MonicaPz

Dear Charl, Your cooking on Instagram looks DELICIOUS! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Charl, I, too, click "like this," for the same reasons that Emma stated. Really enjoy hearing from women with your talents, and I will miss you. Hope you return soon. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Bree, Am so sorry to hear that your Dad won't take responsibility for his dogs' behavior. Sadly, in our society, dogs are blamed for bad behavior, when mostly it is the owners' fault. Yours, Monica

Bree, Am so sorry about the loss of your cat. Monica

Dear Mike and Emma, Often parents (both mothers and fathers) are disappointed with a child for any number of reasons: the "wrong" sex, not being good looking enough, not being smart enough, being unplanned (unwanted) and not being athletic enough, among MANY OTHER reasons. Children, sooner or later, pick up on not being fully accepted. Strongly feel there should be premarital classes and parenting classes required before marriage and having children, dealing with these issues and more. Feel that most, if not all, child abuse emanates from unmet expectations of parents! Yours, Monica

Dear Mike, Am sorry to hear that your mother can not accept that she has TWO sons, and NO DAUGHTERS. Wish she was like me, in that she would rejoice on having HEALTHY CHILDREN! Personally, I would not care what gender my children are, and if I was hoping to having an opposite gender child from the children I already had, there are MANY FOSTER children DYING to have a home, so that I could adopt the daughter I always wanted. Have never been the kind of woman who wanted children of one gender over another. If I did not struggle with my health issues and low income, I would have FOSTERED TO ADOPTION (which I think ALL adoptions should be this way) transgender children, especially if I was in a solid, healthy, stable relationship. Also, I STRONGLY BELIEVE transgendered children and homosexual children are that way due to ORGANIC reasons, having nothing to do with child rearing or their home life. Not only that, I do not believe ADULT EXPERIENCES cause transgender and homosexual issues. The bottom line, Mike, is that your mother is causing her own misery! Your friend, Monica

Bree, I am considering changing my hairstyle (cut) myself!

Dear Bree, In my small town, I have had been verbally attacked in a RESTAURANT when my brother and his wife took me out to dinner at a higher end restaurant to celebrate my birthday a year ago. He was accompanied by his family. Would have called him on it, except I was accompanied by my Straight homophobic family. A month ago, when a Lesbian friend and I went to a diner, I had a man "stare me down," and I gently but firmly called him on it. He was accompanied by three women. Frankly, both of these ***holes were cowards as they apparently needed the "support" of their family and friends to insult me. This never happened to me before, and I believe it is directly related to today's political climate. Didn't know either of these men from Adam. Personally, if I were in their party, that behavior would be a "deal breaker" for any continued friendship or dating! Yours, Monica

Dear Bree and Emma, Just happens today (Sunday, February 19th), I worked with my compact digital camera to attempt to take some still photographs of myself, and they came out horribly. (This is for a Lesbian Internet dating website). Also, they wanted a five minute video of me, speaking of my likes and dislikes in a partner, and I didn't even go there! Have no trouble writing to women who have no picture, as I care about the woman's heart and character. The only thing about looks that might bother me is when a woman is overly obese (she is 200 or more pounds heavier than me) or she doesn't care for herself (unkempt). Both of you are among my favorite people here. Am grateful to have Internet friends, but I have to have face to face friends, too. Unfortunately, I live in a small city where people generally are slow to become friends but are quick to hate. Am going to the Fantasia Gender Conference in the hope of making good friends, and if I am lucky, meeting the love of my life. Will be honest with you, I prefer transwomen or cisgender women who are trans allies to cisgender women. Yours, Monica

Bree, Piscataway, NJ, is the international headquarters of the Institute of Electrical and Electronic Engineers (IEEE). Monica

