Briannah

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About Briannah

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 02/04/1972

Profile Information

  • Gender Female
  • Location Ohio
  • Interests Nikki, time with the offspring, Anime, Gaming, Turtles, Cruising, Ghost Stories/Books/Movies, Origami, Camping, swimming, snorkeling, beaches, pets, Halloween!, Photography thought I'm not overly skilled at it.

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Briannah's Activity

  1. Briannah added a post in a topic: DID GAY SEX CAUSE HURRICANE HARVEY OR WAS IT CLIMATE CHANGE? SOME ON THE RIGHT BLAME LGBT AMERICANS (NO SERIOUSLY)   

    Gennee has it right.  There was another article I saw where one of the old pastors of whose name I forget posted a public plea 'to the gays to please just do hand and mouth stuff until the end of the hurricane season'.  I couldn't stop laughing at the idiocy. Aside from the obvious no one's sexual behavior has anything to do with weather, only our pollution behaviors, the idea that it's a specific act in the relationship only that offends their god is...weird.  Last I checked 'hand and mouth stuff' (yeah, that's how he phrased it!  LOL) is also sex.  I'm convinced if they truly believe what they are saying, there is some form of mental illness affecting their reason, but more likely, it garners attention and is designed to use the human psychological need for reasons to their advantage.
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  2. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Psa to self : Habit Change
    So I need to start going through my house every coupla years and just looking at the stuff that is lying around/saved somewhere.  I have saved some really useless junk over the years.  Anyone remember the Isle of Lost Toys from the old Christmas specials?  Apparently we are running the Sanctuary of Lost Cords.  Which of course Nikki won't let me throw any of those out because we might need them some amorpheous day in the future.  Fine, he let me throw most of the rest of the junk out, and we can do a great device to cord matchup event when we settle to be sure what is junk beyond doubt I guess.  
    It really is amazing the accumulation of things in an average life.  We're not shoppers, we go outta her way to not do that.  We're not garage sale hounds, or antique hunters, or any sort of real collectors of anything.  I can only imagine how much more stuff people who enjoy those things either have to dispose of often or build up.  
    Well, back to work.  At least until the Cheeto declares everything in the country as his.   I'm surprised that man hasn't tried to pass an act yet that he owns everything and we have to pay rental on our things.  After the pay to have them in the first place, of course.  
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  3. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Irma.
    So I just saw photos of St. Maarten after Irma passed through.  On top of the horror for those people, there is this creepy feeling.  I was there, in March, with Ashe.  We lounged on a beautiful beach, we had lunch at this awesome open air restaurant right on the beech and iguanas joined us for the lunch, there was a drive through the beautiful now underwater streets.  It just feels weird when it's somewhere you have been.  Like when I see flood photos from the one we had here.  It's not a feeling of extra bad, it's just oddly disorienting to me and I have no idea what my brain's issue with it is.  
    I looked at the livestreams on Key West, another place I've been and enjoy watching on cam when I'm far away, and it's just so eerie to see how deserted it was.  Also reassuring that the people have gone to safer ground on the mainland.  The storm has not yet hit key west, but the winds are already amazingly and unusually loud on the cams that have sound.  I can only imagine what it will be like when the actual storm hits.  
    There was a collection truck near the Kroger's by us collecting for Harvey, and I found myself wondering how long til it's for both.  And then I further wondered how bad it's going to be.  I remember how bad Katrina was, with the Fema director really nepotism-based friend of bush's and no clue how to actually handle a disaster, and Harvey is in two separate states, with Irma barreling up to take on a third state.  I'm not really confident our current dysfunctional government is going to handle this well.  And I'm not sure what is going to happen to the insurance companies.  They function based on the idea that these massive disasters are few and far between, and it hasn't really been all that long since Katrina.  I also worry what else the Caribbean is going to shoot up our way before the end of storm season.  
    And Houston/Harvey is also a glaring warning of another issue that I fear people will ignore.  A group of scientists warned them they were paving over too much grassland several years back, explaining that it was going to magnify flood issues in the city.  They were ignored, the grassland was paved over because "what do you science guys know" and now they are paying for it.  New Orleans kept trying to get federal aid to fix the aging levees prior to Katrina, and were ignored.  Safety and infrastructure have fallen by the wayside in favor of legislating morality and corporate profits in my opinion, and it's only going to get more dangerous as time goes on.   ​ I really worry for the future generations.  Heck, I worry what is going to happen in the next forty or so years while I'm still here.
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  4. Briannah added a post in a topic: DID GAY SEX CAUSE HURRICANE HARVEY OR WAS IT CLIMATE CHANGE? SOME ON THE RIGHT BLAME LGBT AMERICANS (NO SERIOUSLY)   

    Oh, that's been going on forever, religious crazy is religious crazy.  You can't talk to people like that, there's no one home.  Because it's easy to believe it's a punishment from some god, and that simply by not being anything that god objects to their safe.  Scientific reality requires actual effort and changes in personal living to make things better, much more work. 
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  5. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: First move is happening. Save me.   

    Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings.  I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done.  We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house.  It does seem like less boxes than the last move though.  And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move.  We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like.  
    I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me.  I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say.  Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world.  What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them.  I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them.  45 and I'm still figuring it all out.  Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it.  I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system).  Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself.  ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life.  I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together.   ​ 
    I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle.  And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is.  I'm important!  LOL
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  6. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: Flowering   

    From my experience after Nikki finally came out to me, there was a long period where everything was constantly different, and typical was a think of the past, but now a year and a half later, typical has reasserted it just looks different than it did before.  However, that doesn't HAVE To be true.  It's true for Nikki and I because we are both at our core creatures of habit and homebody types for the most part.  I know friends who live everyday like a new adventure, in truth, not just a platitude, and 'typical' for them means doing something they've never tried before.  If you like your old sense of typical, it will come back.  If you didn't or like the new one better, it's yours for the taking!  And with the modern age of internet, you can literally find anything you want out there, from toys of childhood (hides her Ebay spending on My LIttle Ponies, nothing to see here!) to full transgender specifically designed altering items from wigs down to shorts with a silicone vagina (I have seen things on the internet helping Nikki figure out what things he does and doesn't want!) to illegal things we won't discuss, but the point is you can find ANYTHING you can imagine, you just have click a few things on google.  Get out and explore girl!  
    Monica is completely right.  I have a few, but they are from my anime cosplaying and more effort in hallloween than my current lazy rear end puts into it days.  I will admit I have put some thought into getting a really high end green one that I don't have to keep touching up my hair since they don't make permanent green dye, but my  natural hair is hot and summer reminds me I might not like wearing one all the time.  Nikki wasn't interested in them at all, has plenty of hair he just has me do it on girl days and days I want to practice a new hair idea on (I find it easier to master on someone else's head before trying it on my own where I can only see half of what I'm doing, and he gets a kick outta doing the girls day stuff with me).  Now my ex-mother in law once had a massive emotional breakdown because I once accidentally saw her without her wig.  You'd think I just murdered her youngest child in front of her or something from the other the top reaction of me coming home an hour earlier than I was expected and seeing her without it as she was in the kitchen.  (I lived there for less than a month, you can imagine why!).  Then there was a hissy fit of how was she supposed to be able to supper herself and my brother in law without the rent money I was paying(on a place she'd been living for three years before I MET my ex-husband, and the three years before I married him).  Apparently wigs are nearly a sacred item for some people, regardless of the cause for them wearing them.  
     
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  7. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    First move is happening. Save me.
    So things are starting to happen faster now.  We have moved in with my mom as planned, and I am alternating between helping Nikki move things and cleaning mom's house.  (Seriously, it took three hours to go through the pantry and get out all the expired food from years 03 to 16).  And the rest of the house is insane, but I'm slowly taming it.  Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really.  Free cleaning and repairs and cooking until we sell and buy a new house.  Old house is nearly empty, just a bit more to pull out and then it's painting time.  We're still waffling on whether or not to fix the damaged laminate.  New car is working out great, old main car is doing great, old secondary car is going to the scrapyard, the costs to fix the brake issue and make it sellable are higher than we could sell it for.  Bummer, some extra money would have been nice.  
    It's kinda weird being here again.  I lived here with Grandma, my mom, and my son when I met Nikki.  I had the downstairs basement finished room, although ever since the big flood it's impractical to use as a bedroom anymore.  Which is a same, as it's HUGE and was lovely with lots of space.  Only ever had to come upstairs to use the bathroom.  I was the hermit Bree in the basement!   
    Nikki's girl mode items are all packed away with a decoy tag, he's still very much closeted as far as our families go.  Since he realized transition is not a path for him, dealing with our awkward families is a door he doesn't want to go through.  As in most things (other than anything food related, do NOT EVER trust Nikki's judgement with food, trust me) I trust his judgement and respect his choices.  And he pointed out I won't be at risk for giving myself a black eye again slapping myself with the breast form.  (Didn't quiet get a black eye, but I did have a nice red mark from that oops.  Why do they put it in such clingy plastic?)  Nikki does have a nasty set of scratches across his back, so I've been teasing him he made a ghost angry that we're leaving.  It sounds more fun than I think the cat did it while we were sleeping.  
    I haven't had any really awful burning for a week, had one bad night last weekend, but it's been good since.  Nikki's physical health is solidly great, and his dysthymia has been very much under control.  He continues on his medication, but the improvements in our life have done wonders also.  Once his job is less demanding (they're in the middle of some big changes that take a lot of hours from him) he's going to see about finding a new therapist in our target town and he can just go after work and then come home until we move.  He has to start over anyway since his passed and then we went on insurance hiatus.  He'd rather do it just once instead of twice. 
    It's sorta amazing how far we've come since last years confusion and upheaval.   ​I'm proud of us.  Now I have to go continue trying to convince my elderly cat that moving was a good thing and that he should eat some of his food.  Dog is loving the adventure of a new house (wish she would stop running full speed into doors though, she's traumatizing ME with her poor banged head) lizard doesn't care.  Our lizard is too cool to care. 
     
