eveannessant

I told of coming out to my wife in My Journey so far , it was my first blog on 30th Jan. I'll send you a direct message tomorrow morning GMT with more detail, in the meantime goodnight, time for zzz's Eve

Emma, That's a very good blog and much of it reminds me of my own past experiences. I was content at first to wear underclothes under male clothes, and then later on to cross-dress more completely but with no make-up or wig. I hid it all from my wife. You've read my first blog regarding telling my wife, so I won't repeat it here, but I have taken a long while slowing down what I knew in my heart would happen and still has to happen, complete gender change, my wife has known that I have been Trans for 3 years now and in that time I have slowly increased my femininity, without coming out as a full-time Trans Woman, It was only on Decmeber 3rd last year that I came out in the full-time femme role, or as some would call it pre-op transexual. I love my wife dearly and by taking my time it has allowed her to adjust to my becoming to all intents and purposes a woman. So please take it slowly with your wife and don't let it dominate discussion and interaction with her. Softly softly catchee monkey. My wife said to me the other day to not let my Trans thing become a disability, what she meant was that she still wanted me to do all the things that I used to do as Steve, but now as Eve. Good luck with hugs, Eve

This isn't the first time I've heard similar from a fully transgendered woman! It's something to look forward to in the future!

We had friends round on Staurday, who we hadn't seen for months. They were aware of me being Trans, but had never seen me before "en Femme", although I had sent photo's to show what to expect. The female half of the couple was fine seeing me as I really am - as Eve, and commented how slim I looked in my long black dress, this really pleased me. We had some drinks, and a little later on the male half of the couple said to me that he saw me as a "bloke in a dress with tits", whilst I don't think that he meant it to be an insult, more of a statement of his ease of being in company with me, I none-the-less was offended by it, to me it was tantamount to stating that I didn't look like a woman. He has always just stated what was on his mind, never mind the consequences, or whoever gets hurt by his clumsiness. I started to realise that he was a dinosaur who is finding it hard to adjust to modern day life in Britain, after a little later on he also stated that he wasn't a racist but didn't like "them", I think he was referring to Asians, I argued the point that he was tarring all Asians with the same brush, and that there are good and bad in all races, but to no obvious effect upon him. I was disappointed with him and the evening that I had been looking forward to. I know that I have changed a lot in the past 5-6 months or so, but didn't realise how much more tolerant I have become, and also how much more intolerant he had become. I have no doubt that if it wasn't for the fact that we had been such close friends previous to my transition, he wouldn't even talk to me, unless he was making fun of me. At heart though he didn't used to be a bad person, but he was just stubborn and had fixed ideas, his favourite saying was "don't try to teach a pig to sing, it only annoys the pig and frustrates the teacher". My wife and the female half of the couple have made arrangements for us all to go on a caravaning holiday to Belgium, Luxembourg and southern Germany in September. In the past we'd have BBQ's and copious drinks in the evenings between the two caravans, which we all enjoyed immensley. I'm not sure that it's going to be as enjoyable in the future. I suppose that I must expect relationships to change, I have already lost a brother and his family, so I have to realise that nothing remains constant.......................... Yours, Eve

Hi Emma & Karen, Thanks for your comments re trans violence, yes it has happened in the UK, but not in the numbers reported on the internet in the USA. We are a smalll country so we can expect fewer instances, not sure if the percentage of total population who are Trans is any different or not though..... With regard to Karens point of no return comments, I have been on oestrogen for two and a half years now, so my equipment is not functioning as a normal males would! GRS? yes please I want it to complete my transition if not for any other reason. I had made the decision to transition many months ago, however the new passport bought back some slight mixed feelings, it was as if it rubber stamped my decision.............. I hope that this explains my feelings and situation.., Eve

The above advice is sound, and I see that you've already gone for counselling. I'd also add that going to Trans venues can help, not sure where your local ones are but those that I regularly attended in Birmingham UK, helped me a lot, being with a lot of other transgirls sort of normalised my inner feelings, and then allowed me to progress. Best Nursery School ever!

