Briannah

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About Briannah

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/04/1972

Profile Information

  • Gender Female
  • Location Ohio
  • Interests Nikki, time with the offspring, Anime, Gaming, Turtles, Cruising, Ghost Stories/Books/Movies, Origami, Camping, swimming, snorkeling, beaches, pets, Halloween!, Photography thought I'm not overly skilled at it.

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Briannah's Activity

  1. Briannah added a post in a topic: Being Transgender May Be Hazardous   

    "Overall, the transgender people were younger, poorer, less white and more likely to be unemployed than their cisgender counterparts." 
    This sentence has a profound relationship to the weight issues that the article doesn't really go into.  Eating right is insanely expensive in America, particularly in cities where access to local grown produce options isn't a thing.  I've seen the diets several of my friends had to arrange to be able to keep their families in food over the years.  Our food manufacturers have made huge profits off filling our food with supremely cheap junk, not to mention the 'poor shaming' people have when someone on assistance gets a nice piece of meat or other expensive (but healthy) choice.   The more a part of a group you are that is underemployed or unemployed, the more likely they are going to be existin gon a diet of this cheap, fatteing food to make ends meat.
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  2. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So, i'ts been a year. Aka How things are now. :)
    As a couple: We're good.  Our marriage is strong, and we've been doing a lot of study on interpersonal skills as well as how brains, both the male and female, work in social relationships.  Some of our issues and misunderstandings cleared up from a really good Ted Talk about the role of hormones and physiological gender differences in the brain.  We're learning to communicate better than ever, and when and how to have deeper talks.  I'm super excited that Nikki landed a really good job the day after a different company made a really insulting payscale offer(literally a little less than standard entry pay for his field, but they wanted all his skills and experience to even apply, and wouldn't disclose pay til way late, they knew it was bad).  That was messy.  Current corporation Nikki works at for six more days is launching a massive reorganization of his department in a few weeks and STILL have not told anyone if they have jobs, where they have jobs, and what changes they can expect in their pay scales (if they get shunted to other departments, there can be significant reduction in pay).  It's stupid and just another reminder that corporations really don't care about their employees in any meaningful way.  And they're all surprised that Nikki is jumping ship.  But this has led to us finally choosing where we're going to live once this place goes, and we have been spending freetime jaunting around chosen town getting to know it (well, he is getting to know the layout, my internal navigation is confused but I'm getting to know my choices even if my phone will have to tell me how to get to them).  The town pool has two amazing looking waterslides that I plan to hit up next summer (hopefully my house won't sit on the market for years, crosses fingers) from time to time in addition to time in my own pool.  The park is huge, got horribly lost in it.  There is a house I'm eying, good price nice big house.  Here's hoping, but I'm not getting attached, it's just one option.  We culled my zillow list hard due to unsuitable backyards.  The stairs I've whinged about came out amazingly.  Epic pinterest success instead of a fail!  Now we're working on painting things.  Oh, the smell of paint.  *gags*  But having a direction and choices has been great for us both.  This summer is not really cooperating with my pool, it's either really cool, or really astounding hot and storming like mad, and neither of us are into death in pool by electrocution as a great way to spend an evening.  The storms are also making the yard crazy hard to maintain, so Nikki's been busy in our backyard jungle.   We're struggling with mad mosquito craziness after several years of very little, vampire bugs are eating us.
    Nikki: Nikki has found confidence and comfort in himself despite continuing attacks on his state of being on the internet (the there is only binary male/female and if you move back and forth you're a liar sort) so Nikki's backed away from most things like that online.  He's focusing on his art, new job, life changes, love of movies, and doing whatever he wants while working with his therapist to continue to control the depression and has found a lot of peace with everything.  Some days it's full boy, some days full girl, most days a mix, but very very rarely is it a bad depression day if at all in the last several months.  So he's healthy again, and that is what matters most.  He's super proud to have gotten new job, which is both a promotion in duty and pay, and has been doing amazing work in the house.  At this point his depression is well controlled and Nikki's been pretty happy.  
    Me: Still fighting losing internal battle with the dismorphia and my family issues getting poked on a regular basis, but have regained my footing in my day to day life and my marriage.  People sometimes seem to think of marriage as disposable in a very real way, and even if I don't go into full disclosure and just gloss it over with 'there were secrets and we're rebuilding' and let them think he cheated on me or whatever they read into that, they're all astounded that I want to fix things instead of bailing.  And I think that is a partial factor of our societal marriage rates, but I like that we worked it out and all the secrets have been aired out and worked through.  I did have a stupid where I agreed to too much change for my personality in too short a time frame ,but I am surviving this and the more direction there is to work towards the better I feel inside.  My asthma has improved dramatically, so we are more and more active, and I expect it will further improve in new town, since it's about 90 miles south of here and well outta swampland.  I'm super excited to go to a new place and just do new things with new people.  My internal life in my house is wonderful, so next step is obviously to make the life outta the house match. : ) 
    Edited to add:  I'm really looking forward to getting away from Christmas decoration, lawnmower, and grill stealing neighbors and their creepy behavior>  WOOHOO!
    That's where a lotta stress, communication, therapy, education, new friends, old friends, and sorting out the important from the fluff and fixing health issues has taken us.  It's been a ride, and I'm happy so many people here shared in it and helped make it a bit softer on those bumpy tracks.  *hugs to all*
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  3. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: A Wonderful Experience   

