MichelleLea

Thanks for your comments. I will keep pushing boundaries now. It feels right.

It has been a while since I have been here, so I need to bring this blog up-to-date. I think I was in the process of selling my house when I last wrote. We went to closing on October 2, so that is a done deal. In the meanwhile, I bought an older mobile home in a 55+ senior park and am completing my second month here. At this writing, all is going well, and I am happy with my decisions. The park is safe and quiet. Well, I am somewhat near the railroad tracks, but I have gotten used to the trains. The bed does rumble a little when the trains go by, but it's like having a vibrating bed, and I have gotten used to it. The neighbours are nice, and pretty much keep to themselves which I appreciate being somewhat of a recluse. I actually feel more comfortable wearing more feminine clothing in my early morning outings with my puppies. I do run into an occasional fellow dog walker, but it's dark and early and nobody seems to mind at that hour. So, this brings me to my news for the day. As I may have mentioned, I have been a secret cross-dresser, transgender sissy for all my life. During this past year since my wife died, I have been able to express myself more fully at home which has been good, but I still present male to the outside world. That will probably be the case for the foreseeable future as I would have a hard time at t his point working as a female. I'm just not ready. But, I do have some female friends from my previous work at PACE Center for Girls. I had lunch with two of them last year, and today, we met again for lunch. I made up my mind, that I would let them know that I had a feminine side and was transgender. I was somewhat nervous and apprehensive about doing it, but I needed to be open and honest with them about my true self. As it turned out, they were very accepting and sympathetic, and I felt so relieved to finally open up to the outside world. We hope to meet again soon as we all had a good time. Next time, I will officially be one of the "girls." Maybe even do a little dressing. They already want to call me Michelle. What fun!

After a lengthy hiatus, I'm back. My move into my 55+ mobile home park went well, and after being here for almost a month, it appears that my new living arrangement will work out fine. The neighbours are very quiet and keep to themselves. for the most part--I have a mentally disturbed lady living next to me who is a challenge on occasion, but more on that at another time. I have met several other residents when I am out walking my dogs, and again, they are friendly but not overly so. This is fine with me because I am more or less a recluse by nature. I like people, but I am fine being on my own. It has been a hectic couple of months what with selling the house and moving, and, oh yeah, work, so I haven't had much time to indulge my girly side. That is changing starting today. I have finally had some time to start going through all my dresser drawers and arranging and organizing them. I am finding all my feminine goodies along the way. it is a lot of fun--like Christmas. After a lifetime of semi-denial, I am admitting to myself that I am a sissy at heart. It is just who I am. I would have been happy with a dominant woman but through several wives and girlfriends either one of the other of us understood what it was all about. I am still learning myself. Anyway, it's helpful at this point to have a place to communicate my feelings to an empathetic audience. I will write more as the day progresses. It's pretty early in Florida right now.

I am slowly finding all my things, and I am able to get dressed up for the first time in a while. It feels good. The neighbourhood is quiet. My life is pretty much the same--just a different locale. I think this will work.

After all these weeks and months, I finally made the move. My house actually was under contract by the end of August, and, as I wrote before, I found a mobile home for the princely sum of $15,000. I put $5,000 down to take possession and started moving in during September. I made the final move on October 1. The closing was October 2, and the money was in the bank--big sigh of relief. I have spent the past week unpacking an making a home for myself. So far, I couldn't be happier. I didn't realize how much I needed to make a break from the past and be my own man/woman. The mobile home park is a 55+ and quiet. I met one neighbor a couple of days ago when she came over to offer me dinner--I begged off. Her boyfriend is back now, so maybe I'm off the hook for now. I can't exactly parade around in my finery, at least not as yet. It's pretty quiet at 5 in the morning when I walk the dogs. I will get braver. Right now, I just feel good, and that's all that matters. Hope everyone is doing well. Hugs and Kisses.

