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Some days are super fun. On those days I feel all female. She's active, cheerful, happy, and it's nearly impossible for her to run out of patience. Three days ago though, she disappeared. Since then I've felt male...ish. I expected to feel like my old male self. But I don’t. It’s kind of like him, but he feels empty, like a shell. Something’s missing, something’s not right. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike the old male me. He was a nice person, who was kind and patient and loving to his family. I’m doing all the daily tasks as he would have done them, but it doesn’t feel the same any more. These kinds of days usually come with various other symptoms. I'm short of temper, low appetite, tired, and I feel cold. This also projects on the rest of the family, so everyone is feeling less happy, just because I'm in this bad mood mode, and I can't bring myself out of it. After my protective bubble burst last September and I finally started realizing I may be transgender, I decided to try and let things flow naturally, just to see where things would go. I just wanted to stop suppressing my feminine feelings, but I didn't want to push it forward and artificially inflate those feelings. After all, I didn't know (and I still don't) if I want to go through a full transition, or perhaps cross-dressing once a month would suffice to keep me happy. I suppose those are the two extremes of my spectrum. So against my own wishes, this morning I decided to try and force some femininity. I pushed myself to talk and move more feminine, and almost instantly I felt happier. I guess from now on I'll try this more often. If I recognize myself getting moody and grumpy, I'll give Emily a little push forward, and see if she wants to come out to play.

Authenticity really is good for you. Be patient, take things slowly, and with each step, evaluate how you feel. I once had a gender therapist who said, “Being trans is like having a ticket for the Transgender Train. Get on, ride it for a stop or two. Get off and see how it feels. If good, get back on and head on down to the next stop. You can always take it back in the opposite direction when desired to help you determine which stop is most ideal for you.” Wise words!

Awwwww, shucks.. ::: blushes profusely :::

Thank you, ladies, for your kind words and sharing the fact that you have experienced the same kinds of faux pas and can relate. The best part is, we have all learned... And continue to learn! ____________________________________________________ I may do that Monica. And I was very happy that we figured it out.

LOL...time flies, eh? It's good to know that cisgender is now in the dictionaries and an accepted word. I guess now for those who still don't like the word, they really will have to just "get over it" or forever stew in their anger.

Dear Emily, Like any other woman, you will have your ups and downs. Keep up reading all you can on TGGuide (you won't be able to do it in a day - there's a lot to read!), going to support groups and see where the nearest gender conference to your home is. Sign up for their newsletter. Have you considered counseling with a gender therapist? Or trying gender group therapy? Keep reading and learning all you can. Your friend, Monica

Here is my blue suit. Because it is a size 12 it may be a bit snugger and the blue seems to bring more attention to below my waist. With a fitness skirt I have the blue suit may be still the best - it may work really well. Opinions please. I may post a video of one of my suits soon; just made 4 - three in blue suit and one in the purple suit. Opinions and comments please - I really want a fun and uneventful day at the beach - feeling, looking and being a woman. 20 days until Florida. Dawn

Michael, You're such a sweet man. I always love your writing and this is no exception. Emma