    I'm on my iPad and it's harder to type so forgive bad typing and weird syntax.  Spent yesterday checking out target town and it was surprisingly awesome.  The park is so big and twisty we actually got lost and it took nearly an hour and Nikki trying to drive on a pedestrian only path to find our way back out.  Lol.  The Victorian is a no go it has a five foot deep back yard.  But the modern looking second house of which I have zero idea what style name to call it is in a lovely location and workable yard.  It's been on the market six months so there is a chance it will still be there.  Here's hoping.  The Chinese food at the restaurant we tried for lunch wasn't bad either.  Target town has hills   I've been living on the flat pancake of the 
    I feel a little more like Emma now and maybe this can be an adventure instead of crazy.  
     
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  4. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: A Wonderful Experience   

    Hi Blue!  it's been a crazy ride, but as things are slowly pulling together I'm doing better.  I have had my disorders so long, and generally function around them so well, that I mostly actually forget they are there until I make a dumb choice like that and poke them hard and jump off the emotional cliff as it were.  It's why I always try to have backup plans for my backup plans, it's a coping mechanism for the terrorizing panic attacks I'm prone to.  Life, no one gets out unscarred. ​  
    I am eyeing a nice Victorian, it needs a lot of cosmetic work, but the price is low, but I'm a bit worried about the yard.  The yard looks like it won't work, and that's non-negotiable.  I'll live in a plain uncharismatic ranch with a gorgeous yard if I have to.  LOL Nikki says maybe two months to having this place ready to list, and then once we find a buyer a huge chunk of the current stress will lift off.  I have paralyzing freakouts that no one will want the house.  Nothing will make that go away until we close on the house.  Then we can focus on buying the next one and setting up for the new chapter of life.  Closer to my friend N happily. 
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  5. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: A Wonderful Experience   

    Oh you know, having a bit of  a breakdown after I had to put down my Murder Kitty at only five years old.    But ​Murder Kitty will not tolerate vet care, and while his condition was fixable, only with a LOT of constant vet care.  No one at our clinic has ever seen anything like his reaction to them.  So it was best to let him go quietly.  Then I tried to keep busy working on the great life reorganization plan, and I realized the great life reorganization plan exists outside of theory and had a panic breakdown.  It was a dumb idea on my part to agree to change EVERYTHING in my life at once.  I have deep seated security issues, and this amorphous shapeless mass of a future crushed me.  I should have known better.  I got so focused on what Nikki needed, somewhere in the last four months or so I sorta forgot I exist.  And my mom gave the only heirloom I ever wanted, that we fought over for years cuz she wouldn't even let me USE the dishes on holidays even though she never used them even once, to my cousin, and when I objected told me I'd never expressed any interest.  SO much fun realizing you don't exist for your family unless your standing in front of them.  But we're moving away sometime soon.  
    It's better now though.  NIKKI GOT A JOB!  Yup, he leaves his current crappy one in two weeks, and is getting a raise and a more responsible position.  And it's only an hour north of the city we wanted to live in, so tomorrow we're going to a small town that is exactly between his job and the city where we have friends and stuff to do, about a half hour either way, and see if we want to consider living there.  The other option is a city north of his job that is bigger, but further from target city.  So if we hate small town we have a fall back plan.  I'm sorta excited to go check this place out.  We still have to sell this house obviously, but Nikki's commute is only an hour until we do, and he's done longer commutes before.  He's gonna have a normal m-f schedule again.  Hooray!   And his current job that is eliminating his department in like two weeks still hasn't even communicated what was going to happen to him or my best friend who works there, so the timing was LOVELY.  I'm really happy for him, and me, and having a direction is giving that future a sorta shape.  It's still all amorphous and scary, but it's starting to have a definite shape which is making me feel better.  We're moving in with Mom in September until the house sells and we get a new one so we can offer immediate possession to the buyer and no stress trying to orchestrate the two transactions. 
    But I'm not crying in the corner anymore, so I'm back on the internet.   Missed ya!  
     
