MonicaPz

Dear Emma, Lori and Briannah, Thank you for your birthday wishes. Am proudly age 60. Emma, I love the pictures of your cat. Will be writing about this milestone soon. Yours truly, Monica

Dear NotAllowed and Emma, Have noticed that there is a more "rough crowd" riding the bus and subway, as well as visiting the library, As for the bus, I try to ride as close as possible to the driver (in the front). In the subway, I try to ride in the FIRST card (by the conductor) but I notice that there are more "conductor-less" cars, but I would still try to ride in the first car. In the library, I try to use the computer/tables as close to the librarians at the front desk as possible. Always carry a "Five Star Responder," by Great Call (www.greatcall.com) and if I press the "panic button" for 5 seconds or less, I get a trained operator, and if I press it for 6 seconds or more, I get BOTH the operator and police. Also,my exact location shows up on the operator's and police's map. Just before I wrote this, I was harassed by two Latina/Hispanic young women (for what reason, I don't know) and had to report them to the librarian. This is one of the reasons I am saving up to get my own computer, so I don't have to go to the library as often. Hate using the public computer as I feel so vulnerable. The trans- and homophobia here in upstate New York is so oppressive! Yours truly, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Agree with you 100 percent that the Chamber of Commerce is a great resource for anyone who has a business or works with the public as part of their job. If I worked for a business, and they were not a member of the Chamber of Commerce, I would beg my boss to join and promise my boss I would regularly attend meetings and represent my employer. Live in a small town and we have a Visitor's Center sponsored by the Chamber of Commerce, and I give them credit for the steady growth of our town and our increasing prosperity! Yours truly, Monica

Dawn, May I add, that I rejoice that you got 20,000+ views, because you are helping to encourage and inspire many people, most who are "lurkers," rather than people who leave a post, but these "invisible" people need help and support the most. Many people start out as "lurkers" first. Your friend, Monica

Dear Michelle Lea, In the future, you may want to consider I.V. sedation. It costs a little more, but it is worth it. Luckily, it is included in my dental insurance. Proud of your excellent progress on the job! Sounds like your boss really believes in you! Good for you for taking such good care of you and your "furry children"! Hope you get them microchips. My nephew and his wife refused to microchip their dog (even though it costs only 25 dollars) and last Christmas their dog got away from us and I almost slipped on some black ice trying to catch it! LOL! Your friend, Monica

Dear Dawn, Just wanted to comment that at age 60, sales staff and wait staff mostly call me "ma'am" but occasionally call me "miss." Started being called "ma'am" in my early 20's. As I got older, "ma'am" gradually predominates. Am OK with either one, as long as it is spoken respectfully. Your athletic bra reminds me of the "jog bras" I wore when they first came out when I was in college. You asked if I saw your post. Read TGGuide a couple of times a week. As far as I know, I've read every one of your posts. Am sorry if I was late or missed reading one of your posts. Please let me know which you think I may have missed. Your friend, Monica

Dear Dawn, Love your hooks with the picture of the three horses on it. Don't know what percentage of cisgender women use breast forms and padded bras, but I am sure there are many, especially among the younger set! Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Absolutely love your latest photograph of "Miss Peanut." Wish I could have a pet, but I can't due to allergies. Thank you for being a wonderful friend! Yours, Monica

Dear Emma and Friends, We ALL have "down times" and feel the "blues." Sometimes we don't always know why. When I feel blue, I go to a comedy club (I sit in the back because I don't want to be part of the show when I am blue) and it really helps me. Just a suggestion. Thank you for being there for all of us! Your friend, Monica

Dear Trans-Formation, Dating a transwoman does not reflect on your sexual orientation. Just because she was formally a man does not make you a Gay male. Sexual orientation and gender are two totally separate issues, as different as apples and oranges. Just to let you know, I am a cisgender (born female) Lesbian woman who had a serious relationship with a MTF transwoman. Because she once was a man does not make me a heterosexual woman. She is as much a woman as I am (she identified as a Lesbian). Sexual orientation is seen in reference to a person's gender, whether cisgender or not. Hope that helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Trans-Formation, You have found a safe space here at TGGuide to explore. Here the members are kind, supportive and knowledgeable. Suggest you read the Forums and Blogs, first. Then, feel free to ask questions and start your own Blog, which you are doing here. Transwomen often identify as heterosexual (romantically attracted to men) or as Lesbian (romantically attracted to women), just like cisgender women do. Your friend, Monica

Dear Trans-Formation, First, I am amazed on how fast I change, even looking back six months ago, a year ago, 18 months ago, 24 months ago, etc. Every ten years we change almost completely physically as every cell in our body is replaced every ten years. As for the girl, often people draw together, then push apart, as they deal with their attraction to another person. How I deal with that is to take my time in getting to know someone. Remember, sudden attraction, (especially physical) is often a symptom of limerence or lust, not love. Like to say, "Let's be friends first!" Your friend, Monica

Dear Michele, ONE OUT OF THREE people are estranged from a family member. Have gone ten years without speaking to my brothers (I have no sisters), and some of them I have reconciled, others I have not, due to my being a Lesbian. The interesting part is that they do not speak to each other. My mother's side of the family I am estranged from because I am Gay, and all my Gay cousins have moved to Portland, Oregon. Went to my last family reunion and watched my family be cruel to the Black American wife of a cousin and the biker club member of another cousin. To me, THAT is NOT family. Was tempted to tell my brother who took me that I wanted to go for a walk and LOOK FOR THE RAINBOW FLAG, as that is my REAL family! Choosing a family of CHOICE is the challenge many people have, T/LGB or not! It WILL get better! You have friends here. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Your friend, Monica

Feel transwomen, both pre-op and post-op, pre-HRT and post-HRT, are every bit a woman as I am, a cisgender woman. It's all about what's between the ears!

