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Blogs

Featured Entries

Lori's Blog

Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices f
  • Lori
Jessica

Different Kind of Day at Work

Last weekend was a long weekend off for me, Friday, Sat, Sun and Monday off from my "retirement"  part time job with a Medi- Transportation Co., picking up clients and bringing them to their medical appointments. Was looking forward to the continuity of being able to live life just as Jess, and I did just that.   By Monday night, I dreaded Tuesday having to return to boy mode and go back to work.  That evening, I got my text from the boss, also a business friend, for Tuesday's assignment asking
Tilly's thoughts

Moving forward

Well, I ordered Pueraria Mirifica, if it works as it is supposed to, I will start to develop a bit upstairs, along with some other benefits.  When my wife notices, I have a feeling she will just leave...or kick me out.  I think I am beyond caring because I am as calm about this as I have been about anything in quite a while. I love you all, Tilly
  • Tilly
More of my Flowing thoughts

Am I your type?

I do not mean it in that way before anyone panics. I just like the play on words...     I was just reading a blog by someone who identified themselves as an INFJ woman - a lot of what she wrote made sense, and the 3 times I have done Meyers Briggs I have always been INFP.  Sometimes I drift a little but it comes as no surprise, given the emotional turmoil I have gone through in the last 6 months I thought I would give it a go and see where I classify - I took maybe 3 minutes to answer
Tilly's thoughts

The ultimatum

Well my wife actually delivered an ultimatum, if I transition, she will divorce me.  Part of me wants to just get it over with, but I totally don't want to hurt my daughter.  I don't know if spending time with friends every so often as my true self will be enough.  She knows that I cross dress when i am with them and showed serious displeasure when I try told her. I wish I could have gotten an initial appointment with a therapist before April 3.  I really need professional help. Thanks
  • Tilly
More of my Flowing thoughts

Stopped by the Fashion Police

When I was 15 or so my friend and I discovered the self printing business card machine in the local shopping centre. We were always on the lookout for a cheap way to spend the most time when we were out so we promptly hatched a plan that seemed hilarious to us at the time. We printed out 250 business cards that said (something along the lines of)   "Stop. We are the fashion police. You are under arrest for crimes against fashion." And for the afternoon we became the fash
More of my Flowing thoughts

Feeling Different

Well this morning has been an interesting one, I've been realising that a few of my feelings have shifted... Since the end of last October I have been using female deodorant exclusively, I prefer the smell and found that the "sure" brand were neutral enough for everyday use without being overtly feminine. I ran out this week and hadn't bought more as the kids have been with me when I have gone shopping, so used my male deodorant for the first time in months this morning and realised that I do no
Tilly's thoughts

First time sleeping alone.

Tonight is the first time my wife stormed out of the bedroom when I came to bed...I'm laying here crying wondering if this is the sign that it's over...If it's best for her then so be it, I have already know that I am not wearing women's clothes just for the sake of it, nor do I want to hurt anyone just because of this.  There is just no way that I could purge just to make her happy, but it's ripping me apart knowing that I am upsetting her.  She will not even talk to me right now.
  • Tilly
More of my Flowing thoughts

One small step

So today I took another small step forwards. I have just called the GIC Outreach clinic closest to me.  I now have an appointment to talk with someone about my gender on 2nd October this year.  What a total difference to the last time I tried to call!  Last time I chickened out dialling twice and then talked myself out of it because I wasn't sure where any of my feelings and desires to be female had come from nor why they were so strong. I didn't want to do anything that woul
Tilly's thoughts

Wondering if my marriage is salvageable.

So, I have been paying attention to how my wife acts, she doesn't even want to look at me.  She will not kiss me at all, and only reluctantly allowing me ko kiss her forehead or cheek.  As much as I love her and want her to love me for who I am, I am really wondering if there is anything left there to save.  Even before I came to the realization of why I was so uncomfortable in my skin we had only had sex a couple of times per year over the past five or so years. When I tried to snuggle int
  • Tilly
anunitu

when it starts to make no sense

there are days i wonder if i need to rethink what it means to exist as i am,will i find another path to break down other walls and find a bright room on the other side,or is it better to stay safe here alone in this dark and warm shadow of reality? i used to know the answer to this,but at 72 i have begun to once again ask questions with no answers concerning my expectations from life walls protect while caging us in our pain and fear,but as one book said,i have no mouth and i MUST SCREAM so
More of my Flowing thoughts

The List

On Tilly's recent blog after some encouragement from Monica, Emma very kindly shared a list of things that she had shared with her therapist while wrestling with her identity. It had been split into different age stages but included some if not all of the "pointers" and memories that hinted at her true gender. Christy had also said she had found the exercise of creating a list beneficial to her.  So last night I sat up and decided to see if I could compile my own "List".  I w
Tilly's thoughts

A difficult conversation

Well, I came out to my wife tonight.  The best I can say about her initial reaction is that we are still sleeping in the same bed.  She has expressed more anger over me lying to her then wanting to wear women's clothing.  I tried to explain to her that I didn't keep it from her for any more then a week, because that is when I finally realized what my history and current feelings were.  I was so terrified that I was going to have to find somewhere else to sleep, at least for a while (who knows, I
  • Tilly
Tilly's thoughts

Just some more thoughts.