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  6. Briannah added a post in a topic: Topical analgesic for epilation   

    I used one for a while back in high school on my legs because I'm stupidly clumsy and razors and got swayed by the happy and simple looking commercials.  The thing with the epilation supposedly is that if you rip out the hair long enough, it supposedly damages the follacles and nerves enough that it both grows back more sparingly and sensitivity lessens.  Sort of a 'bite your bullet and then one day it will magically be easy' thing was what I was told over and over, but it just seemed to hurt worse the longer I used the thing and I just tossed the whole thing aside. In the end I ended up not caring what studies and other women claimed, that crazy thing hurt like hell, I'm wimpy with really sensitive skin and a low pain threshold, and gave up after a few months and went for Nair.  It's messy, it's stinky, and sorta itchy, but it's not painful, far less dangerous than razors in my hands, and while it doesn't last anywhere near as long as depilating, it does last longer than shaving.  And makes your skin weirdly touchable after, I think they put some heavy duty moisturizers in that stuff.
    But, in proof on the oft quoted mileage may vary, Nikki's sensitivity to it is very low, and Nikki uses the epilator with very little pain even in places that I considers REALLY sensitive like the underarms and chest where no depilator will get near me without being thrown over Niagara Falls.  Individual skin sensitivity and hair growth seems to play a large factor in this.  
    I know several women who consider the fast Band-Aid rip of waxing to be preferable to something like the mechanical depilators, they claim doing a large area at once and getting it over with is better than the slower sweeping of the unit over their skin.  Take that for what it's worth, and if you are personally very heat sensitive waxing will not be the right option.  
    I did find this article that may be useful to you though.  http://www.epilatorcentral.com/numbing-creams-for-epilators/ ​ 
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  7. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: A Wonderful Experience   

    *waves* Heya Emma!  Lovely to see you looking happy and having a great time on the great adventure!  And I firmly believe that waxing was created as some form of torture and they found cosmetic applications for it later.  *laughs*  
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  8. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Bad week.
    Having a crap week, and am going offline for a bit to sort it all out. 

    Last week I was feeling...odd.  Especially late at night.  Saturday night I felt really odd, and checked my fitbit, and had a crazy high pulse rate for laying down.  40 bpm above my usual resting rate doing nothing.  So after goofling symptoms off the er I want, were I spent the next five ours waiting to find out if I was having a heart attack, pneumonia, viral infection, acid reflux onset, or a mineral deficiency (and those can be extreme, scariest medical moment of my life as a mother was a magnesium deficiency from the stomach flu where my son literally could not control his body or move on his own, scary ride to hospital, then once the blood panel came back a magnesium iv set him back to normal like magic!).  So the winner is...acid reflux.  So now I take Prilosec generic stuff (and omg what is with the fizzy cough syrup tasting coating on these things?).  It must suck to be a doctor when five such varied causes all have the same symptoms really.  Doctor was lovely, and I'm okay now.  I'll still feel weird with the pulse rates for a bit, Prilosec stuff needs time to work. 
    Then today Murder Kitty was acting weird, and wrong.  So we took him to the vet, and came home alone.  My five year old murder kitty is gone, and I'm trying to process.  I always assumed this crazy cat would be there when Creed (15 and counting)  and Alita (10 years old this summer, pretty old lady dog) went, and just outta nowhere he's gone. MAYBE they could have saved him this time, but he could have re-experienced the issue right away and faced a lifetime of vet care (which he REALLY does not do well with, he lost his mind as usual so bad they had to sedate him fully to even examine him to find out what was wrong) and we can't turn his life into an endless battle royal of endless home and vet medical care he just won't tolerate.  So my Logan went to sleep.  And I miss my cat. 
    So everyone be well, I'm going to go sort through all the emotional turmoil of the week and focus on furthering my health and Nikki's mood, which is at an all time low after this week.  I'll be back after things are better.  *hugs for Emma and Monica on their new journeys!*
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  9. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: Horns of a Dilemma   