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  8. Briannah added a post in a topic: Makeup Kits   

    The thing to be careful with general makeup kits that are sold is, they are very vague colors chosen that will work with MOST purchasers.  However, skin tones and facial features as well as skin tolerances (not all makeup is creating equally healthy) vary greatly.  I highly recommend going with Karen's suggestion and going to one of the big stores that do the makeovers (even if you don't buy anything, you can still learn a lot of technique and see the shades that will work well).  Also, if you locate a Mary Kay seller, and are willing to deal with the often somewhat heavy handed sales pitches, you can have this done in the privacy of your own home, although skill of the individual seller may vary.  
    Another great way to look up technique is youtube.  There are a PLETHORA of makeup how twos that cover just about everything from general to specific looks how-tos.    Good luck!
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  9. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: Housekeeping   

    The answer to the question of do women change clothes often is the same thing as everything else, depends on the individual and circumstances.  I rarely change once I'm dressed for the day, but stains and such sometimes derail me.  Among my circles of friends some change for every little thing, and some are 'this is what i'm wearing, deal" among both genders.  The idea that we change constantly is a historical leftover from the days or morning dresses, receiving dresses, afternoon dresses, and dinner dresses, and ball gowns, and so on that women constantly shifted through as social custom demanded.  I'm glad I'm born now, it sounds exhausting.  And some amount o the modern day stereotype that every woman can't figure out what to wear for an event and tries a bunch of outfits either in front of a mirror or cadre of friends as often seen on tv every time a female character has a work, date, or party type event continues the perception that we change constantly.   
    And nothing wrong with the submissive personalities of the world!  I firmly believe there is room for everyone, and the trick is to know oneself, both who we are and what we want, and then surround ourselves with people that allow us to be that and get the things we want.   ​If you're already figuring out who you are and what you want, you're way ahead of a lot of other people.
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  10. Briannah added a post in a topic: Need advice re: anesthetic cream so I can use Epilady on my face to get rid of beard   

    Hi Lisa!  I'm also from Ohio, I'm one of the spouses.   
    ​Until you can find a solution for the elecdtrolosys, may I recommend some time watching youtube videos?  Nikki has extremely dark beard growth (in odd patterns) and after a close shave with the help of some peach concealer (and this is where color theory comes in, you use the 'opposite color' concealer, like I have red blotches on my face so use green for example, his beard growth is dark so it's peach) and then put foundation over it, and it's amazing what it can hide.    There are trans-specific videos on youtube for hiding beard growth with makeup that are very good. I'm ​not sure what color for white, but perhaps the gray might also do well with the peach.  While this isn't perfect I hope it may be of some help to you in the meantime of a more permanent solution.  And perhaps you could ask some of the makeup artists in the comments for assistance with the coloration specifics if you can't find one that fits your colors. 
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  11. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: I've Always Had Terrible Handwriting   

    Our handwriting is heavily influenced by our personalities from what I understand, but it's a myth that having nice writing is a female thing.    Just ​as many of us write like dancing chickens dipped in ink.  A freind of mine and I Have to e-mail each other, we'd never be able to read the handwritten ones!  
    I'm so glad you're getting the things you always dreamed about!  And I'm doubly glad that you had a clean bill of health on your throat!  I'm always nervous when anything in the throat is off due to my families experiences (oh, how our life experience colors our reactions to everything!)  I hope you have a smooth time with the hrt!  
    Hugs!  Enjoy that trip, enjoy exploring the great west coast, and send me photos of the amazing things you see on that side of the country!  I would send you some from my side, but in all reality, it's corn fields.  If you've seen one cornfield, you've seen all there is to see.   
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  12. Briannah added a post in a topic: Mental Health Professionals   

