MonicaPz

Dear Karen, Want to thank you and Microsoft for sponsoring "An Hour of Code" which really helps encourage women to study and pursue STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) careers. By the way, they have a wonderful website, www.code.org. Well worth checking out! Your friend, Monica

Dear Leo, You are a nice looking young man. You remind me of a young man that volunteers at my library, and also tutors seniors like me on how to use technology, such as smart phones, tablets and eReaders. Your also remind me of a young man in my family who is a senior at university in Maine. Have no children, but I would have been honored if you were my grandson or great nephew! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Blair, Love your pictures! Even though I am not in recovery, I do not smoke, drink or drug, but I can assure you that you can have as much fun and joy sober. Squeeze as much joy out of life as you can! Your friend, Monica

Dear Blair, Charl and Briannah, First, Blair, I just wanted to let you know I love your artwork and photographs. Even though I am not in recovery, I do not smoke, drink or drug, because I come from a family of alcoholics (both of my parents as well as all my brothers - I have no sisters). Actively seek friends and partners who do not smoke, drink or drug. Am not a wet blanket. Far from it - I love to party and have a good time, just with sane and sober people! Have many friends who are in recovery and I have the greatest respect for them! Your friend, Monica

Dear Michele, Really respect you for being so straightforward. Very much appreciate it. Because I am straightforward on my dating profiles, I thought others would appreciate it, but I learned most don't, because they are into games. Has been my experience that people are VERY DIFFERENT than their dating profiles. As for face to face meetings, which I prefer, it has been my experience that people are able to communicate on so many levels, that I am better able to discern who I resonate or am more compatible with. Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah and Emma, Strongly agree with the both of you. In fact, I will take it farther. Feel that no two marriages are the same. They are as unique as the two people involved! Your friend, Monica

Friends, PLEASE check out ALL the videos! My dear friends, it is great to have goals, but make sure they are YOUR goals. Please do not give your power away by letting others decide you can pass or not. Focus on being YOU! Your friend, Monica

Dear Michele, Emma and Karen, Personally, I try to date women (I am a cisgender Lesbian) who are no more than 10 years my junior or senior, because I like to be with a person who is from the same generation as I am. Also, I prefer transwomen who identify as Lesbians because they seem to try harder at relationships than cisgender Lesbians. Still do date cisgender Lesbians. My one true love of 10 years, with a transwoman who identified as a Lesbian, we had a very cerebral love (she was a brilliant and very kind woman) and I would say that we would both identify as demisexuals, which are people who fall in love with another's CHARACTER rather than their physical looks or sexual prowess. Would love to find such a woman again! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma, Have always loved VELVET and VELOUR. Growing up, as a teen, I received a beautiful hand me down from the 1950's, a purple velvet skirt from a cousin. Presently I am thinking about buying a velour long sleeved blouse in Christmas colors from Woman Within or Roaman's. Have always been a fan of COLOR and TEXTURE! Your friend, Monica

Dear Michael, Am deeply touched by your poem. Sometimes, even when I am surrounded by millions of people, (as when I lived in NYC), I feel very lonely or alone. All it takes is for me to find one person that I resonate with, which is so hard to find. Even being in a loving relationship, one can feel lonely, when that person is not accessible. EVERYONE is lonely at times, even when they least expect it. No one escapes at least occasional loneliness. Never had I seen such a touching poem about loneliness by a man! Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Thank you for your patience in allowing me to correct myself in copying this article. That's what happens when I am in a rush at the library, trying not to be "timed out" by the computer! Here are my comments on "Nine Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through." Can only comment based on my ONE long-term relationship of ten years. My long-term relationship was very unique in many ways compared to some short-term relationships I had. Actually, my long-term relationship was unique in that it was healthy and my short-term relationships had so much in common that I would even say they were that I would even say they were similar. Years later I was amazed that many of them had severe mental illness, mostly Bipolar, untreated and undiagnosed and very toxic. On my side, I was very co-dependent. With my short-term relationships, I was always lonely and vulnerable when they came into my life. When I met my long-term relationship, I happened to have most of my needs met through healthy friendships. As for my dysfunctional short-term relationships, we didn't even get to Stage #1, at least from my side. When it comes to my long term relationship, it was a very deep friendship that deepened and deepened over time. Would describe it as a "cerebral love." We resonated almost perfectly with each other. Recently a friend (not a TGGuide member, but a cisgender Lesbian), after I sent her a copy of the article, who is in a ten-year relationship that seems highly functional, told me that some of the article had good points, but other parts of the article she felt were in error. Does anyone resonate with my comments on the "Nine Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through"? Your friend, Monica

Please, everyone, consider MUST VIEWING of Emma's link. The transwoman who was the love of my life, she did not do hormones and had no surgery, but I considered her as much a woman and lady as any transwoman. Refused to pressure her to have hormones and surgery, and, in fact, I encouraged her to take her time. She was very lucky to be in a very supportive transgender support group who pressured no one. Being transgender has everything to do within your head and very little to do with the body, in my opinion. Must confess, I asked my beloved to present herself as a woman and as a lady in my presence. My beloved's health was my primary concern.

