Chrissy

You look amazing! And happy 

I should add to my entry that I do consider my appointment with the doctor to be a very preliminary step.  I've done a lot of research on it, but I'd like to hear what a doctor says directly, and also perhaps do the preliminary blood work to make sure it's even possible (I don't see any reason why it wouldn't, but who knows).

Just a quick update - I just made an appointment with the endocrinologist on June 20 - yay!!!!!!!!!!  (I was a little frustrated that it's so far off, then I realized it's only 3 weeks)

Emma, There would actually be something of a loop for me to write about dealing with my fears and doubts since so much of it is reading other people's blogs here  

Eve, Finasteride I think is fairly commonly prescribed here for both prostate problems and hair loss.  My dr prescribed the 5 mg version, saying that he does that and then people cut them in half or quarters, it's cheaper that way.

[I originally posted this under the duplicate entry of this blog post, wanted to move it over here ]

Eve,

I'm so glad you shared this!  I've felt very similar to you about this, and it's what fuels what remains of my doubts.  I especially like that you talked about testosterone ravaging your body!  I remember when I started to have body hair it truly grossed me out (honestly, even writing that phrase right now made me feel a little ill).  I've worked very hard to get rid of most of it (waxing, then laser, now electrolysis for my face).

It wasn't until I started cross-dressing a couple of years ago (thinking at first that it was a fetish) that I started to realize who I really am inside, and that my outside wasn't matching.

xoxo

Christie

Got it 

Our stories all will be very different, as has been pointed out our individual backgrounds will play out so much.  I know that when I've read many of the stories from people who knew as a child that they were born into the wrong body there is often a story or stories about harsh reactions when they displayed their correct gender.  In my case, my parents were, how do I put this nicely, ambivalent.  As a very young child my best friend was a girl who lived down the street, we played as girls typically would.  If my parents even realized that (they probably didn't) they wouldn't have reacted harshly.  I think it's often the harsh responses that imprint the memory, without it you might bury the memory more.

Their ambivalence could have been good, in that it might have left me free to explore who I was, but it didn't work that way.  They also didn't do anything to make me feel any sense of self-esteem so as soon as I came into contact with other social forces (elementary school) I crumbled and while I didn't do much to fit into a typically male mode I also stayed away from anything female (and thus spend many days after school at home watching TV).

I think men's pants technically come in odd sizes, but mostly even?

I'm wondering from the title of this entry if you drink Coke Zero?  I have read that even diet soda can hamper dieting efforts, possibly even worse than regular soda.  I was hugely addicted to soda (mainly diet pepsi) and I gave it up completely about a month ago.  I think it's had a positive impact on my own dieting efforts.

Thank you for this!  I think you have used that quote before, but I'm glad you said it again, it really is a great mantra!

I also noticed today that when I think about being "male" again it's always "going back," which means thinking as a female is becoming my norm  

Karen,

I'm so happy for you!  You sound very much at peace, which must be a wonderful place to be.

Xoxoxoxo

christie

I was actually thinking that she might have been overly cautious, I wanted to look into it some more.  I really don't want to do drag without foundation 

Monica,

I agree sooo much with that!  I was very happy to finally find a TG support group in the city, I'll be going to that in a couple of weeks (they meet the 1st Wednesday of each month).  TG Guide has been wonderful and indispensable, but I know that being face-to-face with other trans people will be so very nice.

And I do think that communities based on technology sometimes get overrated.  Especially when it's based on "liking" facebook posts, and "re-tweeting."  Those are easy.  At least with TG Guide we have more extensive and meaningful discussions  

xoxo

Christie

Oh my, I'll admit I didn't remember about Electra Woman, but when I googled it I did recall the show.  Not a bad choice 

So glad that your recovery seems to be going so well!

I hadn't thought about the implications for sleeping before.  I can imagine it's an adjustment even after the recovery from surgery is done.  I sleep on my side and there would suddenly be a new weight pulling down.

