eveannessant

So Christie, The genie's now expanding ! I doubt that it'll ever get back into its bottle now. I wish you luck with your decision............. Cheers, Eve

You might soon start to feel a small lump forming behind your nipples, as your breasts really start to bud. Some girls then experience growth for about 18 - 24 months at which point growth starts to slow down a bit or stop, but it doesn't always stop. However some girls who have gone all the way past GRS and taking HRT for 3-4 years or more are still relatively flat chested, but in all cases as Karen has alluded to, facial features noticably change, people tell me that mine have, but I didn't take any photo's because I never liked my face as a male, I regret not doing that now. I only have a couple of old crappy photo's as me as a male...................... Changes of mood or moodswing if you prefer are relatively common, it's rather like being a teenager, one day child like the next more adult like and so forth. You have to realise that you have to go through female puberty, no matter what your cis age is.

Yeah it's another one of those things that you didn't see coming! I'd just say me too! & I love it!

Christie, I found that as soon as I had changed my name and was on homones I have been treated as female by medical staff. Yes, I got sent appointments for smear tests, breast screening etc., it made me laugh out loud, don't know how they'd do a smear test on me...................! Yes (or should I say no!) I can't say if I was happy as a male or not, but I do feel happier as female perhaps differently, depends on what or how we each construe or define as happiness........& that's getting too philosophical for me.... Please post your performance links! Cheers, Eve

I had a great day yesterday, I went to London (even the traffic was good!) to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic (ChX GIC) for an appointment with Dr Leighton Seal, he's their Endocrinologist. He really is one of the most helpful Doctors I've ever met, he seemed willing to arrange the best available treatments within medical guidlines, we talked about which oestrogen traetments were more efficient, epidermal patches or tablets, I was on patches due to previous liver concerns, which are now allayed. So I was given the choice and I elected for tablets after he said that they were the more efficient regime (like many women I also want my boobs to be larger LoL), he also doubled up my Finasteride dosage, so that I now don't have to halve the tablets anymore. The Decapeptyl injection regime that I'm on also, has really boosted the previous half tablet regime, my hair regrowth has dramatically increased since January, so I'm really hoping that the extra Finasteride will speed the re-growth further. I have found, contrary to some other girls and boys, that ChX GIC is a most helpful and friendly institution that really cares about it's patients (for want of a better term). I can only hope that it will always continue to exist, in a quite destructive right wing governmental environment where more and more public services are privatised. So I came away as a very happy girl......................... Cheers, Eve

Thinking about it I did manage to get a speeding ticket, I was caught in a radar trap in Andorra the first time I ever ventured abroad, cost me about the equivilent of £45 then (1980ish), so it was a far amount, I wasn't going to argue with the police they have much bigger guns than the French..............I framed the speeding ticket and was quite proud of it at the time!

Well, when I was young I didn't drive a car at all - didn't want to! I rode my Norton Commando around Europe in my early 20's down to Spain 3 times, of course I loved it even when in tropical style rain all through France into Andorra.............so I know where you're coming from Karen. I know I couldn't do it now though, driving a car is bad enough for my bones !

Hi, In an earlier entry I said that I was going to let you know how I got on in the Ardennes (southern Belgium and northern Luembourg), well we travelled in our Land Rover Freelander towing our caravan, started out at 02:00 Saturday morning, and got to Dover a little earlier than expected, P & O Ferries obligingly offered us an earlier sailing, which we accepted gratefully, we had bought club class lounge seats, the lounge was nearly empty, so we tried to sleep (not very successfully). Anyway an hour and a half later we were in France heading to the belgium border near Liege, where found that little improvement to the surfaces of Belgiums motorway's had been made, the pot-holes are shocking in places. So we finally arrived at La Roche en Ardenne 5 hours or so later, we were soon befriended by a Belgian couple and a Dutch couple camped adjacent to us. I was a little concerned prior to setting out from home, that there may be an amount of Transphobia in such a rural place, I have to state that my concerns were totally unfounded, I don't think that transphobia exists in the Benelux countries. Our friends from The Hague visited us staying in a small hotel in an adjacent village, we had a brilliant BBQ with Begian sausages and also some ostich and kangaroo steaks that I had purchased in England, what are they like? Kangaroo tastes like steak but is a little more dense and chewier, and ostrich is similar to a good quality pork steak, the sauasage was outstanding, the price of booze was amazing and I now have to lose the extra 2 and half kilosweight that I gained in a week, cest la vie! We had days out across the border in Luxembourg, we shopped for clothes, food, drink, and eat in restaurants on occassions. In Begium we travelled to the German border, and also across to Dinant and Namur, trying to get a real feel for the place, because it's a strong possibility that we'll move to Belgium in the next few years to retire. My wife was born in Brussles, parented by an American father and Taiwanese mother, so she has a strong affinity to her birth country, even if she moved to England when she was only 4 months old. I am surprised that there aren't very many British tourists in the area, but also pleasantly thankful ! Photos are on the edge of the ravine in Luxembourg City, a partial view of La Roche en Ardenne taken from the castle ruins, and of that Begian favourite frites with mayonaise, & yes they were nice! but I only had that one portion all the time away - honest! Next holiday is Luxembourg in September, I'm already looking forward to it. But the funny thing is I don't worry about travelling abroad as Eve anymore it's just natural to me, me being myself as I have alluded to in earlier postings and comments. Cheers, Eve