    I'd like to chime in also, mental health is a deeply personal process, and not every therapist is right for you.  I've worked with a few in my lifetime, and it took a few tries before my parents found the right one (I was a minor, I had no choices) that I could actually work with and get benefit from.  I see so many people who stick with a therapist that isn't right for them, aren't really benefitting, and seem astonished when I suggest that they try a different one to find a better fit.  It's such a subjective discipline, and that affects the quality of care even between two equally licensed and experienced therapists.  
    And I also agree with Monica, flexibility is important, but I also prefer the face to face, so the therapist has a chance to read body language and facial expressions.  But if that's not an option, phone therapy can be an extremely helpful tool.
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  13. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Update
    So doing much better.  Yeah, that stupidly expensive Medcline wedge thing with the body pillow costs around $300, but WOW if you need some sort of sleeping wedge for a medical issue (I'm pretty sure apnea, copd, and some other conditions besides acid reflux benefit from the incline sleeping position) then I really really recommend this one.  The wedge is pretty firm and holds you up well, and it has a 'stuffer' pillow so you can change which side you sleep on (the other conditions it doesn't matter, only acid reflux really needs it to be left).  Also, don't get the cheater $220 version without the pillow to use your own, the candy cane shaped body pillow for the extra money is awesome.  It's really comfortable, the top wraps around you and stays in place amazingly, and the long side trails down to go between your knees for a spine alignment support.  If they can 'fix' this acid reflux and I can sleep flat again, I'm SO keeping this candy cane pillow thing.  IT's that amazing.  If anyone else here has my issues, this was completely worth the money, and going to pay for itself in a few months from the amount of medication I'm not buying now.
    So between the Gaviscon (works much better for reflux than the pink stuff, it really does not only neutralize the acid but creates a sort of foamy barrier that helps keep the rest of the acid in place) and the Medcline I'm doing MUCH better.  I've stopped taking the Prilosec (lots of potential side effects with long term use) entirely, and in the last week only needed the Gaviscon once.  I think I'm winning!  Feels good to win, but man do I miss my garlic.  I miss garlic more than I miss chocolate.  I have a serious garlic bread craving going on, but I'm not brave enough yet.  Food actually became scary.  Will this make me burn?  How little can I eat and still live so my throat isn't on acidfire?  IT's a weird feeling to be scared of food.   Not just nervous about calories or sugars, but actually frightened to eat at all.  I'm told on a forum I persused by other people with the condition looking for control information this is a fairly common reaction for those who don't have it under control, and it will fade away again with time.  You know me, research gerbil.   
    Still going to see a doctor to talk about this when I can, find out if something slipped out of place inside, some sort of hormonal issue (it all started with that months cycle, I really hope this isn't gonna be a cycle thing or a menopause one, I am getting close to that age), or what.  The websites all indicated even losing a couple pounds will lessen it, in my case I lost 15 and it got worse.  So I have no idea how to take that.  Maybe my stomach is just really mad and wants to digest me.  
    On the state of the Nikki: He's genuinely happy with his job now.  The utter lack of drama and actual ability to do his job and solve problems instead of just playing message tag with corporate people has done WONDERS.  He's putting in some long hours right now, but they use completely different systems than his old job and he's learning what he needs to know to master it.  It's amazing how much our life situations change how we feel and are.  I think its' done as much for the dysthymic depression as the pills are doing really.  so is having a more natural to his bio rythms sleeping habit.  Having all of that together is really bringing him back to his old self.  Which is doing wonders for us as a couple, and an education in how much when one spouse is not doing well it affects the other one, as I'm also doing dramatically better inside as a result of having a happy spouse again.   He bought powerball tickets cuz the jackpot is huge, and turned and asked me if we beat the odds and won, would I still wanna go to Florida?  And was all relieved when I said no, we'd just get a nicer house in new town than we could afford now because I can see how much he loves his job.​  But in 10 years it would be early retirement and this couple would be moving to my beloved Florida.  
    ​So life is good, house feels like an unending pit of work to try to get it ready for listing (that has slowed down as a result of his hours, a lot of the stuff that needs done now is things he is good at and I just sorta maybe understand how), and we bought a new car that gets really good mileage for all the commuting (and both our current cars be old and tired).  After much searching we found a good deal on a former rental car with only 17k miles on it.  Yay! 
    We did look into potentially getting a bridge loan and went to our credit union to crunch the numbers to see if we could afford to move now and just pay a higher mortgage until this one sells, but the first and only downside of using our credit union in our 15 year history with it cropped up, they only do home loans within the county.  Car loans are statewide (so we were able to snag up our great deal, with was 25K less miles and $4k cheaper than any available in my town, everything in my town has a weird expensive bubble) but we can't get a home loan for new town.  They offered us an equity loan to use as a downpayment to try to help, but managing THREE home loans at once seems...out of control.  We're going to research options with commercial banks, but I doubt it will really happen and we'll probably just stick with the original plan of being trapped here til it sells.
    Hope everyone here is doing great and making all your dreams happen!
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  14. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry: IN which Bree whines about medical things.   

