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Here we go - Halloween is upon us and I know that most of us like to dress for the occasion. Please show your favorite Halloween Costume here. Dawn - My latest photo I am using for a contest attached below.

Is important to note I won the contest - $50 - Just neat to be affirmed and yes as a woman.

I am struggling to wrap the text around the image so I just punted it below. Here we have an obligatory bathroom selfie to prove that I know how to get dressed, even in a car by the side of the road, and a picture of me just about to enjoy the first ever Oatmilk Latte as DeeDee. I look a state because I was in one, masks and glasses and moving from cold air into warm and wigs and trying to say words I have never spoken in my higher voice.... just...breathe! The Barista put my name on the cup as "Eden" but while it was the wrong name it was the right gender. Iyt may seem small or inconsequential but one of my long, long term dreams has been to go out and simply enjoy a cup of coffee asDeeDee. I have been daydreaming about it for literally years, and today I made it a reality! It has taken me so long to get to the stage where I was not too embarrassed or self conscious to make small talk with the staff, I never imagined myself having to wear a mask, but I think I picked one that signalled my preferred gender pretty clearly. Today is the first time I have had multiple conversations with different people and they have either not "clocked" me or not cared enough to give me a second look. That my counsellor was just so complimentary about everything from my hair and face to my taste in clothes and the way I walk and carry myself (and she complimented my voice!) just helped to give me such a big boost. I literally "EEEEK'ed" in the car afterwards. ❤️ She was also very content to add a letter and send it back to the Gender team stating that I have clearly had long term dysphoria and would benefit moving forwards to HRT, how that works in Covidworld she does not know, but it is exciting!

That is just so beautiful; I do know how that feels!!! You look awesome, too. I can almost feel you from the inside! From here I expect you will become more and more comfortable as you should be and the difficulty in presenting as him will become more burdensome. The happiness I experienced early on in authenticity was so much greater and peaceful than anything I felt before, it quickly became impossible for me to be anyone else but Jessica.❣️

I have noticed some discussion recently on the topic of Vagino-depth and thought my experience might be beneficial to some considering either/or. This is an especially important decision for anyone considering vaginoplasty, and many factors should be to be considered. I chose to opt for a full depth vaginoplasty, and my experience is limited only to that. I am now 15 weeks post op. During the year prior to surgery, I often flip-flopped over whether shallow depth would be the best option for me, considering my sexual preference towards women always seemed to be strongly dominant in my psych. I have never had a sexual relationship with a man nor was I curious about it, so I did not expect to suddenly become interested in the post-operative stage, either. Therefor it seemed unnecessary to create a deep vaginal canal for penetration from a man’s penis. But a lot can happen, so I didn’t want to limit my options. Another factor I had to consider was whether my penis length was sufficient to create enough worthwhile depth after my penile inversion vaginoplasty. I not only had my concerns, but my surgeon further emphasized the importance and need for stretching and tucking to maximize skin elasticity during the month prior to my procedure. I have also heard much about dilation and that in itself was always at the top of the list of cons in considering full depth vaginoplasty. Finally, I learned that I could still experience an orgasm through self-pleasure with my own penis, so even opting out of bottom surgery all together was still very much on the table. I was unsure if that would continue to work for me in the long run, though. Finally, I became interested in pursuing a relationship with a cisgender woman. Our relationship is somewhat intimate but not yet explicitly sexual. She is not lesbian, but still very attracted to me, nonetheless. It probably would have been acceptable to her if I did not undergo surgery at all. However, my experience as a man in sexual intimacy with a woman was that my penis was not necessary for my partner to achieve orgasm. I similarly also do not expect to have to rely on a man’s penis for me to become satisfied sexually, either. I will leave it at that. My procedure was July 28. My surgeon achieved a full 7-inch vaginal canal depth. Dilation is every bit uncomfortable as I heard and then some more! Doctors vary on how often and how long but follow the advice of your surgeon. It did get easier and less painful quickly, but it is very time consuming. I began dilation 8 days after surgery when I had my catheter, packing, and Foley bag removed. There are 4 sizes; I started with the smallest (diameter) twice a day for 30 minutes each. After another week I went to the next size and after 3 days began dilating 3 times a day. After another week, I began the routine using the 3rd size dilating tool. This becomes so much more difficult and painful, that when starting the dilation process, it is necessary to begin using the smallest size for 5 minutes, then the next size, then the next size for the remaining 20 minutes. It seemed at 3-4 weeks post-surgery; it would be impossible that I would ever be able to graduate to the final, largest dilator. Just looking at it makes you sweat. It is affectionately called the “Orange Monster” by those of us that lived beyond it. But…it does work and gets much easier and prepares your vaginal canal for whatever comes next. I am now at 15 weeks, still 3 times a day, and there is no pain in dilation now. My surgeon wants me to continue 3 times a day for a full year, then go to twice a day and once or twice a week after that, which only may be replaced by penetrating intercourse if that becomes the case. I began to explore my ability to self-arouse at about 8 weeks after my procedure. My vagina seemed to me to be well constructed and was beginning to look as pretty as any I have ever seen, except for some minor swelling and bloating of the pelvic area that would still take a few months longer to subside. At 15 weeks, it is very minimal. My clitoris is well defined, and I had my first female orgasm at 9 weeks post-op, only using clitoral stimulation with my fingers, which took a lot of concentration. It was pretty intense and better than I had always imagined. After a while I picked up 2 vibrating vaginal stimulators designed for exercising and training Kegel and pelvic floor muscles. Sexual arousal with vaginal penetration is far better than anything I could have possibly imagined, and I will just leave it at that! It is not difficult now to experience many intense orgasms continuously over a long sessions. For me, the decision to have a full depth procedure, was the right one, even when considering the extended healing, dilation, and maintenance. I still don’t expect to ever have an intimate relationship with a man, although, being active socially with either sex has an added degree of psychological pleasure and confidence, knowing you could be more intimate if ever you met the right person, male or female, or (neither).

