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Hi All What a 5 months it has been for me after finally deciding to confront my (at the time crossdressing needs) after almost 60 years of denial, guilt and shame. Little did I know at the time that, as I write this, I would be on the path to transitioning and living full time as a woman. My initial thoughts just after Christmas 2017 was to admit and accept that I liked to dress as a woman and that need would be satisfied on a part time basis and in private. I would come out to my family and depending on their reaction would be allowed to do this with their consent or continue in private or (the painful part) go our seperate ways. As I finally accepted (mid Jan 2018) the need to dress became more urgent and I had become quite obsessive about it to the extent I could think of nothing else. This was confusing and created an enormous amount of conflict. After one final round of guilt, shame and a complete purge of all of my feminine attire and an absolute determination to end this aspect of my life, I thought I was free of it, My resolve lasted less than 24 hours. It was at this stage I decided to seek counselling. I made an appointment for mid Feb 2018 to see a specialist in transgender issues. While I waited for the appointment day to arrive I immersed my self in research into all things crossdressing and transgender, I read all I could so I could try to understand what I was. I also began to rebuild my feminine wardrobe and vowed I would never purge, feel guilty or shame again. About 1 week before my appointment I was driving to the local shops and had a nagging thought racing around my head. As I parked at the shopping centre I found myself just sitting in my car with this thought determined to be heard and voiced. For about 10 minutes I could not bring myself to say a few simple words until they finally broke free. "I am A Woman" I almost shouted them and quickly looked around to make sure no one heard me, and then the dam broke sobbing tears for about 5 minutes before I could pull myself back together. It was the voicing of this sentence "I am A Woman" that my life and where I was heading all made sense. My thoughts cleared, the internal conflict was erased and I found myself at peace with myself. By the time I got to see the specialist, the following Saturday, it was not about my problems but an open and frank discussion about being a transgender woman and what my journey would look like from that point forward. Since then I have come out to my family and friends (mid Feb 2018) and all have been supportive, including my wife ( although we have decided to seperate but will remain friends). As the days and weeks have passed doubts have pressed forward, this can't be right, how can I be a woman, I am 60 years old, get a grip, be a man, stop this nonsense etc etc. As the weeks have turned into months the doubts have been largely silenced and not only have I accepted that I am A Woman but acceptance has turned to joy and pride as I now know who I am and was meant to be, and my feminine wardrobe has expanded rapidly. This week on May 15th I visited my Doctor and we have begun the process of me becoming a woman, blood tests have been done and an appointment made to see a Psychiatrist for a formal evaluation, ( my Dr said this is a formality in my case) before I start female hormone therapy. There no doubt will be many hurdles to jump and tears along the way as well, and I hope, many good moments but I feel mentally stronger and more self assured that I will be able to overcome anything thrown in my way. Thank you if you have read this far. It is sights and communities like Tgguide.com that remind me I am not alone on this journey and there are many like minded souls out there. Finally I can live my life as my authentic and true self Lots of big hugs and kisses Elsa

Dear Emma, Very well said. Great advice no matter who you are! As for myself, I try to go for a TAILORED look. Two dear friends from Philadelphia, PA, send me wonderful T/LGB magazines that I learn a lot from. When I plan on visiting them, I hope I will have saved up some money to buy at some of the stores/boutiques featured in the magazines. Your friend, Monica

I agree Monica! This evening I was taken out to dinner by a couple of friends to a hip restaurant along Lake Washington. I wore sandals, skinny jeans, a pretty and flowery top, and a white sweater. We had a blast! It can be challenging to determine ones style and then making it a reality. I think it’s good advice to notice what others wear that you like and then to try to follow their lead. It’s expensive though and I was tempted to buy lesser quality clothing on Amazon among others. I’ve had a lot of success at women’s clothing consignment shops which try hard to carry quality items (which don’t sit around). Go often, experiment, and try not to buy anything - no matter how “cheap” - that you don’t absolutely love!

