eveannessant

Well it's the Tuesday following your east coast storm, thank you so much for taking the all the cold, cold snow out of it, but now that we have your cast off storm, I'd just like to add that you've sent too many of them across to us recently, you might have been thinking that you were helping us out, with watering our gardens and luscious fields of crops. But without wanting to cause any offence, please stop sending any more of your cast off weather over here for while, we've applied for some nice warm Saharan weather to blow northwards to us, so we'll probably be full up of weather for a while................

Hugs,

Eve

Oh Emma,

I really feel your sorrow, you're so right, should's are such crap. Should's are an excuse for the feelings of others close to you, should's are for not wanting to face imagined humiliations. Should's come from holding terrible secrets for so long. Should's are for people close to you who should know better, and be more understanding. Fact is that many of the people who should know and behave better, are scared of the unknown and their imaginings going on in their head, some even have secrets similar to yours, but hide them behind attacking others.

You know that I had similar misgivings for most of my adult life, but eventually the secret became such a burden that I just had to let it go and confront the truth with everyone. My wife (now partner) had huge misgivings that we'd be ridiculed when out and about, especially when out on campsites with our caravan, those misgivings soon evaporated when we had more people befriending us than when I was a male (how I hate that word), she is now really happy with our lives, but this was because she gave it a chance to succeed. Oh whatever people say behind our backs out of earshot we couldn't give a toss about, we both know who our real friends are, and real friends don't do that.

Of course if my wife hadn't given a chance for such a huge change to work, then we'd probably have split up, I just couldn't carry on living as I was, I needed change to survive.

It really sounds to me as if you're pretty close to getting to the point of not wanting to carry on living as you are anymore and realising that you have to change. It's scary, yes I well remember going through it, but what you probably don't realise is that once you start the process of renewal it gets easier, ok, you'll probably have a few sticky moments and unthought of consequences can sometimes crop up that sort of push you headfirst at times, but when you look back at one of those consequences you realise how far you've travelled, a bit like like the ladders in snakes and ladders.

I hope that you find some happiness soon,

Eve

Well my partner writes, she talks with other writers she met on courses and gatherings etc., they help one another are you in such a group? Can put you in touch with my partner if you like?

Oh I 'd just add that some of them are from different countries even, let alone scattered around the UK.

Hugs,

Eve

Well Mr Jay, we share the problem of wrong organs...................and I've learned to take the rough with the smooth, some good in the report but some bad too...........aint that just typically life!

Hugs,

Eve

You're a shining example to us all Karen, I just got back from cycling  30 mins ago! Must try to drink more water!!!!

Hugs,

Eve

I really don't want to vote Karen, if I voted no I'd feel that I was being negative, and if I voted yes and your story didn't sell I'd feel that I advised you incorrectly. 

Let me say this, there is a hell of a lot of hard work involved in writing a story about your life (biography), and as you have correctly said it's been done before.

However there is a book over here called "Becoming Drusilla" please read it, and see that it was not an autobiographical tale, it was written by Dru's friend Richard Beard, who knew Dru as Andrew prior to transition. He at first had a hard time with accepting Dru, after all she was very much mechanically minded, and the type of person - similar to myself in fact - that can fix most things. They used to go on long walks in the countryside backpacking with lightweight tents, so in the book they did it again but this time with Dru fully transitioned......

I doubt that has been done in the US, and I doubt that many US citizens will have read "Becoming Drusilla", so perhaps doing your story from a similar second party perspective might work?

Cheers,

Eve

Same thoughts as for Christie, Veronica.................don't hang about giving them time to welch out of paying.

I'm pleased for you Christie, no more hoops to jump through, go get it before they change their minds.

Great News Christie,

You might find that as you go through your transition, that you find previously exciting things as being a little more mundane anyway, so you'll have less to write about? Great news about your Insurance, good luck to you you'll be having your op before I get mine by the sounds of it? I have less and less to post that I feel is valid these days, it just all starts to become so normal.................which is a good thing when you think about it.

Cheers

Eve

Saucy Devil LoL

Sounds like either the Pacific or north east Atlantic.............It's often like that in the UK, but then the consolation is that there are some lovely wrecks to dive on. I haven't SCUBA dived since transition, but I was a senior Instructor in one of the UK's diving agencies. Diving is not all cold and stormy - even in the UK !, I have an ambition to one day dive topless in warm waters, probably the caribbean. Don't know why, perhaps I'd feel liberated.................

Cheers,

Eve 

Don't think I've given up on the training that we spoke of last year, softly softly catchee monkey, I'm getting in with Birmingham LGBT myself instead of relying on others. I have something to post in the next day or so, so you'll see how I'm doing this........

