eveannessant

Yes Emma it is easier to cry when on HRT, and I often feel the need to do so when I see something sad on the TV, however I still instinctively try to bottle it up, I don't plan to do that I just don't let go unless it so sad that I can't help myself. I know some trans girls can burst into tears for no reason at all whilst walking down the road, but hey ho we're not all identical in all respects. Likewise HRT can effect us all differently, not only with differing dosages but also in how we physically and mentally change, never has there been a truer saying than just be yourself ! Thanks Veronica, hope you're looking forward to your wonderful journey, mines been amazing so far, and it's the things that I hadn't thought about that I found the most amazing. Hugs, Eve

Yes even after 3 years of oestrogen and 15 months of decapeptyl, I still fight the urge to cry, such is the power of societal conditioning. It's so hard to instantly change one's sub-conscious values, that have been learnt over such a long period of time.....................................................

Chrissy is good, I've already used it in one of my comments, I really like it, it sounds nice. Yeah, I too never thought that I was a girl trapped in a boys body, well you've read my past history anyway, but it's when I reflect and look back. that I can see that many of the signs that others have spoken about were there, but I never thought about it as GD, I just thought it was a fetish. I guess male social conditioning made me think that way............ Secrets are a burden and my secret made me unhappy, I'm so glad that I'm now free of it. But what of the future? I have learned that secrets are a burden so I don't want to ever deny that I'm trans..........if I do I'll probably be unhappy again. So glad that you've progressed into happiness, xoxo (I still can't help thinking this is some kind of stock cube!) Eve

Yes, Ebbing and Flowing, how I remember that, there's no need for embarrassment, I suspect many before have experienced it, for me the tides have slowed and almost disappeared, but it took time and hormones to achieve this within a stable environment. So, now "batting for the other side" as my partner once put it, I can say that it's a very much more peaceful and interesting life, there's not much that I miss about my former existence when in the "other team', this I found to be unexpected, but also welcome. To put it into nautical terms it's like seeing a severe storm brewing up slowly for a long time, going through some extremely rough, choppy and confused waters with huge waves of consequences all around you, to then come through the storm and find that the waters are calming down, eventually to find flat waters and calm sailing. I should leave nautical explanations to Veronica really ........... Anyway we're all here for you, so put your best foot forward and get going.............................. Eve xx

Well it's the Tuesday following your east coast storm, thank you so much for taking the all the cold, cold snow out of it, but now that we have your cast off storm, I'd just like to add that you've sent too many of them across to us recently, you might have been thinking that you were helping us out, with watering our gardens and luscious fields of crops. But without wanting to cause any offence, please stop sending any more of your cast off weather over here for while, we've applied for some nice warm Saharan weather to blow northwards to us, so we'll probably be full up of weather for a while................ Hugs, Eve

Oh Emma, I really feel your sorrow, you're so right, should's are such crap. Should's are an excuse for the feelings of others close to you, should's are for not wanting to face imagined humiliations. Should's come from holding terrible secrets for so long. Should's are for people close to you who should know better, and be more understanding. Fact is that many of the people who should know and behave better, are scared of the unknown and their imaginings going on in their head, some even have secrets similar to yours, but hide them behind attacking others. You know that I had similar misgivings for most of my adult life, but eventually the secret became such a burden that I just had to let it go and confront the truth with everyone. My wife (now partner) had huge misgivings that we'd be ridiculed when out and about, especially when out on campsites with our caravan, those misgivings soon evaporated when we had more people befriending us than when I was a male (how I hate that word), she is now really happy with our lives, but this was because she gave it a chance to succeed. Oh whatever people say behind our backs out of earshot we couldn't give a toss about, we both know who our real friends are, and real friends don't do that. Of course if my wife hadn't given a chance for such a huge change to work, then we'd probably have split up, I just couldn't carry on living as I was, I needed change to survive. It really sounds to me as if you're pretty close to getting to the point of not wanting to carry on living as you are anymore and realising that you have to change. It's scary, yes I well remember going through it, but what you probably don't realise is that once you start the process of renewal it gets easier, ok, you'll probably have a few sticky moments and unthought of consequences can sometimes crop up that sort of push you headfirst at times, but when you look back at one of those consequences you realise how far you've travelled, a bit like like the ladders in snakes and ladders. I hope that you find some happiness soon, Eve

Well my partner writes, she talks with other writers she met on courses and gatherings etc., they help one another are you in such a group? Can put you in touch with my partner if you like? Oh I 'd just add that some of them are from different countries even, let alone scattered around the UK. Hugs, Eve

Well Mr Jay, we share the problem of wrong organs...................and I've learned to take the rough with the smooth, some good in the report but some bad too...........aint that just typically life! Hugs, Eve

