eveannessant

hmmm I see, It sounds to me to be just the same stuff that we help each other with in our community, do you also have to see 3 psychiatrists before HRT and GRS? You know, I've only ever seen one therapist and that was a Hypnotherapist the other week when I was in Brighton, to help with weight loss............Therapists (whatever sort) just aren't common in the UK, so I'm really trying to get my head round what you US girls do. Cheers, Eve

People still call me Steve at times, I don't really mind because they don't do it purposefully, it's just old habits that they find hard to shake off......... Eve

Yeah Karen, it'd be nice to meet you! Guess we'd have a fair bit to talk about................... Cheers, Eve

Yeah but what do they do, what is the dialogue (generically)? We don't have them here and I'm interested to find out LoL Eve

I think I was typing my comment when you and Karen were doing the same, have to say that I agree with you both, and I thought about "props" too, such as large femme sunglasses to help hide my droopy male looking eyes, wearing the right combination of clothes to hide my lack of hips, and to show that my boobs are real wide loose trousers to hide my size 9 (US 11) feet, not too much over the top make-up, ensuring that the colour of my wig and the style and length of my wig suits me (read in your own hair if you're lucky enough), there are a lot of props that you can use and they helped me no end in gaining confidence. Eve

Hi Christie, So glad that you believe in yourself, and yes you need to forgive and possibly forget and move on. Passable? we have a saying over here "mind over matter - I don't mind and you don't matter" that's how to approach the thorny issue of passing, it's other people who might have a problem with me, I don't have a problem being me, so that's their problem, and I don't give it anymore thought than that these days, I just move on........... Hope this helps you, Eve

Yesterday evening (Friday) we had some of our friends round for a BBQ and drinks, they were 3 trans and one wife plus my wife (should I now refer to her as my partner?) we had a great time. One of my Trans friends and I are quite close and we share many innermost thoughts such as how it all began for us with cross-dressing etc., I think it's imperative to have close freinds who are going through similar issues, she is also like me waiting for her GRS, although she's in front of me in the queue. I don't know anyone in the UK who has seen a Transgender Therapist, I'm not sure if they even exist, so I'm often puzzled why US Trans people see them and wonder at the benefits versus the costs. I'm unsure of what the dialogue would contain. We have close friends as mentioned above, mostly met at Outskirts (a Trans group in B'ham UK) and in whome we trust and confide with each other with listening and advice, and we have really enjoyable conversations, I find it especially rewarding to meet newcomers fresh out of the closet and sit with them in a large group where we give support and advice on the myriad of issues that are faced by trans people, it seems to be a time honoured way of doing things. By no means do all go ahead and change gender full-time, or start HRT, relatively few of us actually, many have valid reasons for not going "all the way", such as jobs and family etc. and seem to be happy with part-time Transvestivism, some of whom would if those issues weren't there, and others who wouldn't want to anyway. So I guess that we could be described as a tight community that is also open to all. Anyway enough of my musings, in a weeks time we're off to the Ardennes in southern Belgium with our caravan, we have stayed in the Ardennes before in Luxembourg, but at that time I was presenting as male - albeit with a gynecomastia vest, so it wasn't too long ago. We were really taken with the area, and are thinking of uprooting and moving there in the next few years, especially if the UK in / out of the EU referendum results in an out result. So we want to go and see how well I'd be able to fit in as the new me - Eve. It seems to me that most trans people live in cities, so I really don't know what to expect in what is a very rural area of French speaking Belgium. We are meeting our freinds from The Hague whilst we are there and so I expect that we'll be having fun no matter what. Needless to say I'm excited at the prospect of going abroad for the second time as Eve with my new passport, and also treading unknown trans territory.......... I'll let you know when I return. Cheers, Eve

Well ok you have, Caitlin Jenner in the US, and doesn't she look great on the cover of Vanity?. Here in the UK we have Kellie Maloney, formerly Frank Maloney, boxing promoter, managed Lennox Lewis amongst others, who has transitioned at the age of 60, that's what I call a really brave thing to do, of course it wasn't a choice, like most trans she could only resist being herself for so long, she has appeared on TV in rubbish dross shows such as Big Brother (reality show), but these are shows that the masses watch, and so it helps to normalise being trans in the minds of those who find it difficult to think for themselves. Kellie has freely admitted that her life was better after appearing in the show, than was previously the case. These Celebrity Trans actually do a huge favour for the rest of us, in helping to develop a "so you're trans - so what?" attitude to us, amongst the sheep-like masses out there. Of course there will be some who would already have had a "oh really? wow, when did you.......etc" questioning and interest attitude to us, I hope that more will behave in such a manner. Personally I don't agree with Kellie and her politics (UKIP), but from what I have seen, I admire her achievement, and determination to be who she wants be, she is a lady who believes in herself & that's good enough for me. Thanks Kellie, bless you, Eve x

So True Karen........

