MonicaPz

Dawn, In my opinion, men don't want to be TOO good-looking, for fear of attracting Gaymale attention. They aspire to looking rugged, and they put their attention into excelling in sports, and, later, into making a good living, in order to attract beautiful women. Teamwork is emphasized with boys and men, while individualism (women competing with other women) as women want to be "chosen" by the man of her choice. As my dear mother, may God rest her soul, would say, "men think they choose the girl, but it is really the girl choosing the man, but letting him THINK he chose her!" Monica

Karen, In every picture of you as a man, you pass as a mid-butch Lesbian, and as a woman, you pass as a mid-fem Lesbian! Of course, MANY Straight women have the same degree of femininity as you. In other words, I would not have even thought you were a man in ANY of your pictures, as a man, and, DEFINITELY as a woman! Monica

Eve and Karen, Karen, you looked about 35 both as a man and as a woman. Has been my experience that if a handsome man transitions into a woman, she tends to be pretty or beautiful. The reverse is also true; when a beautiful or pretty woman transitions into a man, he tends to be handsome. Monica

Karen, Please accept my condolences on the loss of your sister. In my opinion, this is not the end. She has become all-knowing and all-understanding in the Spiritual Realm. You had a lot on your plate during your transition. You are the sister she has never had. You will be together again. By the way, an owl symbolizes wisdom. Your friend, Monica

Learned about the concept, "Living Apart Together," (LAT), when I was surfing the 'net for "couples living apart happily," as I love my apartment and my town, Beacon, but miss having a woman (I am a cisgender Lesbian) to love and care about, because my community (Dutchess County, NY) is very TLGB-phobic. My additional reasons are that I am a loud snorer, and have some other habits that I am too embarrassed to talk about. Interestingly, "Living Apart Together," (LAT) came up. Most of the information about it came from England, Australia, and Germany, with a little about it from the U.S. This is probably because the U.S. is a relatively sexually conservative country. How it came about was in England, during their census (like ours, every ten years), they noticed starting in the year 2000, but dramatically increasing in 2010, a lot of handwritten comments on people's census forms, explaining they were somewhere between being single and living together. The British government hired three universities to better explain this new social trend. Most of these couples were monogamous, and had various reasons for being in LATs. Also, without knowing it, I realized that I was in a LAT! Was very much in love and went with a transwoman for ten years, until her friends started getting married (at that time, Holy Unions), and she wanted to get married, too. Was very happy to marry her, but my reasons for not marrying was I knew Straight and Gay disabled people lost their disability benefits due to marriage, fear of bankrupting my beloved (she wanted to marry me anyways), because she would then be responsible for my medical bills and medications (at that time, insurance did not cover Gay partners), she lived ten miles off the bus line (she was ok dropping me off at the nearest bus stop on the way to work), and, as a butch, I was not comfortable with a fem supporting me. Of course, TODAY, I would have had an "underground marriage," (very common even today for people on disability), and would have kept my public housing apartment, using it for storage and as a mail depot, while living with her, just visiting my apartment once a week to clean, check my phone messages and pick up the mail. The advantages may be: Be able to avoid getting "underfoot" with one anotherGreat for those who travel long distances for workBe able to keep the relationship "fresh" and "special"Be able to connect regularly by e-mail, telephone, texting, Skype and snail mailBe able to be more romantic by sending packages and gifts​The disadvantages may be: In a crisis, may not be able to get together as quickly as you may want toBoth of you must NOT have trust issuesWon't be able to share quality time together on a day to day basisMay not be the best way to raise children​Realized that my relationship was a LAT, even before they had a name for it. Also, I realized had we moved in together, our relationship would have very likely been short lived. Today, I am open to a LAT, either as a prelude to a living together arrangement or as a permanent arrangement. Would try a living together arrangement on a trial basis, and, if there are problems caused by living habits, return to the LAT arrangement. Here are some links about LATs: http://www.losangeles.cbslocal.com/2013/05/10/experts-married-couples-finding-bliss-apart/ http://www.articles.chicagotribune.com/2011-02-14/features/ct-live-0214-amy-20110214_1_couples-happy-valentine-s-day-private-space http://www.livingaparttogetherlat.com https://www.facebook.com/LivingApartTogetherLAT https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doXVCB1KAno https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4-q1h93Csk ​https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ul9YoL7z58 Would like to hear from others who have been in a LAT and/or living together arrangement and what you think about each!

Dear Karen, When I look at your pictures, you look 35. Love the drawing of the lady with the butterflies. It looks like a black pencil drawing with colored pencil drawing of the butterflies! You seem to make friends right and left in Portland. Is that standard for Portland. The people seem so friendly. When I spoke to people on the phone at Portland's LGBT Center, they all seemed so friendly. You are very lucky that you are self-lubricating, as some doctors warn their pre-op patients that they may not be self-lubricating. As a cisgender woman, I was self-lubricating with no trouble until a few years after my radical hysterectomy, after which my vagina became thin, dry, atrophied and definitely NOT self-lubricating! My hope is that you soon find a compatible, committed, loving, monogamous life long partner that has a strong drive to share this with you! Your friend, Monica

Happy Birthday, Christie! And may you have many more!!

