eveannessant

To expand on my previous comment I have just thought of an analogy, imagine that you are trying to photograph someone who is posing, these sort of photographs rarely come out showing the true way that a person appears in everyday life, they just look unnatural, not quite right. Then think about photographs taken of people who are unaware of being photographed, they look very natural, and different from a posed shot.................so if you are thinking about "your performance" and how you look to to others, it's much the same as posing. I know that you will probably feel under more scrutiny in the "bogs" than in many other places, please ignore that feeling, and never ever give in to it. You just have to get on with what you're doing and ignore others, yes some may be unsure of your gender, but they won't ever be sure if you just get on with whatever you're doing, it can be likened to a poker game, are they going to call you if they aren't sure, and risk of making an absolute arse out themselves............?

Christmas Hugs, (no, don't know if they're any different from normal hugs !)

Eve

I think you just have to get on with it and not worry about what others might think, or how you appear, just do what you've gotta do, wash your hands, dry them and walk out just the same as if you've just used the ladies. Remember that you don't have to hold a conversation in the"bogs", it's quite normal not to, unless it's someone who you know. This is what I've done whenever I've used the ladies, and it works for me. It's also true of most mundane activities, such as in the supermarket. I feel that if I start thinking about what others think or what I look like, I'd be read. 

Glad everything is going so well for you,

Cheers,

Eve

Absolutely! 

Ok Mister thats made me smile a lot, thanks for doing that, because I was becoming a bit, no a lot emotional. My close friends dog has recently been put down, and when I got to her house after a swimming session, i asked where Fern was, only to learn that she was put down within the previous week and that my friend had cried all the way to work. I've always been emotional even as a male, even when I did some horrible male things as a subterfuge. But now I really am emotional so thanks for your good news story, I needed it........

Bless you in your innocence and good luck for the future,

Eve

I await with eager trepidation !

uh oh !

Have a good week-end, really glad you're so happy.

Eve

Well I think it's natural that you're rehearsing in your head what your are going to say and how you say it, also completely natural to rehearse what peoples reactions will be. If it's not natural then I'm just as mad as you are, yes I went through the same thing, however I told my close and team colleagues in ones and twos, and when I finally changed my name and started RLE properly an e-mail was sent to all those whom I deal with. It went well mostly (90%+), I didn't get any definite negative reactions, however some people whom I used to work with quite closely have since not contacted me and haven't involved me professionally, well the imagining of responses prepared me for that, and I can live with it.

Thing is that if I get any negativity staff know full well they'll be up for a disciplinary action. I expect that you'll experience similar, but I'd definately sack the incompetent juggler, and request a new one...........Employers have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for staff, your present HR idiot is causing stress, and if unchecked, this could lead to a constructive dismissal case, which your employer would almost certainly lose. It's one thing to have finely worded policies and promises etc.,  and then not act on them, actions speak louder than words.

Hugs,

Eve

Sorry if this is contrary to some of the comments above, I don't mean to be controversial or hurt the feelings of others.

But although I said the exact same phrase to people over a year ago "I'm still the same person that has not changed" and to the greater extent it was true at that time, it has now been proven to me that I have changed, I'm not the same person dressed differently, with a different physical appearance anymore. Mentally I have changed enormously, I'm no longer so black and white with my opinions thoughts and actions, I'm now quite mellow and more patient, don't loose my temper anywhere near as much as I used to, my views have changed, my tastes have changed, I'm more open minded and accepting of new ideas, I think differently than I used to. Yes some things are still there such as skills learnt as a male, fast driving, mechanical engineering skills, attention to detail, still like old railways, cycling, walks etc., but now these are complimented with nice gardens, plants, flowers, clothes & apparel, cooking, house and home etc..

However, the phrase, however hollow it becomes in time, is what others who knew your previous existence, want to hear as a consolation..................

Thoughtfully,

Eve

Hope you have lots and lots of fun Christie, something to look forward to!

Eve x

Hi Jay, I feel so sorry for you and especially your husband, how does he feel after the tirade from your brother, perhaps he'll need some support now?