Hi, I've put a tag on this entry "last look back", because my new UK passport arrived earlier this week, it states my name is Eve and there's an F next to gender, it sort of brought it home to me that I am now EVE and I'm a TRANS WOMAN, unlike any other official documents had done. There were implications that I thought through, yes I had already gone through this process before I became Trans, but the same old thoughts came flooding back of 'wow this is for the rest of my life', I am no longer Steve, I can't go back........unless I cross dress !! On the one hand I was very glad that I had completed the name and document change process, but on the other hand I had slight feelings of remorse and trepidation. I have mentioned in earlier blogs that I used to have alternate male and female feelings like the ebbing and flooding of the tide, it was kind of wierd to have both feelings at once, however I must say that the femme feelings were the stronger. The next day I reflected on my feelings and thoughts, and summarised them into a last look back and farewell to Steve........ Anyway onto less morose thoughts and more girly stuff!, I had an appointment at my local nail bar yesterday and had my nails gel coated in a purple colour and my eyebows threaded, I was overjoyed with my nails, which had always looked as if I borrowed them from a comodo dragon........All the lumps and bumps and ridges have gone, and they are super glossy and smooth, just like a models. In the next office there is a complexion aesthetics clinic that does no needle mesotherapy, so I'm going to give that go next week, hopefully it'll take away the saggy bags under my eyes and lessen my hooded eye lids. It's supposed to take a couple of weeks after treatment to show results, of course I'll post the results in my blogs, and maybe a photo. I'm a little concerned about the amount of trans people murdered in the USA, is it written into the US Constitution that you have a right to bear arms and to kill trans people???? We often think in the UK that in some parts of the US the Sheriff's are not always upholders of the law, we get this from US television and films, is it fact or fiction? How many Trans murderers have been caught & convicted, or killed whilst being arrested? Do you have anti-hate legislation in the US as we do in the UK? Sorry for so many questions..............Eve

Thanks Emma, After reading your latest blog, I realise that we have had a lot of similar experiences, this also helps me to get on with my life. Peck on the cheek! Eve.

Emma, You have expressed thoughts, fears, emotions that I too have had. Yesterday my new UK passport arrived, whilst I was thrilled to be Eve and have F printed for gender, I was none-the-less tinged with slight feelings of remorse and trepidation for the future, I hadn't had those feelings for the previous 3 months.....Trepidation, yes worrying about others reacting to me (mostly unfounded), remorse probably the final farewell to Steve.

That's really nice Karen, I'm glad it went well for you. People can be very surprising and pleasantly do things that you wouldn't have expected them to do.........

Well we call these "creeps" Tranny Chasers here in the UK. I can't ever imagine doing sex with a man, it quite frankly turns me off! I can't see what my wife saw in me as a man before we married. It's only since I have transgendered that I have come to think this way. When I went to the gender clinic I asked to become a lesbian! Women are more gentle and loving and frankly amazing! That of course includes trans Women.

I got asked to write to write Trans Articles for Redditch LGBT on Friday, I had already got 2 presentations on coming out and my journey from cross dresser to Trans Woman so I altered them a little and sent them off, hopefully they'll be posted soon. Redditch LGBT is in it's infancy, it's aims are to promote that not every one is straight white heterosexual & for people to get over the fact. Also it wants to promote a LGBT friendly area within Redditch, which is sadly missing presently except for Cafe Mambo, at the moment LGBT people mostly go to Birmingham. Par for the course, it's been started by a local Labour Councillor, whom I met and had a long chat with. My Wife and I had a day out on Saturday, she's very keen on victorian history, and is part way through writing a novel set in that period, so we visited 3 museums in Worcestershire. No one read me as far as I could tell (Schodinger's pass again!), and we both enjoyed the exhibits. In one of the museums, there are exhibits of Worcestershire regiments through the ages to the present day. One area was dedicated to the first world war, there are a collection of government posters urging men to join the army, for glory and heroism etc., alongside was an exhibit telling of soldiers sentenced to death by firing squad for cowardice etc., when in fact they were shell shocked. It bought it home to me how little has changed, with goverment propaganda, and how hypocrisy is still rife amongst politicians. However recently there has been a serving Captain in the British Army who has Transgendered whilst serving, here's the link to a video made by her and a private; http://www.allaboutt...re-experiences/ Anyway whilst it show's the fantastic progress being made in some areas of UK life, it's important to realise that this progress has largely come about due to the previous Labour governments commitment to the Equality act which in turn originated from EU Equal Treatment Directives. Whilst the present government has done little to further promote equality, other that to state that it promotes Trans people being integrated into society, but other than the bland statement, there is no evidence of anything having been done. I guess it's not in their true interests. I have been sent a document about the Transgendering process here in the UK, I have sent it to two people within Transgender Guide, one of whom didn't answer. The other said I should provide a link to it on my blog. However I must warn you that there is bad language in it, so if you're a delicate little thing or easily offended, please don't read it. It doesn't exactly mirror my experience with Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic, which has been mostly positive, but having said that, it is funny and it pokes fun at the system. It appears that the upload file size has been reduced and I can no longer upload the file, so here's the link to it; http://bytenoise.co....ra-and-hope.pdf Perhaps a similar document might be put together by a member about the US system? That's all for now, Eve x