Seems one hell of a long drive!, Birmingham to Luxembourg was bad enough! 3 hours to Dover and 5 hours on the continent.............I had to unsieze my joints when I got out of our Land Rover Freelander............ Good Luck, and drive safely, vaya con dios. Eve

Karen, Can't we all! Eve

Hi Karen, I can identify with not remembering, I have had boobs for nearly 3 years now, admittedley small at first, for the last year they have developed to a reasonable size, and I can't remember what it was like without them...............I just hope that when my turn for GRS comes around the same happens again. Oh god, tucking is such a pain in the ass (figuratively speaking!, pun not intended!). Cheers, Eve

Hi Christie, I think you're making significant progress now, i think that you'll find that "things" start to speed up a lot in the near future............ Cheers, Eve

Well Veronica, your humour really is outstanding, makes me smile a lot ! Eve

Glad to hear it Karen. Full-time as in presenting Female full-time, not yet had GRS, waiting for GRS, probably already with breasts. Monica, your comments seem to be so similar to my experience. Cheers, Eve

Excusez-moi Madamoiselle, I thought that you were already presenting as female at work and out and about? Yes you have to just go for it ,no matter what may result, and hope for the best, but I doubt you'll be stupid. Keep it toned down, don't go over the top, remember you don't want to attract lots of attention. Think in terms of those women who do not get looked at twice..................... Cheers, Eve

I don't know if this is the same for other parts of the world, but here in parochial England there is a definate tendency for separate cliques within the Trans community. The individual cliques seem to me to be hierarchical too, I'm not sure if this intentional or not, I suspect that it isn't and it's just people with similar interests and similar issues in their lives gathering together. Let me explain, when I first took my faltering high heeled steps outside of my front door in the Birmingham suburbs, and drove into the city centre to go for the first time to Outskirts I'd identified myself as Transvestite, and within 2 or 3 visits I'd found a group of freinds that I coud relate to, I soon found that most of those who'd progressed further with their journey or were much more experienced seemed to be in another separate group. It seemed so hierarchical to me at the time, and I found it somewhat off-putting, it seemed to almost be a system of rank at that time. I'd also add that I was quite shy and no good at all with small-talk, hell, that was me all through my male life. I thought that most of these "advanced" (for want of a better term) trans, probably started in a similar fashion to myself as a part-time Transvestite (or cross dresser if you prefer), and that they thought that I was playing at being trans, and so looked down their noses at me. I recall on my very first visit one of the two organisers took me outside around the block and then talked to me giving advice, after which on subsequent visits she never spoke a word to me or even acknowledged my existance. Well it didn't stop me, and when my breasts started to develop soon after starting on oestrogen, things within Outskirts started to slowly change socially for me, and my circle of friends expanded into other groups without losing contact with my first group of friends, however by and large the groups were distinct from one and another. Well, one of the gradual things caused by hormones that happened to me ,was that I started to lose my shyness and my small talk started to improve, albeit very gradually. I suppose some would say that I was more self confident than was previously the case. There have been entries on UK Trans sites that reflect this phenomena, with full-time pre-op trans feeling and acting, quite different socially to part-timers. Whilst I think I can now see their point of view, I don't agree with it at all. So what do I think their point of view is? Ok, I think that they see their own first faltering attempts to express their true identity, and are embarrassed by the memory and want to forget it, also that they are trying so hard to pass off as females full-time in their life, that they perhaps think that unconvincing (as I was at first) cross-dressers get noticed by the population at large, as men dressed as women and cause disparaging remarks and comments, which then by association sticks to them ( getting tarred with the same brush), the population at large is uneducated and doesn't see or understand the difference between someone who might be part-time has no intention of becoming transgendered, and full-time Transgendering wanting to be accepted by the population as a woman. I suppose it's rather like not wanting to walk down the street next to an unconvincing drag queen, knowing that you're going to be sharing the remarks of the public....... Well, look at it from the unconvincing drag queens, transvestites or cross dressers point of view, they need to feel that they belong, have support and encouragement, and are not alone, it's a lot more likely that they'll look up to you, and eventually become who they want to be, and you know what?, the best part of it all is that you get a sense of pride having having helped someone to have lost their self inhibitions, and gain the self confidence to express themselves as they truly feel. Cheers, Eve x

