MonicaPz

There has been an argument in the Lesbian community for decades about whether transwomen are the same as cisgender (born female) women. The argument goes, "the transwoman has not suffered GROWING UP in a misogynist (woman hating) society." My answer is that it takes courage to transition from a man with male privilege to a woman in a misogynist society. So, BOTH are to be commended. In both the cisgender woman and the transwoman, I sense the female energy, that they BOTH had from birth suffered, but in different ways. They are both women, and as such, they should give each other support as women. A corollary to this would be a person with epilepsy and another person who is a paraplegic in a wheelchair, very different disabilities, one may have been born disabled and another became disabled as an adult, are also both disabled and should give one another support rather than nit-picking who is more disabled, or even if one is disabled at all. The upshot is that we are part of the human family and we should celebrate our differences rather than let them drive us apart!

Ben, have you brought this up with your supervisor? Leadership is from the top down. If he/she takes a stand, then the others will get in line. Another possibility is to start looking for work elsewhere, maybe a LGBTQ owned and/or operated business. Good luck. You deserve the best!

RachealDenae, I feel that the transgendered are among the strongest people I know, and I am very familiar with the entire LGBTQ spectrum. Strong people are neither independent (I don't need anyone!) or dependent (constantly seeking reassurance), but INTERDEPENDENT, recognizing no one is an island, that everyone sometimes needs help and also has the obligation to reach out a helping hand on occasion. You are wise to be here at TGGuide, as most of the people here are trustworthy, and ALL the moderators are definitely trustworthy. My experience with TG support groups has only been in Tampa Bay, Florida, but found them to be a very positive experience. Think everyone needs a mix of online support as well as face to face support. It will take time, but it will be well worth your while to explore this website, even posts that are several years old can be informative and useful. Do come here every day, if you can. We care.

Dawn, women are given permission to wear men's clothes (ie, jeans, T-Shirts, athletic shoes) more often than men are given permission to wear women's clothes. Have a male friend in his 30's who has very fine bone structure, and I notice he makes great effort to be very masculine in his dress and grooming to avoid these kind of misunderstandings. Seems like you are a very mellow woman who knows how to handle it well - - - you don't take personally comments that obviously are not made in a mean spirit.

Warren, you are in the right place. Here there is no pressure to be transgendered, only support to find the truth, which is inside you. Highly recommend you find a face to face support group as well, which are on a link on the home page. This is a big website, so take your time going through it, and you will be surprised how every aspect of being transgendered is covered. It is a tightly moderated website where the moderators are kind, gentle and fair. You will find a supportive, emotionally safe and friendly space here. Glad to see you here! Welcome!!

Jenni, you seemed to have survived a toxic family and wisely found supportive people (I call them "anchors") who were there for you. Good luck with your HRT.

RachelDenae, You are in the right place. Would speak about this to as many TRUSTWORTHY people as possible, starting here. This is a very emotionally safe space, tightly moderated by kind moderators. Country folk (I won't use the impolite terms) often act out of fear because they do not have the opportunity to live in a cosmopolitan, more open-minded area. If it would bring you a chuckle, not long ago had to show a man from Texas who wore a ten gallon white hat and cowboy boots how to ride the subway in NYC! Transitioning or coming out (as in my case as a GG Lesbian) often means going from one kind of family to another. Also came from a toxic family. Am grateful for the family members who were not toxic (thank you, Aunt Edie!) and ignore the rest. Please do not let them be your judge and jury. Do not give them power by hating them. You WILL find healthy family and friends. You deserve good things in your life. Suggest you ask yourself, one person at a time, do I feel good when I am with this person and do I feel better after having been with this person than before I met this person? Please watch for repeats of CNN's "Lady of Valor: The Kristen Beck Story," which shows how she and her family struggled with the emotional issues of her transition. RachelDenae, we are always here for you!

Karen, deeply moved by your blog. First, I would like to tell you that you look lovely in your picture. Second, I would like to comment about smell. As a GG Lesbian, have interacted with all kinds of people. Have observed that women like different smells than men. Women like floral smells. My Gaymale friends do not like the body odor of women, not even Lesbians. Very heavy butch Lesbians like fragrances that are not floral and very fem Lesbians like more floral fragrances. This is just my opinion. Even though I am a mid-butch Lesbian, I still like my floral fragrances!

Alexis, your post reminds me of the wonderful experience I had at King of Peace MCC (Metropolitan Community Church) in St. Petersburg, Florida. Felt totally loved and accepted, as well as everyone else. Wish I could clone that church!

Ben, years ago I was advocating for a Genetic Man who had a deformity of his penis. I went to a medical library and men walked behind me, aghast, as I visited two medical websites about men's penises. They were talking about men's penises "within normal limits." Was amazed at the different sizes, colors, etc. In short, Ben, and although I am a GG Lesbian, most Straight GGs, transwomen and Gaymales will agree, it is not the size but WHAT A MAN DOES WITH IT. In my opinion, I think it could be too large, and a man could experience prejudice because of it. This is what concerns me when people have too many romantic partners - - - they may be overly concerned with the physical and not enough concerned about their partner's character and values. Oh, by the way, the man I was trying to help those many years ago, I recommended that he see a doctor experienced in male urology. Felt there was something organically wrong with his penis. Sadly, he had to approach me as his friend, as a grown man, and his parents MUST have known, and were in denial! For that, I thank God, you have good relations with your parents and a supportive relationship with them. Also, you have many caring friends here on this website. Ben, you are an excellent asset here, too.

Ben, thank you for the uplifting post. I, too, have mixed feelings about Walmart on many levels, but here they stepped up to the plate! Know you will be an excellent representative of Walmart, and with your strong work ethic, you are going to be a valued employee. Hope you may want to become part of the management team in the future!

Dear Jen, Can really relate to what you are saying as many years ago, had a friend that identified as transgendered, and had started to dress full time, have hormone treatment and electrolysis. She was making excellent progress (she was in her late 20's or early 30's), she decided to stop and become a full-time man again. She was an electrical engineer, and when she became a woman, she passed beautifully, both by looks and voice. She had perfect lady-like deportment. What changed her mind about transitioning was that she found out how poorly women engineers are treated. It was not about being transgendered but about sexism. Wish I knew back then what I know now, as I know many resources for women engineers. Also, when I met her, her mind was made up. This is why women have to support women, no matter if a woman is genetic or transgendered. Because she left due to sexism, women engineers lost an ally. Jen, I can't help but wondered if she had the courage to try again, like you did. Like my mother said, may God rest her soul, "it is OK to stop to rest, but not to quit." Since then, I hope the career of electrical engineering has made progress in treating ALL women as the professionals they are. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Michael, I, for one, refuse to attend the MichFest. It is another sad example of people who were victimized by the predominant culture, only, to turn around and, instead of helping those behind them, trash them. There are other Lesbian organizations who also exhibit transphobia, and I rejoice that the leading TLGB organizations are calling them on it. Not that long ago, because I was one of the few Lesbians working for a TLGB Hotline (the Lesbian hotline failed due to lack of interest in the Lesbian community), I was the victim of a hate campaign by the local Lesbian community. I followed my mother's advice, may God rest her soul, "be kind and civil to everyone, but choose your friends carefully." I thank the Gaymale and Transgender community for being there for me and being my friend. Yours truly, Monica