Leaderboard

@Christy, Thanks very much for your comments. I think you're hitting on several important things: There is a lot of euphoria during transition. It's so empowering to be authentic! But once we've settled into ourselves we still carry our existential anxieties (curiosity?) even as the gender dysphoria feels greatly reduced. I've also had interactions with transitioned trans women like you did, where they carry enormous chips on their shoulders, angry and defiant and wishing that the world would change around them. Like you, I don't feel comfortable around them. Where's the fun in bonding over grief and anger? Brene also writes about that in her book, that relationships constructed on the foundations of mutual dislikes and gossip really have no foundation at all. And yet people often do this, cis, trans, whatever. Think Trump and his "base." I'm aiming to be what Brene wrote about in the quote I posted. I just am what I am. My ex-wife sent this to me along with a birthday email in May 2017 about a month after our divorce and my final departure from our home in California: "Remember that I will aIways love you. You are the finest person I have ever known and I thank God that you are in my life." I try to tuck that into my consciousness as I go through my days even though we're no longer talking to allow us both breathing and grieving space. @Monica, I'm so sorry to read about your pain. Perhaps you can write more about how you're feeling, what you're facing? Maybe it will help to get it out and have us add our support and acknowledgements that you're loved by all of us. Best wishes, Emma

Wow, that disheartens me greatly. Monica please know and remember! You do not need others to validate you. Yah, seniors can be the worst! Some are set in their ways and have closed their minds....you have not, don't start now. I would have loved to have known you long ago before now and am thankful to have met you here, and hope to share much more in the future.😂. You've always been a good friend to me and everyone else here, and I'll always be a good friend to you❤️. Jessica

Dear Emma, The bullies in my building just turned on me OVERNIGHT, WITHOUT any provocation from me. The social worker couldn't believe it! You are right, they are bonded by mutual dislikes and gossip. Am looking at another Senior Adult Day Care on November 23rd, the day after Thanksgiving. Will let you know how it goes. Got bullied again today. They've got the whole lunch room against me. These people went from friendly to mean in the space of 24 hours! The good people just left and are holed up in their apartments. The social worker is seeking grants for me to study under an artist in my community. Asked a good friend of mine why I can write here but not create art here. She said, "that's easy, writing comes from the head, but art comes from the heart." The sad part is that I thought I had made good acquaintances here in the last year. Where I live is not an emotionally safe space. Many of my neighbors are recent ex-convicts, street homeless and mental patients. The only solution until I can move to Seattle is to keep busy elsewhere, and only sleep in the apartment. Learned my lesson, and I am signed up for family housing, NOT senior housing! It is not by coincidence that we have a HIGHER DEATH RATE than HOSPICE! Jokingly, I told the social worker that the Coroner and Funeral Home should each have dedicated parking lot spaces! Volunteered at Hospice in Florida and Brooklyn, so I know what I am talking about! Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Am a cisgender Lesbian woman and I see you as much as a woman as I am. What are you? You are a woman. Just like some people look at the hump in my back and in their eyes, I cease to be a human being, but I am a cripple instead. Likewise, they look at you and you cease to be a woman but a transgender instead. You look like you have a circle of loyal friends who see you as a woman. Today, I thought I had a circle of friends, but found they were intimidated by a group of bullies (senior on senior bullying is a big problem in the United States, unfortunately), to abandon me and socialize with the bullies instead. This is why I am on the waitlist for Seattle FAMILY housing. Carefully CHOOSING that inner circle of friends is key. Your friend, Monica