Dear Briannah, Thank you for pointing out my error. Not only did Stage #9 was missing, but Stage #8 was messed up. Yours, Monica

The following is an article that a friend sent me, with which I really resonate with. "Wondering what relationship stage you're in right now? Here are the nine relationship stages that all couples go through, not how love starts." "Relationships are unique. No one experiences love in the same way." "You may have been in several relationships in your life, and every relationship is unique. But there are a few traits that are in common with every relationship." "Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation/limerence and goes through several stages. These stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other. Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall." "Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up a few years later? Perhaps, in all probability, they went wrong in one of these stages of the relationship." "Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you've been with for several years? It doesn't matter how long your relationship lasted because all relationships will fit in one of these relationship stages." "Find your own relationship stage here, and it'll definitely help you understand your own love life better." "Stage #1 THE INFATUATION STAGE. This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely sexually attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other's company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides." "Stage #2 THE UNDERSTANDING STAGE. In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your partner that stretches late into the night, and everything about your partner interests and fascinates you. You talk about each other's families, ex's, likes and dislikes and other innocents secrets, and life seems so beautiful and romantic." "Stage #3 THE STAGE OF DISTURBANCES. This stage usually forces its way into a happy romance after a few months of blissful courting. Do you remember the first fight or angry disagreement you and your partner had? For the first time ever in the relationship, both of you confront each other over a conflict, even thought it's sorted out quickly." "Stage #4 THE OPINION MAKER. In this stage, both of you create opinions about each other. As the months pass by, both of you know what to expect from each other, and you make an assumption about your partner's commitment towards the relationship." "When these opinions and expectations about your partner differ now and then in real life, it can either leave you ecstatic OR depressed." "You don't expect your mate to buy you flowers, but they do. You feel ecstatic. At the same time, you expect them to pick you up from the airport on time. But they arrive an hour later because they forgot all about picking you up. It depresses you." "Stage #5 THE MOLDING STAGE. You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mold each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This can be a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering." "Stage #6 THE HAPPY STAGE. If the relationship survives past the MOLDING STAGE, both of you may have changed equally for each other and understood each other's expectations. In this stage, the relationship cruises along perfectly and both of you may be blissfully happy with each other." "Almost always, this is the stage when both of you feel like an ideal match. You may even decide to get engaged or get married. This happy stage is also the stage of attachment when both of you truly feel connected to each other and love each other intensely." "Stage #7 THE STAGE OF DOUBTS. It has been several years since both of you have been in a relationship with each other. And somewhere along the way, doubts start to creep in. The intensity of the doubts depend on how happy both of you are in the relationship." "You start to think of your past relationships, your ex's, and other prospective partners. You tie your happiness in life with your relationship. If you're unhappy, you blame it on the relationship." "In this stage, you start comparing your relationship with other couples and other relationships. Would your relationship survive this stage? It definitely could, as long as your relationship isn't monotonous and repetitive." "Stage #8 THE SEXUAL EXPLORATION OR BUST STAGE. This is the stage when your sex life starts to play a pivotal role. Both your sex drives may change or one of you may get disinterested in sex." "In this stage, you either give up on passionate sex or constantly look for ways to make sex more exciting. If sexual interests start differing here, one of you may end up having an affair. But on the other hand, if you find creative ways to make sex more exciting, your relationship could get better and bring both of you a lot closer." "Stage #9 THE STAGE OF COMPLETE TRUST. This is the happy stage when both of you love each other and trust each other completely. But at the same time, the unbreakable trust in each other could also turn into taking each other for granted." "In this stage, both of you know the direction of the relationship and both of you are completely happy with each other and find it easy to predict each other's behavior and decisions. But with stability in love comes the urge to take each other for granted." "As pleasant as this final stage of love may be, it's still no excuse to take each other lightly or stop appreciating each other, because love is an intense emotion that can be rekindled by anyone else at any time if you fail to express your romance to your lover." "If you're in a relationship for a while, you may have experienced all OR most of these relationship stages. And if you're still in a young love, don't let the dark side of these relationship stages scare you." "Instead, look at these nine relationship stages as stepping stones into a better future, one that's filled with a lot of love and happiness, just as long as both of you remember to keep love alive all the time." --- Denise S. And, now, I would love to hear from you, my fellow TGGuide members, whether or not you resonate with this article, or which parts you do and which parts you do not resonate with. Your friend, Monica