Still, I can't wait 

I like the idea of "no male brain left," that is a way of thinking about this that hadn't occurred to me.

A couple of months ago when I was discussing my transition with one of my supervisors she said she thought that I was talking about going to work wearing skirts.  At that time I said no, I was going for female, but not that far yet.  But now I feel like just a few weeks in the idea of wearing a skirt to work isn't that far off.  I think that might happen after I see sufficient results from the electrolysis that I'm starting tomorrow (I don't want to have 5 o'clock shadow while wearing a skirt)

Best of luck!  I look forward to hearing how it goes

xoxo

Christie

My fantasies were more about Charlie's Angels - my dream was being Jaclyn Smith.  I think she was the most elegantly glamorous 

Thanks for this information!  The GRS is clearly my big concern, but at $30,000 I could probably find a way to do it if it comes to that.

I assume you had to travel for it?  Living in NYC I probably wouldn't have to, so at least I wouldn't have the hotel costs.

As far as clothing, I'm pretty well along on that 

Warren,

It's nice to see you blogging again, and I'm so happy that you're feeling more stable!  And happy early birthday!!!

xoxo

Christie

Last week when I had to proctor an exam I found myself for a few minutes just looking around at everyone and thinking, "what is the difference in appearance between the men and women in the room?"  The only "universal" (not totally, but generally) was that women seem "smoother" or less rough.  So that's when i decided electrolysis for my face is necessary, the 5 o'clock shadow has to go 

Thanks for this feedback!  One thing I'm trying to do is get as good an estimate as possible about the costs, that would make it much easier to see how I can work it.  But I do know that financially I can probably do it.  There's definitely fat in my budget (breakfast was also one that I recently worked on - i used to get breakfast out every day, now I have a couple of boxes of cereal in my office that i eat when i get here).

I also just took my next step - I emailed my closest friends to say that I'm now going by Christie 

Karen,

Thank you for this wonderful post!  I had seen the chart before, you may have put it in a reply to one of my earlier blog entries - I'm too lazy at the moment to go look .  As best as I can tell, I'm somewhere between Type V and Type VI (I think currently Type V, but increasing drifting over to Type VI).

Speaking as someone who is pre HRT and GRS I can definitely say that I understand the desire to rush into it, but I am very much trying to take my time (turning 49 in July doesn't make it easy for me to "take my time" about things).  There was a point when I would agree completely with the idea that trying to live as a woman for a year before doing anything made no sense, after all how can I just live as a woman like I am?  I need some help, at least hormones, right?

For me the revelation was about passing as female (I know there is much dissent about the idea of "passing" and I'd like to believe that I'm courageous enough to just present as I am without worrying about it, but I'm not there yet).  Back when i was cross-dressing (before "coming out" as TG), I thought that I still needed more work, like I wasn't sufficiently passing even when cross-dressed.  So when i started thinking about living full-time as a woman I thought I still had far to go.  But recently, since I've been doing smaller things, I realized that i'm much closer than I thought.  When cross-dressing I was not trying for natural, now that I'm trying to go more natural, i see that it kind of works.  I'm not totally there yet, but pretty close.

xoxo

Christie

Unfortunately Jersey City is not in the path!

that's such a nice thing you're doing for her

Eve,

I love hearing people's stories of what happens post-transition!  I know that everyone responds differently, but it's nice to see the possibilities.

As far as the sense of color and dress coordination I'd suspect that's more practice than hormones     I know that, for example, a year ago I could have told you that fuchsia is a color, but (1) I wouldn't have know what color it was, (2) I wouldn't know that it works really well with teal, and (3) I wouldn't know that fuchsia and teal would become one of my favorite color combinations!

xoxo

Christie

I just did a quick search of "electrolysis vs tattoo pain" and it seems the consensus is that tattoos hurt more, which is encouraging.  I have 4 tattoos, they certainly hurt, but not enough to stop after 1 :-)