Leaderboard

It's not all bad. Some things are really fun. Using nail polish to teach my 1-year old his colours! And he really likes it too! Of course his older brother of 4 is a bit jealous, so I'm making him do the colours in Spanish. Right hand has the rest of the rainbow. Really fun!

Jessica, Thank you for posting this topic. It speaks to something that I have been thinking about a lot. I appreciate your courage to share your feelings so openly. I think you are also on the right track about keeping an open mind. Although I am still in the early stages of transitioning, I have been in the LGBTQ community for sometime. For decades, I told people I was gay man, though it never felt right. One important turning point for me was when I was filling a questionnaire prior to taking an HIV test at the LGTBQ Center in San Diego. The questionnaire asked about sexual history and identify as well as gender. I put down my gender identity as female and my sexual orientation as straight. I can't describe how right this felt. When I handed it to the counselor I cried. It was such a cathartic moment. Since that time, I gradually involved myself in the trans community -- through the San Diego LGTBQ Center and a bar frequented by transwomen (the SRO). For what it's worth, I have found that there are many people whose sexuality and gender identity are fluid. This is just a long way of saying that I would not discount Cis women as not being potential partners. I have continually been pleasantly surprised in meeting CIS partners of transpeople in many different combinations -- including MTF and Cis women. I have met the following pairs: MTF & FTM FTM & Lesbian identified CIS woman FTM & straight CIS woman MTF & MTF identified as bisexuals MTF & straight-identified CIS man For myself, as I said, I want to date a CIS man. I am not sure if I ever will have bottom surgery. (I am tabling that issue for now.) However, I am sure that I would expect my male partner to consider me a female even in bed. I know that some people would call that relationship gay, but I really only think it matters to us. In any case, just sharing some thoughts. Thank you again. Ally

Lucky me I never learned to talk to girls so I don't have to un-learn it now... I suppose I'm actually bi as I do find women attractive. But as I'm not suited to be the "man" in a relationship I haven't had a girlfriend since high school. Honestly Jessica I feel like your over thinking it. Although as I stated I can offer no assistance in attracting women.

Dear Jessica and Emma, As a post menopausal Lesbian, I would like to comment on the aging vagina. First, two transwomen friends of mine showed me (non-sexually) their post op vaginas, and, for the life of me, looking 18 inches away, I literally could not tell their vaginas from a cisgender woman's vagina! Had a radical hysterectomy for uterine cancer, at age 42 (presently I am 62) and, at first I was put on estrogen pills, and when I couldn't tolerate that, progesterone. Next came the patch, then the cream, which I also couldn't tolerate. Through the years, my sex drive gradually went away, and my vagina and urethra (where you pee) became thin, dry, and eventually atrophied. Can no longer even put my baby finger in there. Also, I can no longer tolerate a gynecological exam. No only that, I have urinary incontinence as a result. What I am trying to say is, that although many older women enjoy sexual relations, there are also many like me who enjoy companionship only. In my case, I do not miss romantic relationships and sexual intercourse. There is a website that I highly recommend for Lesbians and other women who love women (transgender women are warmly welcome) called Conscious Girlfriend: https://www.ConsciousGirlfriend.com Wishing the both of you the best in your journey! Yours in Sisterhood, Monica

Hi Jessica, Nice to hear from and about you. Indeed there are many anecdotal stories of trans people's finding their sexuality changing (morphing?) during/after transition. It's good you're keeping an open mind. After all, now that we're finally becoming our authentic gender there's no profit in maintaining hard lines in our sexuality! I found that I remain only interested in women as partners. Men can be fun and all that but they just don't float my boat the way women do. I love the deeper connection that women have between each other and freedom to express it. Because of that I had a zero-depth vaginoplasty as part of my GCS. Sure, I imagine that lesbians enjoy each other's vaginas and I wish I'd been born with one. But I wasn't and made the decision to err on the side of low/no maintenance vs. the high maintenance that's part and parcel of a full-depth vaginoplasty. Send me a PM if you're interested in more info. Although I've made a bunch of cis lesbian friends in the Seattle area I've struggled to find dates let alone a romantic partner. I am on three dating sites and have also put myself out there to several women I've met socially and am friends with. For women I've not met I suspect that my being trans is at least a part of their lack of attraction. And although I seem to pass very well I suspect that my face and body isn't as attractive as many are looking for. That said I have enjoyed several first dates and for the most part I've been the one to not wish to see them again. I find another big contusion factor that involves my indoctrination in male socialization. As a male when women opened up to me, smiled, and all that, it was reasonably safe to assume that they had at least some romantic interest or attraction to me. Now, though, all of my women friends exhibit these characteristics! What I used to think were signs of attraction are now the norm so it's pretty confusing. Last weekend I spoke privately with a good lesbian friend about this. She understood and said that I need to wait for stronger and more clear signals. That is also hard for me to do. Again, having been socialized as I was, it was expected that I take those first steps and unless I did she might lose interest. Interesting, huh? 🙂 So, I'm seeing it all as a marketing challenge to get myself out there and through exposure I'll meet more women. Last weekend I also had a first date with a lesbian I met on OKCupid. I think we'll certainly be friends. Beyond that? I have my hopes but also reservations, we'll see. Emma

