eveannessant

I feel so sorry for you, and I don't know what I could say that might bring a crumb of comfort to you, but I have found that life is so full of strange coincidences, do we each have a guardian angel watching over us? I have often thought so.................... Truly hope you get over your period of grief soon. Eve

Thanks Karen for the very frank information, yes it makes sense to me now. Eve

Bon Voyage! It's both difficult at times, and so rewarding and amazing at other times. Hope all goes well for you, Cheers, Eve

Thanks Karen, I'll bear it in mind when my time comes...............I'm also discovering the cost of Clarins beauty balms, but hey they seem to work. I never thought that tampons would be needed? I have 2 fully transgendered friends, I'll have to run this past them, one of them had their surgery in December so I imagine she'll also know how long it takes before things get easier, while it's still fresh in her mind. Please keep up the postings..... Cheers, Eve

Had a great day at work yesterday, which finished off with a 45 min long chat with a female colleague who used to do the admin for our H&S Training Courses. This is really the first social chat I've had with a cis female who isn't a close friend, since transition. Well it was extremely frank and surprisingly different to any conversation that I've had with a male either before or after my transition. I think that the thing I felt most surprised about was the fact that talking felt so good deep inside of me, I don't know (becauase I'm not Catholic), but I imagine it was like a confessional. No wonder why women seem to like talking so much, it's taken two and half years of oestrogen for me to realise it mind you! It sort of confirms my thoughts that I'm thinking differently to how I used to think as a male or before I started presenting full time en femme. Of course I have realised that I'm generally happier now, but I had thought that it was because I no longer have to guard a secret any more. The changes that hormones have brought about me, other than the obvious physical changes, have amazed me, and I really hope that they will continue to do so. Hmmm, mind you, I'm not sure that I could classify myself as a woman yet anyway, but I think at least I have the right to wear "L" plates! Having been a man in my past life, I can see why the sexes get so frustrated with other, there is no way that I could have imagined what it's like to be a woman when I was a man. Yes it is a mans world, for all the equality acts and similar around the world, but I don't think that men meant it to be so, they just can't understand how or what is needed to make it more equal. I'd love to know if the reverse is similar for Trans men, perhaps someone can let me know? Anyway I'm off on a pub crawl in Birminghams South Side, with my wife and some LGBT Friends this afternoon, we've been looking forward to it for the past two weeks.............I don't think I'll be in a very fit state to write anything for a day or so afterwards........ As we say in the UK, Cheers, Eve

Hi Art, Yes you may loose some of your freinds when you come out, even family members. BUT if they are so unreasonable as to not accept your true self, perhaps they aren't worth worrying about too much. Also you'll make other new freinds. Others can be a great help in choosing a name for you as Karen has mentioned above. Keep on blogging! Eve

I can't wait for my GRS!!!!

I'd add that I have said many times to my friends thaty being Trans is a hell of a lot more difficult than than being Lesbian, Bi or Gay, even if you don't take hormones or have breasts or don't want GRS, you have to live with two different identities. I found this to be ever increasingly difficult, you also look completely different from your CIS self, and others can notice it and make nasty comments etc. OK after a while on hormones your features do change to be more femme (or male as the case might be), but then you have to do something about beard growth (electrolysis in my case, and it hurts), also your voice needs to be different to your cis voice. You also need to acquire the confidence to be able to present in your Trans gender everyday, not just now and again, but every day and still be capable of doing nearly all of the things that you did in your cis gender, the list goes on and on. Some of us have a head start over others of us, when their cis gender and build is closely matched to their trans gender, (I had to really work at it, and it's still ongoing).......... So yes I agree with Karens doctor, it is in my opinion one of the hardest things that I could have done. Cheers Eve

Sounds as though the restrooms are pretty much the same as in the UK, mens are a lot worse than the ladies. But it reminds me of my very first shopping trip 3-4 years ago in a mall, I had to go to the loo for more than a pee, and largely due to my almost non-existant self confidence at that time, I darted into the first trap I came across. Anyway after doing what was needed, I found that there wasn't any toilet paper, my voice still isn't femme in my opinion, but it was a lot more male at that time, so I was petrified at the thought of there's a man in the ladies being shouted out and being accosted by security guards and police!, so no, I couldn't ask the trap next door for some toilet roll. Luckily I remembered that my wife had put 2 packs of paper honkeys in my handbag.........thank god for a womans experienced help! Cheers, Eve

