eveannessant

Well try swimming with a wig on!, Anyway, Karen hope you have a lovelt Christmas and a happy New year, and yes I have experienced much of what you've posted. Hugs, Eve

God bless Christie, and may he look over your life. Happy Christmas, Eve

I feel really happy clicking like this ! 5-6 years ago I wouldn't have gone there either, nor Hurst Street in Birmingham. But they are such trouble free freindly areas, I now can't understand why everyone doesn't frequent such areas................thank god I had the courage (eventually) to transition, it's taught me so very much. Cheers Eve

I suspect that employment law may well differ in various countries, but here in the UK employers have to make "reasonable adjustments" for staff who undergoe various changes in life, this includes transition amongst others, such as becoming disabled etc. It is entirely reasonable for Jay's employers to do as he has requested. Please google Marland v P&O ferries.

Thanks for this Jay, My partner will be interested in this, if she isn't already aware of it, she loves writing.... Cheers, Eve

Hi Jay, I don't know why I clicked like this, I don't, how could any understanding person like it, but it registers my having read it.......... Anyway have a cry, and then resolve to get HR to TELL your It dept to make the necessary changes, otherwise they are going down the road to losing a constructed dismissal case that you could bring about. See Marland versus P & O Ferries, it's a little more extreme granted, but the principles are the same. In the meantime think of what the initials IT could stand for..........such as Insensitive Twa*s, Insubordinate Testosterone Department, I'm sure you could think of others, it might help you to stop crying and get more attitude and determination. Do you belong to a Union, it's just the sort of thing that they love to belt employers with. And of course involve your line management too, it seems to me that your manager is supportive of you from your recent postings. I hope that this is resolved before Christmas, and you're not left with it fretting away inside your head, I had name change problems myself this time last year, but not with my work, so I know how distracting it is. Hugs, Eve

And you'd be very welcome too, have a great Christmas Emma. Hugs, Eve

Yeah me neither, what's it's purpose?

Yeah, I had the same problem and others before me tell of the same. The easiest way round this is to close your account and open a new one in your new name, I did this as others before me had to. I guess that Paypal doesn't believe in true equality, but they'll just say that it's to avoid fraud, absolutely agree with you about the photo ID issue. It appears that Paypal are Transphobic, I wish there was an alternative service provider to them, because voting with your feet is the best way to get people to change their errant ways. Isn't Paypal the same as e-bay, or at least part of the same conglomerate? I had similar with Sky who thought that they could tell me who I could and could not call myself, so I went to Virgin and haven't had any problems since. There is still a little way further to go before Trans people are truly accepted and treated with true equality, however we have made tremendous progress over the last 8-10 years or so.

To expand on my previous comment I have just thought of an analogy, imagine that you are trying to photograph someone who is posing, these sort of photographs rarely come out showing the true way that a person appears in everyday life, they just look unnatural, not quite right. Then think about photographs taken of people who are unaware of being photographed, they look very natural, and different from a posed shot.................so if you are thinking about "your performance" and how you look to to others, it's much the same as posing. I know that you will probably feel under more scrutiny in the "bogs" than in many other places, please ignore that feeling, and never ever give in to it. You just have to get on with what you're doing and ignore others, yes some may be unsure of your gender, but they won't ever be sure if you just get on with whatever you're doing, it can be likened to a poker game, are they going to call you if they aren't sure, and risk of making an absolute arse out themselves............? Christmas Hugs, (no, don't know if they're any different from normal hugs !) Eve

I think you just have to get on with it and not worry about what others might think, or how you appear, just do what you've gotta do, wash your hands, dry them and walk out just the same as if you've just used the ladies. Remember that you don't have to hold a conversation in the"bogs", it's quite normal not to, unless it's someone who you know. This is what I've done whenever I've used the ladies, and it works for me. It's also true of most mundane activities, such as in the supermarket. I feel that if I start thinking about what others think or what I look like, I'd be read. Glad everything is going so well for you, Cheers, Eve

Absolutely!

Ok Mister thats made me smile a lot, thanks for doing that, because I was becoming a bit, no a lot emotional. My close friends dog has recently been put down, and when I got to her house after a swimming session, i asked where Fern was, only to learn that she was put down within the previous week and that my friend had cried all the way to work. I've always been emotional even as a male, even when I did some horrible male things as a subterfuge. But now I really am emotional so thanks for your good news story, I needed it........ Bless you in your innocence and good luck for the future, Eve

I await with eager trepidation !

uh oh !

I have to admit I'm struggling with writing these entries at times.........my clutch seems to have an intermittent fault...............I just can't get my ass into gear sometimes. So, in my previous entry, I said I was looking forward to swimming in a Trans only swimming session, well it's also for gender non conforming people too, which I forgot to mention in my last entry. It went really well I enjoyed myself and swam 12 lengths of the pool straight off non-stop, this surprised me as I have had very little exercise over the last couple of years, other than occassional walks and cycle rides. So it seemed I was fitter than I had imagined, I could also swim quite quickly when I wanted to, this was the first time in the water in about 4 years, when I last SCUBA dived. We could have done with a few more swimmers to cover the cost of the pool hire, but 3 of us paid extra to cover the outlay. I plan to introduce snorkelling as a taster at the next session, to see if we can attract more swimmers, I might even take along an underwater propulsion unit for fun. I have to put together an advert for the session so I have my work cut out, and I have to get my clutch fixed ! On the way back from the last TAGS session I had to call in to our local supermarket to get some stuff my partner wanted, but the thing is, I'd forgotten completely that I hadn't got any make-up on, and generally when out in public I always wear make-up, because I think I don't look femme enough without it, anyway this time I just got on with it as normal no-one stared or made any derogatory comments - as is normally the case, and it wasn't until I'd got back to my car, that I realised that it was my first time in a supermarket without make-up. I have to admit I was amazed and happy with myself (chuffed). On a day to day basis I'm getting more and more delivery drivers calling me "luv" than I ever imagined would be the case, LoL. Christmas preparations are getting underway here, the trees up and decorations and lights are on, party organised for the 27th, pain killers ready for the 28th ! We're all looking forward to it, and hope that your Christmas, or whatever celebration you have, is equally enjoyable. Have a fabulous time, Eve

