MonicaPz

Dear Karen, It is easy to have misunderstandings on the Internet. There have been occasions when I have liked someone on the Internet, only to realize later on the telephone or in person, that there was no chemistry. Also, there were people I met in person, had I not met them in person, but on the Internet, I might not have given them a chance, frankly, because of their looks. Have known a few women (usually very young) who THOUGHT they were Lesbian, only to realize that they were heterosexual. Often they thought they were Lesbian while in high school and/or college, and realize near graduation, that they were heterosexual. They were called "Lesbian Until Graduation," or LUG's. Have seen people confuse deep friendship for romantic love. Examples, in my opinion, are Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt. If you keep it only on the Internet, you will never know. Personally, if a person wants to correspond on the Internet more than a month, I consider the person as not really interested in me or playing games. You may want to bring it on to the telephone, after being on the Internet for about a month. If I were you, I would ask him if he was ever interested in a transwoman before. Perhaps consider sending him the pictures you sent your mother and brother, as well as others. My mother, may God rest her soul, explained that the six layers of a wedding cake, started with respect on the bottom, then the next layer was friendship, then the next, non-romantic love, the next, romantic love, the next, marriage, and the top, which is eaten on the first anniversary, represented family, because in the old days, a bride was usually pregnant by her first anniversary. The worst thing that can happen, is that you will make a friend, and it does not go any further than that, and the best thing that could happen, is that you will meet a wonderful guy who RESPECTS and LOVES women for all the right reasons. Please be careful, in meeting him in a public place, and take your time in getting to know him. You are an attractive woman, and the Internet will work well for you as another resource for meeting people, while a woman like me, would do best meeting people in person. By the way, I have had many wonderful friendships with men, while I had romantic relationships with women. My masculine energy resonated with men as friendship, and it also resonated with women as love. Karen, please remember, it starts as FRIENDSHIP FIRST, and having sex on a casual basis does not really give a person the insight they need to know if they are Lesbian or Straight. Don't rush it. Your friend, Monica

What a thoughtful young man . . . wish he lived near me!

Eve, Cisgender women use "props" to minimize their weak characteristics or bring attention to their positive characteristics. One in three cisgender women use wigs and hair pieces. In my case, I choose my eye wear carefully to bring attention to my hazel eyes, and because I am a women of size, I choose my accessories carefully. Also, I have large feet (size 11 to 11 1/2) and choose simply designed shoes as well as floor length pants instead of 3/4 length pants. Ladies, these concerns show that you are WOMEN, not transwomen fearing not passing! Your friend, Monica

Karen and Eve, Strongly suggest women to be PROFESSIONALLY fitted for their bras at least once a year. It is worth every penny. Many women don't know this, but a professional bra fitter showed me that the proper way to PUT ON a bra is to bend at the waist and to drop your breasts into the cups. Large breasted women such as myself should be careful NOT to wear an under wire bra because the weight of the breasts pushes the wire against the rib cage and can cause bruising. Your friend, Monica

Karen, Would love to see you make a DVD for women and the disabled about empty hand and cane self-defense. Also, I am really into prevention so that an attack never happens! Monica

Suggest that a person attend a support group about six times before deciding if it is right for them. Making a decision based on one visit is not fair to them (for what you may be able to bring to the group) or for you (for what you may get out of it). Every person and group have their 'off' days. It takes a while to see the big picture . . .

Years ago, a heavy butch Lesbian invited me to her home to watch a video, and, even though I am a mid-butch Lesbian, I cried my eyes out. My friend told me that she was glad she invited no one else, especially from the Lesbian community, to join us, because, frankly, she was embarrassed! LOL! Luckily, my beloved never put such pressure on me! We cried together, IN PUBLIC, at many movie theaters! LOL! Monica

Dear Mikah, Agree heartily with Eve and Christie! If I was not told, I would have assumed your picture was that of a cisgender female! You have beautiful hair, skin and smile! Mikah, you are welcome at my book club anytime! Please, I beg everyone, do not self-destruct in any way, as God made you beautiful women, inside and out! Your friend, Monica

Karen, You are a beautiful daughter and sister inside and out. Your mother and brother should be proud to have a daughter/sister like you. You pass perfectly in all three photos, even the one that is a close-up of your face. Hope your mother and brother display them with pride. What a wonderful gift! Monica

Winter, Sadly, this is an example of conditional love . . . which really isn't love at all. Monica

Dear Brigsby and Christie, Diet beverages have been shown to increase weight gain because they increase the appetite for sweet foods. Am so sorry you gained weight by eating at McDonald's, and wish you had consulted a nutritionist to gain weight in a healthy way. It is not too late . . . especially for young people. You may have blown out your adrenal glands and may have to lose it slowly in a healthy fashion. Avoid the fad diets and seek lifetime lifestyle changes. Monica

Karen, seems like Debbie was zeroing in on your female energy. My God! She sounds like a heavy butch! Only a heavy butch would be bold enough to do something like that! Monica

Dear Warren, Please do not let that woman get you down. Count your lucky stars she showed her true colors EARLY in the relationship, and, if I were you, I would cease contact immediately. Let me assure you, she most likely treats everybody the same crappy way. Your friend, Monica P.S. I absolutely LOVE your cartoon! You are so talented! P.S.S. You look so handsome in your picture!

Karen, Excellent point! Couldn't say it better myself! Reminds me of when I was growing up, my parents would remind me not to be a "space pig," which means spreading out yourself and belongings over a bus seat or subway bench. Now that I think of it, my brothers were NEVER accused of being a space pig! LOL! Monica

Dear Ladies, Went to Karen's link and read it carefully, including the written and audio links. In the case of the pre and post operative audio samples at different ages, in most cases, I found NO improvement, and in a few I found a falsetto, which I consider a WORSE outcome. Suggest that when it comes to treatments, medications and surgeries, to wait until it has been in the public general usage for TWO YEARS before undergoing it yourself. Have saved myself from taking medications and having procedures that were later recalled or discontinued. Ladies, it pays to do your research! Yours truly, Monica

Karen, Excellent advice and you look great!