    In my own personal dilemnas of this sort, I always ask myself "Would I be open and okay with these strangers coming over to me on vacation and bringing up this topic on the opposite side of my viewpoint?"  and then usually go with my intenral response to the thought (and it's generally no, I don't want someone coming up to me on hot topics like religion or abortion for example on my vacation time wanting to educate me to their viewpoint).  Things like this come up on a lot on the vacations Nikki and I like, large groups of people with varied veiwpoints and commentary, so I know why you want to. 
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  10. Briannah added a post in a topic: What's your perfume   

    Ya'll can laugh at me if you want, I wear old lady perfume ! Meusli (it smells just like lily of the valley, YUM, which I have been assured since I was 19 and found it is an 'old lady' perfume, which changed my love of it not one iota, this whole age determining everything bothers me) .  And anything White Ginger, if it's done well, There are some cheap white ginger knockoffs that are hideous.
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  11. Briannah added a post in a topic: Transgender Christians   

    I have to admit, I find the idea that other cultures need redeeming to be absolutely horrifying.  I'm glad to see him trying to increase communication, but...the rest of that sentence really scares me.  No one culture is better or worse than an another.  All have flaws and strengths, and this comes across as just another variant of the 'outsider savior' complex that has done so very much damage throughout history.
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  12. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: One Door Closes, Another Door Opens   

    Enjoy the grand adventure!  I envy you that freedom to go wherever and do whatever!  It sounds like a great grand adventure!  If you ever make it around Ohio be sure to stop by and have dinner with us!    ​ I'm glad that the worst is behind you and you have found peace with the changes in your life, and then excitement about what is to come next!  *Hugs*  May the road ahead bring you joy, laughter, and adventure!  Beautiful photo in which you look ready to tackle the world! 
    And I really really envy you the Minnie!  Grandpa had a Minnie Winnie after he sold the pull behind Airstream, we had so much fun in that. : )  Mostly at Assateague Island and Indian Lake, but the where mattered less than the adventure.    ​I miss that rv and all the silly fun we had in it. 
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  13. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Having a good day.
    Just spent the last hour having my hair painted with my favorite green dye to repair the damage from the sun, spa, chlorine pool, hot tubs, therapy tub, and sea on vacation.  There was a girl with pink hair tipped in purple and me with my green, and by the end of the week she was completely blond again and I was almost there, with just the front part clinging to the green.  Looked like deliberately done modern streaking through, so I was somewhat happy with that.  It's really relaxing to sit around having someone painting on your hair, to be honest.  Nikki wanted to try the brush technique instead of bottle and massage since that kind didn't go so well, although it did dye my computer room a lovely matching shade to my hair.  LOL  As expected from someone with painting experience, this went beautifully for both painter and paintee.   And as it's drying it's coming out really well, I'm thrilled. 
    The day is lovely too, it's a clear lovely day after a morning storm and around 83 degrees.  YAY SPRING!  Please stay spring, I'll be REALLY nice to you.  Totally.  I'm done with your sibling winter.  Nikki's cold/flu thing continues, but he's in much better spirits with the better weather.  Still only have a surprisingly light case of it myself, this is weird.  Usually I fall pretty to germs and he doesn't.  Once a few years ago a bug ripped through town, but targeted people with generally strong immune systems like Nikki and my bff but left those with weaker ones like me alone.  It was weird, and this seems to be acting like that. 
    Now I plan to spend the evening enjoying the scent of the Argan oil in my hiar (the dye uses it, smells really good) and killing things in my favorite mmo.  Bring on the cyberenemies! 
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  14. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: long time...   

