MonicaPz

As a cisgender Lesbian, the price for immediate interaction, as provided by the Internet, rather than meeting face to face, is a loss of community. It is important to maintain community. In the age of the Internet (especially social media), cell/smart phones, and other technology, it is becoming more and more difficult. In the Lesbian community, as I am seeing Lesbians approaching gaining their full civil rights, I am seeing less community. Presently, I only see Lesbian Connection and Golden Threads, among a few others, trying to maintain community among Lesbians, and they are struggling. Sadly, I have also noticed that most Lesbian bookstores no longer exist. My great concern is, when, as transpeople achieve greater acceptance, are they going to lose community, too? The challenge to the TLGB community, is to maintain community as the emphasis in our society shifts from face to face to online interaction. In my opinion, I feel we have it reversed. People should meet face to face PRIMARILY, and maintain contact (and community!) through technology. The Internet should be seen as a tool to support face to face interaction, but not to supplant it.

Karen, you look awfully good (no pun intended!) for someone just out of the OR!

Dear Lisa, Please consider the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) that is TLGB friendly. Have had only one person who had a bad experience with the MCC Church. Went to the King of Peace MCC Church in St. Petersburg, Florida, and had such a wonderful experience, I consider it my best church experience in my life. Was on the greeting committee, where newcomers were given red plastic cups at the social after the service. Talked with them for a few minutes to get to know them, and then introduced them to church members who might have something in common with them. Be aware that just because a DENOMINATION is TLGB friendly, does not mean the individual church is friendly. Attended a so-called TLGB friendly denomination church in upstate New York (whose denomination I will not mention) and discovered all the "old-timers" (all Straight, cisgender people) and they were incredibly hostile. Even though the pastor was Lesbian, learned that they went through pastors like water (like one every year!) and she was a nervous wreck, trying not to piss off the old-timers that were on the board and acted like they owned the church. Take your time, and look at several churches, going to several services at each one, then choose the one that best resonates with you and your wife. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen and Christie, What I meant was that I was addressing significant others, to be supportive of their transgender partner, in whatever decision they choose to make. Your friend, Monica

Karen, Looked at the website and feel that there is a great need for opposing points of view. Am concerned that the writer is an ultra conservative. In my opinion, I knew 400 transgender people casually (met them once or twice) and about a hundred well (met them at least four times a year, many of whom I met weekly), and only two "changed their mind." One (MTF) changed their mind because they could not cope with losing male privilege. The person was an engineer and experienced great prejudice as a female engineer, despite passing beautifully in voice and looks. Reassured them I would give them my support no matter their choice; telling them to take their time. The person had HRT but no surgery. They had to have reversal surgery in that their breasts had to be removed. The other, also a MTF, had HRT and SRS, and had to have reversal surgery. This person experienced great trauma, very similar to the man in the video. In short, changing one's gender should NOT be taken lightly. In my opinion, I feel a person should get a good two full years of counseling BEFORE HRT or SRS, as well as living full-time during the same two years. Realize it is tough living full time before HRT, but it is very hard to reverse even HRT alone. Transgender support groups should NEVER pressure anyone to proceed with their transition, and should make a point of giving support whether a person decides to proceed or to back out. Strongly recommend EVERYONE to look at the website, video and links CAREFULLY, and study the above chart. By the way, my beloved, with whom I had a ten year relationship, was a "Group 2, Type lV" Transsexual, who did not have HRT or SRS. Did not pressure her to have HRT or any procedures done. Please note, significant others, do not pressure your beloved in either direction, but encourage them to take their time as transitioning is irreversible! Monica

Karen, Watched the video three or four times! Beg EVERYONE, in particular for young people, and I guarantee everyone will resonate with it! Thank you, Karen, for bringing this excellent video to our attention! Monica

Eve, are you joking? (I hope so!) Do anti-trans pills exist? What kind of doctor would prescribe them? Think they should lose their medical license, if you are serious! Monica

Eve, I beg you, please do not self-medicate with prescription medications. Am glad you found a doctor you could trust and get a proper prescription and medical follow-up. Hope that you wife can keep an open mind and learn as much as she can. Monica

Dear Christie, In my opinion, you are a Straight woman, as your inner gender is female and your sexual orientation as it relates to your inner gender is heterosexual. Have sensitive "gaydar," and you come across as 100% heterosexual. Your friend, Monica

