eveannessant

Yeah, I've borrowed a line from Grouch Marx, "I've been sleeping my insomnia off".....................mine is often caused by too much red wine ! & so it's self inflicted and I don't look for any sympathy whatsoever. With regard to "vast empty wasteland", I think that you're wrong, your big moment in life has arrived,, you've had the courage to do something about it, leapt over the first few hurdles, and now your wondering if it's any better than the previous you, have you wasted your time doing this, time was wasted anyway, well I had serious doubts too about my own transition. If you stop to think about it, you've spent most of your life as society has demanded of you as a male, if I have understood anything about you from your blog entries, you weren't ever happy with that state of affairs?. Well you won't be able to instantly delete those thoughts, because you've been mentally conditioned to them by society at large (fitting in with the rest of the flock? so think of most of society as sheep!). You just can't instantly be a new you, but just as teenagers grow up, one day your great as the new you and the next day not so great as the old you............. 

I have entered in my earlier blogs and comments to others that I also had serious doubts at times about my transition, I said that it was like the ebbing and flooding of the tide, and yes, when I had insomnia (not always caused by red wine!) that was when those thoughts used to haunt me, a lot of the time as "what the bloody hell do you think you're doing, you're a bloke for f**ks sake, why do you think it'll be any better as a woman?". Those thoughts were intense and very haunting, but as time passed by, they got less and less like the tide only happened every two or three weeks or so. Yes, when changing identity your mind is full of what you're doing and so it doesn't wander (or should I say wonder?) to the old thoughts.

My advice is, to accept that you're doing the correct thing, see a therapist or cousellor, or whatever you do in the US, if that helps you to think it through, but anyway, the negative thoughts will eventually pass. I guess it's when your mind gets used to your new identity, and at that same time, you will find that you're just doing things unthinkingly as yourself. How can I illustrate that further? perhaps like this, I don't worry about passing, I don't think how would a woman do it, I don't think of myself as as female or male or gender neutral, I just think of myself as me - Eve. It has taken time to get this happy state of affairs.

I've heard many trans folk talk lightly of going through adolescence, they shouild have been much more serious about the subject, it's a very real issue. I hope that these comments help you, during your adolescent period.

Eve xoxo

Yes, I had a relatively bumpy stretch of path when I got all my doc's changed, but I just persevered............hope yours is smoothr than mine was..........

Well, seeing as there are only two types of men, those who masturbate and those who lie, I have to admit to having been an honest man, when I was such a being!

Now seeing that in my case m to f  transistion wasn't instantaneous (who's is?) my former honest habits stayed with me for quite a while! But my orgasms got less and less fluid as transition progressed, this during the period when I was solely taking oestrogen. As soon as Decapeptyl injections started they soon became dryer and dryer within a few weeks they were totally dry and have been ever since. Yes I needed some sort of stimulation otherwise I wasn't at all interested. 

However, I do have an overwhelming desire to find out if chocolate is indeed better than sex, as so many females have often claimed................! or are they being dishonest? LoL

Eve oxo...........

Yes it's hard work presenting as something that you're not, and life gets so very complicated when you then have 2 identities to try to compensate for not being who you really are and want so much to be...............

I'm so glad that things are starting smooth out in your life. However beware of a few bumps in the road that you have chosen to travel, but don't let them knock you off your chosen path.

Cheers,

Eve

Just steer clear of the rampant ones for a year or so dear !

Perhaps I'll open my eyes the next time I take a selfie!

Shit Christie, I said funny occurrence, not furry occurrence ! LoL  well done !

Monica, The boots are made in Ireland, they're very fashionable over here, I think you must have assumed english riding boots because of my nationality LoL, I don't do horse riding either, but I do love the Northern European outdoors and countryside.

Christie, Well actually the pub that we went into was a first too, Eve hadn't been in a country pub before, but I hadn't even realised it at the time, I was just being myself, doing what I'd have done pre-transition, I didn't get treated any differently than a cis woman so it was fine, I 'spose i passed, but I didn't think about it at the time.

What can I say about being authentic, just relax, be yourself and you'll present as being your true self, oh and it get's easier day after day. I find on the rare occassions that people read me they just don't know what tro do or say, they just seem to freeze, which is why they stare, they mostly don't seem to do it intentionally. I think my next test is to stop staring back as this probably seems hostile, and to walk over to them and say something like "Yes I'm transgendered, hello, and don't be afraid to ask in a freindly manner, but please, most transgender people do hate being stared at". I hope I can remember all that for when I need it! 