    The stirrups are awful, and exceedingly akward physically in my opinion, it just feels like physical about to fall while all the bits are exposed to the world.  Meh.  And I have to be so careful just getting in them, I nearly fell off the table last time.  Cuz you know, that was a great moment for my inherent clumsy to rear it's head and not embarrassing at all.  LOL  And all I can say is plastic speculums beat metal, they're not icicle-like.
    I'm so glad you are all healed up without crazy complications!  So many scary stories about bacteria these days!  Here's to a long and healthy new life! 
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  15. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    ALl the houses are starting to blur together.
    SO it's my job to keep an eye on the housing market and come up with reasonable solutions for later, while Nikki full on job hunts and we work together on the actual physicality of packing and repairs.  So...he'll give me a city  he's found a potential job in and I yay or nay based on  housing prices.  But now I have looked at so so many that they have blended into one insane, nightmare of a house riddled with water damage, hideous pink bathrooms, strange flora outside that looks like it want to eat me, and weird inexplicable THINGS I can't identify that my brain hurts.  I am dreaming of bizarre and ugly houses now.  And, of course, getting lost in them.  I do have to say though my unconscious mind comes up with some awesome floor plans, that I can never remember when I wake up.   Cosmetic damage I can handle, water damage makes me really leery of getting involved.  You never know how that will play out long term in a structure.  Although in the one house I am legit confused how the dining room, in the middle of the house with no logical exposure to any of the piping whatsoever, looked like an aquatic bomb of some sort went off in it.  And the rooms above and to the sides are fine.  Just that one room.  Did they run a fountain or something in there???  And what exactly is the deal with people feeling the need to put a weird little wrought iron fence next to the door inside the house?  It just looks goofy.  And don't get me started on what I mistook for a stripper pole but realized was actually some sort of duct pipe from the basement to roof through both stories, that was odd.  One house had columns just hanging from the ceiling, like creepy wooden stalactites, but not touching the floor. I assume a base has somehow gone missing, that's all I got.  One looked like a crime scene happened and never got cleaned up.  And Ohio has a truly terrifying love of the pink, yellow, pink AND yellow, and yellow and hideous green bathrooms. And none of them done well, my eyes.  But unless I'm going to win the lottery tomorrow, I'm going to have to keep my eyes on potential 'this can be fixed down the line'.  I do draw the line at a pink bathroom though.  Just no.  And really just no to the one that wasn't the usual pastel bathroom pink, but some bizarre neon pink-magenta horror that I think should require the realtor person to offer sunglasses to show the house, or at least a warning incase buyers didn't look at the photos.
    And now we're in full on debate of the pool.  I get Nikki's point it's a lot of work if the house sells quickly to have put it up and then take it back down.  However, I also kinda feel it selling quickly is a sorta pipe dream and I don't want to be slowly baking away all summer either without my pool retreat.  One of those utterly stupid decisions you don't really know what the right one is til afterwards.  We don't have central air, only have small window units that sorta work in the computer room and the bedroom, so the pool is the main source of cooling down.  A quick dip in the water makes the summer heat feel reasonable for several hours at a time.  And our town pools have become ragingingly expensive.
    So Nikki met new therapist, and reports that she's easy to talk to and he's happy with her, so that is good. There's also hints that one on one therapy is winding down, on a monthly schedule now that most of the big issues have been worked through.  So maybe it's time to consider marital counseling.  We've been unable to work out some differences on our own, and it's really getting frustrating this 'whatever you want' and then getting mad about what I decided to do ongoing behavior.  And I TRY To find out what Nikki wants, but there is a real in ability to ever tell me he wants anything or offer up some kind of opinion to work with.  Personally, I think either he really truly has no internal wants or needs or his antidepressants aren't high enough to overcome the mental fog yet.  I can't tell which.  Can you sorta...hollow out after a few years of depression and just not come back even with treatment and meds?  I don't even know if my expectations are reasonable or if I'm wanting crazy things, but I'm tired of driving the bus and everything falling to me to decide other than a few big gesture choices (which how they happen then ends up to me to drive the bus on, even his part of the job hunting I've had to start helping out and scouring the net and e-mailing a list) versus a partnership  I know I'm the research gerbil, but either help me out a little or get me some carrots at least.  And yes, you better believe we have this conversation clearly, and often.  I'm not the wife type who whines to everyone but her spouse and then wonders why things don't get better, I tackle it first with him and then brainstorm for ideas/reality checks/empathy/wisdom/whatever comes my way.  I tried refusing to decide and waiting until he did some of it, but literally nothing happened but some tv watching.  For two weeks.  Till I couldn't take it anymore.  I hate tv.  ​Sorry, venting before I explode at my spouse I guess, unless someone has some useful advice, I'll make you cookies. ​  Have tried talking to him with every tactic I could think of, refusing to do it, trying to engage him in every step, just doing it myself, trying to get him to talk about it with his therapist, I got nothing left other than joint counseling it feel like.  But only after he's really done with his single, cant' float two bills right now.  ​ And you know, insurance companies don't value counseling like people do.
    I'm going to try to get some sleep now and snuggle up with my cat.  My cat probably makes neon pink bathrooms less ugly, he's a pretty cat. 
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