    Thank you Chrissy.  I'm on Prilosec, and it helps, but it's not controlling it.  I discovered this liquid antacid called Gaviscon that I'm taking before bed, it supposedly created a foam in the top of my stomach to hold the liquid in as well as neutralizing the acid.  So far it's helped tremendously, and I got my stupidly expensive wedge today, so here's hoping.   ​  I had to give up chocolate, I am a very unhappy Bree.  I like chocolate.  Good to know that about ice cream, will avoid until I sort all this out.  
    Thanks Emma!  It might end up in a surgical situation, as I have a hernia issue that is probably related, so until there is insurance there really isn't much I can do but damage control.  Nikki is still plugging away at ACA forms to see if we can't get help with that insane Cobra payment, and the lifestyle changes seem to be starting to take hold, today was a good day.   Right now he's yelling at the computer, apparently it's hiding the place where he needs to input my passport info to prove I'm a citizen.  Apparently aca has doubts about me or something. LOL 
    At least Nikki is doing great.  Loves the new job, is currently face deep in car shopping (our buick is about dead and the van is a bit old to be doing hour commutes, it's time) and working hard on the house and prepping for the upcoming move to my mom's.  I'm having a bit of an odd reaction to that, it's the second longest place I've lived in my life, at just over 11 years.  Apparently it's the longest for Nikki.  But it's the first that wasn't a rental (that I'm old enough to remember anyway).  Sleeping better, has pep again, and it's amazing how much getting out of a bad job situation can do to improve all aspects.    Now if we can just sell a house and move to new town, life will be awesome.  It wasn't easy, and I freaked out more than once, but the more it comes together the calmer I am.   ​ It's nice to have my old happy Nikki back, that's the best part!
     
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  15. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    IN which Bree whines about medical things.
    So.  I'd been doing rather well mostly the last year or two medically, ever since that emergency surgery issue in 2015.  So...Cobra for insurance between Nikki's old job and new job is $875 a month.  We don't have that much extra money.  We just don't, even with the really nice raise new job has afforded us.  And of course, I develop a problem.  My stomach acid is trying to digest the rest of me.  Acid reflux gone crazy.  *headdesk*  I have to more months until there is insurance again.  And I'm REALLY hesitant to scrounge up the money to go to the urgent care, for fear of what the senate  is doing with the legislation and inadvertently getting a 'pre-existing condition' and having them repeal that protection and then I'm really in trouble.
    So in the meantime, trying to control it with life style changes as best I can.  I just ordered a $300 pillow.  Seriously. It's called a medcline, and if anyone else here has acid reflux, look it up and see if it's good for you.  I'm a side sleeper, so sleeping on a wedge is a big issue for me.  This medcline thing is a wedge, but it has a hole built in for your arm, which both holds you onto the wedge at night and comfortable gives your arm a place to go on the wedge, but also keeps you on the left side, which reduces the acids ability to escape.  Now I have to wait for it.  
    Changed my diet according to the recommendations, and it's slowing down the burning feelings, but this really sucks.  
    Either way, it's a good reminder to myself to not get complacent about what they are doing with medical care laws.  For me, this problem is temporary.  For millions of retail and food service workers for example off the top of my head, this is every day reality.  Someone asked me why I care so much the other day, when I have access generally.  And this is why, because I can't imagine not having a reasonable end date to being able to get help, and then in two more months being able to.  There is a real fatigue in following the political crazy, but it's important.  
    Love to you all, and I hope you're all in good health.  
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