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Nicely said, Elsa. Sometimes breaking free of our gender assigned at birth is like achieving escape velocity. “Ground Control to Major Tom Commencing countdown, engines on”

Well who thought that 38 could look this bad. I didn't, cause I know when I'm bad, I'm at my best. So who wants to disagree. And yes I've been absent for some time.

Four years ago, my company decided to implement a canned solution for the business which meant after the four-year process those (like me) developers that were not part of the migration from old systems to new systems would be placed into a very different position with the same pay, extremely easy work. Sounds great unless you’re like me, not into easy work. So I emailed the CIO of a sister company asking if they had any positions open? Side note, she knew me as a male when she worked in my company. Also, I was loaned out to this company two years ago for two months. Was told there were no positions open but then was asked to meet her (this by the way was in the beginning of December 2017) and the IT manager two weeks later. Talked for an hour with no openings. On the weekend prior to New Year’s my manager calls me into her office, said that I was asked to do a six-month rotation at the other company and was informed the next day would be my first day. Well I’ve been there ever since and they did find a position for me but will not be open until June 2018 and will start the hire process two weeks before my rotation is up. Now the important part, since I’ve been here nobody knows of my past except for the CIO and one other manager. I simply blend in, nobody has a clue of my former identity. Now the key for those still on the path to transitioning is your overall presentation both physically as in appearance and of course voice and mentally which means you believe you are female and have worked on all aspects of being female no matter if you are below average, average or better than average matched to a cisgender female your personality will shine through as female.

As I prepare to start my transition into a girl I guess I have to start by coming out to my family and friends. As I start thinking of how I should break the news to my family I know my dad will prob be upset the most. I already came up to one person already who was my former teacher from high school. She has been in my corner from the beginning which has really helped my confidence about being my inner girl.

Hi all Another journal entry I would like to share. William had taken over the last few days and we went downhill. I could not break through until early this morning. Finally I rested back control. I had to reaffirm my femininity. I am a female, I embrace being female, I love all things feminine. I kept repeating this mantra for a few minutes after I woke up, before I got out of bed. My mood lifted immediately. These are critical emotions for me to understand. If William takes to much control and suppresses me we go into a funk and if I let that funk continue it will quickly turn into full blown depression, that blackness comes and with it the dark thoughts, we cease to live and simply exist It is only when I take control that we come alive again. It is only I as Elsa do we become whole, depression lifts and my thoughts are bright and well lit. It is only as by me being female that I live and not simply exist. I take great heart that when I take over and William fades we become a more complete person and I know that being female is the right path. Hugs Elsa

Congrats Elsa This is usually the point of must return, or well you end up in the oblivion that you and none of us could exist, just be a mere spec in the world that needs to be lived. Once you've got control of the psyche that wants to claim control and drag you down into that dark abis where not even light sheds any clear path to a return. Now keep growing the light, as the confidence in who you are will grow. Hugs Michele

What I looked like at 37, the very end of 37.

Dear Elsa and Christy, Really resonated with your stories as I had to struggle loving being a masculine woman (mid-butch Lesbian). Your friend, Monica

You sound like someone I'd like to meet. I don't know if I could be as brave as you, but I'm glad you stepped in and weren't a bystander. I haven't said anything to anyone yet about me. I'm not sure I will. Love your writing and your poetry. Merry Christmas to you.

It's good to hear from you Michele. Wow, that is quite a list of life events. Hang in there. Live and enjoy your life. ​ Wishing you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Dear Michele, ONE OUT OF THREE people are estranged from a family member. Have gone ten years without speaking to my brothers (I have no sisters), and some of them I have reconciled, others I have not, due to my being a Lesbian. The interesting part is that they do not speak to each other. My mother's side of the family I am estranged from because I am Gay, and all my Gay cousins have moved to Portland, Oregon. Went to my last family reunion and watched my family be cruel to the Black American wife of a cousin and the biker club member of another cousin. To me, THAT is NOT family. Was tempted to tell my brother who took me that I wanted to go for a walk and LOOK FOR THE RAINBOW FLAG, as that is my REAL family! Choosing a family of CHOICE is the challenge many people have, T/LGB or not! It WILL get better! You have friends here. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Your friend, Monica