MonicaPz

Dear Emma, Love your woodworking. Also like motorcycling and woodworking. Gender is not determined by what you do but how you carry yourself as you do it. We all are in process of finding our voice. Out of HUNDREDS of transgender people I have known through the years, I have known only three who detransitioned, one of which was me. Consider your friend a very courageous person, as sometimes there is a lot of pressure to transition. Emma, take your time, and you will find your voice! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Am also a fan of Star Trek, Dr. Neil De DGrasse Tyson, Dr. Stephen Hawking and Winston Churchill (big WW I and II history fan). Every couple have their difficulties, by the courageous couples work things through. Time is your friend, and you are slowly healing. Your friend, Monica

Dear Frank, Take your time, and the answers will come. May I suggest you read through the Forums, and then the Blogs, leaving comments and questions, and, eventually consider starting a Blog of your own. By the way, Emma and Lori are great resources! 😀 Yours truly, Monica

Dear Kitrah, You have a right to be concerned/afraid and my suggestion is to come out slowly, and to do your research before coming out, by reading all you can on the topic as well as quality counseling. Suggest you as others here how they came out as transgender. In my case, I came out as a Lesbian over a period of time with a lot of support from the T/LGB community. Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Admire you very much in that you put in an HONEST DAY'S work consistently EVERY DAY. You also FOLLOW UP. This adds up to an excellent work ethic! Please be careful as a lady going to private clubs for lunch and dinner, especially where alcohol is going to be served. Am a little concerned when pleasure and business is being mixed. Please keep us posted. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Ava, Just learned the Lesbian couple who has befriended me are so closeted that I am the only Lesbian they know! 😢 If it weren't so tragic, it would funny! 😅 Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Feel I am "barking up the wrong tree," in taking all kinds of classes in my building that I really don't need, but today my doctor says that's OK, because I am able to sit with my friends, doing something productive, that may not help me, but I may pass the information onto someone else. 😉 Your friend, Monica

Dear Ava, Good news, the video is working! Really resonate with it, as a Lesbian in a very conservative community, where the few T/LGBs are very deeply closeted, I feel I have almost lost myself! Thank you for sharing. Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Lori, Resonate with you both, as I desire to have a social life on my terms, not on the terms of others. For example, my phone never rings from friends, only reminder calls from doctors! 😰 It wasn't always this way. When I lived in Florida, my phone rang off the hook almost constantly from friends, sometimes almost too much . . . I recall one friend that used to call me regularly at 3 A.M. and I had to ask her to call me at more decent hours! Not sure if this is because Florida's culture is very different than upstate New York's or if that now I am 60, and back then I was in my 30's and 40's, or perhaps both! 😕 Miss my Beloved, a pre-op transwoman who identified as a fem Lesbian, but who is now in a happy relationship that I don't want to disturb. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Ava, It says the video is not available. Is there any way you can fix this? Thank you. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jessica, HIV is no minor problem, but today it is considered a chronic illness. Please take your medication in a timely fashion, as skipping doses could set you up for developing a tolerance for the medication. Also, please visit your nearest T/LGB Center, where they have excellent free magazines on the subject, such as "POZ." Have several friends who have had HIV for DECADES. It is possible to become "undetectable," where they can't find the virus in your blood. My heart and prayers are with you. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Not surprised Dr. Marci Bowers has a four year waiting list . . . she's one of the best! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, When I read this, I said, "Wow, this lady is on FIRE!" Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Good for you! Thank you for checking with everyone who may be on your FB timeline, so they don't get a surprise. Felt freed when I came out because I couldn't take the stress "covering my tracks." Not into labels, but being a Lesbian is part of my core identity. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Every woman should be professionally fitted for a bra every six months. Make sure you bend over and DROP your breasts into the cups every time you put on your bra. By the way, it is best to wash your bras and other "delicates," that you mentioned here BY HAND and in gentle liquid soap made for this purpose, the brand which is the most common, called Woolite, in lukewarm water. Also my mother, may God rest her soul, stored her delicates in their own drawer in her dresser, separated by sheets of white tissue paper. Your friend, Monica