Have a good week-end, really glad you're so happy. Eve

Well I think it's natural that you're rehearsing in your head what your are going to say and how you say it, also completely natural to rehearse what peoples reactions will be. If it's not natural then I'm just as mad as you are, yes I went through the same thing, however I told my close and team colleagues in ones and twos, and when I finally changed my name and started RLE properly an e-mail was sent to all those whom I deal with. It went well mostly (90%+), I didn't get any definite negative reactions, however some people whom I used to work with quite closely have since not contacted me and haven't involved me professionally, well the imagining of responses prepared me for that, and I can live with it. Thing is that if I get any negativity staff know full well they'll be up for a disciplinary action. I expect that you'll experience similar, but I'd definately sack the incompetent juggler, and request a new one...........Employers have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for staff, your present HR idiot is causing stress, and if unchecked, this could lead to a constructive dismissal case, which your employer would almost certainly lose. It's one thing to have finely worded policies and promises etc., and then not act on them, actions speak louder than words. Hugs, Eve

Sorry if this is contrary to some of the comments above, I don't mean to be controversial or hurt the feelings of others. But although I said the exact same phrase to people over a year ago "I'm still the same person that has not changed" and to the greater extent it was true at that time, it has now been proven to me that I have changed, I'm not the same person dressed differently, with a different physical appearance anymore. Mentally I have changed enormously, I'm no longer so black and white with my opinions thoughts and actions, I'm now quite mellow and more patient, don't loose my temper anywhere near as much as I used to, my views have changed, my tastes have changed, I'm more open minded and accepting of new ideas, I think differently than I used to. Yes some things are still there such as skills learnt as a male, fast driving, mechanical engineering skills, attention to detail, still like old railways, cycling, walks etc., but now these are complimented with nice gardens, plants, flowers, clothes & apparel, cooking, house and home etc.. However, the phrase, however hollow it becomes in time, is what others who knew your previous existence, want to hear as a consolation.................. Thoughtfully, Eve

Hope you have lots and lots of fun Christie, something to look forward to! Eve x

As I posted in my previous entry, it was my Birthgirlday yesterday. I recieved an unexpected confirmation of my new femininity, but I was unsure about what to do with it. I had received a letter from the Local NHS Trust giving me an appointment for breast screening. I was unsure whether or not to accept it, because I thought that maybe it was dependent upon the age of the breast tissues, and with mine being very young, they might not have needed a mammogram. So I phoned the Screening Service and discussed the issue with them, I spoke to a radiographer who said that I should attend, because the screening was not dependent on the age of the breast tissue, but was dependent on the age of the person. She also said mammograms of transgender people are a relatively common occurrence.......It's so nice to be looked after..... It all goes towards my feeling very happy as the real me that I've become. Hugs, Eve

Well, it's exactly a year to the day since I changed my name and became a full - time Eve begining my RLE. It's hard to believe that I haven't appeared as male in all that time, and all the things I've done and places I've been as Eve. Physical development too, especially facial features, I look in the mirror now and know that I don't look like a bloke anymore - hurray that was one of my greatest fears. I don't worry about passing anymore, I don't worry if someone realises that I'm trans either, I'm just me and I'm happy with myself. I find myself thinking about outfits and how I'd feel wearing them, I can't stop buying clothes, I just love being me.........And to steal someone elses phrase, it's my Birthgirlday, and I'm one. Last month I attended a trial trans / gender neutral only swimming session, but couldn't swim due to a deeply gashed palm, but on Sunday I will wear a swimsuit for the first time and go swimming, I also have a swimming cap in pink! Can't wait, but I hope one day to be able to go to any swimming pool but it'll have to wait until after GRS. So in the meantime this looks as if it's the only activity when I am still in an artificial environment (closet ), well I really look forward to seeing what the next year brings when I'll be two. Hugs, Eve xx

Hi Jay, I feel so sorry for you and especially your husband, how does he feel after the tirade from your brother, perhaps he'll need some support now? It's difficult with families, I have a brother who totally ignores me I think we might have spoken 3 sentences in the last 4 years, and I sentence each way to his wife when her father died, whom I had liked a lot when I was Steve, I wasn't invited to the funeral, and that made me quite sad. I think people just put their head in the sand and try to believe that it's not happening, I also think in my brothers families eyes they'd prefer it if I was dead, it wouldn't reflect badly on them then, and it'd provide a neat respectable answer or reason for my not being around. It does make me feel like never ever forgiving them, or talking to them again......... Well I knew that some doors would close whilst new doors would open at the start of my transition, and like you didn't expect such reaction from close family members, it's really hurtful, but only when I think about it............... Keep your chin up Jay, Hugs, Eve

I know what you mean about it eating up time ! But it does have it's compensations, I've just been exploring the reasoning behind the BMI limits required before being accepted for GRS, with many other members of the Trans community and one of the Psychiatrists from Chx GIC has joined in examining where the waiting list bottleneck is how best to resolve it. Couldn't do that on Twitter. Happy that you've discovered so much about yourself, Eve oxox

Oh Christie that's so beautiful and eloquent a thought. Yes I'm on twitter but don't use it much, I prefer FB if you use it? Eve x