When my wife caught me wearing a bra, she asked me if I was going to transition.  Before that moment, I had not even considered the idea of wearing women's clothing as anything other than a dirty little secret.  At the time, I stated vehemently, "No, I had no intention of becoming a woman,"  however, her question started my mind stirring.  I have been in turmoil for the week and a half since, but I am starting to come to terms with my gender fluidity.  The more I think about it, the more I start
  • Tilly
Tilly's thoughts

A small intro.

Ok, this is probably not the normal way to use a blog, but I figured putting my thoughts and feelings somewhere could help me sort out where I am.  Most of the posts by me in here will likely be rather short.  If there is anyone out there that wants to read and it helps them, all the better. Ok, to get started, I am Tilly.  I am new to all of this and aml struggling with a lot of things.  My wife reacted somewhat poorly when she caught me 'under dressing,' but womans' undergarments have bee
  • Tilly
More of my Flowing thoughts

Restless before the rain came

This is attempt number 2 - I have literally taken most of it from my other post and tried to remember what I had written differently! I have had this weekend pretty much to myself, normally I spend most evenings wishing I had the time to be me, but whether it is because I have been out a lot or just not had the time I do not know. Today though was different, I went to work this morning but as soon as I arrived back home I changed into some leggings and a jumper and did some hopefully s
Jessica

Saratoga Pride

Saratoga Pride is an LBGTQ group outside of my hometown but close enough that I thought it would be worthwhile to check out.  I stumbled upon it from meeting Amy a few weeks ago.  They were having their annual dinner last night at a small restaurant/ pub, "50 South", just outside Saratoga, NY.  There was a rather small group there, about 30, less than I expected, not knowing what to expect, which also was good as it made for a more intimate setting.  (I give the restaurant a 5 of 5 on the food a
Blackangel Happenings

The Final Solution Is Wrong

Depression or sadness? Well there's a huge difference between the two. Sadness sucks. Maybe your favorite team lost the championship. Maybe your family said your meatloaf sucked. Maybe you're just having an off day. It's ok to cry. Let it out. Don't let anyone laugh at you for crying. Depression is beyond. Depression is an emotional disorder. The sufferers feel those things all day every day. They have no hope for tomorrow. They have no hope for today. They don't have the ability to get out
Blackangel Happenings

An Unexpected Savior

Some years ago, before I met my wife, I was homeless. I spent 3 years on the street with nowhere to go. I lived in an old abandoned feed mill. My egg donor and female DNA match only lived a few blocks from me, but neither would take me in. During that time I was alone. Virtually. Where I was staying there was an old pile of sawdust and grain. It was about 6 feet high and probably about 12 feet wide. There was a colony of rats living in it. I would say close to 100 there. I knew that they would t
Jessica

Sunday winding it down & Super Bowl

The final day of the Event, even though I'm staying till tomorrow morning. Slept real late for me again (till 8:00) ; up and at-em; gotta make breakfast in time, and they stop serving at 11.  Got down to the lobby by 10 and sad to see so many people checking out and leaving.😢  So headed right for breakfast and was cheered up immediately!  Joined Andrea, who I loved and mentioned before, and her new business partner.  They do electrolysis and laser.  Spent an hour and a half talking, not about th
Jessica

Saturday and the Banquet

Saturday morning, slept till 7!  Ugh.  Got to jump up and fly getting ready in time to help at The Closet clothing boutique. Need to go to breakfast first, too, Always meet somebody new there and really look forward to it and enjoy it.  Forgot to mention, yesterday, met Erin at breakfast.  She seemed kind of shy , so I asked her to join me. (I hate to sit alone...most of the time).  From northern Maine, not a place where she can be out easily.  An hour talking over breakfast and yet another frie
Jessica

GOOD FRIDAY! Third day of First Event

Well had a ton going on Friday.  When I came down for breakfast, the attendance had grown to 8-900,  I had heard.   All types of real people, flamboyant, discreet, flashy, cis-gender, bi-gender, cross dressers, transitioning in all different stages,  many final, many their first time out, (like me).  Young, senior, ( I was gonna say old, but none of us are old), shy, outgoing, all different in many ways but we were the same our whole lives, just hadn't met each other.  We were about to, though! 
Jessica

Second Day of First Event

Thursday was when people were arriving in groves.  I would estimate that attendance grew from 100 or more to well over 600.  Some workshops were scheduled; I attended  "Work it Girl! Posing to perfection." and "About Face The Alchemy of Make-up".  Both were well presented, I learned a lot that I use now.  I think my make-up has improved ten-fold from before.  Well worth it.💇‍♀️  after dinner, socializing in the lounge and lobby until the Dance party with DG Gregg.  Notably,  met Linda and became
Jessica

Picking Up the Pace a Bit!

This gal's been busy this past week😱.   Met my therapist for the first session last Friday, then right back to Boston to finish out First Event.  Wednesday, talked to my electrologist about scheduling something soon.  I found her searching the internet  long ago and was very happy to learn at First Event she was highly recommended and known. ☺️.  Tried to walk in, but no one was there, so called and left a message and she called me back same evening. I told her right off the bat I was transition

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