MonicaPz

Dear Eve, Had ten years experience in the transgender community that ended fifteen years ago, when I seriously dated a transwoman who identified as Lesbian. There were different support groups for transsexuals and cross dressers/transvestites, but another SOCIAL group where both were welcome. As a cisgender Lesbian, I saw this in the Lesbian community, where the professional Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be closeted) and the blue collar Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be out). Personally, I objected, because the professional Lesbians acted like they were "better" than the blue collar Lesbians. It seems that when subcultures grow, they develop "subcultures within subcultures," and this tends to divide the subculture, and the society at large sometimes exploit this. Yours truly, Monica

Today, I came across a moving and beautiful article by a reader of Lesbian Connection . . . "I am 64; I was born female and I have been Lesbian identified since I was 19 (soft butch). I was active in the Gay Rights and the Women's Rights movements. It is now 2015, and many things have changed." "I am weary of the ANTI-TRANSWOMEN words I keep reading here, and I'm having a hard time with some of the more caustic comments! I have not heard anybody say whether or not these women are actually transgender or transsexual; I am assuming transgender. If they are transgender, do they identify as Lesbian? Many do. I am also disappointed by women who insist on calling transwomen "men." I don't care what chromosomes they had at birth; I care about who they are. Are you still referring to Chaz Bono as 'she'?" "As Lesbians, we fought so hard for acceptance, and it is just inconceivable that we could be so unaccepting of another subculture whose journey is more difficult than many of ours. When I was younger, I was involved for nearly two years with a transgender woman (her physical and legal transition was complete when I met her). Because of this I had the enlightening opportunity to meet many other trans folks of both genders, and the chance to learn about and try to understand their world. I met many wonderful and sincere people, some of whom had suffered terrible abuse as transpersons. It does not matter what gender a person is born; if they do not identify with that gender, then life is a nightmare. I applaud those who have the strength and resources to make a very difficult change. Once they make it, they have every right to be seen as that gender, be it male to female, or female to male! I also happen to think that those in between have the right to be called whatever they feel identifies them." "I feel strongly that it is time to acknowledge that the world has changed considerably since the '70s. Lesbians have NOT been erased; we have been mainstreamed! Isn't that what most of us wanted - to be treated the same as Straight folks, with the same rights and opportunities?" "During my thirties, I pretty much lived in a Lesbian-dominated world, and I loved it. Then things started to change. I found myself with more Straight friends and working mostly with Straight people. Although I did not like the changes at first, I now realize I live in a much larger world. While I miss some things about the old days, I believe that living in this larger world is a good thing, and for my part, I am determined that it will be open to diversity, including transgender women. And I want to give my thumbs up to the readers who had the courage to give supportive comments about transwomen!" - Margaret P. Margaret P. writes a beautiful article about the importance of Lesbians to deal with their fear of losing their identity as they become mainstreamed rather than lashing out at another minority culture. Couldn't agree more!

Dear Wpwyle, You will find transgender people among the kindest and friendliest people that you will every meet. May I suggest you go to our home page, and click on "resources" on the top bar, which will produce a drop down, and then click on "support groups." There are support groups in almost every state of the Union, and many overseas. You do not have to attend these groups dressed. A support group often is no more than a few hours' drive from where you live. If you seek counseling with a transgender counselor, many of whom are transgender themselves, they often sponsor transgender support groups. Also, there are gender conferences all over the U.S. Just Google, "Gender Conferences 2015," and all the gender conferences for the year 2015 will come up. In my opinion, TGGuide is one of the most friendly transgender blogs on the Internet, and I have seen most of them. Looking forward to hear from you soon. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, It is easy to have misunderstandings on the Internet. There have been occasions when I have liked someone on the Internet, only to realize later on the telephone or in person, that there was no chemistry. Also, there were people I met in person, had I not met them in person, but on the Internet, I might not have given them a chance, frankly, because of their looks. Have known a few women (usually very young) who THOUGHT they were Lesbian, only to realize that they were heterosexual. Often they thought they were Lesbian while in high school and/or college, and realize near graduation, that they were heterosexual. They were called "Lesbian Until Graduation," or LUG's. Have seen people confuse deep friendship for romantic love. Examples, in my opinion, are Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. If you keep it only on the Internet, you will never know. Personally, if a person wants to correspond on the Internet more than a month, I consider the person as not really interested in me or playing games. You may want to bring it on to the telephone, after being on the Internet for about a month. If I were you, I would ask him if he was ever interested in a transwoman before. Perhaps consider sending him the pictures you sent your mother and brother, as well as others. My mother, may God rest her soul, explained that the six layers of a wedding cake, started with respect on the bottom, then the next layer was friendship, then the next, non-romantic love, the next, romantic love, the next, marriage, and the top, which is eaten on the first anniversary, represented family, because in the old days, a bride was usually pregnant by her first anniversary. The worst thing that can happen, is that you will make a friend, and it does not go any further than that, and the best thing that could happen, is that you will meet a wonderful guy who RESPECTS and LOVES women for all the right reasons. Please be careful, in meeting him in a public place, and take your time in getting to know him. You are an attractive woman, and the Internet will work well for you as another resource for meeting people, while a woman like me, would do best meeting people in person. By the way, I have had many wonderful friendships with men, while I had romantic relationships with women. My masculine energy resonated with men as friendship, and it also resonated with women as love. Karen, please remember, it starts as FRIENDSHIP FIRST, and having sex on a casual basis does not really give a person the insight they need to know if they are Lesbian or Straight. Don't rush it. Your friend, Monica