So True.

Excellent blog, I don't come across haters very often, but when I do, I must remember and quote your phrase, "I hope that you find peace and happiness in life. If you do, you won't feel the need to harm others or want them to feel bad about themselves." A real dinosaur killer!

Thanks for the warning Karen.............can't wait to rid myself of my junk!

I made a new contact on twitter the other day, her name is Susan (not her real name). After a few tweets we e-mailed and then a day or so later had a phone conversation. Getting to the point she said she was a self-employed Management Consultant. When she came out of the wardrobe (Tranny Closet? ) to her customers she was assured thaty it wouldn't change anything, and she was congratulated etc., etc. She then found that 70 odd percent of her customers went elsewhere.........She's getting by, doing menial jobs that she's overqualified for, but she obviously didn't fit in with British business culture as a Trans Woman. Now I've got pretty left of centre political views (middle of the spectrum Labour Party) and I'm a member of LGBT Labour, an organisation that advices the Labour Party on LGBT issues. So you might guess that I'm pretty disgusted with what happened to Susan. I've been invited along to another LGBT meeting In Redditch (to the south of Birmingham 15 miles or so), it's a group that is in it's infancy and another Trans Friend and myself will be the only Trans people attending. I thought it'd be good to put a slide show together with Keynote showing the issues and thoughts that we have whilst transitioning. So I put a few photo's showing the stages of feminisation that I've been through amongst the slides of bullet pointed text. One of the photo's showed myself with another friend who is still very part-time, luckily I asked her if she was comfortable with a picture of her in the presentation. Where and whom willl it be shown to she asked, when I told her Redditch (her home town) she started to make non commital noises, she was obviously uncomfortable with the idea. She was actually afraid the company she works for might somehow find out about her, and make life difficult for her, I thought yes look what has happened to Susan. Part of the problem is that she works for a company that has been split up, bought and sold 3-4 times over. Staff are not really valued by those who have ultimate control over companies, and it only takes a customer whom my friend might be sent to, to complain about sending someone who cross-dresses. Faced with this, the easy thing for the company to do would be to fire her, or victimise her to the degree that she went off sick with stress, and they could eventually get rid of her on medical grounds. I've blurred her face out so that it can't happen, but I thought that it was, in this case, going to be a good example of the fears that a Trans person has to show others, when coming out or being found out, which can easily turn into paranoia. I remember it myself. Luckily I work for local government, who are upholders of Equality........ I don't know if you have the equivilent to our Equality Act in the US, but even though we have it here in the UK, it doesn't stop discrimination, by the unscrupulous rich companies who often fund the political parties. Eve x

Work was the easiest of organisations to accept my name and gender change, They have been fantastic with me, I did it in early December, and this story is so reminiscent of my experience. Good luck with your new life! Eve

