MonicaPz

Dear Christie, First, you look GREAT and PASS PERFECTLY on your new I.D.! Second, because of the recent terrorist acts, security guards and police officers are being VERY CAREFUL. Can't blame the new guy, because he doesn't want to mess up early in his career with your school. Some institutions test security guards by sending in non-employees to see if security guards are on the alert. Am glad your maintenance friend helped you out, probably without even realizing it! Your friend, Monica

Dear Steph, I love you for that sentiment, but I am afraid my doctor does not! LOL! Miss having face to face friendships! Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, Your boots look very cute, and do not look like the English riding boots you refer to. My nieces (in their 30's) absolutely love their English riding boots, and find them fashionable, even though they have no interest in riding! Think it is great when ladies go out and enjoy the outdoors, even when it is raining! Your friend, Monica

Dear Roxanne, Steph and Eve, Absolutely LOVE ice cream and chocolate. Never heard of different kinds of chocolate toppings! Am so glad you ladies are getting out and about. Would love to spend time with all three of you! Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, Applaud your courage on sharing such a personal story. Here's my take on it, as a cisgender female who is also a Lesbian. Please keep in mind I am 57 years old, (born January 19, 1958) and that my mother was 42 and my father 41 when I was born (your point of view is not only determined by how old you are, but also how old your parents were when you were born). Also, my parents had conservative European backgrounds. In light that one out of four boys and one out of four girls were molested by age 18, this looks like a re-enactment of a gang rape situation. Also promiscuity is an adult symptom of an adult survivor of child molestation. These issues often do not show up until adulthood. Please keep in mind I am not trained psychotherapist or counselor, and because of this, I strongly recommend you seek professional help to sort all this out. See this as a cry out for help. Please do not put yourself into further danger. Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren and Friends, Last night, at 9:30 P.M. EST, my youngest brother called me to let me know he wanted to pick me up at 9 A.M. EST the next morning, to attend the family reunion. Because of the last minute invite, I would not have food to bring to the event. Amazingly, they have signs at the family reunion asking you to not eat other families food! Never saw that in my life. In my book, that means you are NOT part of this family. When they treat each other like that, how can I expect them to treat me well? Reluctantly, I said yes. Was up ALL NIGHT, and at 7 A.M. called my brother to cancel. It was the only way I could respect myself! It takes effort to PUT YOURSELF FIRST, and I STILL struggle to do so! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Eve, Steph and Christie, Believe "female intuition," or "women's intuition," does exist, because women, being the "weaker sex," has to compensate for generally being weaker than men. However, I strongly believe women can become very strong, such as by studying the martial arts, for instance, and men can become much more intuitive, by learning to be more mindful of their surroundings and social contacts. In short, men and women can learn from one another! Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, I beg you NOT to respond! YOUR FRIEND, Monica

Dear Karen and Eve, Please be aware it will take YEARS for name changes to be straightened out. Just this week, received TWO important pieces of mail for the man who lived in my apartment, and he had DIED two years ago! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Warren, There comes a time to put a person "on ice," which means no contact, usually for a year or two, until things calm down. The above describes a "flame war," which you want not to be involved in, at all costs. If a friend wants to be friends with a person that you have put "on ice," then you need to calmly tell them that you can not be friends with them because you do not want them to talk about the person or discuss you, with the person you have put "on ice." If they refuse to understand or at least make an agreement not to talk about you with the person you have put "on ice," then you should politely explain to them you want no contact. Have put my brothers "on ice" for TEN YEARS, and it worked out in the end. For most people, it works when it is one or two years, but for some thick heads, it is ten years, and for some, forever. About friends who refuse to agree not to talk about you with those you have put "on ice," (and now with social media, this is even harder!), you need to have the courage to put them on ice for the same length of time as the original person you put on ice. Have had to do this a few times myself, with a few people forever. Warren, the reality is, not everyone loves or likes you. Also, you do not love or like everyone. Just because you were born in the same family as another person, does not mean you will love or like someone. Have been invited to a family reunion again this year, and I am trying to get out of it, because many of them hate me, and I can't stand most of them. If I DO go, I will walk around the park looking for T/LGB people to spend the time with, or Spanish speaking families to hang with. (A relative married an African-American woman, and she and her children are treated the same way as I am. What upsets me about this the most is that the children did not ask to be there, and she should not have forced them!) Please accept that YOU CAN NOT FORCE SOMEONE TO LIKE OR LOVE YOU! Strongly suggest you quit social media of ALL KINDS because it is NOT MODERATED, and stick with support groups such as TGGuide, that is TIGHTLY MODERATED. Find people you like and love, and put your energy into them! Your FRIEND, Monica

Dear Lisa, It is true. Depression tends to run in families, but we need not be victims to it. There have been times where I spoke to a fellow diner at a restaurant, "do you mind me bothering you for five minutes, as I have something on my mind?" After I vented, I thank that person for listening, and for any comments they have made. Have done this on the bus or train, thankfully, not too often. A great resource is to call your local or nearest T/LGB Center. They will lend you an ear for a few minutes. Often, it only takes a few minutes of someone listening and caring, to make you feel better. You are welcome to share as much or as little as you wish here. You are among friends here at TGGuide. Your friend, Monica

Dear Roxanne, Generally good doctors make referrals to OTHER good doctors! They are like GOLD! Am so happy that you are forming a network of excellent doctors! Good doctors are well worth the wait! Rejoiced upon hearing about your mother and daughter outing! Your friend, Monica