Karen, Noticed that, too, when I viewed your photographs as a man. Think you are a handsome man and now a very pretty woman. Monica

Dear Lisa, That's great advice for ANYBODY! You INSPIRE me!! Your friend, Monica

Dear Michele, Every woman's experience with weight gain/loss is different, and changes with age. Most likely, your experience will be similar to that of your mother, aunts and sisters, because of genetics. In my case, my mother and most of her sisters had large chests. I, do, too. Tend to gain weight FIRST in the breasts and lose weight LAST in the breasts. Other women gain weight most easily in the butt or hips. The secret is to wear clothes that flatter your figure. Would suggest you shop for clothing with a female friend whose fashion instincts you trust and get her feedback on what looks good on you and WHY. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Brigsby, What you describe is not only transphobic insensitivity, but also adult sibling bullying, which is more common than you may think. Have three brothers and a half brother that bullied me as a child and as an adult. Children do not automatically outgrow sibling rivalry. The good news it, often, it DOES get better. Please give it time and do everything you can to not let her have the satisfaction of getting under your skin. Forgive me, but play deaf, dumb and blind. In one ear and out the other. My brothers would humiliate me in public (even as adults!) and they only made a fool of themselves. You have "brothers" and "sisters" here at TGGuide who accept you for who you are! Yours truly, Monica

My Dear Friends, When I learned about demisexuality, (here at TGGuide!), I was really excited because it described me to a 'T'! Demisexuality, in my opinion, is not about sexual orientation, but about a person's APPROACH to sexuality, no matter what their sexual orientation is. It is "one step up" from asexuality, in that a demisexual is not easily aroused, because it takes time for the demisexual to get to know the person before becoming aroused. A demisexual is defined by a person who is sexually attracted by a person's character or interior, rather than their exterior, or looks. In my opinion, a demisexual can be Straight or TLGB. Ideally, a demisexual would be attracted to another demisexual, as they would more likely resonate with one another. Consider myself a demisexual, as I always took my time to get to know a person before becoming involved with them. My friends would jokingly say that I was "slow as molasses," and that by the time I decided I liked a girl, that she would think I was not interested, and be long gone by the time I share with her that I was interested in getting to know her better! Have passed up many a beautiful woman (not that they would be interested in me!) because I did not resonate with her heart. Found true love with another demisexual, a beautiful, brilliant Lesbian transwoman who was a scientist. We were friends for two years and even "hung out" together, before dating. On my side, I thought that such a beautiful woman would never be interested in a woman that looked like me, and such a brilliant woman as her would not be interested in an intelligent, but not brilliant, woman as me. She was a scientist and I was a human rights/civic activist. She read Scientific American and I read a wide variety of magazines and newspapers. She had a laser intellect and I had broad interests. Thankfully, she never humiliated me with her great intellect. She was a truly humble woman. We complimented each other very well. Recently, while Spring cleaning, I discovered her address and telephone number. Called her and found her she was still the beautiful woman (inside and out) that I always loved, but now is happily involved with someone else. Am very happy for her. Two excellent websites about demisexuality: http://www.lonerwolf.com/are-you-demisexual/ http://www.demisexuality.org/whatisdemisexuality.html Some say being a "romantic," is a sexual orientation, but I think that is a way of showing love that could apply to ALL sexual orientations and ALL approaches to sexuality. In my opinion, I think I am a "romantic," because I love celebrating the holidays, especially Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, and I never forget birthdays and anniversaries. Know many people of different sexual orientations who are the same way. In short, I am a hopeless romantic! A great big "thank you," to my beloved, who showed me that I have a lot of live to give to my lady, no matter what I may want to call it! Monica

Eve, Please do not get "L plates" on your cars, as my partner and I, as well as other Lesbians, have had their cars vandalized over it. Glad to see that you enjoyed your vacation! Monica

