MichelleLea

This will be brief, but should all be celebrating today's LGBTQ anti-discrimination ruling by a very conservative Supreme Court. Who would have thought?

These are certainly the times that try men’s and women’s and all of us in between’s souls. I am fully supportive of Black Lives Matter, and I finally “get it.” I need to do more to help end 400 years of oppression and injustice against black people. Enough is enough! I have started a modest contribution to BLM. Of course, then we have our “fearless” leader ending protections for LGBQT folks. He has to go, and everyone better be voting for Biden even if it were discovered he was a crack head. No third-party distracting candidates like the last time. It is a little encouraging that he is thinking about what he will do it he loses. So, what have I been up to? I made friends with the lady at the Goodwill store where I bought a dress and a skirt. Even signed up for their rewards program. I will be back. I also bought a bra since I lost all mine in the move. It is cute, but I could have bought a size bigger. I am not that little. My hair continues to grow, and I really need to get to a stylist soon to give it some shape. I am thinking about highlights too. I think I can get away with it. I want to look good, and it would not hurt to be a little more noticeable. I am through with blending in—no fun! I am as good as I have ever been. I am getting my hours in at work and continuing to make friends there. I stay pretty busy. The weather has been gorgeous. The news is somewhat depressing, but I remain optimistic. We are Americans, right. We can make democracy work if we want to. Like Churchill said, “Americans do the right thing after they have tried everything else.” More to come….

Thanks as always, Monica. I am in a good place and at peace with myself. The best is yet to come.

I had dug myself in a financial whole and tried some debt relief programs that turned out to be unrealistic given my circumstances. So, I found a bankruptcy lawyer just down the street from me who had received favorable reviews. She agreed that bankruptcy was my best option. Her fees were not unreasonable, and I started the long and convoluted process. It took a couple of months to raise the money to pay for it and to complete the required financial management courses. I had hearing scheduled for March 17, but the COVID-19 lockdown intervened. I finally did complete it telephonically May 1. In the meanwhile, I continued to establish myself as a citizen of Indiana. I stopped doing Door Dash after I had a late-night single car crash—no injuries. I am able to make ends meet and put a little aside now with my social security and work at Meijer. Although I lost most of my worldly belongings and miss some things, I am in good shape overall. I am replacing a few things as I can. I seem to be getting along fine. My dogs could use a visit to the groomer, but I have been doing my on grooming until then. We are all healthy and have established a routine that works for us. The pandemic has really not affected me that much as I live a hermit’s existence for the most part, although this is changing. I have made some friends with my co-workers at Meijer and have spent some time with one young guy outside of work. I have also made friends with a neighbor in my building, a 78-year-old musician who gave me some weed. It has been at least 30 years since I smoked any. Quite a trip. I like it late at night after all my chores are done for the day. I find that I am more honest with myself, both the bad and the good, and I have had more than a few good laughs at my own foibles. I am writing more, reading more, and started drawing again. I feel that I am in a good place. Little by little my place is coming together. I have started growing my hair out a little and plan on finding a stylist to give me an androgynous look that will be more feminine but still be acceptable at work. This is a conservative area for sure, but I still want to come out more. I am not getting any younger, and I want to be me. As the Kinks sing, “I’m not like everybody else.” I have spent my life trying to blend in. Now I want to stand out a little. I am thinking getting some highlights when I can afford it, and the salons are open again. So, that is my story up to now. I deal with things as they come and keep looking forward. I make sure every day is a good day. I will do my best to keep you up to date and be part of the TG community again.

BTW, I enjoyed your writing. Keep it up.

I am coming late to this conversation, but I can add my perspective from the other side of the aisle. I work at Meijer, a regional grocery super center like Walmart but a little more upscale,as a greeter. I remember it started the day after the World Health Organization (WHO) declared the spread of the novel coronavirus, as it was then called, a pandemic. It was a bit overwhelming to see the hoards of bewildered people such as yourself coming up empty-handed. That first day, I think it was a Wednesday or Thursday, my team leader came to me around 6:00 to tell me that the store's quota for the day was $80,000, and the store was already at $160,000. There were no small shopping carts. They were all piled high and deep. I must say though that people by and large were pretty decent. It was definitely an experience and still is. We had a dedicated team member sanitizing carts for a while. Lately, however it is just another part of the greeter's job as well as counting heads so that we stay under the maximum allowed. (we have a very generous allowance. We will never come close on the busiest of days). And we are supposed to help stop thieves from robbing us blind, and of course greet customers. I have to say though that I really like the job and am happy to be able to have a job. But i am a shopper too and I feel your pain.