Dear Mero, Just as in the cisgender male community, there is a SPECTRUM of degrees of masculinity. Men and women, both trans and cisgender, should learn to celebrate diversity and respect one another. Unfortunately, it takes longer for some than others! 😉 Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, You'll find you will get out of the Chamber of Commerce what you put into it. Joining the Chamber of Commerce is one of the greatest investments you can make in your business career. They also offer programs such as SCORE, which are retired business owners and executives who offer free advice. Also they offer free or inexpensive classes on how to run a business. There are free pamphlets about various aspects on running a business. Best of all, they have a program pairing up women business owners (also people of color and disabled). Love hearing about your progress! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, When someone is loud and unkempt, trans or cisgender, male or female, Straight or Gay, this could mean low self-esteem, under the influence, or mental illness, especially if you recall them in times past as "well put together." You are wise to back off graciously in public, as this person could create an unpleasant scene. The time to give such a person support is in private, but I would not go into their home or invite them into yours. Your personal safety is paramount. This really brings home the point that a person can change dramatically, even in a short period of time. Your friend, Monica

Dear Dawn, In my opinion, people are responding to people's ENERGY, rather than their looks. This is why women disguised as men, and vice versa, rarely get away with it. Your friend, Monica

Dear Michelle Lea, Thank you for your concern. You, and my other friends here at TGGuide, keep me going. This Spring, I am visiting Burlington, VT. Next, I will visit Seattle, WA, where I am also on the waitlist for public housing. Again, thank you for your support. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Michelle Lea and Emma, When I lived in Tampa Bay, Florida, I had a wide variety of choices, both T/LGB and non-T/LGB, of activities. Now I live in a narrow-minded place, in upstate NY, even when they claim to be seeking members and volunteers, (this includes CHURCHES!), which never call you back, where the disabled and elderly stay in their homes for weeks and months at a time. Presently I reach out on a one to one basis, and we have 2 social workers in my building who are trying to combat this. Am on the waitlist for Burlington VT and Seattle WA public housing. Am 60, and I am praying my health does not give out before I move. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, Emma and Chantal, Not only have I heard this about those who successfully transitioned dropping out of the T/LGB community as they make associations based on common interests rather than seeking out others simply for transitioning, but I also see this among Lesbians, usually after they find a committed relationship. In the case of the transwoman, I think it is a HEALTHY reason, while in the case of the Lesbians, it is because of insecurity, because healthy relationships are so difficult to find. Living in a place that gives you MANY OPPORTUNITIES and CHOICES is key! Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Bring my physical changes to my doctor's attention, only to be told, that's a normal part of aging. Am trying to be as active as I can, as you are doing, Bree. You may consider PODS moving, where they drop off a container in your yard, you pack your own boxes, and put them into the container, they ship the container to your new house, in your yard and you unpack your own boxes into your new house. The containers come in different sizes and are priced accordingly, along with the distance they are being shipped. Haven't used them, so I can't vouch for them, but it is an idea you can consider. Your friend, Monica

Dear Natalie, Emma and Bree, Didn't take the test because I found it confusing, but some of it resonates with me. Have epilepsy, and I can spot people with epilepsy on the sidewalk, especially if it is not well controlled. About half of people with autism have epilepsy. Took care of a man with Asperger's Syndrome for 10 years, and I learned a lot taking classes, taking him to support and social groups and attending symposiums on the topic. Have issues with loneliness, and I am not sure if it has to do with the fact that I am disabled, poor, or that I am average looking. Must confess I felt more accepted when I lived in Florida (there are many more disabled and poor people there, and, amazingly, they are much more T/LGB-friendly. When I lived in Brooklyn, I was almost as well accepted and well-treated as I was in Florida, and here in upstate New York, I seem to have much greater difficulties than I had in Florida and Brooklyn. Thank you for allowing me to share. Your friend, Monica

Dear Not Allowed, Am not transgender, but a cisgender Lesbian who is an ally. Have been mistaken for a transwoman several times. Am a member of the Mid-Hudson Valley Transgender Association. Seems like the bullying comes in waves. Not surprised that this happened after the New Year, because people get on a high through Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. During these three holidays, it seems people are on their best behavior. Am amazed to see this BEHAVIOR in a LIBRARY. Has always been my experience that libraries bring out the best in people, like churches, but no more for either! Had a bad day today. Thank you for your friendship. Gratefully Yours, Monica