That's a really moving story, and it makes me so proud of my wife for putting up with me especially as I am now Eve, and outwardly at least not the Steve that she married. I took a long time transitioning to help her to adjust to my new identity, it's taken over 4 years to the point that I pass in public and do not appear as male anymore. Perhaps we should bear in mind that it can often take our wives or partners longer to adjust than we can ourselves? But know what, it makes me love her all the more. We went on an anti Austerity event on Saturday, she was speaking on a PA system, but I went along to support her, it's things like this that help to cement a relationship together. Eve

I had a conversation with my wife last night about the possibility of going SCUBA Diving again (I used to be an Instructor back in my male days 4 years or so ago), my wife said that she'd like to do that, we talked about our favourite shore dive in the UK, with fond reminisances. I'm not sure if we'll actually get around to doing it though, as we both have other interests that compete for our spare time now. But later in the night when I couldn't sleep (red wine induced insomnia!), I looked back at my past male life, and came to the conclusion that I had simply used up all my maleness too soon! I was pretty full on at it. In my late teens and twenties I was a semi-outlaw biker, yes I had been involved in acts of gratuitous violence on occassions but most of the time smoking a certain kind of cigarette if you catch my gist, we also had a lot of a certain kind of fungus growing locally ! (funny that this fungus has since been made illegal in the UK!), I grew up a bit in my late 20's and by my early 30's became involved with SCUBA Diving, this was great fun, fast boats a dive into a different world and lots of gratuitous consumption of Alcohol afterwards (yes we all knew that we shouldn't be drinking, but what the hell), I also became a Commercial Diver too, we call them dope on a rope in the UK ! (For those of you who don't know, a commercial diver is mostly an underwater labourer in the inshore sector of UK Commercial diving). I hope you're getting the idea? I was also cross dressing in secret whilst all of this was going on, I was obviously covering this secret part of my life with a very male lifestyle, It was a subterfuge. This is what I thought might have used up all of my maleness, and allowed my femme side to out itself........Perhaps I shouldn't drink too much red wine in future? LOL Anyway I can't rightly remember how far I got with my previous blog entries, but my documentation is gaining pace now, Tesco have sent me a new credit card at last, so I've transfered my balance to a different card and I'll close the Tesco account, thery were so arrogant and slow with me grrrr.... My vehicle registration came back today with my new name, and I had a message from the UK Passport Office that seemed very positive about my passport replacement. I have a list of other not so important organisations and petty beaurocracies, that I need to tell of my name change, I'll start this tomorrow. I've been out and about today at work and on private errands, with no negative responses, my confidence is growing all the time, and it feels great. I can't remember if I have already told of my visit to my GP's surgery or not? anyway bear with me if I'm retelling this. I had an appointment on the 6th Feb at 17:10, there were a few others waiting in the waiting room, all of which saw their doctor before I did. I have to use a touch screen to announce that I've arrived at the surgery, it asks male or female (more binary crap!) so I touched female, it asked for my date of birth, I entered it, it asked was I Eve, yes I answered and I mentally shouted YES AT LAST!! I'M RELLY EVE, the NHS has now recognised my aquired gender, and I don't have to suffer any embarrassment again. But when I finally went into the doctors room, she looked amazed, she'd never seen me dressed as female before, it made me feel so happy. It's all the little things in life like this, that make it really possible for me to go about life in my new gender role, and each document or organisation that changes is a battle won on the road to final victory. My face has feminised over the last 3 months or so especially my lips which are now fuller than they were, my boobs have also become much fuller too, I think I've been quite fortunate in this respect as most other trans girls that I know, haven't had as much "chest" development as I have had. I'm cutting out alcohol for the next couple of weeks or so, the problem with alcohol is that it makes me eat the next day, and this is something I want to avoid, i want to have another sprint at further weight loss. Well that's all for now, I'll try to write some more drivel next week............... Cheers, Eve x

Hi, If any girls from the UK are listening or should that read reading? Anyway please get in touch. Not that I don't want to hear from anybody from anywhere else too. Eve