Dear Ben, Agree with Karen about frustration with weight. As long as you are doing everything to manage your weight, you will have to acknowledge that it is on the DOCTOR who is criticizing you, rather than on YOU. Feel in the coming years and decades that there will be real answers as to why some are slim and trim and others have a tendency to put on the pounds. Have a slim and trim doctor who does NOT nag me about my weight because she knows I am doing all I can to manage it, but if she did, I would seek out a doctor of size (preferably female). We are ALL different and all beautiful, each in our own way! Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, In my opinion, I feel a dark brown/black makes you look more masculine. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Ben, Please consider testosterone as serious as surgery. Set up a SECOND and THIRD opinion NOW, so, even though you have to wait a long time, the second and third opinion will likely be close together. Am very sorry about your doctor's reluctance, but she may have had second thoughts due to fear of liability. Don't ask HER for referrals for the second and third opinion but a doctor that you TRUST. Your friend, Monica

Dear Veronica, Really resonate with you as I have a bad back, also. Try to stay active as I can. Sadly, in my senior apartment complex, most of them, who are healthier than me, stay in their apartments weeks and months at a time, waiting to die. Your friend, Monica

Dear Karen and Veronica, Think it is good to have "quiet time," whether it is in the daytime or nighttime. Today, purchased a belt, amazingly found in my size, and a mop head, because yesterday my home attendant broke my mop head. Then hung out in the library and Subway Sandwich Shop, where I wrote correspondence, e-mails, and read. Really feel it is good to have many interests. Usually have three or four projects going at once, where when I am tired or bored with one, can rotate to the next. Need that good balance of quiet time and activity! Your friend, Monica

Dear Veronica and Karen, Heard that our soldiers in the Middle East are allowed to obtain tomahawks (that they pay for themselves) because the people in the Middle East respect those who know how to use edge weapons. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Christie, Would like to comment on how women experience their sex drive as opposed to how men experiences theirs (am friends with both Straight and Gay men), and as my dear mother said, may God rest her soul, she was amazed how I can talk about anything with anyone . . . In my opinion, because of testosterone, men have a much stronger drive, in that it is very external, and he can literally see if, and how much, he is aroused. A woman, obvious, can not see anything to validate her feelings, beyond moisture, but she feels an excitement. A woman is driven by a romantic perception of her beloved. Of course, there are exceptions, and NO TWO women or men experiences their sex drive exactly the same way. Please do remember every woman has a little testosterone, and every man has a little estrogen/progesterone. Testosterone is important not just for sex drive, but for material ambition. This is why a woman has a little, in order to insure that she has enough ambition to get things done, around the house and at work. Estrogen/progesterone is there in both men and women to encourage sensitivity and emotional receptivity. Most transwomen report a lowering OR changing of her sexual drive when on HRT. If you or your partner is not satisfied with the level of your sex drive, please bring it up with your doctor, but first give your body a chance to get used to HRT. Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, Just also wanted to let you know that many transwomen, once they transitioned, consider themselves WOMEN, and are ready to assimilate into the community at large. Have noticed this also with LGB's once they have won the right to marry (but many don't know the fight for their rights have just begun . . . employers in many states can still fire, landlords can still evict, and adoption agencies can still refuse adoption, over sexual orientation. Agree with you that some of the foreigners were being given the cold shoulder, but feel there has been recent improvements. Also agree with you, especially in Great Britain, that transgender people get more government support, especially medical, and the U.S. needs to catch up! TLGB rights in the U.S. is amazingly very uneven from state to state! Please allow me to sincerely thank you for your contributions to TGGuide, and I want you to know new comers will be grateful for what you have to say, because information, even over time, often remains valid. Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, Lately, I have found many new members from overseas who are "sticking." Perhaps give it a little more time? Your friend, Monica

Dear Lisa, Happy posts NEVER bore me! Keep up doing the great work! Your friend, Monica

Dear Warren, Gave you five stars for your honesty in sharing your pain. Felt your YouTube videos were EXCELLENT, and helped many people. Warren, it is not the quantity, but the quality! PLEASE don't give up and keep on sharing those videos! PLEASE be solution-minded as you have been so recently! Know you are in a lot of pain, but we all have suffered terrible pain (mine in accepting that I am a Lesbian) and you are in the right place, so that we can support one another. Feel strongly we all need support from many sources, such as Internet support groups, like TGGuide, counseling, group therapy and face to face support groups. PLEASE keep that job, as work is therapy in itself! Am not minimizing your pain, but do everything ONE DAY AT A TIME to help yourself, and then let it go until the next day. Realize that life can be overwhelming at times . . . Your friend, Monica

Charli, I love the photograph of the "I Heart NYC" T-Shirts. Only in NYC have I seen the RESIDENTS wear such shirts and accessories, where in OTHER cities, only TOURISTS wear such items! LOL!!

Dear Samantha, Don't know if you have brothers and sisters, but it sounds like that you have become the daughter that your mother never had. Am sorry about the loss of your wife, but you will find friends here and in your face to face life. There ARE open minded women, both in and out of the TLGB community. On our home page, when you click on "resources," on the top tool bar, a drop down will show you where to click to find transgender support groups near where you live, many no more than a couple of hours drive away. As for your kids, if you have been a good father, chances are you will be a good mother! Yours truly, Monica