eveannessant

Hi Lisa, As Karen has said questioning yourself is pretty normal, and in the middle of the night, how similar to my experience, I used to worry and question myself with "What the hell are you doing?", only it gets less and less as time has passed. Now, I don't worry anymore about gender I'm just Eve, me and myself (and as Veronica has said so acurately you are a singularity, oh and do not confuse or associate that with being a freak ,as so many ignorant morons do so glibly). I didn't worry about being male much before I transitioned, I'd had years of practice being male, but I just wanted to be female LoL. Similarly after a bit of practice being (or perhaps appearing might be a better term) female I don't worry about it anymore. I hope that this helps you, Cheers, Eve

Hi Veronica, Yes the lovely lady in the black leather jacket is my wife, the other two are my very close friends Louise and Emma, both fully transgendered, and lovely with it too. The pub (The Molly House) is a lot different from the others in Canal Street, which are quite brash, loud, in your face and serve lousy drinks! The Molly House is quiet and serves top quality drinks that are not easy to find in other pubs, it also has a Spanish flavour to it, it serves a lot of tappas of various kinds nad also serves Tequila with worms, I hasten to add that I chickened out of eating a worm, but I do love tequila, whisky, whiskey, gin & tonic, real cider ........hic..................hic quetila..............zzzzzzz Cheers, Eve

Try epilating, I use a Braun silk epil, the results last longer than shaving and the regrowth is not spikey as it is when you shave. A little bit painful at first in some areas, notably upper inner thighs and arm pits, but after you've suffered the pain a couple of times it's a lot easier. i used to have a hairy chest, but the regrowth now is amazingly less and an epilation there lasts for 3 weeks or so, and is now very limited to the area between my boobs. Cheers Eve

Hmmmm stubble's a bu**er...........isn't it? I just don't shave on the morning of my appointment, so there's not much growth to be seen. My electrologist also complains about the shortness of my facial hair, but I have appointments at work and so forth, that I have to attend on the previous day, & I don't want to do a convincing impersonation of the bearded woman ! I'm amazed at the quick progress that you seem to be having, I have been attending half hour sessions most weeks for over a year now, it seems to be a very gradual process, but it seems to be a lot less tougher than it used to be, and moustache has all but dissapeared..............double g, by the way LoL. Good luck with the hormone tests. Cheers, Eve

I mentioned in my last blog entry that my wife and I were going to attend the annual "Sparkle" event in Manchester, and we did on the 11th July. There were all sorts from the totally convincing and beautiful, to the not so convincing just out for a bit of fun over the week-end. The event was held at Sackville Gardens, which is located opposite Manchesters Canal Street which is the heart of their Gay Quarter. There are numerous bars along tree lined Canal Street with outside patio seating next to the canal. The following photo's are of an amazing Manchester Police car, the emergency lights were all the colours of the rainbow! The police had their own stand at the event manned by L & G officers, showing just how inclusive Manchester society has become. The other photo's are of my wife, two of my best friends and myself enjoying a drink in a very nice pub called Molly's. I don't know why the photo's have displayed in reverse order ! I hope that the rest of you TG members also had a good week-end.......................... Cheers, Eve

Thanks Karen this helps me to get the "ducks in line before shooting them", sometime in the future. Sexuality? I must confess that I'm becoming confused with the passing of time, in so much that, seemingly to me, my preferences are not so black and white as they used to be. I don't think that this anything that I either regret or applaud, it's just something that seems to be happening, I doubt that I'll ever do anything positive about it either, least not whilst I remain happily married. Cheers, Eve

Well how to feel stupid! LoL Sorry........anyway ,hormones still change the man so it was half appropriate!

hmmmmm .........Hope cahnges a man?, no, hormones change a man ! LoL, & so you won't be male everywhere it counts for much longer so it would seem! Good luck with the endocrinologist. Cheers, Eve

It's good that you're in the throng too, mostly you'll either be ignored or have positive comments, a few bad comments might happen but I suspect not many at all. I had a bit of negativism (have I spelt that correctly?) from two or three of my neighbours, and an awful looking woman in a pub, and I think that was about it with negative responses when I transitioned full-time. The neighbours soon stopped staring especially when I eventually stared back at them! I soon became yesterday's news. From most accounts this seems to be a fairly typical sort of negative reaction, so don't worry too much about it. So why is it good to be in the throng?, because it'll give you so much confidence in a relatively short period of time, it's termed 'being thrown in at the deep end'. Hmmm character building I 'spose. Going to County Court did it for me, as I posted a few months ago.

