I had surgery today and everything went better than expected. I wanted the anchor-t or inverted-t method so I have an extra scar, but I'm alright with that. That's a whole other can of worms. i do find if I am trying to stay awake for a prolonged period of time, I get nauseous. Also if you have surgery in the future- stay away from oranges and orange juice, you will regret it! My family still have no idea I went under the knife today. I haven't spoken to either of them in a while. I'm tired. I wanted to add pictures but don't know how. Could someone tell me how? Thanks.

Heal well! I'm incredibly curious, as I do have a potential second surgery for my hernia in my future and my go to nom is oranges, what is the thing with the oranges about? How long before the surgery should one avoid?

HI Brigsby, Congratulations! I am sure you're feeling relief and delight. Also, some impatience for healing? Makes perfect sense to me. For the photos, yes, it's weird. For a blog you select a button called "upload" as I recall and then find the file on your computer and select it. I'm typing now on my iPad so I can't be more specific. Hope this helps and, more, that you make a very fast recovery! Emma