You're a shining example to us all Karen, I just got back from cycling 30 mins ago! Must try to drink more water!!!! Hugs, Eve

I really don't want to vote Karen, if I voted no I'd feel that I was being negative, and if I voted yes and your story didn't sell I'd feel that I advised you incorrectly. Let me say this, there is a hell of a lot of hard work involved in writing a story about your life (biography), and as you have correctly said it's been done before. However there is a book over here called "Becoming Drusilla" please read it, and see that it was not an autobiographical tale, it was written by Dru's friend Richard Beard, who knew Dru as Andrew prior to transition. He at first had a hard time with accepting Dru, after all she was very much mechanically minded, and the type of person - similar to myself in fact - that can fix most things. They used to go on long walks in the countryside backpacking with lightweight tents, so in the book they did it again but this time with Dru fully transitioned...... I doubt that has been done in the US, and I doubt that many US citizens will have read "Becoming Drusilla", so perhaps doing your story from a similar second party perspective might work? Cheers, Eve

Same thoughts as for Christie, Veronica.................don't hang about giving them time to welch out of paying.

I'm pleased for you Christie, no more hoops to jump through, go get it before they change their minds.

I received a letter from my Mortgage company that happens to be one of the UK high street banks, I was particularly annoyed to find that it was addressed to my old male identity, I thought that I had put all that behind me a year ago, when I took my Deed Poll cerificate into a local branch where they photocopied it. So I complained via telephone and couldn't get past someone reading from a flowchart, whilst they were sorry about what happened, they said that they hadn't received the copy of the Deed Poll, could I go back again to the branch and go through the same again. I was angry about this, because they had the clear expectation that I'd correct their mistake, so I offered to send scanned copy via e-mail to them, they refused and said that they could only accept a fax other than going to the branch again. I seemed to be entering the name change merry go round all over again......................what a DRAG! So i visited their web-site and looked at how to contact their customer services, and found a "make a complaint" page, so I did giving full details of what had happened chronologically. Earlier today they phoned me and apologised asked me to e-mail the copy to them directly, they have amended the errant name details, and offered me £200 compensation and £5 for the time wasted phoning the flowchart people. Well I thought, it'd be rude of me to not graciously accept the offer, after all that they had done, but honestly all I wanted was the name on my account to reflect who I now am. So it shows that it's worthwhile escalating a complaint if at first you don't succeed...................I've spent the money already on a new longline jacket for work, brown leather knee boots, and purple heeled sandals.........I'd been hankering after these for a month or so, but was being careful moneywise, and I've learned that if you don't buy when you can, it soon goes out of stock and rarely if ever is available again.......... Cheers, Eve

Great News Christie, You might find that as you go through your transition, that you find previously exciting things as being a little more mundane anyway, so you'll have less to write about? Great news about your Insurance, good luck to you you'll be having your op before I get mine by the sounds of it? I have less and less to post that I feel is valid these days, it just all starts to become so normal.................which is a good thing when you think about it. Cheers Eve

Saucy Devil LoL

Sounds like either the Pacific or north east Atlantic.............It's often like that in the UK, but then the consolation is that there are some lovely wrecks to dive on. I haven't SCUBA dived since transition, but I was a senior Instructor in one of the UK's diving agencies. Diving is not all cold and stormy - even in the UK !, I have an ambition to one day dive topless in warm waters, probably the caribbean. Don't know why, perhaps I'd feel liberated................. Cheers, Eve

On Sunday with the assistance of my partner and friends, all of whom are ex SCUBA divers, we put on a snorkelling 'taster session' at one of the swimming pools in Birmingham. This happened at a private session hired from the City Council leisure dept, by Birmingham LGBT under the name of Moseley Shoals. Moseley is a suburb of Birmingham for those of you who don't know, and Moseley Shoals have been in place for quite a while. It only costs £4 a session to swim, after the first session which is free, and it's open to anyone who identifies as LGBT. I had offered to do snorkelling for them, with a possibility of continuing on to SCUBA later, the offer was very gratefully accepted. The group are very friendly and obviously open minded, and many of them tried ot snorkelling for the first time, along with some of my trans friends. The session was greeted with enthusiasm, and it turned out to be very successful. I've been asked to repeat the session next Sunday, and then to do fortnightly lessons. Birmingham LGBT have an aim of involving more LGBT people in sport, as well as raising general awareness of the needs of LGBT people in the Birmingham area. Cheers, Eve

Don't think I've given up on the training that we spoke of last year, softly softly catchee monkey, I'm getting in with Birmingham LGBT myself instead of relying on others. I have something to post in the next day or so, so you'll see how I'm doing this........