Dear Nikki, Think VERY FEW find true love from their first relationship. This is why I encourage group dating in junior high school (ages 14 to 16) and one on one dating (celibate - although I know it is hard to do!) in high school. The human brain is not fully mature until age 25. Sadly, I see a lot of heart break in college. Read one of your recent posts, and even I thought you two were separating, and, boy, am I glad I was wrong. Always encourage women and, yes, Straight people to be slow to divorce. Think separation (does not mean permission to have affairs) is a good idea, as long as a start and end date is mutually agreed on in advance, Am so glad you two are OK! Yours, Monica

Dear Bree, Am so sorry to hear about Nikki's therapist. Jim Fixx, the man who started the running craze, who not only exercised regularly, but had a healthy diet, dropped dead on a running trail at age 42. Don't know if Nikki's therapist shared an office with another therapist or group of therapists, but I would look among the therapist's co-therapists as Nikki's future therapist, because doctors usually share an office with other doctors with similar beliefs and values. If Nikki's therapist practiced alone (as more doctors tend to do lately), then I would try to contact the receptionist or nurse for a recommendation, if there is staff still working in the office (at least briefly, as part of shutting down the office). May I suggest you and Nikki network among transgender people in your town or county (even people you know here in TGGuide) and ask if they can make referrals. Yours, Monica

Hope Nikki's interview goes well and results in a job!

Emma, have you thought about going to a gender conference?

Dear Warren, Am glad to hear about your promotion! Thank you for checking in. Have been thinking and praying for you. Your friend, Monica

Dear Emma and Bree, The travel agency is transgender owned and operated: http://transgendervacations.net Yours truly, Monica

Dear Bree and Emma, Had come across a travel agent that catered to the transgendered (cruises) but the groups were small (under 20) and the rest of the ship were non-transgendered, but everyone respected each other. Saw a video of the cruise and was very impressed. No longer on their listserv, but I will try to Google them and see if I can find them. Yours truly, Monica

Karen, good point. My mother was a 3 year R.N., and she could not emphasize enough getting out of bed and taking short walks, as soon as possible with the doctor's OK, to avoid getting blood clots. Chrissy, my thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue your recovery. Your friend, Monica

Dear Bree and Emma, May hire you girls to do my framing for my art. Am amazed how expensive it is to get my art framed!

Dear Bree and Emma, Think it's wonderful to see two women building/decorating together! Had studied carpentry decades ago and I must confess I miss it. Was very proud of my tools. Always bought the best I could afford and took great care of them. One of my favorite jobs was working in hardware/lumber stores (decades ago) and I learned so much from the pros and do - it- yourselfers! Your friend, Monica

In my opinion, there are three kinds of people when it comes to celebrating the holidays. The first group of people had wonderful memories of the holidays. Even if they came from dysfunctional families, sometimes all the dysfunction stops during the holiday, and, however so briefly, everything is "normal," or even idealistic during the holiday, before returning to the dysfunction of everyday life. Often, as adults, they strive to recreate these idealistic holidays they enjoyed as children, which is often unrealistic and leads to frustration. The second group of people had nightmarish holidays as children, usually caused by dysfunctional and addictive behavior by the adults in the family, which the now-grown children strive to "put right" for their children, only they often have no vision of what a healthy family celebration should look like. If they are lucky, they may have functional/healthy neighbors and friends to show them what a healthy holiday celebration/tradition looks like. The third group, by far the smallest, were lucky to have a functional (although not perfect - no one's perfect!) family life and holiday celebration. Often they are able to replicate it as adults, but not always. Here are some alternatives to celebrating the holidays: Volunteer during the holidays, ie, helping out at a soup kitchen or at an apartment complex for seniors, nursing home or Adult Congregate Living Facility. Also consider helping out at a hospital, preferably a children's hospital.Contact a LGB/T - friendly travel agency, and ask about cruises and vacations during the holidays. If you are single, ask about Christmas vacations that are geared for singles. Often, holiday excursions are deeply discounted.Go out to a restaurant (especially one with beautiful holiday decorations) with a friend or relative that has no one to celebrate the holidays with.Instead of gifts, make donations in honor of friends and family to charity. This is most important when it comes to well - to - do people, who are often very difficult to shop for.Shop year 'round for the holidays, if you can, instead of the last minute.Celebrate the holidays year 'round, such as treating friends and relatives to lunch or giving surprise gifts, and then on the holiday itself, call them or send them a holiday greeting card.Cut back on sending greeting cards.If you are artistic, make greeting cards. There are often free or low cost classes on how to do this, as well as ideas on the Internet.Explore a hobby during the holidays, such as creating artwork, writing or making music.Look at http://www.meetup.com to find holiday alternatives in your locality.Some churches and organizations put on holiday parties on the date or near the date of the holiday.Contact your nearest LGB/T Center for any holidays they may be celebrating or parties they may be giving. Many have these occasions on the actual date of the holiday.Seek out others who may be alone for the holidays, and celebrate with them.You are not alone. Remember almost all people experience stress during the holidays and for a variety of reasons. You can, reduce holiday stress by taking the time to finding your way of celebrating the holidays, instead of following how your family celebrates the holidays or copying how others celebrate the holidays.

