eveannessant

Hmmmm, do Lewis Hamilton, Nico Rosberg, and Sebastian Vettell need to worry about a future challenge? LoL Glad you're enjoying life. Cheers, Eve

I had no end of arguments with organisations about copies of Deed Poll (UK Name Change) Certificates, whereever possible if an organisation was being difficult with me I close my account, go to a competitor and open an account in my new identity. I know you can't do this with Government Departments, but I feel it's a matter of principle with commercial organisations. Having said that I did get my bank to compensate me for their mistakes, and they paid for my Deed Poll too! What have social security done or not done?, it might be me, but it's not totally clear to me from reading the entries. Cheers, Eve

Wow you've really gotten your foot on the acelerator now!, so glad that you're travelling to somewhere you want to go to and be. I'm so glad that I didn't have to do a call when I visibly transitioned (came out) at work, mine was done via an e-mailed letter. I remember the angst I felt about possibly the biggest decision of my life, but I reconciled myself with thinking, that for over 50 years I'd done my duty to society, by living a lie as a male. Surely I must have earned some time, (the remainder of my life) to be who I want to be, and that somebody was the real me. As you say it's such a burden to keep on living a lie, it comes to the point where you can't carry on anymore. Eve

And how many pairs do you now have Christie?

Transgendering is a wonderfully descriptive verb, my erudite wife used it a few years ago, funnily enough to an American writer.

Hi Christie, It's so refreshing to know that it's not just the UK that presents problems and procedures such as you've decribed. In my case when it was all completed I felt a real sense of relief and satisfaction that it was all over........................until the past couple of days when domestic energy companies starting writing to me in my former identity..........is this never ending? LoL Cheers, Eve

Hi Monica, I plan to get a second opinion from Dr Seal their Endocrinologist. Dr Barrett is viewed by many girls that have passed through ChX GIC as a real pain in the ass (polite term). I never take what I'm told as gospel unless it's corroborated by other qualified people. However I have been until recently what can be best described as a heavy drinker, but I rarely get drunk once or twice a year perhaps, I just like the taste of alcoholic drinks, I have never felt that they liberate me or that I need a drink or I'll die, I know that I have never been an alcoholic, and that I never will become one. Stopping drinking until mid December is a good plan for me anyway I need to lose weight 20lbs (UK) or thereabouts. People say that giving up booze helps this, after nearly 4 weeks I haven't noticed it at all, so far. So I don't really care what he say's he doesn't know for sure, and I am not scheduled to see him again anyway. Cheers, Eve

Well didn't you realise that being a woman was going to be expensive with all those frivolities? Karen, you seem to me to have just passed out of female puberty during the early part of this year. and now you are behaving like a late teens girl or maybe early twenties, what fun! Enjoy yourself......... Cheers, Eve

It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without. Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either. However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice. It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins into a consultation, only having my read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before. I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol. Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning.................. Cheers, Eve

It's been 3 weeks since I last consumed alcohol, I've not really missed it, except for a couple of glasses of red wine with the Sunday roast or Saturday evening fillet steak with roast mediteranean veg. It's surprised me really because I loved drinking proper English cider, especially the Herefordshire varieties, but it's been easier than I thought it'd be to go without. Why would I want to apparently give up drinking alcohol? On my last visit to ChX GIC I saw Dr James Barrett (Psychiatrist), who incorrectly thought that I was an alcoholic, and spent almost all the appointment telling me of the evils of drink, & had the audacity to recommend to go to Alcoholics Anonymous! Well I'm strong enough to do what I want and not drink or drink as I want to. He's gotten this opinion from a lower than average oestrogen count in my blood test results, this after being diagnosed with having a fatty liver by a liver specialist, who told me that some people do have fatty livers, it's nothing to worry about and it shouldn't interefere with transgendering. It was hinted by Dr Barrett that I wouldn't be recommended by him for GRS unless I gave up Alcohol altogether. Well my latest blood test results came through recently, and they showed no signs of any alcohol related problems, my blood was taken only two weeks after stopping alcohol, now I'm sure that two weeks is not long enough to miraculously have near perfect blood test results, if I ever had an alcohol problem in the first place. My female partner (wife) is a medical Doctor and she can't see a problem either. However with the threat of no GRS hanging over me, I'll continue to live in an alcoholic desert until Christmas, and see if there's any improvement in my life. I have another appointment at ChX GIC early December with Dr Seal the Endocrinologist, I'll discuss the issues with him, and then follow his advice. It just makes me realise how Psychiatrists think that they know everything, and then judge others by their own values. What the hell has Transgendering got to do with Psychiatrists anyway, how can they come to such verdicts 3-4 mins in a consultation, only having read my case notes, and not ever having seen me before. I don't need any "well done for giving up drink" comments please, it's easy I just don't do it, it's easy because I have never been an alcoholic, It's easy because I choose whether or not to drink alcohol. Now food and eating is another story, especially if I'm bored, and it has everything to do with transitioning.................. Cheers, Eve

