MonicaPz

Dear Mikaylajane, Agree with Jessica 100 percent. What I try to do when I am stressed is ask myself, "what is the greatest problem I have right now?" Then, focusing ONLY on that ONE problem, I ask myself, "what can I do TODAY to resolve that problem?" Follow through and do it. Then the next day, focusing on the SAME problem, I ask the same question, until the problem is resolved, no matter how many days it takes. Then go on to the next greatest problem. If this does not work, you may have to conclude it is not meant to be. Recently, I decided I wanted to join a Senior Adult Day Care, to do my art, only to encounter one difficulty after another. Sadly, I had to conclude I was not meant to be there. The point is, if you feel you have to force it, chances are you are not intended to be there. Now I do art in my friend's restaurant, which she is OK with. Usually, when one door is closed to you, another will open. On a few occasions in my life, I was able to observe that had I entered that closed door, I may have not only been more frustrated, but even injured or killed. Try to stay calm, and be open to another opportunity. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma, Men and women are equally nasty, just men show it through violence and women, because society doesn't give them permission to be violent (until very recently), are nasty by emotional and verbal abuse. My dream is of a society that is secure enough that people do not resort to such behaviors. Remember, it is a people problem, not a gender problem. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma and Mikaylajane, Just attended an outstanding lecture at the library, and the mental health therapist who was giving the lecture said that psychotropic medications should never be given without concurrent counseling, and, except in rare cases, should never be permanent, but reevaluated regularly. Wishing you both health and wellness. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma, When I saw your picture of you hiking with your Lesbian friends, I would never knew you were transgender. You looked like just another Lesbian. Please keep in mind that estrogen drops in ALL cisgender women as they age, and testosterone in ALL cisgender men as they age. Recall a senior cisgender Lesbian heavy/stone butch I knew in Florida (not transgender) who, if you put her in a suit, she would have passed as a cisgender man! Remember, being a woman is from the inside out! Don't let others' problems become your problem! NOBODY is accepted by 100 percent of others 100 percent of the time! Your Lesbian sister, Monica

Dear Mikaylajane, Estrogen causes hypersensitivity. Just ask any mother of a teen daughter! 😉 Your friend, Monica

Dear Mikaylajane, Live in a small city 50 miles north of NYC that is growing very fast. It has always been clique-ish and clan-ish, but as it grew, it got meaner. Have found medium-sized towns the best. These cities are known to be T/LGB friendly: San Francisco, CA; Portland, OR; Seattle, WA; Fort Lauderdale, FL; and the Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg, Tampa), FL area. Try to participate in as many gender conferences as possible, and ask transgender people about the pros and cons of where they live. Ask people here at TGGuide for their suggestions. Also, look for transgender meetups nearby to find others seeking community. Remember to look for a good overall fit, not just about how T/LGB friendly a city is. Hope this helps. Your friend, Monica

Took care of two autistic men, and they have a sensitive sense of smell. People accused them of being cross dressers, but they weren't. With the first, his mother died, and he was very close to her. Her clothing was bagged up and I was instructed to not wash it. To get him to settle down for bed, I removed a piece and put it under his pillow. Sometimes he wore her slippers, and I had to remind him to keep it indoors, to preserve the slippers and avoid misunderstandings among neighbors. The other one I cared for would sleep in his mother's bed. This involved bonding with her smell, and calmed him down. Belonged to several autism care givers support groups, and I never thought to bring this up. Does this resonate with anyone?

Dear Jessica and Christy, Years ago, I babysat for a little girl and her brother. One day, while playing, he asked if he could dress as a girl (he was about four). Allowed him, he and his sister played as if two sisters, and the next time I babysat for them, I asked if he wanted to dress as a girl again. Was a teenager then, and I knew nothing about transgender issues. Felt relieved he did not want to dress as a girl again, and apparently he "got it out of his system." Never told their parents. Have the ability to sense gender energy, as well as "future sexual orientation energy," and I sensed he would grow up heterosexual and a man. He was just exploring, and I think children should be allowed explore. Felt as a result I was "cool" about it, that I helped him affirm that he was heterosexual and will grow up to be a man. How would I handled it if I picked up that he was going to grow up to become a woman or a homosexual man? Probably I would have said nothing, as I was aware of my gift but did not understand it. All I could do was describe what I was "seeing," and cause upset and confusion among the parents. By the time I was a teen, I only shared my gift in life and death circumstances, and only by describing what I saw. Tried to help others by seeking a "natural" explanation to what I was seeing. The transgender community has helped me to understand my gift. For that, I will always be grateful. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Think you made a good move, as you explored rentals first. Ideally, your neighbors will keep to themselves, as mine do, because you want to make friends OUTSIDE of where you live, should a friendship goes sour. May I ask, do you know WHY your new home is so inexpensive? (There are good reasons and bad reasons for this.) Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma and Christy, Sadly, in Tampa Bay and upstate NY, I feel money and looks ("lookism") is important to the Lesbian community. (Interestingly enough, I didn't see this in the Lesbian community in Brooklyn, NY!) This gave me permission to be more inclusive towards Lesbian transwomen. Some would call me poor (monthly income, $857.00), and fat (269 lbs. at 5'8"), but I focus on that I am not seeking a "sugar mama," and despite many attempts at weight loss, I have adrenal fatigue, as a result of post encephalitis syndrome, preventing weight loss. Be aware on what you can "bring to the table," and what your true needs are. Have many friends who are poorer and fatter than I am, and vice versa. Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Agree 100 percent. Actually, I keep a lower profile and try harder to let things go in one ear and out the other, or play deaf, dumb and stupid since this Administration. Your friend, Monica