Part of the deal with Reach Veterans Services was that I seek gainful employment, so that I would become independent again. I had been making food deliveries with Postmates and Door Dash since I hit the road, but now I needed something steadier. I was referred to the local veterans employment specialist and he gave me some ideas. Then someone told me to apply at Meijer (a regional mega grocery store like Walmart) or I got an email about it—I do not know. There was an opening for a greeter, I applied online, and was called in for an interview. I was offered the job at $11.15 an hour for a 25-hour week through the coming Holiday season. After that, who knows? I accepted. I continued to do Door Dash to make extra money to pay my bills and living expenses. I do not see well at night to drive, but I kept pushing myself later and later well after dark because that is when it is busy. In the meanwhile, Gunny continued his push to get me into an apartment. This required that I get letter from a medical professional attesting that I needed my two poodles for emotional support so that I could have them in my apartment. The nurse practitioner was unable to justify it from a physical standpoint, but the psychologist was sympathetic and understanding and gave me my letter. Frankly, I think it is the dogs who need emotional support, but that is only my opinion. I started my job and moved into my own apartment on November 15, 2019. I was more than ready to have my own place again. The rent was reasonable, and the apartment, though spare, was adequate for my needs. My bills and credit card debt were crushing though, so I sought out a debt relief program. (more later)

Thanks Monica, I can always count on you--me, not so much. I am doing well despite my Calamity Jane lifestyle. I will add to the story by and by. ❤️

I am not religious, but I think the Bible says something about having to lose it all to find it. That about sums it up for me. I took off chasing fantasy relationships and get-rich-quick schemes—I know, I know, I should know better, right?—and lost virtually everything I owned and then some. So, I find myself in Terre Haute, Indiana, of all places and liking it—loving it might be too strong. I have been here since the end of August, and through continued folly, I reached the end of my finances at the end of September. Being a veteran, I turned to their services first. The admitting clerk was a retired Marine gunnery sergeant, nicest guy ever, who took me under his wing and set up a plan for me. The fact that I had my two toy poodles with me was a little bit of a glitch at this point, but he got me in one of the apartments for homeless vets with a young guy named Herman, Army, I do not know the rank, but not far up. I had my own small room for the dogs and me and it worked fine. I was so happy to have a roof over my head and be in a safe place. I had only a cot to sleep on—that was an experience—but I had brought enough blankets that I made it work until I could get my own apartment. While this was going on, I am still talking to my online Mistress/girlfriend who I had been warned time and again was bogus. Gunny said the same thing, but I persisted in believing in her. No fool like an old fool. I had no more money to send, and Gunny would not be so nice if I were to send her any more money. But I was involved in a scheme with her “cousin” who purportedly worked for Sprint. It worked as long as cousin Penny was paying my phone bill. In the end, it was another scam, and I was left holding the bag. Gunny was pressing me in the meanwhile to make some decisions, and I opted to take a one-bedroom apartment just down the hall from my current room. It would be so nice to have my own place again. Herman was okay but rather taciturn. He had a pregnant wife who would visit the apartment on occasion. I remember that he would burn the eggs when he fried them. Stunk up the apartment. I would also be able to have my wine with dinner. No drinking or drugs allowed in the homeless apartment—too many vets with substance issues. (to be continued)

Thanks for your sage wisdom as always. Yes. I am aware of the dangers and am not even sure at this point if it will work out. At the same token, I am ready for a change and am heading west. I have a son not that far away in California, and yes, if I do settle in Eugene as I plan, we will get together.

This is going to be a fluid blog as my plans seem to be updated on a daily basis. My lady friend has resumed contact in earnest. and she now expects to fly to Miami on or before July 17 so that we can drive together to he home in Eugene, OR. I am using PODS for moving and storage, and I am scheduled to be completely packed up on Saturday, July 13. I don't have to be out of my place until July 15, and I may just camp out here until then or go stay with my old neighbors in Sunrise. I have my own doctor's appointment and vet appointments for my puppies to work into this schedule, but it looks like it will work. I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself with the packing, so that I don't pack something I need right now. It's really getting down to the wire. I am also wrapping up my business with Aflac. My district coordinator and I have become good friends, and I know he will miss me. I have no doubt that he will keep my updated on the latest drama in the office. I will attend one last Monday Morning Meeting tomorrow, and be handing over my accounts to another agent. I'm not sure I will be doing anymore Aflac for a while anyway. I appreciate all the support you all have given me, and I will let you know more as the week progresses.