Well Christie the genies out of the bottle now girl ! & I've never known a genie willingly go back into the bottle either.............. Enough metaphors, congratulations madam, miss, ms? Eve x

I've had a few random thoughts in the past couple of days, so i thought I'd share them whilst my nails are drying. A lot has been said recently about making decisions about going full-time and starting HRT, all of it was perfectly sensible and also correct about giving a lot of thought before taking a step that is largely irreversible, i have reflected on my own experience and reasoning and realised that an important (to me anyway) factor had been omitted thus far. I found it increasingly difficult leading a double life, male part-time and female part-time. Male wardrobe and shoes and female wardrobe and shoes, ensure no-one can see both, in front of some people I had to be Femme and others male, what a difficult juggling act it became for me, so along with the deep thought and long held desire to be identified as Femme I also had little choice at the end..................maybe this will be controversial to some , but it was my experience. Cheers, Eve x

That's Brilliant Monica, I think you need to add an extra vote button called Love this............. Cheers, Eve

What a lovely blog entry, and if you don't think that you're passable as a woman what do you think you are passable as? I can only see female, and would never guess that you're trans, so stop worrying ! And remember it takes one to see one ! Cheers, Eve

Hmmmm, that's interesting and what develops might be more interesting. I find it strange that I have exactly the same thougts about women as you Karen, and the thought of me having sex with a man repulses me, but paradoxically, I sometimes fantasize about being made love to with a penis. I can only explain so far, and that it's not the reproductive organ that bothers me it's the rest of the flesh and persona around it! I think that Male persona's are what really bother me. It's all rather hypothetical anyway seeing as I'm married, yes Monica, albeit rather like Bill & Hillary, perhaps slightly more to true love but not romantic love, anymore lestways. I also worry about "Tranny Chasers" as they are called over here, males who want to experience something different, often wanting pre-op trans girls after seeing the porn sites, with the sole reason so that they can fulfil their fantasies. "Primeval and void of the notion of love" I think lots of men would fit that description, but not all. I just couldn't do it with a man, I think that they're nearly all ugly, such a shame God gave them all the penises................... Hugs, Eve

Hi Karen, The last set of photo's might have been of you perhaps? Anyway they're all very impressive, but I'm glad that's one hurdle I don't need to get over. Nearly 100 degrees, hope that's in proper temp scale not the other that we use! It's been very cold so far over here (avge15oC), mostly sunny but with cold winds and fluffy clouds which when present blot out the suns warmth, which means fluffy clothes..........................brrr Cheers, Eve

Emma, I agree with Lisa and Monica too, I can't see you staying in limbo for ever, if you do it will lead to mental health issues, you have to be who you really are. How far has your wife come to accpetance of your being Trans, and seemingly to me, wanting to be Transgender. We haven't communicated for a while, but I seem to recall that you were taking the softly softly approach and incrementally becoming who you want to be? Cheers, Eve

Well don't you look pleased with yourself!😀 you're looking good Karen Cheers Eve

Well that sounds a lot more straightforward than in the UK, the 3 psych's are the norm here, 1 local, and 2 at Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic in London. That being said my doctor prescribed me with oestrogen patches to stop me self meding, so I was lucky and got a great start, but I still have had to go through the process anyway, and then after seeing the psych's, I saw the endocrinologist who upped my patch dosage and prescribed Decapeptyl injections. So no, I'm also not typical of the UK NHS route. Thanks for the answers, they're appreciated. Cheers, Eve