Thanks again for all your support. The mobile home I bought is a single-wide built in 1973, so it is not new. The appliances are fairly new, however, and all in all, I think it will work. I'm just going to have to see how it goes. I had my pest control guy come over last Saturday to give the place a going-over before I move my stuff in just to be on the safe side. He has been doing my current house for several years, and he thought I had made a good choice. I appreciated his feedback. In the meanwhile, I am on a roll with AFLAC. I opened another account today with my District Coordinator which makes four that I've opened in the last two weeks. This is getting to be fun. Who knows what will happen next? Maybe I'll eventually get to move into an LBGT-friendly park.

This is yet another instalment in the continuing saga of Michelle Lea. As those of you who have been following along may know, I sold my house. It is now under contract with a closing date of October 2. I have had to jump through a few hoops in the matter of repairs to get the deal done, but now it looks like everything is on track--although my realtor tells me that it's not over until the money is in the bank. Nevertheless, I took the plunge, and last week I purchased a mobile home for the princely sum of $15,000. I was going to rent, but I wasn't finding anything that I was willing to afford, and this seemed like just what I was looking for at this point. My primary objective is to cut my overhead so that I can add to savings instead of taking out of savings to live. I will still have some monthly payments in the form of a lot fee, but it is $686, and I think I can swing that. It's cheap living for sure. Now we'll see how I like living in a 55+ community. Hopefully, my neighbours--I have a British spell check-- keep mostly to themselves. If it is awful, I can always sell or rent it and move on, but I think it will be fine. When I say, "leap of faith," what I mean is that I put $5000 down so that I can start moving my stuff during the month of September, and be totally moved in by the end of September. I will pay the balance with the proceeds of the sale of my house. That is the plan. We'll hope for the best.

My house is sold—sort of. I have a contract, but the lady—a judge—could back out over the inspection report which found some evidence of termites and roof leaks. I have not seen the final report yet, but it seems the repairs will come to around $3500. It could be worse. I have already sunk 3200 into remodelling the bathroom and fixing the damage to my patio. Anyway, you do what you have to do. I think it will go through. The closing date is October 2 which is good for me as it will give me time to find a place to live and get packed and ready to go. I have seen some manufactured homes for sale that are pretty inexpensive, but I am still being advised to rent at this point. I will see what I can do. So, that’s what’s happening on that front. I am still plugging away at AFLAC and opening little accounts—one last week and it looks good for one this week. I am waiting until I get moved to make any big decisions about new employment. I would like AFLAC to work, but I have to be realistic as well. We’ll see. My step-daughter arrives next Thursday to help me get packed. I’m going to give her a lot of her mom’s things, so we’ll get that ready to ship. I am packing away my feminine things while she is here—only three days—so no big hardship. I don’t want to deal with that issue now—or ever maybe. All in all, I seem to be holding my own. The adventure continues. For sure.

Thanks. Will do.

We had two showings on the house yesterday, and the feedback was very positive. One party is still debating over my house and another one. At this point, I hope they pick the other one. There are still some finishing touches to be done, and my guy is starting tomorrow with them. It will also help us pass inspection when that time comes. Besides, I am not quite ready to move, although that is rapidly becoming out of my hands. I did talk to Ricki Barr who was introduced to me by Monica. She felt that I should definitely seek some financial advice when the house does sell so that I make the best use of the money and avoid tax issues. Not a bad idea at all. We could have chatted all night, but I am in somewhat of a time crunch and had things that needed doing. I started writing down the addresses of places I find on the internet, and as I'm out and about, I am going to check them out. They look good in the ads, but I have to see what the neighbourhood is like. I want to live where I don't have to fear for my life. I am pretty much of a recluse, so I don't think I'll have to worry too much about my future neighbours (my grammar/spelling checker must be British)--as long as they mind their own business. My stepdaughter, Jilly, is coming for a visit on the 24th to help me pack. I am giving a lot of dishes and knickknacks to her, and it will be helpful to have her here to select what she wants. What I don't keep or give to the kids is being donated or thrown. I am trying to purge. I have to pack all my feminine things before she gets here, though. She's pretty conservative, and I don't want the hassle. I feel it's best kept a secret for now. Later.