I'm still having problems with UK financial organisations, Tesco especially, I have decided as soon as I have my new card in my new name I'll trnsfer my balance to a different card provider, yes, this is termed as voting with my feet, and sticking a finger up in Tesco's direction. Paypal UK are another pain in the ass, they wouldn't accept my Deed Poll which I uploaded to them, they also wanted UK Driving Licence or Passport......Driving Licence is presently in the process of being changed, and I'm waiting for it to be returned in the post. My passport is waiting to be sent off as soon as my Deed Poll certificate is returned from Tesco Bank. ARRRGGGHHHH. If you going to transition fulltime in the UK expect Frustration...............the process is unnecessarily long, and awkward. Anyway yesterday I went to our local supermarket with my wife, and I either passed as female or if not nobody said anything or stared, you never can be sure, other UK girls have termed this as "Schrodingers Pass". I am getting more and more used to it with increased exposure. I took my wonderful wife out last night for a meal, to a bar / restaurant on the edge of Birminghams gay quarter ( I wonder if we'll ever have Trans quarters in the future?) this bar is used by straight people as well as LGB and last night one 1 T (me), anyway we had a great time with excellent food, in fact some of the best I've had anywhere in Europe. So apart from pain in the ass finacial people I had a good day.

Well here goes, where do I start? I suppose that I should introduce myself first, I'm Eve an English M to F Transexual, undergoing hormone treatment from Charing Cross Gender Identity Centre, Ihope to be fully transgendered in the 2 years or so......I'm quite old to have started this journey and so I'll have to try hard to remember all of the distant past............. As a small child I remember (5-6yrs old?), that my mums cousin and her family visited our house. The cousins daughter was in her late teens the era is very early 1960's, young females had just started to wear long high heeled boots and short skirts. The Family had arrived in / on a motorcycle and sidecar, their motorcycle gear was left in the hallway........ Both my mum and dad and cousins family were in the lounge and dining rooms, I remember coming down the stairs to the hallway and finding all this strange and intriguing clothing, quietly I put on the daughters boots and a leather jacket, when I was discovered by this time I also had a helmet in my hand, of course none of it fitted but I was strangly excited by it all, my parents and cousins family thought it was all very funny, and of course at that time there were no thoughts of transvestivism. Apart from asking a well developed female what the lumps on her chest were (yes I was definitely fascinated!) to which I never recieved a proper reply, there was a long latent period of just growing up as a boy...........Until I reached puberty, and found myself wearing my mothers underwear, this continued secretly for the next 7 years or so, yes I was disgusted with my perversion, & I nearly got found out. Dating girls was happening towards the end of this period and secretly even after having had enjoyable sex with them, I still wanted to wear their clothes..... secretly I did manage to try on their underwear. There was an extremely long period of time when I didn't have any girlfriends, for reasons of moving out of town and changing social circles. I started to buy my own female clothes, underwear at first then progressing on to outerwear. Again this was secret, and I was disgusted with myself and then I dumped my female clothes after a month or so.......... I then met my first wife, and sex was great at first, thenafter a couple of years I started to secretly wear her clothes, I can't honestly say whether or not she was aware or not or whether or not it had any bearing on the break up of our marriage, but I found myself alone again and guess what I started to buy female clothing again, I also discovered Trans sites on the internet, and yes I thought if only I could look like that.........in the meantime I had a regular girl who I was involved with in a sex only relationship, yes it was very enjoyable, but not enough to satisfy my inner needs, at the same time I was dating via the internet, and I met my second wife whom I am still miraculously married to.........yes it was all very exciting at first leaving the sex only relationship and starting the new relationship with my wife, but try as I might I just couldn't resist trying on her clothes secretly of course............. Well, I still checked out trans sites and i started to take Pueraria Mirifca which is a plant based estrogen compound, I was amazed that I soon started to feel lumps behind my nipples, my first thoughts were, oh I've got male breast cancer, so I got it checked out twice at two different hospitals, with the same diagnosis, that I had Gynecomastia or male breast growth or moobs if you prefer. I was absolutely amazed, because I never ever thought that the Pueraria Mirifica would work, I was so happy!!! I told my wife and came out as trans to her, wow it went amazingly well, we were both drinking, however the next couple of days were