Yes, but that's officialdom for you, saying that officialdom allows you the freedom so that you can do things, but at the same time letting you know that it won't help you, because it's not accepted by officialdom, sound's a bit like Sir Humphrey Appelby in Yes Minister doesn't it? UK Deed Poll Service documents were fine and readily accepted by Passport Office and DVLA, don't forget to get your vehicle ownership details changed as well as your licence...........have fun and enjoy!

Dear James Esquire, I'm really glad that you're progressing, I changed my name to that given to me by my wife, via UK Deed Poll Service, and have had less trouble than when I tried to do it myself via an on-line free service. However it was a time of being frustrated by certain organisations......................I hope all goes smoothly for you sir. Have you seen Karen Paynes latest entry with a video clip about Transgender Through Time, it makes interesting watching because it gives equal coverage to F to M as it does to M to F. However it seems to have been made in the early Blair era, so although interesting, it doesn't reflect Transgender today, after all the legal changes regarding equality etc.. You'll have to change the title of your blog to coming out of the darkness soon.!............ Cheers, Eve

Yes, I probably have metioned boots before, come to think of it. You know what? Steve died with his boots on, and was reborn as Eve whilst still wearing boots !

Karen, Thanks for posting this, Trans history is something that until now I was a bit hazey about. It shows a very bitter - sweet flavour to the struggle for acceptance and inclusion. I also see in the British sections of the history a very Male orientated view that is dismissive of Transexuals, as being unimportant freaks to be exposed. This is the societal conditioning that I have often referred to in my postings. It's absolutely amazing how the press and media in Britain sway public opinion, it leads me to think that the public are lazy and too idle to think for themselves, and so often they let the media do their thinking for them and hence control their sense of righteousness. In 2015 Britain is a different place, Transgendered (note the terminology has now changed) people are allowed to change their birth certificate after 2 yrs RLE even if they don't have GRS, and same sex marriage is now a fact of life. However there are still some die-hard bigots who'll never ever change their minds. Thank God I have never had to endure all that press sensationalism............................... I expect that you'd probably see some parrallels with this within parts of the USA. Cheers, Eve

Oh my God, go for it girl, you could end up in heaven ! I don't think I've ever mentioned my love of boots in any of my entries, I must do the same as you and see what happens!!! LoL Enjoy, Eve

Hmmm, funny I thought the same about tatoos, then changed my mind upon transitioning, but I still haven't gotten around to doing anything about it. I thought about something appropriate such as a butterfly, but then I started to think that, a grub or chrysallis might be more appropriate LoL......I'll perhaps get around to a butterfly or something next year. It's great that your husband has said that he'll support you on your "journey". As for working out that it's your body not his, it's societal conditioning that's caused that, be thankful that you've questioned that conditioning, it shows intelligence, and courage too. Cheers, Eve

Great, Good for you, I hope all goes well, just remember if anyone acts negatively they have a narrow mind that cannot see past the social conditioning that they have been formatted with, and that's their problem, not yours........... Cheers, Eve

And that's a thoughtful comment Christie........... I suspect that it's a combination of factors, but at what percentages will vary between individuals... But I'm not sure that your third point is quite right with perpetuating female stereotypes? for me it's more like emulating other females, behaviour and visually. But at what percentages do I put the three factors, I think that it varies with mood. Drilling down a little deeper isn't expressing your tue self as female, emulating females anyway? I've always found deep questions have answers like quicksand, they constantly shift, and different nuances to the questions and answers come into play................. I've got to stop now before I go mad, I just gotta be me......! Cheers, Eve xoxo

I can really relate to that, but have never explained in such summarised terms..............