I need to get better at picking up buying signals and running with them. With the two recent accounts I just opened, I did just that right on the spot. I'm not as fast on my feet as I should be at times. You're right to make it more of a game and have fun with it. I can relate to people, so I'll just keep practising.

Yes, definitely renting.

This has become my go-to place for help and advice to navigate through this thing called life--I suppose that was what this site was designed to do for folk such as we are. I did look at one mobile home park today while out working. It was pretty nice actually--well kept and quiet and orderly. The sales lady was also very nice. No rentals at this point and only one for sale--a 3/2 1040 sq ft home for 64,900. It looked like what would work for me and my two toy poodles. Since I'm still pretty discreet in my dressing, it could work for the time being while I continue to work locally. Eventually, it would be great to be in a more friendly LGBT community, so the Tampa Bay area is not out of the question. I'm just getting started, so we'll see how she goes. BTW, I opened another account today, and it looks like this one will fly. It was a confidence booster and made me feel good that I haven't lost my touch. Later. Hugs.

Thanks as always for your comments. I am a hotshot at making appointments, but like we've discussed a while back, it's the quality of the appointments that make a difference. I am spending more time up front to make sure we have some quality. It's been hard to get the employees to buy in when they have to pay for it themselves. My coordinator and I are working to make sure I have better enrollment conditions and more chance to actually sell policies. I've done it before; I can do it again. In the meanwhile, I have been gradually assuming the role of Coordinator-in-Training, and we'll probably make it official in the next month. Since I'm already training new recruits, I might as well get paid for it. I'll keep you posted on how my move goes. I'm starting to purge--what a job! Hard to know what to keep, but If I haven't used it or worn it for a long time, it should probably go.

It's been one year since my wife died--yesterday to be exact. It has certainly been a year of adjustment for me. I have had to deal with loss for sure, but it has also allowed me to come out and express myself and to be more honest about who and what I am. That has been very liberating, and the friends I have made on this site have been there with me with their sage advice and wisdom. It is much appreciated. Now today, I have made another big step in listing my house for sale. Initially, I had been hoping to keep it a while longer, but unfortunately, my income from AFLAC has not been enough to meet my expenses, and I need to downsize. Frankly, I don't need this big a house--not that it's that big--but it has a fair size yard, and all my free time seems to be spent maintaining it. I still have a little left in savings, and I want to get out while I still have a cushion. I plan to rent a mobile home locally for a while to see how that goes and how I like it. I can move anywhere now, but would kind of like to stay in Florida. Anyway, I'll keep writing about the experience--I have a lot of stuff to get rid of for starters.

After what seemed like a forever dry spell, I finally opened another account today and wrote some business. I had just come from a promising sales presentation with one company and thought I'd check up on an employer who had put me off the last time since she just didn't have the time. Today she was ready and we just did it. I wasn't expecting that, but I'll take it. I have been seriously considering doing something else, but I really would like this to work. I have some more promising things coming up. We'll see. Eventually, I will downsize, but I'm not ready yet if I can help it. I like my privacy and being able to do pretty much what I want--not that I do much. Just me and my puppies.

Thanks, Monica. I brought my jacket today. I'll keep it in the car. LOL.