Cheers,

Eve

Well Christie, soon enough you'll look back at this as a funny occurrence, but my advice is, no doubt the same as you probably have now decided, change all you can as soon as you can with regard to identification documents.

How are you getting on with other staff and pupils generally?

I hope that you're getting on well with your hormones, noticed anything different yet?

Cheers,

Eve oxo

It's so nice to hear of positive occurrences, and even nicer to hear that they are not limited to one place or country, it seems to me to be most of the English speaking world along with northern Europe, I'm not sure about Southern Europe. How public attitudes have changed over the last couple of years, I feel very lucky to have transitioned when I did.

I can only conclude that the showing of many documentaries about the subject, most recently showing famous people going through transtition, who previously were extremely male, and heterosexual as far as could be deduced, such as Kellie Maloney and Caitlin Jenner has really alerted the public to examine their attitudes toward transgender, dispelling the myths that we're all gay, weak and former sissy boys. Quite the contrary with ex-army captains having been previously televised, and now we have a serving army captain and an RAF helicopter pilot who are transgendered, I'm so grateful to all these individuals for having had the courage to stand up and do what they have done.

Cheers,

Eve

And I truly wonder about myself and the future, will I be able to resist such feelings and make do with a toy? I do worry about that, and how it might affect my wonderful wife (now termed as partner), I've mentioned before the conundrum that is going through my brain, I think as a comment in one of your earlier postings Karen, I often fantasise about penises but I don't think that I could cope (without throwing up) with the useless flesh around the penis called man, thowing up? yes it'd make me sick I'm sure. But will this change after GRS? There have been so many changes already that I can't be sure what the future holds for me.........................

One things for sure though as Steph has said you're only human, (even if you're a 007 clone! LoL - no!, more like a bond girl now with your weapons stashed about you!) and I'd hate to think that you're going to continue to beat yourself up over this episode. You know what I'd probably have done the same anyway and risked all, I'm so impulsive and I will sieze the moment..................

God (if you're a believer) bless you

Eve x

Hey it's been a while since I read your book, and I enjoyed it as a good story, but would have liked much more medical-transition related content, and legal / name change issues, it then would be an absolutely excellent read. And I think I paid for my e-copy if I remember correctly!

Cheers,

Eve

Most females in the UK seem to wear trousers or jeans or leggings, only occassionaly wearing skrts or dresses. Most  "t" girls that I know wish that they had more butt!, including me. I have so far found the transition journy to spring amazing unexpected surprises on me and I'm loving it, when I look back it amazes me how much I have missed as male. So I really hope that your journey is as fantastic as mine has been so far. Take care, take it slowly and keep your family relationships intact.

Cheers,

Eve

Thanks Karen, that's so thoughtful of you, I'm sure others will also appreciate this, & not just from the UK either....

Absolutely! I got a letter from Cancer Research UK (Charity that I give to monthly) to my old male identity, others are from DIY / trade suppliers who are the worst for it. I'm lucky so far I haven't received any incorrectly addressed mail from Goverrnment depts, ughhh don't want them in any address format!.

But the reverse is true with the NHS, they've started sending me appointments for smear tests and breast screening....................you just can't win !

Cheers,

Eve 

Well if they do I'll post the link on my FB and Twitter accounts.......

Steph, follow the link that Karen provided in her entry, and then click on Contact us - top right of the screen. A multi-tier request from all trans people world-wide would be even better............perhaps we should request Google to look at it..................

I have e-mailed US Trans equality, and suggested that they spread their wings a little further, I can only suggest that if others also share this point of view that they do the same.

Such a shame it's only US, with no international options...............

Thanks Christie, as said to Karen it maeans a hell of a lot to me, thanks for saying so.

Well I'm not sure if I like the original blog entry or the after dialogue the best LoL! Fishing lures indeed! is it the vibration that attracts them ! And the thought of Kave girl Karen in cave cooking fish on a stick over an open fire with dishevelled hair, dirty face in a tank top and thong is highly amusing!

With regard to libido I fully understand Karens blog, I just want my GRS all the more, I already have a much different libido than was the case before HRT.

Thanks Steph, we've had quite a few messages with one another.........

Thanks Karen your message means a hell of a lot to me, thanks.

Thanks Christie.

You're showing true determination Christie! Well-done girl. Please, provide a link to the head band that you mention, it seems worthwhile investigating.

Cheers,

Eve