Hello everyone. It's been a while. I've been waiting to hit my next goal before writing, but with one week to go, I'm not sure I can make it. It is rather unlikely, but I haven't given up. Anyway, this place is the only place I know to tell my story and have an appreciative audience. A while back after my wife died, I let my hair down, so to speak, and began dressing in earnest as I was unable to do so previously. I was a regular member of the Cross-Dressing chat room, and I received many helpful tips from the girls--one of which was making good use of thrift stores to build a wardrobe. And so I went to our local Goodwill store and bought several dresses including a somewhat outrageous (at least to me) leopard print dress. It quickly became one of my favorites, and I actually received some nice comments from the pictures I shared. Fast forward to the present in which I recently opened an account with a Private Investigator/bail bond agency. The owner and his wife are African-American and have taken me under their wing and have become friends and are trying to help me with my business. Greg, the owner, belongs to an exclusive downtown club, The Tower Club, (maybe you've heard of it), and invited me to a mixer there so that I could make some more contacts. Well, when I arrived, I was greeted by Sandie, his wife, wearing you know, almost the identical leopard print dress that I have in my closet. I have to admit that it looks better on her that on me, but I think it is so funny. Anyway, that is my story. I will let you all know how my next week ends. Wish me luck.

Dear Elsa, Steph and Emma, Sadly, I am acquainted with a Lesbian woman, who is being forced by her family to "go Straight." She used to be a "Heavy Butch," with a crew cut and wearing men's clothes. She was forced by her family to wear a feminine wig, until her hair grew out, now wearing a very feminine, curly haircut, dyed blond. Also, she is forced to wear very feminine clothes. She hates my guts, (she sees me on the bus), harassing me (the police is now involved), because, although I am not "flaming out," I am openly a Lesbian. Feel sorry for her, as all her behavior is at the behest of her family, except she takes it a step farther, having a boyfriend or husband. Apparently she was threatened with being disowned by her family. My family stopped short of forcing me to date/marry. Two deeply closeted Lesbians take me out once or twice a month (one of these times to a women's support group), and trying to help me find a girlfriend (whom I'm told will be deeply closeted, due to where I live). The fem is an executive secretary, and the butch, in the medical field. What is the upshot of all of this? Don't live a lie. Am on the waitlist for senior public housing in Burlington, VT and Seattle, WA, which may take years. May have to move sight unseen because of my very low income. For what it's worth, I see the T/LGB community as my family, not my family of origin. Your friend, Monica

Hi Elsa, Your story parallels mine in so many ways. I just turned 62 last weekend and started HRT 9 months ago while also transitioning to full time living as a woman. Self doubt was also a mainstay companion but those feelings have reduced so much. I’ve never felt better in my life,. I read about people feeling this way before of course and I didn’t really believe it. I thought they were experiencing a euphoria. Now I know that I was incorrect. People say we are brave and courageous and at times we are. It’s certainly a Hero’s Journey and I thank goodness I’m living it! I hope to read more about your experiences! Emma

Hiya Elsa. I don't Know if You are in the U.K. or U.S.A. !! I Am Stephanie, A 56 Year Old Trans'Female, and I AM in the U.K. I Am now over 3 Year's into My Transition, and I told My Now Estranged Wife, on the Evening of 30th. April, 2015; ( was aged 53 ), and I went the following Morning, ( 1st. May, 2015 ); and Bought loads of Underwear, and Clothes, and Nightwear, and I went Home, and I got changed into My New Clothes, then I went up to London, to Long Tall Sally, to buy Shoes. I went and told My Doctor's ( 67 Day's into My Transition, ) and they contacted The Gender Identity Clinic up in London, that Very Day, ( 25th. June, 2015). I have already had 3 appointment's at The G.I.C. Elsa, You Should try and find an L.G.B.T. Organisation, or Group, near where You live ! It is something that I Have done, and I Now have a Fairly Good support Network around Me ! You DO need a Support Network ! If You would like to contact Me at all, Please feel free to do so ! If You look at My Profile, it will tell You More ! If I can be of any Help. Or Advice, I will be. Elsa, Good Luck Young Lady. I hope that Everything goes Really Well for You ! Take Care Honey, And My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. (Steph53 ). xx

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, Think looking APPROPRIATE and REALISTIC should be your goals looking like you are women, because you ARE women. Most older women emphasize CLOTHING and ACCESSORIES. Went out with my friend yesterday, and no one bothered us. She was a transwoman, aged 71, and I am a cisgender woman, aged 60. Try to get out with friends, as I find it so healing. Your friend, Monica

Good advice, as always. I recently read that envy is not necessarily a bad thing in that it points where we strive to be. I know I can't look like a woman, such as I am. I guess I can just try to be the best looking me while dressed--even if it's only for me. BTW, I'll let you know if I make my goal--a little distant, but who knows?

Congrats Elsa This is usually the point of must return, or well you end up in the oblivion that you and none of us could exist, just be a mere spec in the world that needs to be lived. Once you've got control of the psyche that wants to claim control and drag you down into that dark abis where not even light sheds any clear path to a return. Now keep growing the light, as the confidence in who you are will grow. Hugs Michele