I've been sick this past couple of days--since Monday actually. Our training room at work has an ac vent that blows right down your neck, and I didn't have a jacket to ward off the chill. Funny to move from Minnesota to Florida to get out of the cold, only to freeze in air conditioning. Not sure that was the cause. Anyway, it started as a nasty cold Monday afternoon. I should have stayed home on Tuesday, but we have a new recruit that I was scheduled to train, so I did spend a couple hour with her. She even felt sorry for me and bought me some deli chicken soup to take home. The soup was good by no cure. I think it's flu since I have achy bones and am running a `100-degree temp. I've read several times what the difference is, but I don't remember. I did get my flu shot, but they are not 100% effective. Note: I began this on Thursday and my computer decided to do its own thing, so I'm back again on Friday. For some reason, I didn't lose what I had written. Anyway, after sleeping my way through most of the week, I am back at it again. I'm not totally out of the woods, but I definitely feel better--more myself. Maybe Emma was right in that I needed a break, and I was going to get one whether I wanted to or not. Fortunately, my week was light. I did some follow-up today, and should, be ready for next week. I am reading John Connolly's Every Dead Thing. I've read it before a long time ago. It's a somewhat grim tale but well-written. It's good to be reading fiction again. I like to keep up on the news, but most of it is so depressing. Hopefully, this country can be saved. My opinion.

Thanks as usual Emma. Rich's wife seems to have turned the corner. Still in ICU but breathing on her own and starting to eat. Now I have a cold. Always something.

I had a long chat with Rich, my District Coordinator, this morning over iced-coffee at a Dunkin Donuts in Coconut Creek. It was across the street from the Hyundai dealership where he was having his car serviced for a brake alarm light. We haven’t had the chance to sit down and talk for quite a while due to both of our busy schedules. We hashed out my possible promotion to CIT (Coordinator-in-Training), and in the end we both concluded that now was not the time—if ever. Rich felt—and I totally agreed—that it was more important for me to be selfish right now and make some real money. So, I will be taking more time to do my own prospecting and less time training other agents; however, complications have already arisen. Rich’s wife, Robin, is in the hospital battling a urinary tract infection because of her recent major surgery. Reading between the lines, she is not doing well. I have a bad feeling that she might not make it. Rich is a real man’s man who married late. He also is very emotional and cries readily—something I am unable to do. As his right-hand man, I will continue to fill in and help as best I can. Some things are more important than money. I will be okay. I hope Rich will.

So, while it's been a while since I've opened any accounts and made any money, it seems that I am continuing to be groomed for a management position. I was invited to a higher level training at our market office this afternoon which was attended by veteran agents and managers for the most part. My regional manager also wants me to start attending monthly leadership training. This is all well and good, but as I think I mentioned before, my district manager (and I) are most concerned with my livelihood. His wife is back in the hospital with a urinary tract infection from her recent surgery, so I have had to help out. Maybe it's called paying it forward. Anyway, I am still due to have coffee with him on Saturday. We'll see what he says. And in the meanwhile, I have painted my toenails a kind of dusty rose. I think I still like deep red better, but this isn't bad.

I think it was Adele Davis. I read her book a long time ago. Her nutritional advice has been greatly superceded since then.

Not sure I have the Spanish spelling right. I saw the sign on a vendor's cart in a Mexican market, and it stuck with me. Much effort, and little gain. All of our team seems to like working with me. My district manager's wife has been pretty sick, so I have been helping him out with the training, but I feel like I'm getting spread pretty thin. I am having coffee with him this Saturday. He wants me to succeed so maybe we can sort this out. Otherwise, I'm free floating. Not sure I'm ready for a relationship yet. I'm in no hurry or in any great need at this point. "When the right one comes along..."

Who said: We are what we eat?

My life as an AFLAC agent has been a struggle lately. I am still closing accounts, but they are small ones and don't amount to much. So, I have started to look at other employment opportunities. I don't need to make a lot which is a good thing. I am going to be talking to my District manager soon and see if he has any ideas. I had planned to stay in the house a while longer, but I could always sell it and move into something more affordable--like a trailer. I can't bear the thought of giving up my two poodles so I don't think an apartment would work. I wonder if there are mobile home parks for trans people. I have thought that it would be so cool to have a little community where we could all just be ourselves without society judging us. Maybe I could find a trans woman to share with. Who knows? We'll see what I can do in the coming month. Maybe make some money.