Thanks for this Karen, it's really hilarious, what a marvellously spontaneous occurrence.

I really don't think that you need make-up, your face is very femme and is accentuated by your long slender neck, makes me feel very inadequate with my very male short thick neck ! I think that you'd do better using video for practical things such as make-up and clothes / colours that go together, hair care, nails, shoes, outfits etc.. Just talking about abstract things such as confidence is perhaps better done as typed words? Umms and errs would then be omitted perhaps?, and people can more easily refer back to previous points in your dialogue. Think of it like trying to give a stranger directions of where to go, unless they have an extremely retentive memory a lot of the directions will be forgotten by the time they have done three turnings...............If you are determined to do it via u-tube then consider doing shorter videos on one subject at a time, and be concise and repeat what the message or point that you are wanting to make. An old saying in instructing is; tell 'em what your going to tell 'em; tell 'em; then tell 'em what you told 'em. Hugs, Eve

Wise words about money attracting false friends, but also I love Veronicas comments, especially the philanthropy and ice cream with sprinkles!. I do the UK National lottery twice a week every week, and have won small amounts several times, I can't wait for it to be my turn to win a larger amount and lead a life of leisure with Maybelle..................possibly somewhere in Benelux. And I'd not be hanging around for our NHS to get round to doing my GRS either, I'm not sure of where I'd go to get that done though, possibly Thailand or if I had enough money perhaps the US.

Well Jay that reminds me to check out my own profile, it probably still says Transgender, I just hadn't thought about it, you're absolutely correct of course. It's nice to recieve some wisdom...........thanks. Don't think I'll be going to Sparkle this year but if I do I'll drop you a line. But I do plan on going to the Brighton Trans Pride 22nd to 24th July, I've never been to this festival before, and i think that I need to attend the famous festivals at least once, Sparkle was last year.......... Eve

In my previous entry, I told of my Dutch/ NZ friends, I found a lovely poem written by them in the wrapping of one of their presents, it's just occurred to me to share it. Transition Testosterone Steve Has taken his leave (Except when driving) Or possibly diving Shakespeare said; To thine own self be true Wise words that rang a bell for you We know it took courage, faith and “front” (A bit like Kenny Everett’s Cupid Stunt) What we see is a big hearted lady Who dares to be so, before she gets fadey Look at your Mum, an example for all Bursting with life, still having a ball You talk about Sam with such great affection And clearly love Maybelle to utter distraction 60’s a bitch, I remember it well…… We salute you, lovely Eve, be sure to live well Maggy & Peter Van Krimpen, 27th December 2015 You might be wondering about Kenny Everett and Cupid Stunt. Kenny Everett was a gifted radio DJ turned TV comedian in the UK during the 1980's, he had a drag character called Cupid Stunt who did everything in the "best possible taste".................... Cheers, Eve

Hope you all had a great Christmas, mine was quiet, but the following day we went out to get party food from the supermarkets, and on the 27th my partner and I held a party, it was manic preparation all day, and then my mother arrived late afternoon followed by friends who sorted out her Windows PC for her. My lovely partner cooked loads of party food all afternoon and made a fabulous Black Forest Gateau, she put quantities of Kirsch Wasser and de Kuyper Cherry Brandy in with the cherry filling layers, it's my top favourite cake and it was to celebrate my birthday, but it wasn't large enough to place the many candles necessary for my age! Anyway enough about culinary ingredients, friends soon started to arrive both local and further afield as far as The Hague, I have mentioned our Dutch friends in an earlier posting, he is way over 6' tall and she is a New Zealander, she had took me for a bra fitting in The Hague last April, this time she mercilessly teased me to the great amusement of all, especially me! Well much alcohol was consumed by all, including 2 bottles of pink Champagne, we had a great time. The following two days we took our Dutch/NZ friends out to see the local attractions and Birmingham City centre. Today I have had a little more time to myself before I went out for my mammogram appointment, which is part of the national healths breast screening service. It didn't feel at all strange to me, the staff were entirely respectful and treated me exactly the same as if I was a CIS woman. So since Christmas I haven't really had much time to do much, so I'm really looking forward to a few quiet days to myself from tomorrow before I return to work. My partner has really noticed how well I pass these days, no one stares at me anymore, but then again I couldn't care less if they did, but it makes her life a lot easier when we're out and about, and she's really happy now, almost as happy as I am.................Sometimes I have to pinch myself, to check that I'm awake and not dreaming all this............. Hoping you all have a great New Year as yourselves, Cheers, Eve

To all of you lovely people out there, have a Happy Christmas and an amazing New Year being your true self. Hugs Eve