I did not "barrage" my son with transgender "stuff". I asked him if he knew anyone trans; I told him, briefly what I felt and I have been hiding it since I was a little boy, I always tried to do what was best for him and his Mom; wipe his mind clean of what he's heard about transgender people I would teach him the truth about me; I told him I expected much backlash and asked him if he would be my advocate. I told him to ask me questions, not now, but as soon when he thought of them. He asked me if that means I was gay? I said no; then I explained gender identity vs. sexual preference. I let a week slide without bringing it up but now talk to him continually and drop a few more things about me each time. He mainly wants to know what to say to other people. This was my SCARIEST moment! It turned out to be my most rewarding moment in my process! My son was 23; age would come into play with what you should say. Prepare before, and teach your children that you love them UNCONDITIONALLY and they will know how to love you UNCONDITIONALLY.

Dear Dee, Can't emphasize enough about journaling, and I would also like to suggest creating art, no matter how crappy. Take art classes. If you don't like the results with one medium, try another. Force yourself to sign each piece, no matter how bad, with your female name. Slowly, but surely, your art will improve, and speak to you! Also, read every non-fiction story you can get your hands on about MTF transgender people. There you will find your sisters. We are your sisters, too, and are there for you! Yours truly, Monica

Hi Dee, I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through. In my own way I’ve experienced much of the same and it sucks, it hurts, and it is so depressing. I’ve also had to face the fact that I’ll never be a cis woman. I’m seen as trans and stand out as trans. The thing is that we are what we are. Rare, yes. Unusual, sure. And having a strange arc of our lives, raised as one gender, doing what we thought we wanted and should, and only now as we are older, confronting our reality. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we are granted our opportunity to finally be our authentic selves. I sure wish I had been born female, I really do. It’s depressing to think about how there’s nothing I can do to change that. How to contend with depression and take advantage of your alone time? - Go take a long walk and look at plants, trees, animals, water, and the sunset. - Do a teensy tiny bit on the project you had planned on working on. - Go have a nice cup of coffee or tea. - Treat yourself to something for Dee. Order it from Amazon or something. You have plenty of time to receive it! Consider ordering two, in different sizes, and return one or both if it doesn’t fit or you don’t like it. - Write in your journal. - Take a nap. I’m sure that none of this is going to really fix things for you. Being transgender is freaking hard at times.

All my get up and go has got up and gone... (borrowed from a mug I saw once) so true of me right now. Earlier I waved my kids off for 3 weeks holidays with their mum, and when they come back I have them for 3. It should be a chance to be productive and maybe even work in some Dee time but I just can't. I have been sat in my empty house all day watching Stranger Things and eating my body weight in hummous, tomatoes, olives and crackers because I finished all the sweet things in the house already. I am seeking something, anything to keep my brain occupied from the thought that I am losing my daughter. Her mum moves away and she chose to go with her, something that we have both already cried about, we will miss each other but still see one another during holidays and the odd weekend visit, but it really really hurts. I have been stressed for this last week, almost constant headaches, short fuse, tired all day but unable to sleep until after 2am. Oh and of course stress/comfort eating. None of this has anything to do with being trans other than the fact I look at myself in the mirror and see some hairy bald guy staring back and I ask myself just who it is I think I am kidding. I am paying out all this money to remove my facial hair and I just think to myself that I am being stupid. I do not look like a woman, I do not sound like a woman, how would I ever know if I think like a woman when I've never been one? I grew up a boy, thinking I was a boy, I was a fairly typical adolescent and thought I was a male adolescent, I grew into a man and got married and had children, yet somehow I have ended up here spending almost 10 months of my life almost constantly obsessing about my gender and for what? What does transitioning actually get me? What is the benefit? Because I honestly don't know. I am supposed to be finding myself but in reality I am more lost and confused then I have ever been. How can I be numb and in pain at the same time? 😭😭😭😭😭