Ben, Would love to see you two upload your presentations and share the link here at TGGuide, if you are both comfortable. Monica

Dear Lisa, Just to let you know, women's breasts are seldom exactly the same size (although mine were, before I had a biopsy the size of an egg removed from my left breast at 9 O' Clock, where my breast contacts my left arm). Interestingly, the last two months my breasts suddenly enlarged (along with other bodily changes), before the hot weather started, and my nipples became very tender. Am post menopausal, and I do have annual mammograms (thank God, clean). Saw the doctor last Monday, for a complete physical and blood workup, and I will let you know what she has to say. Would suggest you invest in some sleeping bras, as they will help you get a good night's sleep. Wish they had them in my size! LOL! Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, First the toes! ABSOLUTELY love that color and design! Glad you received feedback from other women as they can see your facial expression while you look at various colors and designs, thereby cluing them into what looks good on you. Obviously, you can't see your own facial expressions, so it is good to shop with women whose fashion savvy you can trust. About weapons in the restroom. Think it would be safest to place them on the tank of the toilet or on top of the toilet paper dispenser, rather than on the floor. My philosophy is that if I feel the need to carry a weapon to be somewhere, then I shouldn't be there at all. About cravings . . . when I feel a craving, I try to go without indulging eat for two or three days, and, if the craving is still there, then, what the *el*, I'll indulge it! Sometimes I will psychoanalyze myself, and ask myself, what is going on in my life? Personally, I do not allow potato chips, soda (not even diet), hot dogs, etc., in the home, but, I must confess, even though I have cut back, I still enjoy various forms of chocolate in the home! Interesting, even though I have cut back on salt, fat, and sugar, I have noticed that my body shape has changed (my chest has lost inches, my bra cup larger, waist gained six inches yet lost pounds). All my life, my chest and waist sizes were the same. For the first time in my life, they are not. Have seen my doctor about it last Monday. What concerned me the most, is that this happened rather suddenly, even before the hot weather hit. Have heard women's bodies change through the lifespan, but not suddenly, say, within two months. Had a complete physical and blood work done, and will let you know what she says. Karen, we DO live in changing times. Today I would not live in Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn, especially as a single woman. Am amazed how much gratuitous violence I am seeing in NYC and other large cities, for no reason, at all. According to my best friend, my old neighborhood is no longer recognizable. In your case, you do not "look" Gay. BUT, you are an attractive lady, that looks years younger, and there are troubled men who resent/hate women to watch out for. To sum up, WE MUST LOOK OUT FOR ONE ANOTHER. Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen and Eve, Noticed from the beginning the two of you DO look like twins! Last summer went to my first family reunion in decades (a bunch of homophobes) and regretted it. Many said snarky comments to me. As I was going home, I said to myself, "I don't know why, but I feel really lousy right now." It really hurt when, only ten feet away, a relative said, "what is SHE doing here?" Had I had my own transportation, I would have got up and left right then. Actually, I DID get up right then, and walked around the park, looking for a TLGB gathering, but no luck! My TLGB family is my REAL family! Hope you can find that life time love soon, that will accept your best friend, as her husband accepts you. Seems like the west coast is calling . . . Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, Always a pleasure to hear from you, and I certainly love the background! Please allow me to comment on beastiality (and while I am at it, pedophilia). These DO NOT BELONG in ANY sexual orientation. The reason why is that animals and children do not have the capacity to make informed decisions, especially potentially life changing decisions. Adults are supposed to be GOOD STEWARDS of both animals and children, striving for their ultimate good. About depression, I would like to comment. As I understand it, one out of three or four will have battled depression in their lifetime, from mild to severe. Also, there are several kinds of depression, often treated differently. Have had feedback from several friends of mine who stated that anti-depressant medication CAN be addictive, and should be used cautiously. There is a difference between "situational depression" and "organic depression." Situational depression will lift as soon as the stressor that caused it is removed, such as a homeless person obtaining housing, or an abused person being removed from an abusive situation. Organic depression usually has no clear "cause." Be aware that we ALL have blue days, but we should be concerned when it stretches into months. Also, choose your doctor carefully, and be aware of situations where your doctor is chosen for you, especially by hostile family members. Have witnessed the mental health system be used as A WEAPON by hostile families and societies. Warren, I am proud of you for dealing with your depression and other issues forthrightly. Please reassess when your SITUATION improves, as some, if not all, MAY be situational, as you are presently living in a TOXIC SITUATION. Thank you for reaching out to others . . . Grateful for your friendship, Monica