Hi Karen, Horrible thoughts, yes I had those, still get them at times but not about completion, more about oh my "God what am I doing" or "oh my God what have I done, I'll be an outcast / freak for the rest of my life, this is not reversible....." Strangely enough they occur whilst lying awake in bed. But I never give in to those thoughts, I have not appeared as male for over 3 months now, and I really do enjoy being "full-time" trans female. Thanks for the warnings about dilation, I have of course heard them from my friends over here, and I still can't wait to rid myself of my 'junk'. Please keep your blogs coming. Kind Regards, Eve

I had a good day on Wednesday at work, had a long chat with a female manager who I had a Health & Safety Inspection appointment with, she was very complimentary and understanding of my transition, and we found out that we both had similar political views, whilst walking around her section, I found that they were selling jewellery which were displayed in glass cases. I actually bought a pewter broach, And the manager and her staff were also saying "Oh I like this and that one too" it was almost like shopping! It made me feel so happy, later on I had another inspection to do in the same building, and the assistant manager who accompanied me said that the perfume I was wearing was lovely and enquired what it was, saying it was so fragrant and subtley flowerey, how nice it was to recieve those comments......... My wife and I went to the supermarkets in Redditch with our female friend, and I had a great time with them around the clothing section, bought my wife a new top, and our friend found a purple wrist watch, which really went with my purple gelled nails, purple cross over top, and purple agate jewellery, we then bought three fillet steaks, and various veg and wines to accompany, and had a great evening, but my diet has suffered :-( . never mind I'll try to abstain for the next 2 weeks to make up for it. I hope that this week coming will be as good as the last............ Cheers, Eve

Karen, I'm very happy for you, your experience pretty much mirrors my own. Cheers, Eve

Hi Jennilee, No offence to our US cousins, but it's great to hear from some one else in the UK, I hope that you continue to blog, I fear that others might get bored with mine! :-) Cheers, Eve

Hi Emma, I think we all question how we are perceived by others, especially in the early days of transition, I was almost paranoid by worrying about what others thought of me. I think this is normal. Don't expect all TS people to see eye to eye, there are some that I don't get on with either, again this is no different than for anybody else (non trans). It's funny, I didn't think that I'd ever get as far as I have done, wasn't bothered about HRT or GRS at first, so yes it can snowball, it did for me, and incrementally so, plant estrogen followed by self med premarin, followed by GP prescription patches, followed by GIC treatment, and yes I can't wait to get rid of my "junk" to become fully fulfilled as a woman. Also incremental were the changes in my appearance and dress, mostly male at first, femme around the house, then femme at trans events etc, and finally after nearly 3 years full identity change and acquired female gender. However my first friend with whom we came out to each other via his (her?) wife, who initially was far more passable as femme than I was, has not taken it any further than occasionally dressing as female mostly at trans friendly places. So we are all different, and there is no guarantee of what your future holds. Just take it slowly and give your wife time to accept that you are still you, and maybe your appearance is a little different, after all we age don't we?, and that your appearance might or might not change some more. I don't know many transwomen who have got into a serious relationship with men, most that I know are still attracted to women. I hope that this helps you, Eve

Hi Emma, How did it go in the end, I'm reading your blog a day later than you posted it. Hope it went ok in the end. Eve

I found this on You Tube, the poem at the end really blew me away.............. I can't really think of what more to say after that, other than I have troubesome neighbours who want to stare.........they make my heart heavy......... Eve x

It struck me as I was watching BBC morning news, how bizarre it is that same sex marriage isn't allowed in Alabama, why bizarre you might ask? Well I live in Birminghma UK, and we are all aware that a city of the same name exists in Alabama, so? well didn't lots of people emigrate to the USA to escape restrictions on their freedom, escaping to the land of the free? And yet paradoxically in Birmingham UK same sex couples can marry without any bother, the law and police uphold all LGBT rights, there is a lively LGBT quarter on the south side of the city. All my life I have wanted to visit the USA, but I'm not so sure now especially as I'm no longer presenting as a cis male, and the last places I'd want to visit in the world would be the Southern States or Arabia, again how bizarre that the two areas in the world that I'd avoid like the plague are in conflict with each other..................Thank God for Europe. If not all Southern States are similar to lesser or greater degrees, please inform me. Ok you might be thinking more anti-USA crap, not so at all, I'd still love to visit the civilised & enlightened Northern States, New York and San Francisco would be near the top of my list, when I win the lottery! I'd also add that MOST Americans I have met have been friendly and nice people, so how strange that Alabama should want to present itself as the opposite! Last week I blogged that i'd had mesotherapy on my face, and that I'd keep you informed of the progress, the bottom half of my face has improved somewhat but the bags under my eyes are still there :-( However the full effects are said to work after 3 weeks, so there's still a couple of weeks to go, and I'm trying to remain positive! We've booked ferry crossings and camp sites for a visit to holland at the end of April, this will be Eve's first visit abroad on her new passport, totally as Eve, not appearing as male at all, and why should I, I don't appear as male in the UK anymore, I have to keep telling myself I am EVE. That's all for now folks! Eve

Most people are positive and non discriminatory - least ways not knowingly! Positive friends are a massive help and will make further changes that much easier, I speak from experience. It really is so joyful when you first discover that help. May you have more joy in the future.................