Recently I commented on someone's post about being bullied, and, literally, I was bullied in the public library by two teenage girls only 15 minutes later! That evening, I called a T/LGB Warmline to discuss this idea further. First of all, I believe, due to the current Administration, that T/LGBs will encounter an increase in bullying, no matter where they live. The first thing is that you deserve to be welcome, not just tolerated. Be sure your overall situation improves with each move. Thus the first question: do you feel welcome, not just tolerated, where you live? As in dating potential partners, you should look for red flags, when you explore places to live. These can not be explored only on the Internet (although that is a good place to start!) or on a casual, brief vacation. You are not visiting on a vacation; you are exploring to see if this is a place where you want to spend the next several years of your life! Please visit for a minimum of a week. Ride public transportation, if you don't drive, visit the local T/LGB Center (ask questions!), look at housing that you can afford (in my case, public housing), etc. Do consider carefully what size town you would be most comfortable in. In a small town, often, "everyone knows everyone." It has been my experience in small towns that most people are partnered, and it can be uncomfortable living there if you are single. Many singles date through online dating websites rather than people who live in town. Large cities are the opposite. There are many residents who are single, but often they are not seeking a committed relationship. However, large cities have neighborhoods, where people find community. They have many organizations to explore. Medium sized cities seem to have the best of both worlds. Questions To Ask The Locals Do you like living at this apartment complex? Is there anything I should know about personal safety? How is crime here? What are the average rents here (for studio, one bedroom, two bedroom, etc.) for apartments? How expensive are houses here? Are housing/rent prices going up (you may need a longer lease or buy a house sooner than later). Is there public housing here? Is it owned by the city/county/federal government or privately managed/owned? Usually city/county/federal government owned public housing includes electricity/gas and private does not, and is better maintained. Do you have easy access to banks, supermarkets, stores, and a variety to choose from? Go into stores and supermarkets and price the items there, to be sure you can afford buying in a particular town. Do you have quality hospitals, doctors and dentists nearby that take your insurance? Is the mail secure? If not, is the Post Office convenient and offers Post Office boxes at a reasonable price? Observe the vibe - do you feel you will likely fit in here? If you do not drive, is the town "walkable," and offers good, affordable public transportation? Are a variety of support and social groups that meet regularly available? Is there an active T/LGB Center with a wide variety of affordable activities nearby? Are the police, fire and emergency medical technicians sensitive and supportive? If you work, are there career opportunities in your field available that pay a good wage? Would like very much to hear about your experiences in moving. Thank you.

Dear Karen, Miss you, too. So glad to see you're happy. 😊 Am a lot happier since you heard from me last. Regularly attend a trans/women's support group. Have made friends with a wonderful transwoman Lesbian friend and her partner. Am on the waitlist for public housing in Seattle, WA (the waitlist in Portland, OR is too long). Have gone to Fantasia Fair in P-Town, MA, last year and had a blast. Exploring art two days a week at a senior adult day care (forgive the name - but it is has only 13 members, and I like the quiet ambience). Am so glad we aware both happy! 😄 Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, May I suggest you check out Google maps and look at the pictures of the properties and surrounding neighborhoods. It is literally like walking through the neighborhoods. This will save you time and money. There is also Bing maps, too, and I am sure there are many others! Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Recently have had trouble with my 6 year old, $12.00 vtech wireless phone. Wasn't sure if it was the cable company's equipment, the intercom, or from "the other ends." The confusing part is that it is intermittent. Got a new battery, but it doesn't help much, except now I can listen to two hour webinars. Am keeping my eye out for a new phone . . . Hope you and Nikki solve your communications problem! 😕 Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Agree with Emma's advice, but I suggest renting for two years, as it takes about two years to get used to the heat and humidity of Florida (nine months a year), and it's distinct (transitory) culture. May I recommend exploring the Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Tampa) area, as they have many excellent transgender support groups, associated with the King of Peace MCC Church in St. Petersburg, Florida. Please visit their T/LGB Center, located in Gulfport, just south of St. Petersburg, and they will give you excellent information on the above. Please consider looking for a T/LGB community. Have known some manufactured home (mobile home) communities to have very cruel residents, especially (God forgive me, especially when I am one, myself), when they are senior citizens. Also, I have found some manufactured home communities to be drug-ridden. Sadly, Florida has a big drug problem. Google "Tampa Bay Hotline," and e-mail them, and, if possible, call them, and ask for recommendations. MichelleLea, there are good people everywhere, you just have to look for them. There are some TGGuide members who hail from Florida, and ask them for their advice, and what their likes and dislikes (pros and cons) about living in Florida. Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, My new friend is partnered, but I am very careful to respect their relationship, as I do all relationships. She recently found two single women she wants to introduce me to, but I have a bad cold and I am not going anywhere! Don't want to be remembered for passing around a bad cold! Thanks to this bad cold, I am missing out on a BBQ as well as meeting two potential girlfriends! LOL! 😷 Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree, Am active in my local transgender support group as an ally. Through them, I have made a friend who I go out with once or twice a month (she's partnered, but her partner trusts us completely), and I hope we will soon be double dating. Last month, I have gone to my first LGBT film festival, and I absolutely loved it. Still writing articles and exploring art. Saving money to go to a gender conference in February in Philadelphia, PA. Just joined a Lesbian pen pal club. You are a real asset to TGGuide, and I really miss you. Your friend, Monica