Karen, Mine looked like a full support cotton bra that hooked on the front. Had the largest size the hospital offered, and they still had to stuff me into it! LOL! It did make me feel more comfortable and helped minimize scarring.

Karen, Think you are very passable as you are, but we must acknowledge some women need a lot more work to pass. This is a very personal choice, and I rejoice you are not one to be addictive to plastic surgery. Glad you are happy with your results, as I certainly am! LOL! Monica

Dear Eve, Propecia is a brand name, and Finasteride is a generic name for the same drug. You are correct, generic drugs are essentially the same drug, but at a much lower cost. Yours truly, Monica

To the handsome young man named Warren, First, Happy Birthday! If I saw the photograph of you, I would not have known that this is a transman. Warren, there are days when anyone is blue. Today I was blue. Had to go to the library and had to ask for assistance on several occasions on one visit to use their computer (I had to make hard copies of an e-mail, and technology is always marching on, while I am standing stock still . . . LOL!) Twice, two small children pointed at me, asking about my disability, using the word, "cripple." The mothers shushed their child, but I didn't know what to say, because my disability is very complex. Was not angry or offended, but was not comfortable because I did not know how to interact with mother and child in a positive way (did not want to see the two children reprimanded). Last several weeks having a dispute with BOTH my credit card company AND a vendor . . . What do I do when it "piles up"? First, I try to decide what is the BIGGEST issue that I am confronting TODAY. Then I ask myself, what can I do about it TODAY? When I have made all efforts to address the issue, I set it down, and take on NOTHING ELSE for that day. The NEXT day, I repeat the process, addressing only ONE issue. No more than one issue per day do I address. Miraculously, many of the issues will go away by themselves, so subtly, that I can not remember what was bothering me. As for Facebook or any other website, or even group of people, I ask myself, does this person, website, social media organization, organization, school, employer PULL ME UP or DOWN? Seek out situations that consistently PULL YOU UP. Stay away from situations that tend to PULL YOU DOWN. Warren, I hope this helps. We both started out with a difficult day, and I hope by the end of the day, we both end with a good day! Always your friend, Monica

Dear Karen, May I suggest Vitamin E softgels to speed healing and, with your doctor's permission, after your stitches have been removed, putting Vitamin E liquid (by piercing a Vitamin E softgel) onto the scar, to prevent scarring. Women tolerate pain much better than men, in my opinion, due to estrogen, and also women are designed to tolerate pain better in order to give birth. Tolerated pain very well in all my surgeries and used very little prescription medicine, EXCEPT for my radical hysterectomy, (removed all my female organs along with the top third of my vagina), as well as biopsies of all my internal organs in my abdomen, to ensure no spread of the cancer. Had to use medical marijuana for two weeks after the hysterectomy, as NOTHING covered my pain, although when I was in the hospital, the nurses commented they saw nobody use the morphine pump less than I did. Wish the morphine pump came home with me or that I stayed longer in the hospital. Because I was a Medicare/Medicaid patient, I was in the hospital two nights and three days. Continue getting well, my friend. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, When I had surgery on my left breast at the 9 O'Clock position, to remove a benign growth deep inside the breast, I wore a compression bra post surgery. Had Percocet, which did cover the pain. Of course, a biopsy is very different than a breast augmentation or mastectomy. My thoughts and prayers are with you for your continued recovery. Your friend, Monica

As a cisgender Lesbian, the price for immediate interaction, as provided by the Internet, rather than meeting face to face, is a loss of community. It is important to maintain community. In the age of the Internet (especially social media), cell/smart phones, and other technology, it is becoming more and more difficult. In the Lesbian community, as I am seeing Lesbians approaching gaining their full civil rights, I am seeing less community. Presently, I only see Lesbian Connection and Golden Threads, among a few others, trying to maintain community among Lesbians, and they are struggling. Sadly, I have also noticed that most Lesbian bookstores no longer exist. My great concern is, when, as transpeople achieve greater acceptance, are they going to lose community, too? The challenge to the TLGB community, is to maintain community as the emphasis in our society shifts from face to face to online interaction. In my opinion, I feel we have it reversed. People should meet face to face PRIMARILY, and maintain contact (and community!) through technology. The Internet should be seen as a tool to support face to face interaction, but not to supplant it.

Karen, you look awfully good (no pun intended!) for someone just out of the OR!

Dear Lisa, Please consider the Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) that is TLGB friendly. Have had only one person who had a bad experience with the MCC Church. Went to the King of Peace MCC Church in St. Petersburg, Florida, and had such a wonderful experience, I consider it my best church experience in my life. Was on the greeting committee, where newcomers were given red plastic cups at the social after the service. Talked with them for a few minutes to get to know them, and then introduced them to church members who might have something in common with them. Be aware that just because a DENOMINATION is TLGB friendly, does not mean the individual church is friendly. Attended a so-called TLGB friendly denomination church in upstate New York (whose denomination I will not mention) and discovered all the "old-timers" (all Straight, cisgender people) and they were incredibly hostile. Even though the pastor was Lesbian, learned that they went through pastors like water (like one every year!) and she was a nervous wreck, trying not to piss off the old-timers that were on the board and acted like they owned the church. Take your time, and look at several churches, going to several services at each one, then choose the one that best resonates with you and your wife. Yours truly, Monica