Dear friends, It's not the first time this has happened, my bank made an even bigger cock-up,a s I blogged earlier. We don't have ID cards as such in the UK, but my driving licence, passport, and lots of other docs are Eve Ann and Female. This is just another obstacle to overcome..........The NHS is so slooooow, I'm stilll waiting for my new NHS card, although my GP (General Practitioner Dr), says my records are now Eve Ann and Female. But I'm not counting my chickens before they're hatched........... Thanks for your comments. Hugs, Eve

I am so peed off with organisations getting my identity wrong.......... I have just received an appointment for a Pituitary MRI Scan at Redditch Hospital.....(because I had an abnormally low testosterone count in my blood) addressed to Mr Eve Ann ............. How embarrassing! I could go there and get called out as Mr ........... when I'm not anymore.........I've phoned the hospital, they've apologised, but I don't trust them to get it right. Identity change is a nightmare..................

Dear All, I'm a trans - lesbian too! quite strange after being a hetro-sexual male! Other than birth reporoductive organs, I feel that pretty much all else is on a spectrum with absolute hetero-sexual male and female at either end of the spectrum, I actually doubt that many people that believe that they fit this description actually are............if only they realised it, it might be easier for us all. Reading the above comments I sincerely hope you all find what you want so much. Hugs, pecks on the cheeks, & keep positive, Eve

Yeah can definately relate to that, been there done that bought the tee shirt, read the book! It was a real pain in the ass for me, petty bureaucracies...................... still waiting for my NHS card! Hugs, Eve

Hi Emma, not sure about the amount of therapists that you are using, really not very mainstream in the UK, sort of feels like someone else telling you how you feel? I have become aware that it is common in the US though.......having said that we do have to do the psychs as part of our treatment though. Do you have a local Trans meeting place to go to? By the way we are the same age! Hugs Eve

Oh OK, I thought that you'd of had it in the US before us. I've copied and pasted the following text from the web site link provided: Mesotherapy is a treatment that delivers nourishing substances including vitamins, amino-acids and minerals to the layers of the skin where cell repair and growth occurs. As these are all essential components for healthy skin cells, this treatment helps improve dull, tired looking, dry and lifeless skin, manages superficial wrinkles and is ideal for pre- or post-operative skin conditioning. All the substances used naturally occur in the skin but degrade as our skin becomes older and stressed. Mesotherapy replaces these naturally occurring vitamins and nutrients and skin becomes luminescent, hydrated, nourished and firmer with an improved texture. Typically, mesotherapy treatments are delivered through superficial injections done by hand or with an injection device. For sensitive areas anaesthetic cream can be used prior to the treatment to reduce pain. Side effects can include minimal bruising and swelling but ice packs can be applied to reduce these. There are very few contraindications but include a known allergy to components in the proposed mesotherapy cocktail, pregnancy, breastfeeding, keloid scarring, active infection or malignancy. TOSKANI mesotherapy is one of the most internationally recognised mesotherapy and cosmetics firms. TOSKANI mesotherapy are manufactures and suppliers. We offer a range of mesotherapy and cosmetics for both the professional and the patient to treat any aesthetic problem in the safest and most efficient way, from diagnosis to resolution.

I have always had horrible ugly bags underneath my eyes since my early twenties, with the passage of time (lots!) my upper eye lids have also become hooded......Aaaarrrrrrggh! it makes eye shadow pure guess work! I wanted to have cosmetic surgery, and thought that that was the only option. Last week when I got my nails gelled, and eyebrows threaded, the salon technician said that she'd had her face lifted at the neighbouring complexion salon, so I enquired and was told what was entailed (Mesotherapy) and it would cost £150.....compared to £5-7K for surgery it was worth a try. So I had this Mesotherapy treatment on my face, it didn't hurt, i was told to expect results to start in 3 days time and to be completed within 3 weeks. I have noticed a slight difference already 24 hours later. I'll keep you all informed as time passes................... I was told that much of what was applied was made in the USA, so I wonder how much similar treatment costs over there? Please let me know, and of course any personal experiences good or bad. Eve Salon link; http://www.naturalco...ns.co.uk/clinic