Dear MichelleLea, Agree with Emma. The reason rejection in sales is so painful is before you can sell ANY product, you need to sell YOURSELF, which leaves you feeling vulnerable to rejection. Have found I could not sell anything, even as a volunteer for a non-profit, unless I believed 100 percent in the product and the company behind it. Please keep us posted and in the meantime, you are in our thoughts. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, Read the book and watched on DVD, "Hidden Figures," and really resonated with it that women can not be both beautiful and brilliant. They were real trail blazers! Also, I related to the theme, "most of the time," as NO ONE is always happy. Hope that most of the people who are happy most of the time or showing progress towards greater happiness are grateful for it. Feel that both of you ladies are happy most of the time and are growing towards even greater happiness! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Happy belated birthday. My mother used to say, may God rest her soul, "If a card is late, it doesn't count." However, with my health struggles, I am now often late. Can't get to the store when my back is out or when it is pouring rain. Just do the best I can. Assuming your family is getting older, too, because you are 75, so they may have difficulty getting out at times, too. Were they always this way? Maybe your friends and coworkers are your family of choice. It hurts, because my half-brother and I do not speak at all, my oldest brother and I e-mail about four times a year, and my middle brother and I speak on the phone about five minutes once a week and my youngest brother and I have Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and my birthday together, and maybe he returns my text once a month. Just to let you know, one out of three persons are estranged from at least one member of their family. You are not alone. Your friend, Monica

Dear Chrissy, Think Widow to Widow was referring to INCAPACITATING grief. Still have moments of grief over losing my parents. Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Just because you have known a person for a long time, doesn't mean they will grow parallel to you. Emma, I hate to say this, but this man hasn't grown much since the first grade when you knew him. By the way, education does not always imply maturity. When I attended my 10 year high school reunion, I was amazed that those who attended looked and acted as if they graduated YESTERDAY. Asked to be taken off the mailing list! When I moved to Dutchess County, I reunited with a friend of mine from high school and I wondered why I was ever friends with her. She did not look or act like she had grown at all, and she and I had graduated 40 years ago! My youngest brother, he claimed he did not recognize me on an emotional or physical level in the ten years we were out of touch. Took this as a compliment! The upshot is that we all grow at different rates and directions. Even if we compare ourselves to ourselves, every ten years every cell in our body is replaced, and if we are growing at a healthy pace, we should show significant differences every ten years. Even when I look at myself from six months ago, a year ago or two years ago, I see significant change in myself. By the way, that man was just plain RUDE! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy, When my mother lost my father due to heart disease, she joined an organization called, "Widow to Widow," which was free, run by a woman psychologist. My mother got a lot out of it, but the greatest thing she got out of it was that the grieving period should last no more than two years. This is the point that the widow should clear out and give to charity the unusable property of the deceased partner. The psychologist said it was unhealthy to grieve beyond two years, and that the survivor should get counseling. Hope this helps. Your friend, Monica

Dear Chrissy, Strongly feel that transwomen are "real" women, and those that identify as Lesbian are "real" Lesbians, as well as those that are Straight women. Have always looked in between the ears ("character counts"). This also goes for transmen. Want to emphasize I feel this way both about pre-op and post-op, pre-hormones and post hormones. Somehow, I can sense the gender and sexual orientation ("gaydar") energy of people, and beyond, the beyond I can not discuss here, as that would require a book! Have to accept that some others do not have this capability, and they have a lot of confusion about it. Just wished that people who do not understand something, did not feel the need to be hostile about it, but just accept that they do not understand it at this place and time. By the way, there are many things I do not understand, and I accept these things as things I do not understand yet. Hope that makes sense! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, My heart and prayers are with you. I KNOW you can do it! Selling insurance is a challenge because you are selling PEACE OF MIND, and it is an abstract concept rather than a concrete object. Am cheering for you! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy, Usually "mother of the bride" gowns are great women's formal wear that is appropriate for ball room/formal affairs. Is there a chance you could photograph yourself in it and upload a picture of yourself in it? Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, The jacket probably had an interim discount. You look great! Also, you seem to have great friends! Your friend, Monica

Dear Chrissy, Interesting that you bring that up, as I am giving a talk about "community," at Fantasia Fair in two weeks. As a cisgender Lesbian, I watched the Lesbian community become absorbed by the community at large (assimilated). Feel strongly this disempowered the Lesbian community, as evidenced by the disappearance of Lesbian bookstores. Sadly, I have to seek community by attending transgender support groups and conferences. Am very grateful for the outreach of the transgender community. In Florida, as well as in New York, I have observed some people who transitioned, leave the group. Feel the group's job is to empower people to go on to the next step in their lives. Hopefully they keep the friends they made in the group. Don't think it is healthy to remain in any kind of support group for a lifetime as this shows the person made little or no growth. What concerns me is when there are no support groups when people need them the most. Feel that people need face to face support and that online support should be secondary to face to face support. When I moved to trans and homophobic upstate New York, I am grateful to find a welcoming transgender support and conference group. Why am I not in a Lesbian in a transgender support group? There is none convenient to where I live (I do not drive). I find support wherever I can find it! Thank you, my dear friends in TGGuide and Fantasia Fair, for being there for me when I most needed it. Will always be grateful for your friendship! Your friend, Monica