It's difficult with families, I have a brother who totally ignores me I think we might have spoken 3 sentences in the last 4 years, and I sentence each way to his wife when her father died, whom I had liked a lot when I was Steve, I wasn't invited to the funeral, and that made me quite sad. I think people just put their head in the sand and try to believe that it's not happening, I also think in my brothers families eyes they'd prefer it if I was dead, it wouldn't reflect badly on them then, and it'd provide a neat respectable answer or reason for my not being around. It does make me feel like never ever forgiving them, or talking to them again.........

Well I knew that some doors would close whilst new doors would open at the start of my transition, and like you didn't expect such reaction from close family members, it's really hurtful, but only when I think about it...............

Keep your chin up Jay,

Hugs,

Eve

I know what you mean about it eating up time ! But it does have it's compensations, I've just been exploring the reasoning behind the BMI limits required before being accepted for GRS, with many other members of the Trans community and one of the Psychiatrists from Chx GIC has joined in examining where the waiting list bottleneck is how best to resolve it. Couldn't do that on Twitter.

Happy that you've discovered so much about yourself,

Eve oxox

Oh Christie that's so beautiful and eloquent a thought. Yes I'm on twitter but don't use it much, I prefer FB if you use it?

Eve x

Have fun with your make-up Karen, yes take your time and experiment, isn't life about having fun anyway? Anyway if I read your last sentence correctly, and also Christies final point, which is  a similar thought that I had, I'm not bothered about passing even if I do, and I know that I do anyway, but I'm not bothered what handle you put on me, I'm me, what I always should have been. Humanity is so diverse, and even the 51% of humanity that I now identify with is so diverse that I just do my own thing. This indeed did take a while before I realised it, I think I posted something similar in one of Jayes recent blogs............

Anyway I just been out shopping with my Mom, and bought a new faux fur coat, and sequin party cami top, which will go nicely with other clothes in my almost massive collection, funny that I could never understand massive collections of clothes or enough footwear for a centipede when I was male.................... I got too many coats now as well!

Cheers,

Eve

Yeah I know what you mean, I went through all this December 3rd last year, which funnily enough was 11 years to the day that I started with the Council as a H&S Advisor......... It was a lot easier than I had hoped for, I'm sure you'll find similar.

Glad that you've said "bring it on", I suspect that it'll be a lot easier and better than you imagine it might be.

Cheers,

Eve

So Karen, after reading this entry and watching the video, I wonder if you have reflected upon it, and reached any conclusions?

Here's what I think;

(a) Those present didn't realise at all that you are a Transwoman until you chose to tell them, so why do you think your voice needs any work? They didn't guess your past from your voice! Yes, we are our own worst critics, no-one likes listening to a recording of their own voice, I certainly don't, even when I try to sound a little more femme. I am having voice therapy and I'm not really impressed with it, so I hope you don't waste your money. Have you listened to the voice training section on TG Guide, it might be good to use that, and then re-evaluate.

(b) I got the feeling that you just wanted to be honest with the other participants and let them know about your past, rather than any other reason. Or is that me imagining that because it's exactly what I do and what I'd have done in that situation? I was tutoring a Risk Assessment course at work on Wednesday morning teaching 4 females (two of which didn't know me before transition) and I did almost exactly the same, and yes, it was to do with previous work experience, but more than that, it was good to be honest. Perhaps it's a reaction from all the years of keeping my true identity secret?

Ok this isn't criticism at all, but to show you how critical of yourself you're being, you mention your posture, but you know, you were sat in the worst possible position really, how many times did you look at the camera? if you were sat where the other two were sat you'd have been facing the camera, and we'd all have seen your infectious smile and I bet you'd not be talking about your posture either. The woman from Texas certainly didn't seem to have a good posture, so next time swop places, yours is much better ! LoL  Well I suppose someone had to sit there, and you were completely natural, well done Miss MVPayne  

Oh I did notice that the MS Employee was using a decent bit of IT, rather than a Windows phone !!! LoL

Cheers,

Eve

You know how to hurt peoples sense of National Pride ! LoL I wish we'd had a revolution over here too!