I'm so glad that you feel so much more at ease with yourself now, and as you've already found out to an extent, it just gets easier and easier being who you are. Finishing touches? I'm not aware that they really ever finish................anyway you'll find out for yourself soon enough, I found it all to be fun, hope it's the same for you. Cheers, Eve

UK NHS advice regarding trans breast size is that a cup size smaller than your mother's is the norm. I also suspect that if you were heavy chested as a male it will also have a bearing. Good luck with your religious issues................. Cheers, Eve

Warren, I really feel for you and your deep discomfort. It's a shame you don't have an NHS in the US. I too, used to not want to go out or be very selective as to the places that I would go out to, so I have an idea of some of your problem's. I hope that things improve for you soon, Cheers, Eve

Madame Christie, Vous recherchez une femme charmante et tres. No worries, now just believe in yourself !

Oh & you look good by the way, sort of girl next door look....................

Karen, Is that a marguerita? I thought that you didn't drink! We were so shortsighted to have lost what has turned out to be the most successful place we ever colonised, but there we are, and I still have to put up with stupid British politicians............................... Happy independance Day, god bless you all. Cheers, Eve

Christie, Similar to Karen when I dressed androgynously I used the male toilets, but if I dressed female I used the womens loos. There's an almost protocol over here that if you dress female and are reasonably convincing you use the womens. Anyway it reminds me of my first time out dressed as female, my boobs were nothing more than mole hills at that time, so I didn't have much confidence at all. Anyway two of my full-time trans friends decided that it'd be good to take me out shopping in Birmingham city centre............. I was nervous as hell. Anyway out we went and it came to pass that I needed the loo for more than a pee, nervousness I guess. Anyway we went into the Bullring (really large new shopping mall), and I nervously went into the ladies, and darted into the first cubicle available to me, conducted my business and reached for the toilet paper.....................which wasn't there, so that's why there were queues for the other cubicles and not this one , Eve you're such a Jackass! I couldn't ask next door for some paper because my voice is not very female, and I envisaged screams of there's a man in the ladies loos, and security guards coming in to remove me...................oh shit what will I do? I then remembered that my wife had made me put two packs of paper hankies in my hand bag. Anyway you might be able to imagine my relief............and it makes an amusing story now. Point of the above parable is to be prepared and keep paper hankies in your handbag! Cheers, Eve

Almost pre-ordained! That's what happens when the genie comes out of the bottle, especially when you throw the bottle away! Good Luck Christie! Eve x

Karen, Yes my electrolysist does apply a cooling compound (some formula with Aloe vera I think) and then a special made for purpose tinted compound similar to a concealer. I don't get any where near as many blemishes now that I'm on the decapeptyl injection medication, no Testosterone to cause spots I suppose. But my face has raised areas (hives?) immediately around the empty hair folicles, for a day or so afterwards. LoL. Diet & hydrating, yes I need to take my diet a lot more seriously and stop hydrating with so much Alcohol, correction stop alcohol altegether for a couple of months or so!