Thanks for this Karen, it's really hilarious, what a marvellously spontaneous occurrence.

I really don't think that you need make-up, your face is very femme and is accentuated by your long slender neck, makes me feel very inadequate with my very male short thick neck !

I think that you'd do better using video for practical things such as make-up and clothes / colours that go together, hair care, nails, shoes, outfits etc.. Just talking about abstract things such as confidence is perhaps better done as typed words? Umms and errs would then be omitted perhaps?, and people can more easily refer back to previous points in your dialogue. Think of it like trying to give a stranger directions of where to go, unless they have an extremely retentive memory a lot of the directions will be forgotten by the time they have done three turnings...............If you are determined to do it via u-tube then consider doing shorter videos on one subject at a time, and be concise and repeat what the message or point that you are wanting to make. An old saying in instructing is; tell 'em what your going to tell 'em; tell 'em; then tell 'em what you told 'em.

Hugs,

Eve

Wise words about money attracting false friends, but also I love Veronicas comments, especially the philanthropy and ice cream with sprinkles!.

I do the UK National lottery twice a week every week, and have won small amounts several times, I can't wait for it to be my turn to win a larger amount and lead a life of leisure with Maybelle..................possibly somewhere in Benelux. And I'd not be hanging around for our NHS to get round to doing my GRS either, I'm not sure of where I'd go to get that done though, possibly Thailand or if I had enough money perhaps the US.

Well Jay that reminds me to check out my own profile, it probably still says Transgender, I just hadn't thought about it, you're absolutely correct of course. It's nice to recieve some wisdom...........thanks. Don't think I'll be going to Sparkle this year but if I do I'll drop you a line. But I do plan on going to the Brighton Trans Pride 22nd to 24th July, I've never been to this festival before, and i think that I need to attend the famous festivals at least once, Sparkle was last year..........

Eve

Well try swimming with a wig on!, Anyway, Karen hope you have a lovelt Christmas and a happy New year, and yes I have experienced much of what you've posted.

Hugs,

Eve

God bless Christie, and may he look over your life.

Happy Christmas,

Eve

I feel really happy clicking like this ! 

5-6 years ago I wouldn't have gone there either, nor Hurst Street in Birmingham. But they are such trouble free freindly areas, I now can't understand why everyone doesn't frequent such areas................thank god I had the courage (eventually) to transition, it's taught me so very much.

Cheers

Eve

I suspect that employment law may well differ in various countries, but here in the UK employers have to make "reasonable adjustments" for staff who undergoe various changes in life, this includes transition amongst others, such as becoming disabled etc. It is entirely reasonable for Jay's employers to do as he has requested. Please google Marland v P&O ferries.

Thanks for this Jay,

My partner will be interested in this, if she isn't already aware of it, she loves writing....

Cheers,

Eve

Hi Jay,

I don't know why I clicked like this, I don't, how could any understanding person like it, but it registers my having read it..........

Anyway have a cry, and then resolve to get HR to TELL your It dept to make the necessary changes, otherwise they are going down the road to losing a constructed dismissal case that you could bring about. See Marland versus P & O Ferries, it's a little more extreme granted, but the principles are the same.

In the meantime think of what the initials IT could stand for..........such as Insensitive Twa*s, Insubordinate Testosterone Department, I'm sure you could think of others, it might help you to stop crying and get more attitude and determination. Do you belong to a Union, it's just the sort of thing that they love to belt employers with. And of course involve your line management too, it seems to me that your manager is supportive of you from your recent postings.

I hope that this is resolved before Christmas, and you're not left with it fretting away inside your head, I had name change problems myself this time last year, but not with my work, so I know how distracting it is.

Hugs,

Eve

And you'd be very welcome too, have a great Christmas Emma.

Hugs,

Eve

Yeah me neither, what's it's purpose?

Yeah, I had the same problem and others before me tell of the same. The easiest way round this is to close your account and open a new one in your new name, I did this as others before me had to.

I guess that Paypal doesn't believe in true equality, but they'll just say that it's to avoid fraud, absolutely agree with you about the photo ID issue. It appears that Paypal are Transphobic, I wish there was an alternative service provider to them, because voting with your feet is the best way to get people to change their errant ways.

Isn't Paypal the same as e-bay, or at least part of the same conglomerate?

I had similar with Sky who thought that they could tell me who I could and could not call myself, so I went to Virgin and haven't had any problems since.

There is still a little way further to go before Trans people are truly accepted and treated with true equality, however we have made tremendous progress over the last 8-10 years or so.