Dear Christie, In my opinion, it is not what a person says, but HOW they say it. The transgender community is so diverse and changing so fast, that it can be overwhelming to learn about or question it. My suggestion is for people to study from REPUTABLE sources on the Internet and elsewhere, and start with where they resonate the most. Have a Happy Holiday! Yours truly, Monica

Today people are confusing becoming "friends" with people they "meet" on the Internet with the friends they meet in real life. Ideally, people would physically meet and become friends with people, then use the Internet to maintain contact between meetings, or to grow these friendships if they're long distance friendships. Rarely I have experienced friendships I met on the Internet to progress to face-to-face friendships, or that they have lasted, usually "petering out." However, the friends I have met on TGGuide have been lasting, quality, emotionally safe and supportive friendships, which is the exception. Sometimes people make lifelong friends at school and work, but it is getting more difficult as it becomes standard to have many employers over a lifetime. People often confuse acquaintances with friends. This is how I break it down: Light/Casual Acquaintance - You recognize someone as a familiar face.Moderate Acquaintance - You are comfortable exchanging first names.Good Acquaintance - You share a cup of coffee.Light/Casual Friend - You go out as part of a group.Moderate Friend - You exchange full names and cell phone numbers.Good Friend - You share sensitive information, such as your home address, landline phone number, and issues that are occurring in the home, etc. Be aware, so-called "popular" people, especially in a high school or college setting, really do not have that many friends, but many acquaintances, that they call "friends." In my opinion, people of my generation, the "Baby Boomers," seek friendship mostly within romantic relationships. First, people in a coupled relationship are able to become more easily friendly with others who are also in a coupled relationship. For instance, during my ten year relationship with my Beloved, (she was a transwoman who identified as a mid-fem Lesbian, and I am a cisgender mid-butch Lesbian), we became good friends the first two years we knew each other through a transgender support group (I was exploring the possibility that I may have been a FTM, but I concluded I was not - that's another story!) and gradually fell in love. As we started dating, we became friends with three other couples, where the transwoman identified as a Lesbian and the butch was a cisgender Lesbian, all of which I am sure the butch would not have been friendly to me had I or both of us were single. About the fems, I am not sure, to be honest with you, but my partner and I only had good acquaintances at work and in professional societies. Friendship is very important at every stage of life (I will be 59 years old on January, 2017). It is important to get out there. You won't make friends in front of your T.V. or computer screen. You need to join organizations that you truly find interesting that meet regularly. No one is going to want to be your friend if you only meet them once or twice, or once in a long while. Here are some resources and ideas: Toastmaster's InternationalGender support groupsLGBT - friendly churchesProfessional societies volunteer workwww.meetup.comPlease share with me your comments and suggestions!

Bree, consider this a snuggle opportunity! *smile*

Dear Bree and Emma, Am slowly losing weight. Down from 248 lbs. to 237 lbs. Today had three of my painter's overalls (for when I create art) altered. Your friend, Monica