Monica, Thanks for your comments which I do agree with. For 99% of UK weather conditions I already have clothing tied up pretty much so far, I do go shopping sometimes with cis women and I really enjoy it, they are soooo enthusiastic showing me what they consider would suit me, especially whilst abroad, other times I shop on the internet. I also have a book entitled "what not to wear" by Trinny Woodall & Susannah Constantine (they had a show on BBC about make-overs) ISBN 0 297 84331 1. Unfortunately in extremely hot weather the need to not wear much, clashes with broad shoulders and no hips, there's no getting round it. I have found that long line cardigan or edge to edge jackets work extremely well for me, as do tunic tops, longish tops that have a scoop neck or wrap over style tops that show that boobs are real and attract many eyes away from my less convincing parts, I avoid any padded shoulders, skin tight leggings are ok if wearing a tunic, if not then loose trousers, just above knee length skirts when wearing reasonably loose tops that are hip length and so on...........wedge sandals or block heeled sandals, ankle or knee boots depending on skirt or trouser types in the cooler weather. Karen, It was a steep learning curve, regarding clothing and many mistakes were made in my early in the closet days, leather mini skirts, over the knee boots, heavy over the top make-up etc, typical tranny tart clothing, which I suppose is what I have evolved from over the last 5-6 years. Of course to truly pass in real life experience, one has to dress as a cis woman does not as a tranny tart does, and also as a cis woman of my age does, not as a cis teenager! I never wear those sort of clothes now, even around the house...........because i'd look like a man in drag (in the UK aka tranny tart). Apologies for any political incorrectness above......... Having electrolysis can sometimes leave blemishes on my face that usually take 3 days or so to diminish, so make-up is required for me when I'm out and about. Trouble - yes it is, but unfortunately I need it. Both, This morning it is considerably cooler that the last couple of days, with temps forcast to be 23o, cloudy and heavy showers / thunderstorms, this is from a weather front coming in off the lovely Atlantic Ocean.............I can cope with this LoL (I can also cope with higher temps if it's dry heat and there's a wind). Cheers both, Eve

Hi Warren, I feel kind of strange because I haven't really had any meaningful contact with a F to M trans person before, so it's kinda hard for me to think in reverse, or was it me just being too idle minded to do so? Anyway it's not for not wanting to. But, trying very hard to ditch all my masculine thoughts, looks and bits and pieces, makes it hard to see the reverse process, such a shame bodies can't be swopped around! One common thing that became apparent when reading your blog, is that of lack of respect from others, in your case the woman whom you share her house with, I feel extremely sorry for you, is there no right to be housed by the state in the US? I must agree with you regarding mens toilets, they are absolutely disgusting, so glad I no longer use them or behave in such ways either, but hey transitioning isn't all gain, just like most aspects of life it's swings and roundabouts, gain some, lose some. Anyway I liked your video, you seemed very cute (no I'm not coming on to you!) & serious at the same time. Have you tried a Gynecomastia vest as a binding? Not sure if you are aware of them or not, but just in case you aren't; They are a vest that is made from a very strong elasticated material designed to hide breasts or moobs (Men sometimes gain breasts, usually when young or when older, it's called Gynecomastia caused by hormonal imbalances).The material is similar to the stretchy sides of a bra but far stronger.I used one whilst I was taking oestrogen for 18 months or so at times when I needed to maintain my former male identity, of course in the end I hated the damned thing, but it was extremely effective. Cheers Eve

