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Now, I suppose the title of this post may sound like I'm having a bad time but no, just the opposite. I came across these book covers recently - aren't they cool? I just love them. They bring up all kinds of thoughts and feelings for me. I'm going to look around eBay and elsewhere and see if I can get my hands on them. (Postscript: It's on Amazon for $2 (Kindle version. Yay!) But really, my life is going pretty well recently. I never thought I'd say this but the SSRI medication that the psychiatrist prescribed actually seems to be working. I was promised that "we have new ones" that would work better with fewer side effects. I wasn't a believer by any stretch having gone through so many trials and errors in the past. I've been on the medication for about four weeks and wow, I can tell that I'm much better than I was. It's a subtle thing - most of the time I don't even think about it, which is good. I don't want to even be aware of it. My wife and I are doing very well together, too. I'm sure we'll still have our ups and downs but maybe with the med I'll not go into a crashing end-it-all depression whenever she makes some comment that I misinterpret or can't deal with. It's seemed that way thus far so my confidence is building. Work. Well, not for much longer! We had a 1/3 of the company layoff two weeks ago and they asked me to stay for another four weeks to transition my responsibilities to others. Why not? An extra four weeks of pay. But really, it kinda sucks given that they don't know who to transition my work to, and the others in the company know I'm Dead Woman Walking. (Well, I guess they'd not refer to me as a woman but hey, it's MY blog!) Lest you be worried about my losing my job, please don't. I will likely just go into full time retirement. Which is kind of scary in that I've spent the last four decades using the busy-ness of work and my rather strong work-ethic (thanks Dad!) to avoid some things and to feel needed. As an old friend once said many years ago, I get a lot of emotional groceries by staying busy. A lot of satisfaction too. But I have some things to look forward to. I recently looked on Amazon for Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way" which I was thinking about re-reading. If you haven't read it and are looking for any kind of inspiration - it's a gem. Really. But you know what? Just one month ago she published a new book: "It's Never Too Late to Begin Again: Discovering Creativity and Meaning at Midlife and Beyond." How cool is that? I'm hoping off buying it until I'm truly unemployed. I don't want to spoil the treat. I also signed up for a one-day class at Stanford, "Happiness: Gumption, Gratitude, and Grace" which my therapist suggested. Looks like it will be interesting. Who knows what lies there or what will come up? I am looking forward to exploring further. There's more, of course. My wife wants me to build a tiny house for her in our backyard as a kind of retreat space. Not that we have a very large lot... pretty much no one does in the Bay Area. I was initially concerned that she plans on moving into that little house but no, she doesn't. Heck, maybe we can have sleepovers. That'd be fun. So it's all good, my friends. Emma

Back to endo on the 16 th hope the news is good for me too,, Step53 i hope everything goes smooth for you

Hiya Nicky. Well Young Lady, You are looking Good. I Love the Pink Top. Pink is My Favourite Colour. Nicky, Congratulatios, on Your first 2 Month's on Hormones. ( I have an appointment with My Doctor's, this coming Wednesday Morning, and I Am hoping, that they will Starr Me on Hormones, as I have already been living, and Dressing; Full-Time as a Female, for over One Year Now. ). Nicky, Continued Good Luck, and Good Health, and You look Gorgeous Young Lady. Speak Soon, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx

Thank you sweety

I want a tiny house for my yard too, would make a great 'hotel' room for guests and/or changing house for the pool when we have a large cookout. But so many other things around here need done it's unlikely. Send me pictures if you build one! I love them.

So apparently the horrible pain I've been in the past two weeks has a simple answer. Breasts. I have damaged my Trapezius muscle in my shoulder (middle and lower fibers) from a heavy chest and damaged spine. Yet my problems are still "Cosmetic" and they dont want to lift a damn finger or spare a dime to help me. Thanks.... I'm just so done... Oh yeah, and my plans for the ocean for my birthday, the ONLY thing I've been looking forward to for WEEKS....cancelled. Due to massive rain. I think God/Goddess seriously just hates me and likes to watch me suffer. Plus the fact that I disappear from facebook for a few weeks and no one even notices. TOTALLY makes me feel loved. Just done. Ren

Ren, Veronica says it all, so well, and I'm not at all sure I can add more but I'll try. First, I'm sorry to hear you're in such anguish. It's horrible to feel that way, I really know, first hand. And, when we experience that pain it's so hard to even move, let alone dream that someone cares, or that we'll ever be out of that pain. Obviously I don't know you're situation in detail but I do recall your boyfriend, your sister, and probably others, do truly care for you. We do here as well. So keep talking, writing, and pounding your keyboard. But it is important to move forward even the tiniest fraction every day. Progress, no matter how small, begets progress. It feeds on itself and feeds our soul. I can't tell you what to do and there may not be a clear path that has certain success. All too often I see people struggle when they can't be certain that a course of action will produce results, or provide those results quickly. So they stay stuck. But the fact is that we can't predict the future. And we can't know the options and paths that will open up to us as we move forward. That's the adventure, my friend. It's like exploring a forest or a new territory. You march through the trees, turn, and a beautiful meadow appears. But then, you see a bear in the distance and turn in an alternative path. On and on. I know you can do it. You're strong, forthright, and brave. Love, Emma

Today is 18 years since that first date. I took the day off, and Nikki took Sunday off, and we're going to have a three day weekend together. I want it to be awesome. I want him to actually enjoy himself, and have a good time, and to reconnect about something fun instead of trying to manage all the things going on, just for a few days. Here's hoping.

It was really awesome, had some reconnection time, the day was beautiful, there was a funnel cake a la mode that we shared. We had a blast watching the wolves, they gave them giant ice cubes with fish frozen inside, and the wolves were trying to work the fish out. Our zoo does a LOT of enrichment activities like that, you can catch them going on all over. And of course they have a temporary exhibit of baby galapagos tortoises, so you know where I spent a chunk of time.

I'm happy for you, that you had such a blast, and that your so pooped. That's a good thing. My wife and I met for a beer ( okay, I had two!) and, isn't it wonderful to feel good about each other? We did, and I can tell you did too. Best wishes to you both. Emma

Oh my turtles I am SO tired, but we had a blast at the zoo. The animals were all really perked up by the reasonable weather (still not summer...want my summer) and entertaining, and now I am totally going to sit in this chair and wait for feeling to return to my feet. LOL And he surprised me with a plushie turtle when he went to buy us some of that awesome fudge.

Happy anniversary of your first date. I wish you both have a great day, too!

Mental health issues is a tricky road to navigate no matter what the diagnosis is. In my experience, only the people who WANT to be healthy have a snowball's chance to do so, without that internal and honest desire for health it never goes well.

I'm glad you found your way out of the bad relationship. Been there, done that! I'm sure you have grown wiser from the experience. I usually find that there is something to take away from every relationship, no matter how painful. Bipolar disorder is a complex disease. I've seen people try self medication through marijuana or other drugs. I've also seen them quit taking their prescribed medication without medical supervision. Both have always been a disaster. Somehow I've known quite a few people with the disorder. Properly supervised they seem to lead reasonably normal lives but I've never seen alternative treatments work. I may be wrong, but I've never seen it. Wishing you the best as you move forward with your life. Hugs, Lori