Leaderboard

Ten hrs of electrolysis, unexpectedly getting my ears pierced. Buying the first binder for my NB child and feeling so happy when they told me that they feel comfortable talking to me about gender stuff, and then this afternoon I was given the ok to start HRT. My prescription will get sent to my house and then I can get it filled anywhere I like!!! Tonight after seeing a colleague tweet that they were an ally and a safe space on Nationalcomingoutday I sent them a wee message saying I was trans. I was never scared to tell her, but hopefully this will let her know that people do read posts like that and it can make a difference. Mentally and emotionally it is exhausting, even though I have adrenaline dumped in my system right now. I'm looking forward to this extra energy I am supposed to get lol. YAY!!!

Dear Jessica, It takes *time* to identify sexual orientation. Sadly, I became disoriented when I identified as "Lesbian," and found that many, if not most, of the Lesbian community despised me, especially when they tried to tell me who I can like and be with (even as friends). Explored being a man for 2 years and realized that I am not transgender. When I had a radical hysterectomy, and my sex drive slowly melted away, I first was a romantic asexual and then moved into a nonromantic asexual. Agree with you that sexual orientation is fluid, as well as identity. An example of an identity transition for me would be that not so many years ago, I identified as a human rights/civic activist. Now I identify as an artist. See who is drawn to you and which friendships evolve into romantic relationships. No longer do I believe in "friendship first," as friendship and romantic love are as different as apples and oranges. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have on this. Yours in Sisterhood, Monica

I figured out early on in I was without a doubt NOT cis-gender; but not able to make it my priority to learn, explore, or experiment. While I was not sure of my own gender, I was pretty certain that my sexual orientation was that of a heterosexual male. Therefore, when I transitioned, I fully expected to identify as female in gender and lesbian in orientation.. During my transition, my thinking evolved into that of embracing the masculine aspects of my identity and merging them with female aspects of my identity. That suited me just fine, but after my GRS and becoming very involved and active in a predominately cisgender community, I began to explore the possibility that my own sexual orientation could also have been defined somewhat by the societal expectations placed upon me in my early developmental years. In other words, as I was taught to assume a male role, was I similarly taught to shun sexual attraction to masculinity. Throughout my life, if I were to walk into a room with 100 people, I would notice the women and not the men. I purposely began to take a childlike approach with an open mind and explore and learn! I recently explored my sexuality with a rather "masculine" male and have to admit I enjoyed it. AS did he !! I now notice the men pretty distinctly equally with the women. Am I female, male, non-binary, hetero, gay, bi? I don't want to get limited by labels, but for sure am keeping an open mind and the world is really opening up to me, now, much more than I had ever expected or planned.

My first reaction is that DeeDee is absolutely correct. For me, though, it was very important for me to first determine that I am trans. Then, where I am on the gender spectrum. And then, where I need to be on the Benjamin Scale to feel most natural and comfortable as myself. It takes an open mind and a childlike approach to explore, experiment, and learn.

Sounds like you are doing some good exploratory work Emily! I worked my way through that book too and found it very affirming. I struggled a little in the beginning with prosthetics too, while I desire the effect I did not want to swap wearing one costume out in public for another. Same went for the fact that I wear a wig. In the end I settled on bra "fillets" as a compromise that did not make me feel ridiculous but would, with a padded bra give me pretty much the right effect without feeling self conscious. The wig is something I see as a cross between a fashion accessory, and a safety item. I blend better wearing it and unlike those with natural hair I can pick and choose my length and style based on my mood. Plenty of cis women need them too. Ultimately the goal should not be to confirm if you are trans or otherwise, it is to find that place where you feel most natural and comfortable as yourself. The fact that you can do that with a supportive spouse and friends makes a huge difference. 🧡☺️