Leaderboard

Great thoughts and comments all of you. It appears that most of us have had our experiences being bullied, and, shamefully in my case, being a bully at times myself. It is never acceptable and does lasting harm. In the Broward District schools and at PACE Center for Girls where I worked for many years, we had a zero-tolerance policy. We took any bullying behavior very seriously. Sadly, it persists, and our current political climate is not helping. We will continue the fight.

Dear Christy, Emma and Jessica, My history with being bullied started with growing up with intense sibling rivalry with my youngest brother, who is 14 months my senior, and we still have serious problems as adults to this day. Seems like it spilled over to the neighborhood and elementary school from the home. My parents did nothing, thinking it was funny. I actually went around to friendly adults asking for them to adopt me! It was just as severe in junior high/middle school as in elementary school. At home, in the neighborhood, I became a loner, and bonded with adults rather than children. I helped my father with his chores when my brothers ran away to be with their friends. Also, I helped my mother with her chores. Seemed to bond more closely with my father than my mother, as my mother was much more emotionally and physically abusive than my father and openly shared with me that her oldest son was her favorite and that she thought I was a failure, and grow up to be no good. In high school and college, I kept to myself and made few friends. Always thought for myself and never let anyone intimidate me into who I should choose to be my friends. Today, when I encounter a child being bullied, I remind them they are in school to get an education. Most bullying happens in the lunch room, so I tell them to bring a snack, eat it, and tell the lunch monitor they are finished eating and ask for permission to go to the library. Because the library is quiet, and I encourage the student to sit by themselves at their own table, if possible, near the librarian's desk, no one will bother them. Tell them to do their homework, and then to read every book they can that is of interest to them. Was not bullied as an adult until I moved back to Dutchess County. Thought it was my fault, but now I know Dutchess County (and the cities therein) is REALLY a cruel county. It has gotten worse in the last few years, as it was a one large employer county, and now that employer is struggling, at least in the United States. Presently, I keep to myself in my public housing senior apartment complex (where a large minority or small majority are felons and/or ex-convicts), and two days a week I go to an adult Day Program (I am glad they are one of the few who don't call themselves a Day Care!) and I am either all the way in my apartment or all the way out, as in the public library. Senior on senior bullying is a VERY BIG PROBLEM, at least in the United States. It is so sad people don't grow out of this . . . Grateful for your friendship, Monica

My memories of being bullied are very vague and limited. I remember about age 4-6 a kid wanting to fight me and getting into a scuffle. Didn't have a clue why, but the second time I lured him into my yard where he met the family German Shepard. Never saw him again! That is my only memory of being bullied. My son in Junior High school became the target of bullying, because of his weight, culminating when he faced it on the bus home one day. For several days prior, I learned a bully was taunting him on the bus, knocking his glasses off, grabbing his backpack, sucker punching, etc. My son was 6ft ; the bully 6-2. I told him, sit up front; let the bus driver know; I offered to speak on his behalf but he would have nothing to do with that! He said the bus driver sees it but does nothing. So I told him warn him once; warn him twice; then pop him. (I told him where so as likely not to cause permanent damage) The third day he did. He got suspended for 2 days, the bully 3. They wanted him to report to school and sit in a detention room for two days. I advised the principal that I had no problem with the suspension, but he would stay home during that time and return to classes after. AND I told the Pricipal during those two days I suggest he and the bus driver would develop a plan to deal with such issues, afterward. He never had a problem again and the bully walked around school for the next 10 days with a mildly noticeable shiner. I think the major issue with bullying has to do with self esteem on both the part of the victim and the aggressor. The aggressor has a warped idea that bullying will remove their own issues of poor self esteem; so they seek out other people with poor self esteem to validate their homespun theory. If their bullying is successful, it doesn't remove their own issue, however. Now discussing the issue of self esteem from my own perspective, and preventing us being either of the players to bullying I feel it is highly relevant and important, that we address our self esteem issues by realizing the value of ourselves and while our current state of self esteem is determined by our past and experiences it is fluid and can be improved from today on. Some may have already guessed I think I'm pretty high up on the self esteem chart; I don't really care what anyone thinks of me BUT I do care what I think of me!! I love myself and the type of person I am, and for the most part always have and always will. I've never hated myself as a boy, just know I would love myself as a girl as much if not more! I began that I don't have many memories of being bullied and I think, but don't know, that subliminally, my interactions with others may convey that fact. I am non threatening, yet will always stand my ground even if I retreat then return with my plan. I have never bullied anyone I am sure. You see If I love myself I can love all others, too. And others will feel they can love me. That doesn't mean I can like all actions of others. I also think this is very relevant to transitioning, too. When I present female I don't expect to have many problems of being bullied. I also don't think transitioning is an answer to solving low self-esteem. Jess❤️

