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Sounds like a great day! ☺️ Hope it can extend into your weekend, too. Always good to laugh at yourself, at the very least keep smiling at yourself, because you know what no one else knows. It can't be tested; I gave those up a long time ago! I did a 415 score on the "Cogiati" and thought the white ambulance was gonna knock on my door any second, LOL. Never had a suicidal thought in my life, and if I never transitioned I'd probably be okay, but damn I've never been Happier than since I put my foot down and said I'm gonna do this! I'm just go with my gut feeling now because I know what no one else knows. The mere fact that I think it means I know it.🙋‍♀️

Talk to her; get her to talk to you and listen to her.

I shaved properly (with a razor instead of my electric shaver) for the first time since my laser this morning and because I knew I would have the house to myself i put on my prettiest black dress and a pair of heels I bought ages ago but will never wear out because the heels are far too impractical... I wanted to see if it made me feel girly as I feel like Dee has been very quiet recently, not gone just not as loud or as certain as she has been. After teetering around making myself a late breakfast my intention was to sit and get some work done on my computer but instead I sat watching "Am I trans enough" videos on Youtube. An hour later I had taken the dress off as my libido was kicking in, dressing female has been heavily ingrained with satisfaction that my body responds automatically quite frequently and I end up horny without quite meaning or wanting to. I came back to the laptop and watched a couple of other videos of people and was disheartened again by the narrative of "I've always known" and "it was change or die" that I always seem to find hard because that has not been my personal experience, the Youtuber said that for her she went to a doctor and had done the Cogiati test, ans was told of course you are trans just get on with it. This is 10+ years ago. Out of interest I googled it and took the test, (3 times lol) I think I got the same thing now that I did when I was going through my online test phase late October - each time I fall into category 4 "Probable Transexual". "What this means is that the Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for a diagnosis of transsexualism. You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you among the majority of those diagnosed as transsexuals, the 'late onset' transsexual." (the words above are copied straight from the site and are starting to show their age) Lol - even the online quiz, which by the third time of taking it I must have been deliberately attempting to skew answers while still being honest only uses words like "probable". I know that others have taken this test and that in reality it means diddly squat. My score floated somewhere between 170 and 205, though the site doesnt tell you out of what, last time I used a site that had the gradings and scores etc... The 205 was actually when I took the test the first time today, so in fact I became more masculine in my answers as I attempted to become more feminine lol. Problem is I cannot lie, and some of the questions are hard to answer and I never moved out of the same bracket. It seems that I am destined to not have someone tell me one way or the other - although a few very kind people online have told me that I am a transperson because of the content and thoughts that I have shared and that one day soon I will embrace it and move on. I do not really see any of these online tests as being indicative one way or another. I think that a part of me accepts that I must be trans to even want to be seen and recognised as a woman while a part of me just sees this whole process as one long irrevocable disaster waiting to happen. Every online piece of advice states categorically that you should not transition unless you are sure, but that seems to be a luxury that I am not able to afford. I was asked recently if I have a goal or a plan and I honestly do not. My only goal is to truly know who I am and to accept myself. Inner peace will lead to outer peace, I just want to do that with as little drama as possible. Unfortunately while I appear all calm and casual on the outside, inside my brain and emotions are tumbling around like a washing machine on a spin cycle. On the plus side though I have been able to laugh at myself today instead of just sighing. Which I take to be a good sign. x

I didn't really choose my life as Jessica, I think it was inevitable. For too long I chose the male and the female never, ever stopped nagging me. It's only when I stopped trying to choose it, that all the possibilities opened up to me. As far as insecurity goes, I think I always thought of my self as somewhat secure? Probably was wrong in that assumption; at 64 years old I feel a new, stronger sense of security in myself that was relatively unknown to me. Hard to explain, but food for thought, and that sense feels good to me.

Haha Jess, yes I thought I was past the online test nonsense by now, but I think I was seeking some form of external validation. That is wonderful to hear - believe me, I think I have probably spent 100's of hours trying to find youtubers and bloggers who simply transitioned because they knew it was the right thing to do and not the only thing to do. My gut just needs to get into gear and tell me if Dee is worth the risk. I feel like I am in a holding pattern and have to decide before October which path I want to explore - I can't keep on doing the buying, dressing and purging for excitement knowing that there is more behind it than just being a turn on. So do I choose life as insecure single male me or life as insecure single female me... 🙄👸

I didn't notice much either until about 3 weeks in after constant washing, moisturizing and shaving. By the time my 2nd session came I didn't think they'd find any dark hairs, but I could feel the laser was finding a bunch. Now, 3 weeks after there are no dark hairs even after not shaving for several days. which means no shadow and that used to be a problem twice a day until I started this. Also started electrolysis a week after my first laser and that's pretty tedious. Still have to shave because of the light hair growing; but now making a dent in that too. Most of what's left is on my neck and lower jowls. Sure glad I didn't purge this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

Dear Friends, Have attempted "conversion therapy" many years ago at the behest of my mother, may G_D rest her soul, as she was a devout Catholic. There was eight of us in the group, and all eight of us returned to homosexuality quickly and permanently. Am sure if the group were transgender people instead of homosexuals, the result would have been the same. Almost all of the gender conferences have excellent significant other (SO) support groups. These groups are almost always all women. These wives and girlfriends validate one another. They learn they are not alone. Please look into it . . . Your friend, Monica

My wife caught me wearing women's apparel when she came home unexpectedly. She has been cold towards me ever since. She is staying with me for financial reasons - so we are now just roommates. We have had sex maybe twice in 12 months but my boyfriend and I have sex at least twice a week. Trying to include her, but she is just angry. Princess Leah

Or maybe let life choose you, instead😎