Thanks, as always, Monica. You are a champion.

Hello everyone, It has been a long time since I have been here. I have been engaged in an on-again/off-again online relationship with a Mistress for the past several months. The plan has been for me to move in with her, but several incidents have prevented this from happening. It appeared that this would be the week we finally got together in person, but now I'm not sure that is a reality. I have sold my trailer in anticipation of the move and will be on the road next Saturday--to where, I'm not sure. All my stuff, which could easily furnish a two-bedroom apartment or small home, is going into storage with PODS. I am going to be traveling with my two toy poodles and plan to visit family members to start with, but being close to family is not an ideal situation for me. I have been living like a semi-recluse since my wife died, and I am ready to be more social within the trans community. I am open to any suggestions from fellow bloggers. Is there such a thing as house that several trans folk could live together and share expenses and take care of one another? I'll update things as I go. Thanks.

My crossdressing pretty much ended any intimacy my wife and I had. She too thought that it could be gotten rid of through therapy and also confused it with being gay. She became petty closed-minded and then had too much invested in her way of thinking to change. As I have read, "conversion therapy" is very psychologically damaging. Even with all the difficulties, I am happy to be who I am and finally being able to be true to myself as you al are.

Let me just add, anunitu, that you bring another dimension to this blog. You are certainly more prolific than many of us-- I speak for myself. Maybe that springs from isolation, Emily Dickinson comes to mind. BTW, in case I missed it, what part of the world do you live in?

wow! you write beautifully. I also have had periods of my life where my dreams at night were the best part of my day--the most interesting anyway. At 76, I am feeling more at peace, or maybe I just have a "whatever" attitude. So far, I am in reasonably good health which helps. I am on the verge of exploring some new avenues in my life. More on that later. In the meanwhile, I will try to visit this site more often and post my thoughts as you are. All the best.

Wow! Jess. You are making great strides. It all sounds so exciting, and it also sounds like you are in a good place with good providers. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.

All good comments. It does take some practice to do it yourself for sure. I think it's worth it. I love my painted toenails.

Christy, I think you are right on. "Being me" is the lifelong goal. As Renee Reyes put it, someone will always be prettier, faster, richer, smarter, or whatever. We only need to be our best selves. And, as you said, we can use envy to our advantage to emulate the qualities that we admire. As for me, I don't "present." I wear the clothes I feel comfortable in and often they are quite feminine. I like the look and feel. So there!

Good point, Monica. Although I am all woman, my body is what it is. I don't need to say anymore.

A while back, I ordered a pair of ladies' palazzo pants from Amazon, and, as you may know, they ask for a review. I sent them a favorable one since I like the pants. They look, fit, and feel great. Then a few days ago, a lady Amazon customer writes to ask me if the inseam would work for her "curvy 5"10" figure." So, I dutifully measured the inseam and sent her the measurements along with the comment that I thought the pants would work fine for her. I did have to add that they work for my 6' non-curvy male body. Now she has written back to tell me that my comments were helpful. I am finding this whole episode somewhat amusing. Now,I wonder if I'll be asked to give any more advice. LOL

Hi Jess, As a former Minnesotan, I remember it well. I never did get a snow blower myself and have done my share of shoveling--I think my back is finally getting healed. It's a cool 44 here this morning and my winter jacket felt good when I walked the dogs. I am a real Floridian now. I do miss having all the fun colder weather women's wear though. You have more options where you live. For now, I stuck here in sunny Florida. LOL. Good luck with clearing out.

Jess, I am so sorry for your loss. It is such a big hole in your heart. All I can say is that time does help. I'm glad you have so many good memories. Like you, when my wife died, it did free me to go more to my feminine side. Still mostly in the closet myself, but that may change slowly but surely.

I don't have anything special to write about. I only wanted to let you all know how special you are and how much I have enjoyed conversing with you. You have certainly enriched my life and I look forward to sharing more of our stories as we travel along. I resolve to have more fun this year and hope you all can do the same. We can celebrate the wonderful beings that we are. I wouldn't have it any other way. Big Hugs to all of you.

Thanks for the info. I actually found more glue-on nails as well as polish strips. I knew I saved all that stuff for a reason. I'll have another go at it this weekend. Here was my last endeavor.