Dear Christie, As a cisgender Lesbian, I can attest to the fact there are a lot of divisions in the Lesbian community, as well. Whenever you get two or more people together, you will find "politics"! Everybody has a different "style." Some people are "young at heart," and others, "are older in spirit than their physical age." As for me, it varies, depending how I feel. When I feel good, I feel very young, and when I am in a lot of pain, I feel older, sometimes much older, than my age. Think that some women are criticized when they dress much younger than what they are, such as dressing as a teenager when they are decades older, for somehow "trying to be something that they are not." Have noticed that when we reach various "turning points" in our lives, starting at puberty, we start "experimenting" with different styles of behavior and clothing. This continues throughout our lifetime, but is most obvious at puberty, and when coming out as TLGB, what I call, a "second puberty." The reality is that we ALL are transitioning, throughout our entire lives, as our outsides struggle to keep up with our insides! Your friend, Monica

Dear Roxanne, Am so proud of you! It is never too late! So glad to hear of your children's support and that you have removed yourself from that toxic situation! Every Fall and Spring, I do a deep clean, and, as part of that, I try on all my clothing. If anything does not fit well or no longer looks good on me, I either donate it to charity, or, throw it out. This is therapeutic in itself! You go, girl! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Friends, First, I beg everyone to play safely. Secondly, as a cisgender woman who is a Lesbian, please be aware that everyone's sex drive differs, and can change at different points in their lives. When I was in junior high school/middle school as well as high school and even college, I could orgasm just by fantasizing, without even touching myself. I was practically jumping out of my skin! Noticed after I had a radical hysterectomy, that my sexual drive is next to zero, even though I am a romantic woman. Interesting, even though I was involved with my beloved AFTER my radical hysterectomy, I could orgasm just by kissing her, before even having sex with her! When I start getting serious with someone, before I even touch them, I share about my present sex drive, so that there would be no misunderstandings. Yours, Monica

Dear Eve and Veronica, Wow! Are you guys way ahead of the game! Hope ALL police departments learn a lesson, because the secret of stopping crime is PREVENTING crime! Couldn't help but notice "The Universal Language Centre," which gave me a chuckle, because in the Spiritual Realm, when a person is forming the thought/words to which they are going to say, they are unknowingly speaking the Universal Language. Languages as we know them on Earth, do not exist, except for special circumstances, as everybody speaks the Universal Language. Very rarely does Spirit communicate out loud or by even moving their lips, as they communicate in the Universal Language. Am assuming, of course, that this is a language school, which are very popular in NYC. Your friend, Monica

Friends, As a cisgender woman, before menopause, I had to shave my legs weekly. Now, after menopause, I shave my legs once a month. Monica

Karen, Excellent point! There are MANY inexpensive hobbies to get our minds off of ourselves. We all need to take a break now and then. Every day, I ask myself, have I done everything possible to achieve _______________? When I can honestly say that I have, then it is time for me to enjoy myself. Have notice many transgender people are VERY talented in the performing and fine arts! Monica

Warren, The gentleman you referred to probably was a drunk or had dementia. You were wise not to give him a ride because it seemed like he did not know his own address. Hope that somebody at DMV had a heart and contacted adult protective services. Congratulations, young man! Monica

Karen, Despite the reassurance of "this is like Las Vegas, what is said here, stays here," please be careful, as I have painfully learned, when someone is willing to gossip about someone else, it is only a matter of time before they gossip about you. When you maintain high standards, you will find some women will fall away. Take that graciously, as the others who have high standards like you, will often be lifelong friends. There will be times of loneliness and isolation due to your high standards, but it will be worth it. Alcohol will loosen lips and women will say things that they regret. May I suggest to keep it to two drinks and to sip slowly. Also, what you hear goes in one ear and out the other. If outsiders ask about what was said in your gathering, play deaf, dumb and blind, saying whatever they are asking about was not discussed. This also goes for office parties! Monica

Christie, Am a cisgender female and I feel you pass perfectly! Monica

Dearest Friends, Must confess that more than once I went into a restroom cubicle only to find no toilet paper there . . . figuring out too late why it was available! Also always carry tissues with me with this in mind. Also heartily agree with you that dressing androgynously for a year or two before starting HRT is an important step in transitioning. Monica

Karen, Love your patriotic finger nails! May everyone have a safe holiday! Grateful for the IDEALS of the USA, Monica

Karen and Christie, In addition of getting as much done locally in advance, make sure you BRING a copy in hard copy, such as your EKG (tracings AND report), bloodwork, etc. Ask you internal medicine/family practice doctor to work with the surgeon on this, explaining that you have saved a long time for this. As my mother would say, may God rest her soul, "cry poor mouth." Monica

Warren, May I ask you, how large are your mother's, aunts' and sisters' breasts? If they are large, yours will tend to be, too. If you have a double mastectomy, if large breasts run in the family, you will want to make sure the surgeon knows this, as she or he would want to remove as much breast tissue as possible, because they can continue growing, requiring a second double mastectomy. Also, I suspect, if your father, brothers, and uncles have "male boobs," this will reinforce this tendency. Karen, I believe Medicare is a FEDERAL program, and is the same in all fifty states. Medicaid, which takes care of the 20% Medicare co-pay for some patients, varies from state to state. There are some hospitals overseas that offer significant savings, but I fear even if some of these hospitals are well-run, that problems can occur after the patient returns home, and of course, the patient would have difficulty returning to resolve the problem. Wish I had answers . . . Yours truly, Monica