What a thoughtful young man . . . wish he lived near me!

Eve, Cisgender women use "props" to minimize their weak characteristics or bring attention to their positive characteristics. One in three cisgender women use wigs and hair pieces. In my case, I choose my eye wear carefully to bring attention to my hazel eyes, and because I am a women of size, I choose my accessories carefully. Also, I have large feet (size 11 to 11 1/2) and choose simply designed shoes as well as floor length pants instead of 3/4 length pants. Ladies, these concerns show that you are WOMEN, not transwomen fearing not passing! Your friend, Monica

Karen and Eve, Strongly suggest women to be PROFESSIONALLY fitted for their bras at least once a year. It is worth every penny. Many women don't know this, but a professional bra fitter showed me that the proper way to PUT ON a bra is to bend at the waist and to drop your breasts into the cups. Large breasted women such as myself should be careful NOT to wear an under wire bra because the weight of the breasts pushes the wire against the rib cage and can cause bruising. Your friend, Monica

Karen, Would love to see you make a DVD for women and the disabled about empty hand and cane self-defense. Also, I am really into prevention so that an attack never happens! Monica

Suggest that a person attend a support group about six times before deciding if it is right for them. Making a decision based on one visit is not fair to them (for what you may be able to bring to the group) or for you (for what you may get out of it). Every person and group have their 'off' days. It takes a while to see the big picture . . .

Years ago, a heavy butch Lesbian invited me to her home to watch a video, and, even though I am a mid-butch Lesbian, I cried my eyes out. My friend told me that she was glad she invited no one else, especially from the Lesbian community, to join us, because, frankly, she was embarrassed! LOL! Luckily, my beloved never put such pressure on me! We cried together, IN PUBLIC, at many movie theaters! LOL! Monica

Dear Mikah, Agree heartily with Eve and Christie! If I was not told, I would have assumed your picture was that of a cisgender female! You have beautiful hair, skin and smile! Mikah, you are welcome at my book club anytime! Please, I beg everyone, do not self-destruct in any way, as God made you beautiful women, inside and out! Your friend, Monica

Karen, You are a beautiful daughter and sister inside and out. Your mother and brother should be proud to have a daughter/sister like you. You pass perfectly in all three photos, even the one that is a close-up of your face. Hope your mother and brother display them with pride. What a wonderful gift! Monica

Winter, Sadly, this is an example of conditional love . . . which really isn't love at all. Monica

Dear Brigsby and Christie, Diet beverages have been shown to increase weight gain because they increase the appetite for sweet foods. Am so sorry you gained weight by eating at McDonald's, and wish you had consulted a nutritionist to gain weight in a healthy way. It is not too late . . . especially for young people. You may have blown out your adrenal glands and may have to lose it slowly in a healthy fashion. Avoid the fad diets and seek lifetime lifestyle changes. Monica

Karen, seems like Debbie was zeroing in on your female energy. My God! She sounds like a heavy butch! Only a heavy butch would be bold enough to do something like that! Monica

Dear Warren, Please do not let that woman get you down. Count your lucky stars she showed her true colors EARLY in the relationship, and, if I were you, I would cease contact immediately. Let me assure you, she most likely treats everybody the same crappy way. Your friend, Monica P.S. I absolutely LOVE your cartoon! You are so talented! P.S.S. You look so handsome in your picture!

