MichelleLea

Jess, My nails were my wife's and were meant for a smaller hand than mine. They were the stick on kind and held up well except when doing heavy housework. Also, they made my nails a little sore for some reason. Still loved the look, though. Anxious to hear of your experience. I am going to look for a larger size in different colors.

My New Year's resolution is to get my butt to the groups. I am doing fine this year, so don't worry. I put on some press-on French nails. Love them. I feel more feminine with them on and am even learning to type with them. Now I want some more in different colors. i am going to hate to take them off for work. Ugh!

It is what it is, and we are who we are. For me, also in the closet, for the most part, I get away with what I can without drawing too much attention to myself. But I've always done that anyway--I'm not exactly what you would call flamboyant. It's not the same. but I didn't think weed would become so open and accepted in my lifetime. Emma is right, though; the genie is out of the bottle. Progress does not go in a straight line--pun intended.

I'm sure we'll all have a lot more to add after the holidays. Looking forward to it.

I don’t know what it is. Could be the season, Christmas and all. Maybe I feel the need for presents. I did get a couple of gift cards which I will put to good use, but there were a few things that I wanted. So, while I was doing my weekly grocery shopping at Walmart, I took a spin through the Ladies section. I have some things that a belt would go nicely with. Along the way, I came across a cami that I could use. Price wasn’t bad, and I found one in my size. Next, I spied some leggings and ended up buying a couple of pair—one velour. I almost bought three—can’t have too many leggings, and it is winter, you know, even here in sunny Florida. I finally did find the belts and saw a set of three that looked nice, but I couldn’t find large size. So, I was pawing my way through the display, when a nice black lady asked if I could use help and tried to steer me to the men’s section. I told her that no, I wanted a lady’s belt, so she worked her way through the belts and finally found a large set. I thanked her for being so helpful and was on my way. I was happy with my personal gifts to myself and wore a set of leggings and the camisole all day. One other note about Christmas. One of my lady friends with whom I used to work at PACE Center for Girls sent me a nice Christmas card and used “Michelle” as her greeting. That made me feel good. She is very thoughtful that way. Hope everyone has a great holiday. I seem to be having a good one all on my own.

Great thoughts and comments all of you. It appears that most of us have had our experiences being bullied, and, shamefully in my case, being a bully at times myself. It is never acceptable and does lasting harm. In the Broward District schools and at PACE Center for Girls where I worked for many years, we had a zero-tolerance policy. We took any bullying behavior very seriously. Sadly, it persists, and our current political climate is not helping. We will continue the fight.

As I have written earlier, I had my first sewing class yesterday at Cynthia's Fine Fabrics in Margate, Florida. My late wife bought her machine there a few years ago, and introductory classes are free to machine owners. It was a small gathering--only myself and three other ladies, all quilters. I sat across from a snowbird from New Jersey, who had just purchased a pretty fancy BabyLock sewing machine. She asked me what I sew, and I told her that I wanted to learn women's fashion sewing. She didn't pursue it any further and was cordial and friendly for the remainder of the class. I really needed this class as it covered a lot of machine basics as well as some beginning sewing techniques. The new machines are pretty advanced and do more and more of the work for you. It's good to know what they are capable of. Cynthia feels that I could benefit from taking the course over before moving on to the next level and I agree. We have a homework assignment to practice our machine stitches. It was fun, and I'm anxious to keep going. I have so many fun things in my head to make when I develop some proficiency, like jumpsuits and rompers, as well as dresses and tops and pants. It will be nice to make things that fit my body type. I will be better at altering the ladies' clothing that I already have too. I'll keep everyone up to date.

I'll have more to talk about after Saturday when I go to my first sewing class. I really think that I need to let Cynthia the owner and instructor know that I want to learn how to sew ladies clothing that will fit my male body. If she doesn't think that will work, there is always YouTube. I just don't want to have to keep explaining myself and making up stories. I want this to be fun, and if it's not, well, I'm outta here.

May I add my welcome. As the above comments indicate, this is a warm and supportive place. I'm glad you found it.

First night. Great. Love it. Gives me the back support I've been missing. My last mattress.

Believe me, I do it in a pinch. LOL

I used to wonder why my wife would take the time and trouble to iron pillow cases and sheets. Sure, they looked nice when folded in the closet and when first put on the bed. But in two seconds, they would be wrinkled again, and no one would know. But yesterday, I bought a new mattress and today it is being delivered, so I had to strip my old bed to get ready for the new one. Well. I might as well wash my sheets. I tried to use the wrinkle free setting on the dryer which seemed to work pretty well the last time I used it, but no so much this time. The sheets were pretty wrinkly. Not good. I decided it was time that maybe I ironed the sheets. As I did, several thoughts occurred to me. First of all, this was my wife’s “rice bowl” as it were. She had a very creased, tailored, button-down personality, and this was her way of expressing herself. It was her job to make sure that I left the house neat and sharp looking, and the household had to be the same. The second notion was that this was somewhat therapeutic, sort of like mowing the lawn. A sheet is a large expanse of fabric, but it is flat for the most part—contour sheets a little different—and pretty easy to do, unlike shirts which require more skill. I also found it to be very womanly and felt more feminine doing it for some reason. I enjoyed that. This is another step in my progression to live the last years of my life in an increasingly feminine fashion.