like living in Siberia, she was definately not impressed with me. Things started to get back to normal after 4-5 days though........... I told my one of our best friends about the gynecomastia, he told his wife, and when the next time they visited us I asked my friends wife if he had told her, yes she said, what will you do about it?, become a transvestite - oh I already am a transvestite I replied, oh wow so's he she replied he was in another room with my wife at the time, so i had a good chat about things with my friends wife............I let my friend know that i knew and that i was also similarly affected, he pretended to not know what I was on about, and it wasn't until I sent some photo's of myself (at that time very much a bloke in drag) that he came out to me. We started to go to a local trans venue every two weeks or so on a Monday night (yes put 2 &2 together and you might well have an idea where this is), this going out as Transvestites continued for a year and a half or so, before my friend ran into difficulties, at which point I didn't attend so frequently. I had made some amazing friends, who were mostly in the transgender process, although I wanted to do the same, I had to take things very slowly and cautiously to let my wife slowly adjust to my increasingly feminine appearance, by this time I had started to take premarin tablets, I was self medicating, my breasts rpidly started to increase in size, wow brilliant I thought. I was advised by a friend that premarin good as it is for breast growth was not going to be doing me any good, and it's bad for the liver, oh god & I adore alcohol, I was advised that i should be using estrogen patches. With this in mind I went to see my GP (General Practicioner - Physician, for you non British people!), and told her what I was doing, luckily she prescribed to the said Estrodot patches, and referred me to the local pshyciatrist, who referred me on to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic (ChX GIC) in London. It took about a year for my first appointment to happen and I can honestly say it was very enjoyable with a very open and honest consultation with a pshycologist. The second appointment last autumn (OK, fall) was not as good, ifelt it was more like an interview, but it was with another doctor this time a pshyciatrist. Early December 2014 I came out at work as Eve, and started to change my name and all it entails , including much frustration with my banks, and surprisingly my GP's Surgery, who were not aware of how to gert my NHS card and identity changed. I had to research on the internet the process that the NHS has for this to happen, then to give that information to my GP to act on, I have got two copies of a letter from my GP stating my gender and name cahnge are permanent, for the purposes of sending of to get my driving licence and passport changed along with other documents. It was an EXTREMELY frustrating Christmas period for me, battling with people who wrongly thought they knew better, My bank after I complained thatr a UK Deed Poll for name change was not necessary to change my details, eventually paid my costs for my Deed Poll that they had originally required and also compensated me with £150. My Credit Card company (TESCO) is still being a pain, causing me to complain to the Finacial Ombudsman, this is ongoing. I recieved a phone call on the 27th December from CHx GIC asking me if I could attend an appointment on the 29th December 2014 to see the resident Endocrinologist, as it was thought that I needed urgent intervention. As it turned out it was because of a fatty liver condition that I have, probably caused by too much alcohol, though I don't suppose that my self medication with Premarin a couple of years ago could have helped me either. Anyway I had my estrogen increased, and also Decapeptyl to kill off residual testosterone production, physical examination of breasts (now between B & C cup), penis and testicles also happened. Good news I was told that I didn't need any electrolysis in my pubic hair area. I came away elated, at long last I felt that I was on the road to becoming a real woman. What I desperately need now is to increase my confidence, and voice feminisation. I was also pretty much overweight -well obese, there I've said it, I was told that I need to get my weight to 92kgs from 113 kgs, New years resolution happened to be to stop drinking alcohol for two months or so (see how it goes), and to lose weight, I now weigh 104.5 kgs so you can see that I'm quite serious about being a Transwoman having lost over an imperial stone in weight within a month! That's pretty much it, physically anway, I haven't bored you with all of my feelings which seemed to alternate between femme and male like the coming and going of the tides, this did die down as time progressed and estrogen worked it's miracle. I'm now extremely happy as a Transwoman, although stupidly I do still care about what others think of me, but increasingly I am starting to care less and less, that's their problem not mine, I'm doing this for me not for them...... I'll try to keep my blog up to date on a weekly basis, and I'll try to answer any questions if you haven't been bored to death with my history.........