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I left my house this morning wearing my ladies jeans and a ladies tee that when combined with my male boots, baseball cap and baggy jacket looked like I was just wearing skinny jeans, at most slightly androgynous. I drove down to meet my sister, stopped for an iced coffee and to buy a toothbrush and a razor, because even though I have packed my biggest suitcase with enough clothes to go on holiday for a fortnight I forgot them. My sister and I put the world to rights as we drove down to my nieces, on arrival I immediately put on my every day blonde bob hair which has a fringe so it hides the netting well even though it is cheap, I then went and changed into a more overtly feminine styled black and dark blue top that had long sleeves and a rolled neckline, put on my "natural" false lashes and some lip gloss and both my niece and sister said that I looked completely natural. I wore my charity shop pastel blue Vans trainers and paid the price for my bargain with blisters later. I know my chin is still red and blotchy from the combination laser and electrolysis but they said it was not noticeable. I put my phone and wallet (which is small enough to pass as a purse) in my handbag with the lip gloss and perfume that I had chosen and we then walked up to the place where my sister was staying to drop off her bag. As we were waiting to cross the road my sister did a double take because she thought I was some random woman who had walked up and stood beside her 🤣. We then walked into the centre of town to a buffet style Thai/Chinese restaurant and had a wonderful meal, the city was a typical busy city street, lots of people passing and my niece and sister told me at the restaurant that not a single person had done a double take. I must admit that while I felt slightly self conscious the conversation and company made me completely forget I was presenting female a couple of times. Nobody shouted anything, I'm fairly certain I heard one guy asking his mate if that was a guy at a bus stop as we passed but they didn't yell or choose to come and find out. None of the waiting staff stared or treated me any different to my sister or niece and as far as I am aware none of the tables around us passed any comment or stared either. I was just another customer stuffing my face with plates of sushi. The loos were practically unisex - an open lay out design meant one set of sinks with a couple of cubicles denoting the woman's area, my sister came with me but it was deserted. My fears turned out to be just that, spectres that had no substance. It was a fantastic meal, I felt too full and then when we queued and paid we were just a part of the queue - nothing different or unique. We walked back up that same busy street, again no one stared or said anything - the buskers asked for cash as they do but again no one said anything - there was a short period where a man was walking uncomfortably close behind us and talking to his friend about how he was carrying a knife, but thankfully before long he turned off and went into a pub. My niece then suggested a quick drink to say thank you for the meal before my sister headed back to her lodgings and so we went into her local pub. It was very bright and there was a wee corner that my sister and I went and sat in while my niece got a round in with her student discount. The woman at the table next to us stared heavily as we walked in and sat down but it could just as easily have been because they were a large group and had been using the seats we sat down in - in the UK if there are no jackets or drinks you just sit in the empty space - if a seat is being kept you are told. We had our drink and then the large group left, my sister went up and bought a second one but we left when some old drunk guy came and sat down in the now vacant table beside us and started trying to strike up a conversation with my sister - I went to the loo, this time with my niece and then we came back to her flat after a quick stop for some blister plasters because every step was agony for me. My first time out in the big city was completely uneventful - my niece used my male name twice and both times I gently asked her not to while I am wearing a wig and ladies clothing and she was mortified, but she did not treat me any differently. I was hyper aware of my surroundings and how close people were to me, my sister said that she felt really protective of me - if the knife guy hadn't turned off she was going to stop us under a pretext to let him pass, she also sat on the outside so that I could sit in the corner - physically placing herself between me and the rest of the room. I laughed when she asked if that was how guys feel and I had to say yes - every male becomes a potential threat, even though I knew I could never finish anything it was my duty to get in harms way to protect the women I was with. Overall I did feel self conscious - I do not think I pass in the couple of photos we took, but my sister and niece said that I absolutely did. Apparently my false lashes looked amazing and I will now have to show my sister how to put them on because she cannot do them, but like any woman my age I was not caked in makeup and I was dressed properly - i had noticed that my sister stopped long enough to apply some lippy when she dropped her bag off too. The world did not stop - I did not get lynched, or shouted at, or spaton, or treated like I had an extra head (though a gull did poop on my sisters jacket) Tomorrow is the more overtly flamboyant day - I intend to wear my makeup and put on my nails and trans coloured wig and am considering wearing a skirt and top if they meet with my nieces approval. Then in the evening we will go out - though I only have a little black dress which could be too fancy. It is hard to say how I feel precisely - it felt so totally natural, apart from the times when I remembered that I was wearing a wig, or when I needed the loo - it was just like every other time i have gone out with my sister for something to eat - the difference tonight is that I was her sister too. I was glad to get home, going from the night air into the building made me sweat really quickly so I was glad for the ice in my drinks, I remain unconvinced about my ability to pass and yet even without makeup I seem to have had my wish to just be invisible. Just another person in the city having some food and enjoying a drink with her two friends. My married friends will be meeting up with me tomorrow and this is the first time they will see me out as Dee so I hope that they can be as nonchalant about it as my sister and niece were, my sister has a beautician with a trans sister and was talking about me telling her at her last visit - apparently the thing that struck her most was just how little she reacted to the ews, she was not overly shocked or surprised even though she had never seen me as anything other than male. I have been offered to go and see the beautician any time and she will take care of me which is nice. This evening was just so lovely - I am tired and sleepy but really wanted to record it before I sleep - more again tomorrow night if I remember! 💋💖