Bree, I am so glad you're back!

Dear Emma, My mindset is like that of a 40 year old, but my body tells me different. It is like a conflict. It might have to do with that I live in a senior apartment complex. Saw your picture with your friends, and I feel I would fit in with that crowd! Your friend, Monica

Looking back, I accepted my birthdays quite happily and proudly except for the last year before the decade turned and the first year of the new decade. For instance, I grieved turning 19, as I knew this was the last year I could call myself a teenager, and grieved a little more at 20, as I knew I was not only no longer a teenager, but never will be again. This happened at ages 29 and 30, as I knew I was leaving "young adulthood" behind. Again, at ages 39 and 40, I knew I was definitely middle aged. At 50, I realized I was medically a senior. And now, at 59 turning to 60, I definitely was a senior! Sometimes, I am unexpectedly reminded that I am getting older, such as the time I visited a beautiful library in downtown Brooklyn, that was filled with young people. Finally I found a seat, among a large group of teenagers, and I settled down to my work. Noticed adults pacing up and down between the tables. Finally I got up and asked the librarian if it was OK to sit where I was, and she answered that I was sitting among high school students taking their SAT's! The adults walking around them where proctors! Apologized, and moved my stuff. This scene reminded me so much of myself when I was their age, and how different I am now to what I was then. Somehow, I seem to see my life by decades. 0 - 10 Child 10 - 20 Preteen and teen 20 - 30 Young adult 30 - 40 Young middle-aged 40 - 50 Older middle-aged 50 - 60 Young senior Interestingly, the last few years I dream about being 18 - 22 years old and not using mobility aids (a cane)! In my case, I feel like in my early 40's, except when I am reminded that I am 60 when I look in the mirror or notice I suffer more aches and pains than in the past. Recently I had what I call, "The Linear Dream." At the time I was 58. There was a marked linear line, marked off by feet. At the other end of the linear line, was my two year old great niece, standing, facing me, at the two foot mark. In my case, I was at the sixty foot mark, having stepped forward to the fifty-eight foot mark, as I was fifty-eight years old. Know the dream was about age, but, beyond that, I do not know what it means. Somehow, I feel more comfortable about aging, when I think in terms of "the circle of life," rather than linearly. Here are some of the changes I have observed in myself due to aging: Fear of being "out of date." Fear of being alone (dying alone). Don't have as much a sense of purpose as I used to. Can't be as much "hands on" as I used to (accepting physical projects) More "word finding" difficulties. Having trouble with spelling and grammar. Chronic pain. Can't run. Less balance. Feel "underfoot" by society at large. More spiritual. Less eye/hand coordination. Difficulty learning new material. Feel less confident in finding a partner. Don't feel needed by my family. Can't walk far. Difficulty hearing with background noise. Intermittent tremor. Greater difficulty losing weight and keeping it off. Can't see as well, requiring a magnifier as well as glasses. Dry and thinning skin. Dry scalp and hair falling out at the scalp, as well as thinning and finer hair (don't mention the gray!) "Age spots." Dry mouth and eyes. Easy bruising. May I ask how you have coped with aging?

Dear Emma, You girls look great! Also, you look like you really fit in, as in, say, "one of the girls!" Monica

Dear Hazel Eyes, Thank you for a wonderful post. When I was growing up, there was terrible sibling rivalry, that spread out to the school, as I had the greatest problem with my youngest brother, who was only 14 months older. So much school bullying starts out in the home as sibling rivalry that is out of control! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma, Lived in Tampa Bay, Florida, (Southeast) for 35 years, and I found them very accepting and welcoming, more so than Brooklyn, NY, and upstate NY (Northeast). Think this is because Tampa Bay, Florida, is very transitory and many people are self-employed, while in Brooklyn, NY, I lived in a mostly Orthodox Jewish community, which was very trans and homophobic, while upstate NY, most good employers are very trans and homophobic, (even when they say they're not) and if you valued your job, you are closeted. Fascinating how the US varies by region. Of course, it's a big country. Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Highly recommend the National Geographic Discussion Guide for Teachers and Parents and the January 2017 Special Issue of National Geographic Magazine on the Shifting Landscape of Gender to EVERYONE! Also, please check out Emma's links on the Megyn Kelly TODAY Gender Cool Project. Thank you, Emma, for bringing this to our attention. Yours truly, Monica