Friends, Was deeply moved when, while surfing the 'net, I came across a blog from a young Gaymale who wanted to no longer be a Gaymale. We ALL want to, on occasion, to "quit ourselves." NO ONE IS EXEMPT. It is OK to "shut it down," for a limited period of time, "give it a rest," to let our minds clear, to reassess WHAT KIND OF PERSON we want to be. Would have liked to beg him NOT to run away from himself, as that invites guilt and shame into one's life. Even though this blog addressed a Gaymale, his story resonated with me, as I left the Lesbian community, after I broke up with my beloved (a ten year relationship) as I was confused as to where I belonged in the Lesbian community. Think many in the transgender community will resonate with Luis' story, too. Left the Lesbian community for ten years. Even though that was a much longer time that I would recommend to others, I feel (because I hopefully matured in ten years' time) more confident in the woman that I am, and I am not as easily swayed by what others think of me. Looking back, I would have sought out another crowd, perhaps by starting with a one to two week vacation out of town. In the past, after every breakup, amicable or not, I automatically had six months of weekly counseling and gave dating a rest for two years. This breakup was different as I could not find a good counselor that I could afford. Had I been able to do it over, I would have continued to search for a good counselor, and been more assertive in offering office and parking lot cleaning (as I had in the past) in trade for counseling. To my dear Gaymale friend, please seek counseling and give dating a rest. IT DOES GET BETTER! http://www.thoughtca...want-to-be-gay/ http://www.thoughtca...be-gay-anymore/ Your sister in friendship, Monica

Dear Friends, Forgive me, I don't believe "constructive criticism," should bring a person to tears. Have a brother that I have had to back away from, who told me, "for my own good," that I was selfish, lazy, and thoughtless. Was moved to tears, too. Then, when I got home, I asked myself, "does this apply to me?" When I thought things through, I felt he was incorrect. Also, I realized he would do this to the person, whether it was his wife, his brother in law, or me, who he felt was the most vulnerable. He did this, because, by putting the other person down, he can pull himself up. Feel she should have made "I" statements, instead of "you" statements. For example, she could say, "I feel left behind when you are exploring becoming a woman," or, "I feel like I am losing the man I fell in love with." The reality is, that a woman is drawn to the emotional characteristics of the "man" who is really a woman. This does not mean that she is a Lesbian. So many women who married men who later turned out to be a MTF transgender person, would say, "he was so different than all the other men I dated. He was so much gentler, kinder and considerate than any other man I dated." In my situation, because I am a cisgender Lesbian, say, my Lesbian partner approached me and said, "I think I am a man and I want to explore it." Would support her, and, together, would explore transgender issues together. To be sure, I would tell her, that I could make no promises as to our relationship, as it is a FUNDAMENTAL change in the relationship, and it would be impossible for her and I to PREDICT where we would be when the dust settles. Would hope I would have the maturity to at least be friends . . . It is scary . . . as we all want "forever" . . . Your friend, Monica

Karen, Women create THEIR OWN perfume. Also, a perfume will smell different on every women who wears it. Men also have their own unique smell. Not only can I smell the difference between a man or a woman, (or a boy and girl, for that matter), but can identify a person by their smell. This may be the reason that you don't feel the same compulsion to wear perfume when you were pre-op and pre-HRT, because you are now creating your own perfume. My mother, may God rest her soul, had a wonderful perfume. Smelled it on her jewelry and clothes, too. Your friend, Monica

Friends, My mother, may God rest her soul, said, a teenage girl often puts on way too much makeup and a woman in her 30's or more, who could stand a little makeup, goes without! LOL! Personally, as a cisgender Lesbian, I wear lipstick only for special occasions, as I am allergic to all other types of makeup. Monica

Christie and Emma, All aboard on the TG train! Seriously, in my opinion, trying to decide on gender and sexual orientation, or sexual orientation BEFORE gender, is confusing. It is best to find your true gender (internal gender), THEN sexual orientation, IN REFERENCE to the true gender, to know sexual orientation. Just as an adolescent experimenting with sexuality does not reflect on true sexual orientation (exploring homosexuality does not make him or her a homosexual, for example), when one first transitions, just like an adolescent, the person may explore different sexual orientations, before finding the sexual orientation that is right for him or her. Changing your mind on your sexual orientation does not make you a liar . . . as we all are a work in progress . . . Monica