Karen, Excellent point! Couldn't say it better myself! Reminds me of when I was growing up, my parents would remind me not to be a "space pig," which means spreading out yourself and belongings over a bus seat or subway bench. Now that I think of it, my brothers were NEVER accused of being a space pig! LOL! Monica

Dear Ladies, Went to Karen's link and read it carefully, including the written and audio links. In the case of the pre and post operative audio samples at different ages, in most cases, I found NO improvement, and in a few I found a falsetto, which I consider a WORSE outcome. Suggest that when it comes to treatments, medications and surgeries, to wait until it has been in the public general usage for TWO YEARS before undergoing it yourself. Have saved myself from taking medications and having procedures that were later recalled or discontinued. Ladies, it pays to do your research! Yours truly, Monica

Karen, Excellent advice and you look great!

Karen, Mine looked like a full support cotton bra that hooked on the front. Had the largest size the hospital offered, and they still had to stuff me into it! LOL! It did make me feel more comfortable and helped minimize scarring.

Karen, Think you are very passable as you are, but we must acknowledge some women need a lot more work to pass. This is a very personal choice, and I rejoice you are not one to be addictive to plastic surgery. Glad you are happy with your results, as I certainly am! LOL! Monica

Dear Eve, Propecia is a brand name, and Finasteride is a generic name for the same drug. You are correct, generic drugs are essentially the same drug, but at a much lower cost. Yours truly, Monica

To the handsome young man named Warren, First, Happy Birthday! If I saw the photograph of you, I would not have known that this is a transman. Warren, there are days when anyone is blue. Today I was blue. Had to go to the library and had to ask for assistance on several occasions on one visit to use their computer (I had to make hard copies of an e-mail, and technology is always marching on, while I am standing stock still . . . LOL!) Twice, two small children pointed at me, asking about my disability, using the word, "cripple." The mothers shushed their child, but I didn't know what to say, because my disability is very complex. Was not angry or offended, but was not comfortable because I did not know how to interact with mother and child in a positive way (did not want to see the two children reprimanded). Last several weeks having a dispute with BOTH my credit card company AND a vendor . . . What do I do when it "piles up"? First, I try to decide what is the BIGGEST issue that I am confronting TODAY. Then I ask myself, what can I do about it TODAY? When I have made all efforts to address the issue, I set it down, and take on NOTHING ELSE for that day. The NEXT day, I repeat the process, addressing only ONE issue. No more than one issue per day do I address. Miraculously, many of the issues will go away by themselves, so subtly, that I can not remember what was bothering me. As for Facebook or any other website, or even group of people, I ask myself, does this person, website, social media organization, organization, school, employer PULL ME UP or DOWN? Seek out situations that consistently PULL YOU UP. Stay away from situations that tend to PULL YOU DOWN. Warren, I hope this helps. We both started out with a difficult day, and I hope by the end of the day, we both end with a good day! Always your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, May I suggest Vitamin E softgels to speed healing and, with your doctor's permission, after your stitches have been removed, putting Vitamin E liquid (by piercing a Vitamin E softgel) onto the scar, to prevent scarring. Women tolerate pain much better than men, in my opinion, due to estrogen, and also women are designed to tolerate pain better in order to give birth. Tolerated pain very well in all my surgeries and used very little prescription medicine, EXCEPT for my radical hysterectomy, (removed all my female organs along with the top third of my vagina), as well as biopsies of all my internal organs in my abdomen, to ensure no spread of the cancer. Had to use medical marijuana for two weeks after the hysterectomy, as NOTHING covered my pain, although when I was in the hospital, the nurses commented they saw nobody use the morphine pump less than I did. Wish the morphine pump came home with me or that I stayed longer in the hospital. Because I was a Medicare/Medicaid patient, I was in the hospital two nights and three days. Continue getting well, my friend. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, When I had surgery on my left breast at the 9 O'Clock position, to remove a benign growth deep inside the breast, I wore a compression bra post surgery. Had Percocet, which did cover the pain. Of course, a biopsy is very different than a breast augmentation or mastectomy. My thoughts and prayers are with you for your continued recovery. Your friend, Monica