"Everyone is Accepting at First, But After the Shock Wears Off, Not Everyone Is" Dear Lisa, Briannah and Veronica, This is VERY COMMON when a person goes through ANY significant life change. It is only times like this that a person finds out who their REAL friends are. Often, people are supportive at the beginning, because that is the politically correct thing to do. Then they sometimes change their minds when their OTHER so-called friends say to them, "what are you doing with HER/HIM?" Some people are so weak they can not choose their own friends, and allow themselves to be intimidated into being TOLD who they can be friends with, ONLY TO REALIZE TOO LATE that these so-called friends of theirs who turned them against their friend when their friend really needed their support THE MOST, turn out to be superficial friends! Yes, it takes guts to think and make decisions for yourself, because these so-called friends, if you don't agree with them, make every effort to turn your other friends against you, forcing you to make a decision to stand up for your friend who needs your support the most or settle for a SHALLOW friendship with them. Sooner rather than later, these shallow friends will turn on you for some other reason. The upshot of all of this? Strive to have a few quality friends who will be there for you, rather than try to win a popularity contest with a bunch of shallow ACQUAINTANCES! Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen and Veronica, Can't say enough that it is MANDATORY to have an ADVOCATE with you when getting medical and dental care. PLEASE check out the history of the physician with friends and family who may have had care from them, as well as the hospital's reputation. A good start is checking websites such as www.HealthGrades.com and there are a few similar ones whose names I can not recall. Check them ALL, as one may catch something the others may not have caught. YOUR HEALTH IS WORTH DUE DILIGENCE! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen and Veronica, Can not be reminded ENOUGH as this is true for ALL surgeries, INCLUDING dental work! PLEASE, get a second and third opinion, and BE VERY CAREFUL about having procedures done overseas to save money, because if something goes wrong, it is very hard to fly back to have it corrected. Also, other doctors are often reluctant to "correct" another doctor's work. Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, Chantel and Veronica, My girlfriend of 10 years who was a pre-op transsexual, spoke softly and did not attempt an overly feminine voice (although she identified as an ultra fem Lesbian) in order to not strain her voice. The other members of the transgender and cross dressing support groups in Tampa Bay did the same, for the same reason. We had outing in BOTH lgb/t and Straight establishments. To me, they were ALL ladies, and the few FTMs were ALL gentlemen! Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah, Absolutely love your blond hair! Personally, I put my hair in my sister in law's (I prefer to call her my sister, as I'm not into this "in law" thing) and she not only chooses my hair but my clothes. If left up to me, I would be a mess! This is one of the reasons I need a wife! Your friend, Monica

Dear Briannah, Nikki and Veronica, When I developed viral encephalitis, my mother spent $10,000 for 25 doctors and tests to find out what was wrong with me. Personal computers even at the library was new then, and we did extensive research based on my symptoms. Learned that people with epilepsy went UNDIAGNOSED anywhere from 5 to 25 years! How relieved we were when we learned not only I had epilepsy but Post Encephalitis Syndrome! Didn't mean we had a cure but we did learn I wasn't crazy! Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Coming from a very toxic family, I can relate. He is a father in name only. Please do not let him tear you and your family down. Perhaps you can find a wholesome father figure here or in the community? Your friend, Monica P.S. Like to think of myself as a mother and sister figure . . .

Dear Bree and Steph, Have asthma, too, as both of my parents were heavy smokers when I was growing up. At first used an inhaler A.M. and P.M., plus an emergency inhaler when needed. Gradually got off the daily inhalers by keeping my apartment immaculate and taking precautions such as having no carpets and no pets. Tend to get an asthma attack when I encounter something I am allergic to, change in weather and coming down with a cold. Did not care for my Ear, Nose, Throat doctor, so I work closely with my Family Practice/Internal Medicine doctor. Try to avoid polypharmacy (taking too many different medications). Everything is prevention! Be well, my friends. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Congratulations on your endurance ride! Loved bicycling, but the most I rode was 2 miles each way to school and work. Your friend, Monica

Dear Nicky, Thank you for helping the homeless vet! As my mother used to say, "God sees everything," and, of course, I grew up with, "what comes around goes around" (good or bad). Have found when I help others, the knowledge gained in advocating for them, often is useful to me later! Your friend, Monica

Karen, Thank you for taking the time, energy and treasure to help your friend. Have found I learned so much in helping others that later the information I learned was invaluable to me! Your friend, Monica