Friends, Found two very supportive letters in the May/June 2015 issue of Lesbian Connection, and I will keep the authors anonymous. Slowly but surely, transwomen who identify as Lesbians are making progress . . . "My heart was crushed when I read in Lesbian Connection (LC): 'Currently, persons with Y chromosomes and intact male genitals want to attend, and in misogynist, anti-feminist ways they are attacking the (Michigan Womyn's) Festival . . . ' A misogynist is, by definition, 'a person who dislikes, despises, or is strongly prejudiced against women.' How can a TRANSWOMAN, who has spent her life hating her male genitals and saving up money in order to have the surgery to remove them, be described as misogynist? A transwoman must do more than any female-born woman to become the woman she believes herself to be. Her identity is in her brain, not between her legs. In the process of becoming the woman she so desperately seeks to be, she must face the rejection of friends and family, not to mention the humiliation when she is not allowed to use either washroom. She must go through the challenges of changing her name, and, more often than not, losing her job. In addition to all the emotional and surgical struggles, she must go through painful hair removal, learn to use her voice in a new way - the list goes on. If you think being Lesbian is difficult, can you imagine, even for a moment, what it is like to be trans? Instead of excluding, may we please learn to be accepting and supportive?" The second letter . . . "In the last issue, two writers state: 'Anyone can submit to the medical/pharmaceutical industry, declare himself (sic) a woman, and find acceptance almost everywhere.' They add, 'Trans support people are very clear that trans is a choice of gender, not of sexual preference.' Not at all! It is by no means a CHOICE TO BE TRANS, and indeed many trans people have struggled for years, even decades, against an inner identity that's at odds with who society tells them they're supposed to be. Transwomen do not choose to be women, any more than cisgender women do. Gender identity always comes from within. Unfortunately, the patriarchal Judaeo-Christian-Islamic cartel that rules much of the world has brainwashed most people into believing human beings are entities born at a specific time and place and destined to fulfill during a single lifespan whatever was determined for us at birth. Older, less patriarchal forms of spirituality have long understood that each of us embodies various combinations of masculinity, femininity, and everything in between, with the emphasis changing as we undergo rebirth again and again. Why is there so much attention in the LGBT movement on trans issues now, after so many years of neglect? Because transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are being attacked, assaulted, murdered and driven to suicide on a daily basis. Except for a few celebrities, the majority of transwomen, especially transwomen of color, are stuck in the lowest socioeconomic classes, struggling daily to survive as the women they know they're meant to be. While transwomen struggle daily to survive, the Religious Right and their Republican friends are determined to destroy them. Realizing they have all but lost the battle against gay liberation, the bigots are now turning their hateful ire against the most powerless sexual minority they can find. And they're beginning to find success this time. Legal protections are being rolled back. And to the chagrin of transpeople and their allies, fighting alongside all those thugs and right-wing religious crazies arrayed against them are some avowed members of the Lesbian Feminist community. Let's reflect on the founding principles of feminism: the rejection of the belief that biology is destiny; the conviction that womanhood is known from the inside out; the right of every woman to live her own truth; the sisterhood of women of all races, nationalities, classes and cultures, regardless of birth. 'One is not born, but becomes a woman,' said Simone de Beauvoir. Yet some 'radical feminists' are willing to toss these foundational principles of feminism right out the window. Suddenly biology is destiny, and one should not call herself a woman unless she was pronounced female at birth, regardless of her inner feelings about herself. In the name of sisterhood, women are being set against women, and those that do not meet their criteria are to be excluded. If you truly want to overcome women's oppression, you will never succeed by joining the oppressors in persecuting a small minority that is even more oppressed. Nor can you overcome patriarchy by walling yourselves off in your own little world, building up the porous gender binary into a wall with worse oppression than you have yourselves. We need to complete instead the very process that these two women unaccountably deplore: to tear down the walls that divide the various genders until everyone, regardless of who we were told to be from birth, is able to find our own power and fulfill our own potential. Then women and men will at last be truly equal. Isn't that what we've been fighting for?" To these two courageous Lesbian women, I say, THANK YOU, and I need not say more . . . Monica

Mikah, Love the photograph of three beautiful young women! Monica

Karen, You a beautiful woman and were a handsome man. Guadalupe is a very pretty woman. Thank you, Karen, for not taking advantage of Guadalupe! Think Guadalupe and you confused friendship with budding love. Think both of you grew from this experience . . . Monica

Friends, PLEASE click on Emma's link . . . and the link of links, as well as videos! Be patient, a few of the links are broken, but, I promise you, the effort is well worth it! MUST READING/VIEWING FOR EVERYONE! Monica