MonicaPz

Dear Blackangel, Forgot to ask you to comment on 🐹 hamsters, although my building will not allow those, too, because they are small rodents. Mice and rats are considered pests, because in the wild, they do invade homes in search of food. People fear a pet 🐁 mouse or 🐀 rat would go into "survival mode," and become a pest, or breed with nearby rats and mice, creating "wild" animals that will become pests. Think people should learn responsibly cared for rats and mice are very different than the wild kind, and make good pets. What is behind the phobia of rats and mice are the fear of disease and being bitten. Your friend, Monica

Dear Blackangel, How cute! Love the pictures!! Does this advice apply to guinea pigs and mice? In public housing, rats are not allowed as pets (only small 🐦 birds, 🐈 cats and 🐕 dogs). Also, no 🐍 snakes or other exotic pets. Think mice are also not allowed. Not sure about guinea pigs, as they are considered rodents, too. Always loved mice and guinea pigs, so I am just curious. Did you take those lovely pictures? Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, Have a nosy neighbor who lives on the ground floor of my apartment building and she has 4 inch vertical blinds in her apartment window. Can see the little red LED light on her video camera after dark. Am OK with it because it is another camera watching to keep down crime. However, she is rude when checking on the "cooling room" on her floor, when she opened the door, stared at me and closed the door. (My A/C was on the fritz and I was in there online creating art.) What bothered me was that she knows me, didn't say hello or ask how I'm doing. Karen, I wish we had more open dialogue. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Dee and Emma, Wore glasses since childhood, and nothing makes you feel better than finding a style that flatters you. Presently sitting in a Seattle WA cafe, with my trusty second pair by my side . . . Never ordered glasses online, although it is available in the US. Feel that it is very important to get your glasses properly fitted for comfort and for looks. Personally, I don't like the top of my eyewear to be under or over my eyebrows, and I don't like my eyewear sticking out beyond my face, or not coming to the edge of my face. Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Am going on a fact finding (but still fun!) trip to Seattle to see if I should continue on the 2 - 3 year wait list I have been on to get into Seattle Public Housing. Hope to upload useful information every day, including pictures. Presently the public housing I am in (Dutchess County, New York State - although it has shown improvement recently, it is still very trans and homo phobic), and the housing itself is going very quickly downhill. Of course, it is unrealistic to have high expectations of public housing, due to its very nature. Presently, I am looking at three properties, with one standing out as being near the light rail and has nearby supermarkets, banks, restaurants, etc. Will be reporting on the positives and negatives of living in Seattle. Please feel free to ask me questions, and I will try to answer them. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Dee, Love the color and cut of your dress . . . it looks Scottish, and flatters your waist and chest. You have great taste! Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, Miss you very much but I rejoice at the good news! My heartfelt thanks for sharing your life so openly with us. We have learned more than you can know! Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee and Emma, Emma, that is a great suggestion! Find YouTube very healing! Am on it every night, I must confess! Dee, try typing, "grieving after a divorce," "grieving after losing a child through divorce," and for your son, "grieving after losing a sibling through divorce." Please let us know how it goes! Your friend, Monica

Dear Dee, Keep in touch with us on a regular basis, both when times are good as well as when times are bad. Also, here are some T/LGB warm lines that I found very supportive: LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564 and 1-888-234-7243 LGBT Peer Counseling: 1-215-732-8255 SAGE: 1-888-234-7243 Know these are all USA numbers. Happen to call one of them about once every three months. The secret is to call a warm line (as opposed to a "crisis" line) before you are overwhelmed. Also, try to work towards to having a small circle of friends, both face to face, telephone friends, as well as online. You may ask if anyone here on TGGuide lives near your city. We are here for you! Your friend, Monica