Dear Friends, First, I learned of a new transgender clinic that specializes in telehealth. Presently, they do not work with any insurance companies, but they are working hard to change that. Do understand they do have a sliding fee scale. Their website is: https://www.transclinique.com Secondly, a local transwoman, who I have known for years shares her amazing life story, showing that real change is possible. She overcame undiagnosed ADHD, abuse at the hands of her parents and teachers, falling into the wrong crowd and 13 years in prison, one of which was an entire year in solitary confinement. Today she has a good job, and a thriving business on the side. The video is a podcast about how she came to have an unusual vanity license plate, before going into her life story. Even though it is 45 minutes long, it is worth watching every minute. Yours truly, Monica

I have been on HRT now since April, and have simultaneously no longer presented male since one month prior to that. Since I started, some insight into my own thought process is developing when it comes to sexual orientation. This is only me, and may or may not be others' experience. I was always heterosexual as a male, and with that I have never had a relationship with a male, nor was ever curious. I fully expected to continue being attracted to woman right through and after post-op. I moved to a new community at the same time I shed my assigned at birth male presentation and have assimilated very well into my new (and old) community. I am very active and visible publicly. I interact and socialize with , very few transgender friends at different stages of their transition, one or two lesbian friends that I'm aware of, but mostly cis men and women which is probably representative of the general population. It's important to understand, the general population is indeed predominantly cis. (my assumption). I've become very good friends with a group of women and many others, individually, my age. We meet up to dance, talk, and share our lives etc., and in general do many things together. As we spend more time together, I've sensed that some may be attracted to me and I to some of them. But that is a very slippery slope that I did not previously consider. I have to be careful not to respond to women as I learned to all my life, but understand that most women are still cis and not sexually attracted to women nor transwomen, for that matter.. I suppose that I can no longer realistically think of cis women amorously as I have been accustomed to my entire life. Even while I am pre-op, lesbian women, unless they are generally bi, would probably not result in a mutually positive sexual relationship, at least until I become post-op. Pre-op, I experience a strong attraction to FTM, but not so much MTF. I did have one intimate encounter with a non-binary FTM, with whom I am still friendly. "They" (the correct pronoun) identify as bi-sexual, has had top surgery, but no plans for bottom surgery. That was in fact very enjoyable, I did not expect it, and was very nervous at first, but fortunately my partner was prepared for safety. Even though I have not needed since, I am now always prepared for safe sex! I guess additionally, that attraction is not set in stone either, as I experienced a rather distinct “flutter in my heart” upon meeting a MTF server last weekend at an exclusive restaurant in Saratoga. She was presenting somewhat female with largely androgynous overtones, and obviously on HRT. But she was far too young, early 20’s, for me to think seriously any further about her, sexually. In any event, I’ll need to stay closely and realistically in touch with both my mind and my body during and after my transition, and keep an open mind without making judgements based upon my experience having lived most of my life as the wrong gender. This chapter is still very much open. I know I have much more to think and learn about this, now. But I'm beginning to understand also now, we're simply talking about body parts? Always, Jessica 😉