You know come to think of it after reading Brigsby's comment (which must have been posted whilst I was typing), the first time I went to Outskirts I came away dissapointed, and yes, after the 3rd visit I went every Monday it was on it was great !.................

Hi Christie, Is that the only TG support group / meeting place in New York? Are there any Trans freindly bars / restaurants where Trans people go to? I ask because here in Birmingham we have something called Outskirts which is a group where people across the Trans spectrum meet every 1st and 3rd Monday evening per month, at a bar called the Equater Bar in Hurst Street. It' sort of starts 7:30 ish and continues through to late (sort of after 23:00 ish). Theres usually 20 to 30 of us who meet and talk and help newcomers who are mostly fresh out of the closet, or cross dressers who want to transition and want advice. I'd be amazed if B'ham UK is the only place where this happens, please let me know if there isn't a place like this in New York somewhere. Ask your friend. Going to Outskirts helped me so much to get where I am now with my transition, in fact I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it at all without going there....... Glad that all is going well at work for you. Eve

I must agree, any good - no non negative press regarding transgender has to be good, let's face it, the sheep like masses out there, always seem to look up to the rich & famous, so it helps to normalise the whole spectrum of Trans isssues. Think Elton John & being openly gay is such a similar parallel. Here in the UK we were only aware of Bruce Jenner when she had all that nasty invasive press coverage, It's refreshing to see the balance of coverage start to go in the other direction, and of course I'm glad that her life is seemingly turning out to be better. Cheers, Eve

I'm very happy for you Christie, hope it doesn't get too "full on" with your name change and doc's, it really did for me in December and January. Others have said they had an easy time of it, hope that'll be the case for you. Not sure of how it works in the US, but I pretty immediately had to change my name at HMRC (Income tax) too. If you drive whilst at work you will probably need to change your licence too? and so it goes on.......... Hugs, Eve

Hair that drops forward to cover the forehead! See my gallery and me in the restaurant in purple. You've already seen me in my black dress and pearls, see my hair - well my wig anyway! Eve xoxo

Hi Christie, Hey everyones different..............but who hasn't ever made a bad decision in their lives............? As long as you realise that it's going to be you for the rest of your life, (after taking oestrogen for a period of time at any rate it becomes pretty much irreversable and testosterone blockers seem to be pretty permanent too), and you're happy with that fine. I can't put my hand on my heart and say that I was 100% sure either. I know that for me I'm happier now than when I was fully male, but that doesn't mean that it'll be the same for everyone. The point is to have given it a lot of thought, you are no doubt aware that breasrs will grow, your skin will soften somewhat and muscles will lessen, your face will become a little more femme, and weight redistributes. But also it is very easy to put on weight when taking estrogen. Both Karen Payne and myself have posted entries about thinking it through, because we don't want to be adverts for transition to people who suddenly find out they don't like what has ensued. That being said, and me being impulsive (some would say impatient too), I actually started hormones and remained "part time" living in dual genders, I managed to do this by wearing a gynecomastia vest to conceal my boobs, sounds a strange thing to do I know, but it gave time for my face to feminise a bit and also time to practice being female, at that time I referred to myself as being gender nutral or an "inbetweenie". It was me testing the water really bit by bit. So there's not just one occasion when you might think 100% positive about hormones and go do it, I'd say it's a lot more realistic to be thinking 90 odd percent positive over a longer period of time, whilst at the same time getting expert opinions and advice before doing it. Isn't life a balancing act?, so think of all the pros and cons. And then if you do take hormone treatment, be prepared for it to be a little different to wandering around in drag or cross dressed, I find it many times better...............because it's me. So could it be the same for you, is it the same for you, only you can answer that, but be honest with yourself and don't blame me if you don't like it................... Sorry if this sounds a bit off-putting, but it's a very large step to take. Cheers, Eve. P.S. You have a pretty femme face already but try a fringe, I think you'll find it'll make a huge difference, I too was given this advice over a year ago, and it did make a huge difference to me.....

From what I see in your photo, after 2 yrs of HRT you are definately passable, and I wish my face was half as femme as yours ! Can't see how you wouldn't end up in a loving relationship with whichever gender you choose. Believe in yourself girl ! Eve.

Winter, So sorry to hear your pain, Emma is right in that transitioning isn't a lifestyle choice, others really need to realise that fact. Stay in touch, I hope that youget to where you want to be, so sorry I can't offer any other positive advice other than to agree with Emma. Hope your pain subsides soon, Eve

The ignorant people who slag off trans people are just sheep, lazy, mindless and flock together because everyone else does, and are incapable of thinking for themselves, perhaps the only thoughts in their heads are it's always been this way and so it must be right, and anyway everyone else thinks the same. They need to wake up and realise that the world is changing..............fast in civilised countries. Process for name / title, and acquired gender in the UK is anyone can have as many names as they want, that being said it doesn't satisfy many organisations, a statement of name change is a free document in the web but again doesn't satisfy all, the easiest sure way of doing it is to get a UK Deed Poll Service Deed of Change of Name and Title (Deed Poll). Acquired Gender Change can then happen with a doctors letter (stating that you are undergoing gender identity dysphoria treatment and are likely to remain as female for the foreseeable future), and certified copy or original Deed Poll, appropriate fees, and forms filled in be sent to Passport Office and Driving Licence centre for new documents, They will come back stating that you are female.

