KarenPayne

About six months ago my job changed from writing enterprise web applications to now teaching seasoned developers to transition to another ecosystem. While doing this I was asked by a magazine (well a friend recommended me) to do a write up on something that is well worth knowing yet not many have written about. Can't point to the article as its for subscribers only.

Hi Monica, Your welcome, thought this would be something that needs sharing.

Before and after surgeries I used the same Facebook profile, changed my handle and did the following which I consider tips for those who are transitioning When Facebook suggest reposting old post, review comments first for any references to your old identity e.g. someone said "Hey Kevin" while now I'm Karen, get the hint. Move old identity photos to a hidden folder or delete them. I elected to place the photos into a hidden folder. Now I do realize many will elect to have one current profile and one for their secret identity, me, I recommend one profile, get it out there and be proud.

Have not been here for a while. Been working almost everyday assisting people with COVID relief as I work for Oregon Employment department. This week is the first time I've turned on my personal laptop since last March, What prompted coming back here is just a simple update and thoughts on my progress. I think in the past year or so my transition is only thought about when I hear or see something on television. Otherwise I never think about my transition. Been really bad about dilating, about once a month or so but have not lost any depth. Any ways think I will check in more often and go deeper into what it's like after transitioning after six years. Hope everyone is good and staying healthy.

When a person cross dresses and in the closet they don't want to be found out. The person sneaks out dressed or goes out in their cisgender clothing and changes someplace else. Having this know for those who sneak out from their home an an opportune time have you considered neighbors with surveillance monitors/cameras? Of course not knowing circumvents sneaking out where this may or may not matter depending on the climate in their area, are neighbors okay with this or not and if not is there a possibility they may lay in wait with intent of physical and/or mental injury? The same can happen when dressing away from home. Since for some the urge to go out dressed may be stronger than caring about others finding out yet those who do venture out truly need to consider consequences of those out there that dispise those who don't fit into traditional male or female roles. My thought on (before transitioning) this topic is always assume someone is watching via a surveillance monitor or happens to be checking the weather out their window or simply looking outside for whatever reason and in public areas surveillance monitors are becoming more commonplace. So be careful out there.

It's been a while since visiting here, little has changed other than being asked to work for a global/major tech company several weeks ago which I have accepted. Yes they know my past and that is not an issue. I've always said that work hard and have a determination no matter what gender you are will get you places. Sadly there are many companies who discriminate against anyone who is not cisgender but that will only change when those of us who are not classified cisgender refuse to lay down and submit. Now the proud owner of two Mazda Miata's, a 2016 and recently a 2019. It's been just under four years since transitioning and hardly give my current life a second thought living as I should had been years ago but that's life.

As many know I love driving my 2016 Mazda Miata and belong to a local Miata club. Last week I spent five days, Thursday through Monday driving with 17 other cars, a total of 22 people, all cisgender except for me. I have never mentioned my past life and transitioning. I bring this up because those who have plans for transitioning need to know when you do things right e.g. work on your female voice and be comfortable in your new skin coupled with mannerism and age appropriate clothing even if someone has doubts about your gender it will be a non-issue (not sure if I've been ever made but know this from others). I was hit on by one man in the club and a female employee of a hotel (for anyone who knows Oregon, the chateau at the Oregon Caves). The man made his intentions clear but I made it clear I was into females. The employee at the hotel, let's say we had a wonderful time in the middle of the night (we stayed at a different hotel each night). She told me at the end of this month they are closing the chateau as their contract ran out and someone out bidded them. All in all this was a great time getting to know several members better, some from other Miata clubs where there whom I met at what we call "Explorer Oregon" which my club puts on for four days each year in July. Nice seeing familiar faces. Oh less I forget that four of the five hotels had both hot tubs and pools. Since I've transitioned I never refuse to take a swim or relax in a spa. In closing, in the attached image I'm the car behind the front red car.