So, a while back I get this store credit from Ashley Furniture for $219. I think it was for a damaged sofa cushion that was long ago taken care of, but whatever. With a lot going on, I put it aside and almost forget about it. When I do look at it to see if it’s the real deal, it says that it expires on December 8, so if I’m going to use it, I better get busy. I could use a new area rug and maybe a runner. I don’t know where I got this in my head, but I was thinking it was for Rooms-to-Go, and I locate a store close to me. It’s a Friday afternoon, and RTG is in an area of town that I have never been. I figure I’ll check it out, and do a little more prospecting while I’m at it. It took a little doing—I drove right past it the first time—but I did find the store. I wanted to double check the credit letter before going in, and lo and behold, it said Ashley Furniture Home Store, not Rooms-to-Go! For dumb.! (Glad I didn’t go in.) It turns out that the nearest Ashley store is in Boca Raton. Well, that’s really not too far from me, and I was already out, so I decided to go for it. I get to the store and ask about runners—don’t have—and the rugs are on the floor. I think then that I could use a couple of new table lamps as mine seem to work intermittently despite my best efforts to replace the bulb sockets. After some looking, I find a modern looking lamp that I like and buy two of them. I go over my credit by $55, but what the hey. I figure I’ll pick them up in the morning as the warehouse is close to my dog groomer, and I have an appointment for the boys. When I get home, I try to find places to fit my new purchases and am not happy with what I am trying to figure out. When morning comes, I decide that it was not such a great deal after all, and I decide to cancel the whole thing. Not so easy. I did call and cancel, but since I combined the store credit with my credit card purchase, I had to go back to the store to get my credit card money back—not sure about this, but I went along. On the way to the store, I decided that if I am going to buy something, what I really need is a new mattress. This was way more than I had planned on spending, but it was something I did need—mine is over 25 years old, and I have been napping a lot lately. Maybe it was time. I got my same sales guy. I lay down on one mattress and thought it was okay. He said, not so fast. Take your time with a mattress purchase. Lie on each one for several minutes to let it adjust to your body. I must have spent at least 45 minutes doing just that, and I finally found a mattress that was in my price range that worked. It will be delivered tomorrow on Sunday of all things. I just got a text confirming the times. I am excited about getting a new bed. Oh, and I bought a pillow too. In for a penny, in for a pound. We’ll see if my sleep improves.

Thanks, Christy. I've been thinking lately that I need to get out some anyway. Either location is good for me.

Black Friday or Viernes Negro as they say here. Interesting day. Aren’t they all from here on in. I hadn’t planned on going out today. I did my second coat of Kilz II in the bathroom and front door. Then, I got to sewing or at least altering. I managed to get the machine working again and hemmed up one t-shirt. I also got halfway through a nightshirt that I am making into a dress when my thread got hung up in the machine. I tried to fix it myself and only ended up removing a button from the side of the machine which didn’t help. So, I didn’t want to damage the expensive Pfaff and did the best thing which was to take it to Cynthia’s for cleaning and repair. Cynthia was conducting a class, so she was unable to work with me, but another lady named Susan was more than helpful. She showed me several things about the machine and wrote up my ticket for cleaning. She actually got the thread out, and the button turned out to be a thread cutter on which she cut her finger. I casually mentioned that I needed to take a class myself, and on the way out she gave me the information. I also mentioned it to Cynthia who was enthusiastic about me joining. So, now it looks like I am going to take a sewing class which I desperately need. I just don’t know what I tell Cynthia and the other ladies. Why am I learning how to sew? Well, you see I am a transgender person and I want to make ladies’ clothing that will fit my male body. Duh! Not sure how that will fly. First class is on December 8. I’ll think of something.

Great comments all. For me, I am happy being who I am and wouldn't change it, except maybe to be more feminine. That is a good thing. I'm just glad that someone close to me knows. I don't plan on leaving the earth anytime soon, but I would hate to have my sister be shocked to find all my girly stuff after I'm gone. I owe at least that much to her. Being trans and non-conforming does have its challenges for sure.

I know what you mean about not hurting anyone. Should I be honest and true and shatter a friends illusion or not? I want to be authentic but not for selfish reasons--well, maybe. In my case, so far, so good.

Although I have shared my coming out over the past week, I wanted to write a little more about it here. It has been almost a year and a half since my wife died, and I became free to express my feminine side, albeit secretly. In the process, I have been able to share my evolution with the online community of sisters and have received much-needed support and encouragement along the way. Thank you. Recently, however, I have increasingly felt that I need to open up about my secret life to some of the people close to me. It began a week ago with lunch with my lady friends from my previous employment and continued yesterday when I opened up to my sister. Both instances were very positive and encouraging. I truly feel like a huge burden has been lifted off my shoulders, and I feel like a new person with a new life. I have no immediate plans to come out to any additional family members at this point. If they find out, that's okay. I'll deal with it. I don't have anything to hide, and I'm happy with who I am. The journey continues.

I saw my sister today and told her that I was trans. She was lovely. Lots of questions. Now she plans to find out more on her own. She told me that she always wanted a sister. Wasn't that sweet? Feeling good tonight.

I received two gift cards from my ultra conservative step-daughter and her boyfriend. I told her that I was going to buy some clothes that I needed--like a new pair of pants, a shirt, and a sweater. Well, I did--a pair of palazzo pants, a sweater dress, and a satin blouse. Close enough, don't you think?

Oops, I did it again? At 76, I'm really not sure how cute I am, but I liked how it felt. I can send a picture if you want. I think I mentioned that I am going to see my sister this Thursday, and my intention is to come out to her. It's time, whatever the consequences, but I am reasonably sure that she will be sympathetic. I will let you know.

I just bought a little school girl outfit on Amazon--plaid skirt and white blouse. It's very cute. I need some patent leather flats to go with it, don't you think?

I am into the 50's housewife look--knee-length skirts, polka-dot dresses, capri pants.

I have to look into that myself. I can always use another pair of leggings. LOL

It sounds like most of us have gone through purge cycles. I know I have and lost so many wonderful things that can never be replaced. I agree. NO More!