Yes Karen, you are correct and also it was your blog entry that confirmed my earlier thoughts during my insomnia at 04:30 GMT this morning. Exactly the same regarding Femme wardobe LoL. Never wear the same outfits on two days running when in the office.................. You may be right about times taken to reach decisions, but I can only guage myself against the girls that I know, of course there are ging to be many many more that I don't know. I also suspect that differeing cultures, national and religious, will have an effect on time taken. Yes I did do the questions and thinking about one if not the biggest decision of my life, but perhaps not in such a separated manner, more like small steps at a time with small decisions before each. But I always new that it was what I really wanted, I just didn't think it possible, social conditioning I suppose. Thanks Karen, Eve

I just thought that my previous entry wasn't quite complete, and I needed to add a second entry supplemental to it. When I first came out of the closet (Trans Wardrobe?) to my wife, the mist was just starting to thin, I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to become a full-time trans woman, even though my innermost self wanted it with all my heart. I had thought about it many times before and told myself it's not possible based on my physical build. Anyway I started dressing around the house for nights in and started experimenting with make-up. After another 4 months or so I found out about a close friend who was similarly afflicted. This eventually led to part-time dressing in trans-friendly places, so it was an enlarged closet really. Can you see the mist starting to thin some more? I had a great deal of tranxiety at first getting from my front door into a car and being tranxious about the car stopping at traffic lights and people looking at me, and going from the carpark to the bar, I've never walked so fast in high heels in my life! It then started becoming apparent to me that the Genie was well and truly getting out of the bottle......... and the mist is clearing a little more. I've already mentioned in previous entries that I had fooled around with phyto-estrogen pills and cream, I didn't expect them to work, however around the same time I was diagnosed with gynecomastia, this in retrospect still seems to me to be the foundation of my going on further, than purely cross-dressing. So the mist is clearing quite quickly now. The weather had also started to change for Trans people too, it was becoming less and less unusual to be trans. I gradually became satisfied as being an inbetweenie (non gender specific) then moved on ever further to becoming femme, the remnants of the mist had disappeared during this 2 year period and now that I am fulltime undergoing hormone treatment, very occasionally during a red wine induced period of insomnia, I think about my choice to desert being male, it brings the occasional tranxieties that soon disappear. After sleeping later in the early morning I seem stronger in my belief of being femme. So the mist occasionally returns, and then the sun shines through and the mist disappears.............. So it takes time to transition, it took me longer than many others that I know. It's also hard work and expensive, even in the UK where most medical issues are treated free, there remians the cost of maintaining a female wardrobe, the cost of many pairs of shoes, I sometimes think that I might have some centipede in me!, and the cost of make-up and beauty treatments, electrolysis, nails being gelled, and so on. Then there's the cost of name change and documents being changed. So you have to realise that these changes are going to be you for the rest of your life, when you have accepted that and you accept yourself for who you really are, I think the mist will have finally cleared away. Profoundly, Eve

Yes, it's you for the rest of your life, how do you want to spend your life, think about it.

Well Christie, that's brilliant, and shows that generally US medical thinking seems to in advance of the UK, except for my GP of course, who is a wonderful woman who also prescribed me oestrogen way before the normal protocols state. I did try quarters but they seem to crumble after cutting them in half, Finasteride is also much more effective when combined with testosterone blockers, in my case Decapeptyl. I hope to be able to dispense with wigs within the next 12 -18 months. Catch you later..........Eve

Thanks for moving it Christie, I don't know how I managed to mess up the entry, apologies to all. Eve x

Fantastic Christie, I'm so glad it's going so well for you, and that Finasteride doesn't seem as much of a problem as it can be with some GP Doctors over here. Funny coincidence is that my Electrologist is also a transwoman, not that you'd ever suspect it. Have a great week-end, look forward to hearing more progress from you soon. Eve x oops oxo!

Well.........shame there's not a 'love this' option after Crissiesan's entry, and the very sage comments too. I look at it like this, when you're in the mist it's not easy to see the way ahead, so this creates a state of confusion and doubt etc., Crissiesan when you get out of the mist, all the doubts will dissapear. How do you go about getting out of the mist? Well you could wait for the weather to clear, i.e. wait for social change, or you can try to move out of the mist in different directions until you find your path ahead, I guess some would call it pushing your personal envelope. Hugs, Eve