On Friday, as soon as my son leaves for school I can pack my car, make the 2.5 hr drive to my sisters, and then the next 2-3 hr drive down to my nieces. If I can then I intend to be Dee when I get in the car, or if not then pretty much from the moment we arrive at my nieces I will unpack and change. This was suggested ages ago when my niece first found out I was questioning my gender. She did not really understand it, but she very much wanted to show her support. We have always had a good relationship, so it was a nice gesture. So I checked to see if she was genuinely serious and then agreed as it was a local Pride event and there would be plenty of events on guaranteeing a bit more anonymity and less pressure if I do not pass. At the time I figured I had months to get used to the idea of going outside as Dee, and that I would be more confident and then life happened lol. I have been outside once, in the woods, when they were deserted. I ordered a wig off Amazon that has the trans flag colours starting at light blue and going down to pink, along with a couple of flag pin badges. I've bought a beautiful leather bracelet watch that I can wear instead of my cheapy sports watch and my utility handbag. This afternoon I literally went through my entire femme wardrobe, which is tiny and apart from a few items consists entirely of the hand me downs from my sister. I literally pulled everything out and tried it on - my goal to lose weight obviously did not go to plan and so I wanted to see what I could and couldn't wear. Oh to not have a tummy! Some of the tees looked incredibly frumpy and were instantly discarded, a pair of slightly flared white jeans looked really good but were too tight to be practical and so I whittled it down to a red skirt and white top, or my dark jeans and butterfly tee or my dark jeans and black and blue asymmetrical top. Simply for a casual Friday night and for wandering around stalls in the village area on the Saturday. I only have 2 dresses to choose between for Sat night though, a gorgeous little black velvet flared dress which may be a bit OTT for going pubbing and clubbing or a simpler but slightly more modest blue and black fit and flare dress which does not look as good in person as it looked online. If I decide against them we may have to go shopping for something cheap and cheerful to wear to go dancing in. I have a nice set of black heels that are modest, a pair of black boots and a pair of comfy trainers that will both go with the jeans and a light (bright pink) rain jacket I picked up in a charity shop in a last minute panic. Apart from the fun wig I have my two favourite blonde wigs, a set of nails and eye lashes and all the makeup I own in a little case. Oh and I have an old PAYG phone that I have charged and checked so I can still take selfies and not worry that FB will be popping them up on my timeline for everyone I know to see. Oh and because I have done two 5k's the last couple of weekends I have taken leggings and a ladies running top just in case I end up doing that with my sister on Saturday morning, because even if I do it will be as Dee. I am taking far too much, I know this, but I cannot decide what I want to wear and it will also depend on what my niece intends to wear. On the Saturday day she is wearing a rainbow wig, black leggings and a bright pink tutu - just because she can. She is on the larger side, and has some self confidence issues so our intention is to support each other and have a blast doing it. I cannot see my bed at the moment because I now have to start the process of fitting it all into the suitcase so it is packed away and ready to go in the car. I am a bundle of nerves but absolutely buzzing with nervous energy. 😳😳 I have deliberately let my chest hair grow back thick enough that I can use a depilatory cream on it tonight and so once I de-fuzz tomorrow I am good to go! I have literally packed a case to go away every week for the last three weeks, but they were all full of man clothes and so much easier to to pack light for. Anyone got any useful last minute advice?

Jess - It may be a long flight but you would definitely be made welcome! Thank you all. I will let you know how I feel and how things turn out. 💖💋

Enjoy your time. It is so wonderful your family is so in line with you. Have a fabulous time Dee Dee

Take me with you??? LOL. Wish I could! My advice? Keep a huge smile on your face and let everyone feel how good you feel.

My advice... drive carefully and have fun!!!