I was bullied a lot as a young child, starting around 6 and lasting until about 12. Two boys, one who lived across the street and the other two blocks from us. I didn’t know what to do. I cried when they teased, taunted, and threatened me. I just wanted to be friends. My father advised that I fight, or call them worse names than they called me, but I was too afraid. No brothers, no sisters, just me and my bipolar mother since my father was at work most of the time. To this day I’m so careful to not hurt anyone’s feelings. I just don’t want to. It’s like my Prime Directive. Last night my ex-wife phoned me, we talked for almost three hours. She cried a lot. She misses our marriage. I listened, took it all without defending or pointing out that our marriage hadn’t been so great for years before I came out to her. She closed the call asking why I’m not someone she can hate. She’d like to, I think, since it would help her rationalize our divorce and process her grief. We still love each other but my male self is dead. I have many sad memories from those childhood years. I don’t know if I behaved the way girls would have, maybe that doesn’t matter. I think I learned how important it is to support everyone’s self esteem, and to rob them of that is brutal and mean. Maybe those boys grew up to be good men. I’ll never know. I don’t hate them but I have absolutely no interest in them or their welfare.

Bullying Bullying is a problem for everyone, sooner or later, at every age and stage of life. Sometimes it's subtle and other times it's very direct. In short, a behavior becomes bullying when a person "triangulates," which means bringing one or more other person(s) in to act against the victim. Others may have behaviors we don't like, such as racism, but this is their problem, not yours. However, we have a right and obligation (bystander) to call out bullies because it creates an unsafe emotional space for all. Let's take a closer look . . . What Is And Is Not Bullying Bullying Telling others not to sit by or talk to someone just because you don't like them. Intimidating others into liking or disliking others. Shaming others about their weight or body shape. Intimidating others into following fads. Intimidating others into not accepting others based on racism, nationalism, ethnicism or gender. Spreading lies and rumors. Not Bullying Choosing to not sit by or talk to someone you don't like. Allowing others to make their own choices about whom to make friends with. Choosing to not be friends with someone based on the fact they are friends with someone you don't like if they do not agree to not talk about you with their friend. How To Handle Bullies Do not answer back. Do not look at them. Turn away from them, but discreetly keep an eye on them for safety's sake. Do not talk about them or the situation except with people that you are absolutely sure are trustworthy (people you know who won't repeat what you say to the bully or the bully's friends). Realize they will turn on somebody else, when they no longer have access to you. You are not the first, nor the last they will bully! Remember, everyone has been bullied at least once in their lives. Listen to music through headphones/ear buds to help you tune them out. Being the victim of bullying is not your fault! Be polite and respectful calling out bullies for bullying behavior. Do not be surprised if they deny it or outright lie about it. Be careful not to be a bully yourself. Why Do They Bully? Insecurity Self-dislike, or worse, self-hate Abuse survivor without getting counseling or some other kind of help for it Bullied themselves while growing up Mental illness Attempting to raise their "worth" to their friends Power struggle - they fear others will like you more than them They bully when their victim does not expect it, so their victim will be slow to respond. They will try to bully when you are in an enclosed environment, such as working behind the counter, riding the bus, co-working in a small office, etc. They confuse being aggressive with being assertive. Preventing bullying is the best way to address the problem. Allowing it to progress makes our community more and more unsafe, both emotionally and physically, for everyone. Anti-bullying education should start with parents, as part of a strongly recommended marriage/parenting and family life class for everyone. Children often get their first taste of bullying in sibling rivalry. Sibling rivalry has to be addressed early very pro-actively in a consistent, gentle but firm manner. We won't be able to rid bullying entirely out of our lives because it's driven by insecurity, that we all experience on occasion, but it can be greatly minimized, by mindful living. Would love to hear from others who have been bullied and how you handled it. Thank you.

As I have written earlier, I had my first sewing class yesterday at Cynthia's Fine Fabrics in Margate, Florida. My late wife bought her machine there a few years ago, and introductory classes are free to machine owners. It was a small gathering--only myself and three other ladies, all quilters. I sat across from a snowbird from New Jersey, who had just purchased a pretty fancy BabyLock sewing machine. She asked me what I sew, and I told her that I wanted to learn women's fashion sewing. She didn't pursue it any further and was cordial and friendly for the remainder of the class. I really needed this class as it covered a lot of machine basics as well as some beginning sewing techniques. The new machines are pretty advanced and do more and more of the work for you. It's good to know what they are capable of. Cynthia feels that I could benefit from taking the course over before moving on to the next level and I agree. We have a homework assignment to practice our machine stitches. It was fun, and I'm anxious to keep going. I have so many fun things in my head to make when I develop some proficiency, like jumpsuits and rompers, as well as dresses and tops and pants. It will be nice to make things that fit my body type. I will be better at altering the ladies' clothing that I already have too. I'll keep everyone up to date.

Thank you both Monica and Christy for bringing this issue to the community to discuss. I think it is one of the foremost issues and obstacles on every transgender, gay, lesbian mind when coming to our own realizations of who we are. And WE need to come to terms with it before others do and follow our lead. Much more later when I have the opportunity to. Any others? Would love to hear. Jessica💜😊