Last but one of your entries that I've read, it's like going backwards in time, peeling away layers.................. You've really gotten the bug to explain yourself, and get your secret offloaded............. Eve

Yeah I was fearful of rejections too, after being rejected by girls, and used by some others, it made me quite introspective in my late teens.........I expressed it as anger in my biker days from late teens to mid twenties, leading a misfit irresponsible lifestyle taking drugs etc..................I wasn't really happy, I never understood what happy was. Later when I tried talking about such things as sex change with my mother she poo-pooed it, even though I never let on that I was curious because I wasn't a "normal" typical male. Lets cut to the chase, It's only now that I feel happy after coming out as a Transwoman. It seems to me that you'll only be happy when you come out as a Transman.......leastways it seems to me to be your best shot at happiness. Cheers Eve

Your postings are very interesting this is the 4th or 5th in row that I've read, and itseems to me more and more that you really have to transgender, living a lie is unbearable. I had something similar not quite a lie, but a secret that I cross dressed in "The Closet", and couldn't bring myself to tell anybody, it was awful but I thought that I could control it. When I fnally came out to my 2nd wife it helped a lot but untill I came completely out to everyone the secret was an unbearably heavy burden on my soul, think of Frodo Baggins aka "the ring bearer", it felt kind of similar to me. Shame and guilt, hell yes, I felt all that but now it's gone and I feel free, happy, even joyful, I'm open and honest now, free of my earlier baggage.......... Cheers, Eve

I couldn't bring myself to like the above it's so sad, but I really feel for you. It sounds to me as if you need to be honest with yourself and others and stop blaming yourself, of course you're angry you've had to conform to other peoples ideas of what you should look like, behave like and be. But you're none of those things, be yourself, or you'll never be free of your torment of thinking you're a bad person. Other peoples ideas of what and who you should be?.........shit, that's their problem, let them get over it. We've all got to be who we are..............really. It's hard at first to let go of what society expects of us, it seems so scary and strange, even frightening at times, but it gets so much easier as time passes, I hope that you do find yourself and become yourself. Cheers, Eve

I agree with Karen, you're not a freak, but you sound quite confused, are you really bi-sexual or are you Transgender, or are you both? or do you want to be transgender? Most or at least many people have had confusing relationships in their early years, I almost had a gay relationship in my early teens but later the thought of being with a man, especially kissing a man turned me cold. I had many girlfreinds, but still liked to secretly cross-dress in the closet, but at all times I was attracted to females. Now that I have embarked on being a transwoman am I now gay? - in the lesbian sense of the term, but after taking hormones for a prolonged period of time I now fantasise about penises, but not the rest of the being around the edge of the pubic area! But I suspect I'll never do anything about that fantasy. Point is that it gets more and more confusing as time passes by and as one evolves...................I found it best to just be myself, enjoy and stop worrying. The only constant that has been in my life over the last 5 years is my wife - now termed as partner - whom I love dearly. I hope that this helps, by showing that you're not alone, not a freak, but just a human being............ Cheers, Eve

Yes, there's been remarkable LGBT progress in the UK since 2000, last Sunday I went to a pilot transgender swimming session ata Birmingham swimming pool, it was great, no aires and graces, peoeple were all friendly, M to F's and F to M's, full time pre-ops, post ops, and cross dressers, I suspect there might have also been some non-gendered or gender neutral people too. When I came out and started my real life experience it was both exciting and a nerve wracking experience, but similar to yourself work was fine. Some of my neighbours stared at me though and haven't spoken to me since, but hey ho, that's their problem, not mine. Cheers, Eve