Dear Friends, Have written articles, journals, letters, etc., and come upon them 6 months, 1 year, 2 years later, etc., and said, "did I write that?!!" You should expect that. It's called growth! Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, One thing I do through the years is to speak into an audio recorder as if I was talking to a good friend. Then I play it back, and think how I would counsel her. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, Absolutely love your feminine pictures and I hope they inspire you. Think you are a beautiful woman without the filters, too! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea and Emma, Emma, I can't agree with you more. Years ago, I visited San Francisco with a view to moving there from Tampa Bay, Florida. Yes, I was impressed that it seemed very welcoming, but I was amazed how many fundamentalist evangelical Christians were living there. MichelleLea, at age 61, I decided to pursue being an artist. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made, but I am pleased that I am making steady progress! You both are courageous women who inspire me to live life fearlessly! Gratefully yours, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Be careful making longterm/permanent plans with someone who has a history of going hot and cold. If I were you, I would focus on building a circle of friends, both face to face as well as online. Have you explored why you are drawn to this woman or why you are attracted to the idea of having a "mistress?" Do you know her backstory as to why she needs a "slave?" Fear this arrangement may invite abuse. Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Glad to hear from you again! If you have an idea where you will be going, such as up and down the east coast, or up and down the west coast, you may be able to ask members who live on the way to have a cup of coffee with you. We are here for you. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Dee, Can't emphasize enough about journaling, and I would also like to suggest creating art, no matter how crappy. Take art classes. If you don't like the results with one medium, try another. Force yourself to sign each piece, no matter how bad, with your female name. Slowly, but surely, your art will improve, and speak to you! Also, read every non-fiction story you can get your hands on about MTF transgender people. There you will find your sisters. We are your sisters, too, and are there for you! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jessica, Not transgender, but a cisgender Lesbian, yet I know what it means to be hidden. Called my oldest brother, after years of no contact, and his son in law picked up the phone, and when I said I was his sister, he was amazed, as he was told he had no sisters! Interestingly, his wife and step daughter kept his wife's ex-husband's name, instead of taking his name! Have no contact with the rest of my relatives (cousins, aunts and uncles), but I consider my T/LGB friends my family! Sadly, my T/LGB cousins live on the other coast (Portland, OR), with no contact. Also, I have a bisexual (really Gay) brother in a miserable marriage, for fear of the treatment I and his T/LGB cousins received. A few years ago, I went to a family reunion, and saw how my family treated a second cousin's wife, who is an American Black, and her children, who are racially mixed, and the husband of another second cousin, who is a motorcycle club (not gang) member. They are not my family, you (T/LGBs) are my family! Your sister, Monica

Dear Blackangel, Know you and I can't do this now, due to disability, but, years ago, I cleaned a therapist's office (the building and parking lot) because she was an excellent therapist. She offered me free counseling, but I couldn't accept it for free, but to respect myself, offered my cleaning services in trade. Did this on a weekly basis for weekly therapy. Now, because public mental health services are so poor, when I need therapy, I save up my money to have one session per month with a private therapist. Once a month is better than none at all. Just a thought. Your friend, Monica

Dear Blackangel, Emma has excellent advice. May I add, please write down what is right with your life, in detail. Emma is right. There is a world of difference between "feeling depressed," and "being depressed." A feeling comes and goes, and it is unwise to make important decisions based on feelings. Being implies that that depressed describes your intrinsic character. Am not a trained professional, but I think your depression is a feeling, in that it comes and goes. But, anytime someone repeatedly feels depressed, this is a wake-up call to seek professional help. There is no shame in seeking professional help and taking medication (I feel if someone takes medication, they should also be in counseling). Have never been on medication, but I have been in counseling off and on my whole life, and I have no shame whatsoever. Blackangel, we are here for you. Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, One more thing, I like the cut of the wig, and I think a blond wig will flatter you better. Just my opinion . . . Yours truly, Monica

Dear DeeDee, Even though you have your eyes covered, I can still see you are a beautiful woman! Also, I love your fingernails!! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jessica, What breaks my heart is that the children suffer the most. Sadly, presently the adoption rules are changing constantly, not only in the U.S., but also other countries, such as Russia. An adoption lawyer, particularly one with international experience, should be involved from the beginning. My question for the two fathers: why use a surrogate, especially overseas, when there are so many children already here, both in the U.S. and overseas, that need loving parents? Your friend, Monica

Dear DeeDee, See, you are one of the girls! In Sisterhood, Monica

Take lots of pictures! Especially wanna see that wig in the trans colors!! LOL!!!

Dear Emma, There will always be a certain number of Lesbians that will not accept you as a woman. They, hopefully, will be in the minority (large minority?), or even the majority (small majority?) The question is, do you need to be accepted and friends with EVERYONE? In my case, some people, Lesbians included, do not accept me for being a woman of size, poor, disabled, and average-looking. As I see it, that's THEIR LOSS, not mine! You have to accept, like me, that you will win no popularity contests, but should REJOICE that you have a SMALL CIRCLE OF QUALITY FRIENDS. Take my word for it, most "popular" women (and men for that matter!) are NO MORE HAPPIER in the long run than the average Jane or Joe. Saw this for myself over and over, and now studies prove it! Accept their friendship for what it is, and always keep searching to ADD to your circle of friends. Perhaps they will rethink their attitudes when they see your new friends accept you for the woman you are. Your friend, Monica