Hi Emma, I can share some of your reflections and add some of my own. I remember playing mummy in the Wendy house as a five year old too, playing tea parties. Joining the girls and wanting to be one of them. It was ok for them to play with me if they were alone but not so much when they were in a gang. They wanted to be mummy or a model and being a boy I was last in line for that role I was also confused and just didn't understand why I had a boys body when I was a girl. I had no interest in being a boy and so I became isolated. My boy friends were always those like myself who didn't quite fit in. Well no good getting maudling. I know I learned that it was wrong to be how I felt and learned how to suppress it even at that early age. My shame and guilt guided me into pretending to be a boy. My advice to anyone reading this is not to do as I had to. Things are so much more open now. Don't build walls around yourself to keep yourself safe. Take a risk, knock down the walls and take your inner girl out to play. She will love you for it. X
Hi Karen, What you say is very true and I am sure most of us would like to sound right but our aptitude and abilities vary. I know how difficult and how silly I feel when I am practising my voice. I have every sympathy but you are right we should try harder. Thank you for spurring me on. X
Hi Brianna, big hugs, you're better than this. Dump the shame, it's from controlling stuff that society or others have dumped on us. Once it's out it's out and cannot hurt us or control us anymore because it just is if that makes sense. Then realise that It's not you that should feel embarrassed in this case and finally a great big snoggy kiss from me. :-) (oh dear how embarrassing is that) lots of love and snogs.
Take a deep breath. Count to ten, scream and shout then cry a bit and look for the positives in your life. Sometimes life is like a shed full of stored stuff. When it's full we have to sort what to keep and what has to go. Not easy. I had a hundred old shirts once. Lots of hugs and cuddles.
Just want to let you know I am still here and with you. Yes I started wearing clear nail varnish and mascara first and no one really said anything. I was already wearing girl jeans and underwear. After a while I thought ok and started wearing a little pink lipstick and light brown polish on my toes and stii.no one said anything. Some people just stared a bit longer working out whatever but I have had no big issues out and about. Friends and family however. Some needed time and some still feel uncomfortable. I was told some really negative stuff but it seemed to be more about them than me, not about how I felt or looked but it did make me feel that I was fooling myself and perhaps I should go back. I am pleased I haven't and I now feel a lot more comfortable. I don't ever want to go back. So to you Emma and all my friends, go girls and live your truth. XXX