This is really tiring, the temperature is above 30o celsius and there's hardly any wind not even a gentle breeze, that may be a walk in the park to those of you who live in hot countries, but here in the UK it's pretty stifling. Can't wait for cooler fresher Atlantic weather. Anyway, it makes me realise how difficult it can be being a 'full time' trans woman, it's pretty near impossible to hide my broad shoulders, my scalp is soaking with sweat, make-up is pointless as sweat runs down my face, I have headaches, I can still hide my hips by wearing long floaty dresses, but without hiding my shoulders I wonder if the effort is worthwhile. However I'd point out that I never liked very hot temps even before transitioning, but I now feel at a disadvantage in this weather compared with my former identity. The only respite is in my car with the A/C turned fully on. Even if I could appear as male in this weather, which would be difficult, I wouldn't, it wouldn't be me, and I just have to accept that this is one of the few disadvantages that I have come across so far........................ It's not as if I didn't see it coming, I just told myself that I'd have to try and cope with it when the time comes. Hell, I had to stop prevaricating, making excuses for inaction and naval gazing, and bite the bullet and get on with MY LIFE, as Eve ! Anyway my guess is that one acclimatises to different temperatures, trouble is that we don't generally have such high temps as this in the UK, 3-4 days worth is the norm folloewed by thunder storms and cooler weather, so there's not much of a chance to acclimatise. But having gone out this morning for electrolysis, I found that few people were out and about, traffic was very light, so it reminded me of a sleepy French village where nothing much stirs in the mid-day sun, which beats down relentlessly, only the noise of the starlings was missing.................if only I could go swimming in a river - no chance of that until post GRS at the soonest. Life with both female and male bits of anatomy was never going to as straightforward as might have been imagined, hot weather will bear testimony to this, wearing clothes that disguise anatomy most other times of the year might not be possible during hot weather, I hope that when my trans journey comes to a conclusion, some of these difficulties will have been resolved. But the point is please be aware of unusual climatic conditions, if you are contemplating transition. Week-end July 11th & 12th is Sparkle week-end. Sparkle is a huge 'Trans event' (rather than an LGBT pride event) held in Manchester, I'm off to see it for the first time with my wife who has organised the hotel and train tickets. Whilst I don't go to these sort of 'trans safe events' regularly anymore, never having been before I feel the need to have experienced it, before I submerge fully into 'normal society'. No doubt I'll put out a blog entry about the event after the 12th July. Cheers, Eve

Oh & thanks for sharing your happiness with us, showing that happiness is possible after transition to others who are still contemplating whether or not to transition has it's own value............. Eve

Hi Karen, I agree with the nail salon advice, I hope one day to find similar in a hair salon, it's a real big ambition of mine! It's really nice when a woman tells you that you've totally passed as female, I can't think of any better compliment really........... Cheers, Eve

Saturday 27th June was a nice day, after getting in the weekly supermarket shopping in the morning, I asked my wife what she wanted to do, as usual she said things that she thought I wanted to do, so I said no what do YOU want to do? She wanted to go to see the rose garden at Coughton Court, this about 10 miles or so from where we live in a little village called Kings Coughton. The Court is a National Trust site (sort of stately home and gardens open to the public and owned by the Trust), and it's main reason for fame is that co-conspirators of Guy Fawkes lived there centuries ago when they hatched the gunpowder plot to overthrow parliament. It was quite a sunny and warm day so I dressed accordingly and took lots of photo's with my i-phone, my wife took one of my with my phone too, see below, anyway the place was very busy and at times children were told to move out of the ladies way, this made me feel good inside, it really lets me know that I do pass as female when out and about, however I have to be careful about what I wear to hide masculine shoulders and lack of hips, but the very lightweight coat is almost a cardigan, and so thankfully I didn't get too hot, and didn't get strange looks from people thinking why is she wearing a coat! Any way we finished the visit off with an ice cream (strawberry for me and salted caramel for my wife). we then returned home and rested before we had friends around for the evening. My friends are all trans, two of them (a couple) are post op and the other pre-op as am I, well we all had a great evening, I had cooked coq au vin which seemed to be enjoyed by all, I also introduced them to Aperol Sprtitzers (3 parts Prosecco, 2 parts Aperol, 1 part soda water with lots of Ice and a slice of orange), these were definately enjoyed along with all the rest of the drinks consumed into the small hours of the morning. Down side is that I am now feeling a little "empty headed" as I type this blog entry, but I look back at the week just passed and reflect on how happy I am with it, Monday at ChX GIC with the changes in my hormone treatments and Finasteride, Wednesday with my once every 12 weeks Decapeptyl injection, and yesterday's day out and an evening in with great friends. The photo's are me being dwarfed by a massive potted flower display outside the rear doors to Coughton Court, and me with one of my friends Louise in our kitchen. I hope that you all have happy times too, it'd be nice to hear of them. Cheers, Eve

I like it! LoL