Well I wish I did have a holiday to-day LoL !  My own fault for living in a strange country I 'spose ...............

Very happy for you Christie.

Eve

Well that's a brave entry, however much I want to click the like button I can't because the content is so sad. STOP Please do not think of suicide.

No you shouldn't care about anybody remotely like the person or people that you describe, you should care about yourself, and ask yourself what would make you happy in your life? These people are not concerned about you, they are concerned with their own social standing, it sounds so very conservative and old fashioned.

It sounds as if a completely fresh start is needed, re-boot your life, start afresh somewhere known to be liberal away from your current location, new place, people, job and thinking.

Where are you located? I'll try to avoid it!

Hugs,

Eve

Oh Jay. I think most of us have these self doubts, if you read my first blogs I often refer to the same and others have have also said similar. For me it seemed like the tide ebbing and flowing, sometimes I'd feel femme, at others I'd ask myself "what the hell do you think you're doing?, you're a bloke, stop all this foolishness, you'll never be a convincing woman¹". I often asked myself when I had those tidal feelings and thoughts, "well do you want to go back to being Steve?" Know what?, I always answered no. The tidal movements of these thoughts, have now stopped, thankfully. Maybe it was the Testosterone blockers helping me, letting the oestrogen do it's magic, who knows, but I am thankful to have escaped a confusing time.

It's good that you realise that it's your own subconscious that is talking to you in your dreams, but what concerns me is that you seem to be deeply worried that your transitioning will hurt other people who are close to you, such as your father. If these people are indeed family and close friends and love you, they will want you to be happy, if they don't they are not friends at all, just people that you know - acquaintances, worried that there may be some social stigma attached to them, because they have you as a friend or a family member. Parents have had their life and have chosen what they did with their lives, that doesn't mean that you have to follow their choices, it's your life, not theirs they have to realise that. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband, you haven't wrecked his life, and he was & is the closest person to you.

Have you told your father yet, and how old is he? Are their any close friends that you haven't told?²

• ¹However, I have come to realise that whether or not I am convincing, it doesn't matter, I might or might not have transitioned into a totally convincing female, but what I have transitioned into is my true self, this is the most important thing that I have ever realised, I think others can also see it now, if they couldn't at the beginning  of my transition.

• ²I told some friends who were ex work colleagues that I was Trans, this was 9 months or so before my RLE began almost (except for a week) a year ago, we never heard from them again until two weeks ago, when they invited us to their place for dinner in a couple of weeks time. So previous to this, I had thought, oh well lose friends, and gain others, I've obviously lost these as friends. But it seems not so, possibly it takes people time to come to terms with transitioning, that and the quickly changing public perception of Transgender as being quite different to Transvestite / Drag / Fetish etc.

Stay sane and keep positive thoughts in your head, no one ever said transitioning is easy, it takes determination with some measure of desperation in the mix.

Hope that my comments help you,

Hugs,

Eve

Hey Blair,

That's a good video, look at how much more confident you are now compared to the first one that I saw. I couldn't see any nervousness, I didn't even notice if you played with your hair, and I could hear all that you said quite clearly, Liked the karaoke bit at the end too.

Hugs

Eve

There may have been a gap between entries but the important thing is the amount of progress that you've made. My partner read this entry too, and she said it's nice, so I grabbed her kissed her and said how much spouse support means to someone transitioning, so thanks for this entry. 

Cheers Jay,

Eve

Hi Karen, I had asimilar friend request on FB myself 3 months or so ago. Almost the same chat line too, "Hi I was looking for a friend that I had lost touch with when I came across you, I found your smile in the photo irresistible" etc., I answered " I feel I need to inform you that (a) I'm happily married and (b) I'm M to F transgender, I won't be offended if you don't want be friend me" to which a rapid silence ensued.....................I really found the episode quite cheesy.

Woosh............ a little bit over my head. But good luck when you get them back, have you thought about iCloud storage? LoL