It's been away since visiting this site and would have been longer accept for getting several email messages for posts I have subscribed too. The main reason for not being here is life is good and with nearly three years post-op I go months without even thinking about transgenderism. It use to be a daily thought because is took time for my new life to settle in. What's not to like? Well when out in the backcountry of Oregon with the Miata club I drive with when there are no port-a-potties sometimes finding a decent place to relieve myself is not always easy. Explaining to a gynecologist, nope I have not had a hysterectomy, see page three of my application (notes I'm transgender), "Oh I'd never guess". Lessons to others, if you do have full surgeries to become the inner you then and do it right (which granted is not always easy) by pre-planning and learning to adjust/fit in you have a good chance to get to that place where you have days that not being a cisgender female never crosses your mind. People (friends) who know will give say things like "you are such a girl" and you have that inner glow. In closing, one of the best things happened to me recently, my son called and said "Karen" I'm planning a trip to Oregon (he lives in California) can I stay over for a night? Day one here we spent the day together which included a run in my Miata, did lunch and dinner along with talking about stuff. Never called me Dad, always Karen. This was the first time he has seen me since my surgery other than photos I've sent him. All in all no downsides to his stay for two days. My daughter is also accepting of my transition but since she is on the East Coast it's mostly talking on the phone. Last time she saw me was one year before my transformation. So I'm a happy woman now and hope the best for those on their own journey not matter the path.

Four years ago, my company decided to implement a canned solution for the business which meant after the four-year process those (like me) developers that were not part of the migration from old systems to new systems would be placed into a very different position with the same pay, extremely easy work. Sounds great unless you’re like me, not into easy work. So I emailed the CIO of a sister company asking if they had any positions open? Side note, she knew me as a male when she worked in my company. Also, I was loaned out to this company two years ago for two months. Was told there were no positions open but then was asked to meet her (this by the way was in the beginning of December 2017) and the IT manager two weeks later. Talked for an hour with no openings. On the weekend prior to New Year’s my manager calls me into her office, said that I was asked to do a six-month rotation at the other company and was informed the next day would be my first day. Well I’ve been there ever since and they did find a position for me but will not be open until June 2018 and will start the hire process two weeks before my rotation is up. Now the important part, since I’ve been here nobody knows of my past except for the CIO and one other manager. I simply blend in, nobody has a clue of my former identity. Now the key for those still on the path to transitioning is your overall presentation both physically as in appearance and of course voice and mentally which means you believe you are female and have worked on all aspects of being female no matter if you are below average, average or better than average matched to a cisgender female your personality will shine through as female.

This has me thinking back to whom I came out to after my therapist and doctor. I dated a woman for a year back in 2007 and remained friends with her. I called her, told her about my plans and the first words out of her mouth were something like "oh, now I understand". She said that one night while we were dating she felt like she was sleeping with a female. Another old girlfriend said pretty much the same thing (she is bi-sexual) and had no problem with it. We talked for about two hours. A funny thing she said was "we need to go shopping together and when I see you if you look better than me I will have to kill you". Thinking of Facebook, a friend whom I've known since eighth grade sent me a message asking "what happened to Kevin" after I had changed my name and picture. Now this comes after I do a message after changing my name and picture announcing that I had gone under the knife a month or two before he sent me the message. He asked me to prove it was me by asking me three questions only he and I would know and once he verified this he was perfectly fine. Think out of 250 plus friends I lost one after coming out but not sure as people come and go on Facebook. Congrats on your coming out!!!

​Hi Chrissy, no she was not because she has mental issues that blocks this from happening.

Thanks for the comments Emma, Lori and Monica!!!

Yesterday while standing outside on break at work I hear someone say “hey you”, turned, looked around and here is a trans person whom I’ve known but have not seen in ages standing there. I said hi, she comes over and we hug. She is around 30 years old and when she (from what I remember) doing well (on her meds) very passable other than her voice. Well I could tell she was not well shaven facial wise and was very loud when chatting with her. There was a couple about 50 feet away that could not take their eyes off her and know full well that it was from her appearance, partly female, partly male. It was not one or two glances over in our direction but many over say (I was not keeping time) ten minutes. I felt like saying something but decided not too as it could very well have gone in a direction that I did not care for and was on break at work while if not at work would had said something. The take-a-way from this is if you are looking to present as one gender than make an effort while if your are fluid it doesn’t matter yet this person is looking to be totally female and have surgery. Also, people say in general they are accepting of trans but we all know there are some who are not and need to be cognitive to this as some do mean us harm. From the day I first presented myself (after surgery) as female clothing, mannerism and voice needed to be there and made sure it was. This is not to say it’s wrong to go against the grain but if so be prepared for blowback be it people staring, saying nasty things or physical, be aware is the bottom line

​Hi Monica, I agree in regards to living in a place that give you many opportunities.

​I truly believe the average person who goes through surgery and lives life as they should have will (as it did with me) take time to realize these things, it's a great feeling. If nothing else, I get out with a local group of crossdressers once a month and recently been pushing to have them get out of their comfort zone. Why do I mention this? Because when the day comes after your transition if possible it's a decent idea to mentor someone who has walked in your shoes.