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Like most everyone here, I didn’t “become” a woman. I just quit pretending to be a man. Mike didn’t “become” a man. He quit pretending to be a woman. I’m just scared that some of the things that are happening to us are on my head simply because I’m a transgender woman. I feel like those things are ruining Adrianne’s life because she’s with me. While I have to carry a diamond shield and armor, she doesn’t have any reason to need the same. If she was with a real man, her life would be immensely better. At least that’s what I think. She tells me I’m crazy when I say that, but the majority of the time, I think she’s just telling me what she thinks I want to hear. Depression is a major bitch. I’m manic as hell, a lot more these days. My medication doesn’t seem to be working like it used to.

No. there is nothing wrong with you. It's been a pretty tough year not only for trans people, but also for all human rights in general, as I see it. Religion has become a powerful political force in forcing their own dogma upon the populace and is furthering to entrench their exclusionary views of right and wrong, normal and abnormal, morality and immorality. I feel like we are being forced back to a time around the civil war era and everyone should be concerned, women, children, any marginalized groups, Blacks, Asians; you can go on and on. I AM DEEPLY SADDENED THAT AFTER MY 68 YEARS ON EARTH, SO MANY LAWS ARE SUCCESSFULLY BEING PASSED THAT ARE ATTEMPTING TO WIPE OUT THE ABILILITY OF SO MANY PEOPLE TO SURVIVE, MUCH LESS SURVIVE WITH DIGNITY. Would I ever de-transition, though? Never. At this point in life, I have never been more happy, comfortable and confident in being who I genuinely am. And I have no doubt that society is far better served by my being out, too! Whether they like it or not. I believe this will pass someday. Trans has been a part of society throughout the ages and will always be.

What exactly am I looking for if, God forbid, I'm single again. Being 79 years old, my time is precious on this earth, but that does not mean I can't experience what I've wanted my whole life. Being a man has ment that I fought the battles, lead the charge, protected the family, was the bread winner and all of that. I would love a women that is 100% vested in our relationship and my transformation. A women that takes the lead in all aspects from day to day, to sex, to my transformation. We need to have a 50/50 relationship except her 50% is worth more than mine..lol. Throw out my mens underwear and replace it with women's bras, panties, etc.. Replace.my clothes with more feminine attire. Teach me how to use makeup. Teach me how to be a women. In return she will have my love, affection and respect. She will feel safe. She will be nurtured. We will sleep next to each other feeling the warmth of our bodies and smelling the essence of each other. Hold hands, kiss, caress... two women in love! - 30-

Why do I have this desire to become a women, I don't know. My father died when I was six, my mother was an unhappy alcoholic and married a weak useless man. Did these affect me, don't really care. I am living and dealing with this. When I was a freshman in high school I had my first and only homosexual experience with my best friend. Had no idea what I was doing but enjoyed pleasuring him. I dated two women that could have encouraged me to fulfill my needs, but I was such a fool I did not recognize the possibility. My dream would be to be with a women that would support me 100%; To help me become the women I want to be. -30-