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About Jessicatoyou

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    Advanced Member

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    Shopping, Dining, Sightseeing, the Gulf, Cooking, Love horses and Goldens, Boating, fishing

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  1. Yes, put me in a good mood this morning after watching! (was already in a good mood, but really, really good, now). Found myself skipping, stomping and clapping in my seat! Maybe strange thoughts now, but get used to those; the kind of the thoughts we always wished we could enjoy and express..πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ
  2. Sounds like such fun! Love the music as well as the dance.😊
  3. Well, this week (today), took my first doses for HRT.πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈπŸ˜Š. Spiro and estrogen injection. Should have started one week ago, but one screw up after another delayed things unnecessarily. First my lab results were not timely faxed from my PCP to my Gender Specialist. Friday, Monday calls then finally Tuesday morning when they still weren't faxed I had to demonstrate what Jess can be like on hormones and they were sent right over despite being available since the previous Friday. Then it was time to play with the insurance company, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the coverage, but hurdling more obstacles are totally unnecessary, but seems to me we're heading towards getting rid of the Docs and the insurance companies are taking that role more and more. Scary! Well some additional things taken care of this week..., Came out to my supplier and 2 clients/customers today, and have put out a call to a major one to do the same. Have several luncheons with them next week and the time has come for "Jessica" to attend them. I already know there will not be an issue. So.... 100% not presenting male has begun today. (actually did 12 days ago, but today I know for sure I never will again!). Ahhhh, what a feeling😍
  4. This is a wonderful and important step for you; sharing yourself with some of those most important to you. I know the gratification that comes from that, especially when it turns out to be a "non-event". I'm finding those "non-events" are ironically our biggest barriers to moving forward, and am now thinking ahead of that curve to get in front of them. Enjoy your week of freedom.☺️
  5. You've been through one heck of a lot lately! Not just physically, but mentally, too. Maybe time for a follow-up after your surgery? Take care of yourself.
  6. Okay....your "pass" is granted!!! LOL. Every morning, awaken and look in the mirror and love what you see. Learn how to loose the fear and awkwardness in presenting and go out into the world proud of being your true self. Discover new friends and relationships that have always been around you, but you've never seen before. Unearth your buried personality and be in awe how it is now growing and flourishing like it never has before. Go to sleep every night knowing that tomorrow there will be something new and exciting to look forward to again and again. Laugh at yourself and see the humor, grace, love, and compassion in many others at the same time. See what it's like to never stop smiling, and really, really appreciating the life given to you. But seriously, too, these are some of the things I never expected, they just came out of the blue. Keep your options open, go with your gut and be honest with yourself first and foremost. I think my decision became truly cemented only just a short time ago, and now have not had a thought of regret or fear, since Time is on your side. πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ
  7. Hi Dee. I reacted to your post with a "πŸ’œ" largely because many of the frustrations you expressed have been shared and similarly experienced by myself. I can only say how my thoughts evolved to where I am now. It seems like the timing of your divorce is out of your control for now, so I would place that in "things to look forward to " category of my life priorities and focus more on those I have more control of in moving forward. I also agree with the necessity of guarding your gender openness until the divorce is finalized, but the time will come when that is behind you, too. Similarly the long wait you have for your gender clinic appointment is equally frustrating, but the stress can be alleviated by using the time to prepare for and the process. If you haven't yet, I would seek a competent gender therapist, as the clinic may require it before moving forward which will result in more waiting time. It is not an easy task to "live authentically" when my whole life I've always known deep down, but built my relationships, my employment, my goals around a gender identification that was incorrect, but it is exhilarating to make that journey to authenticity. My "mind" had to learn first before my "body" could express it, if that makes any sense? It's like slowly but surely, I'm shedding my baggage, and my shoulders are getting lighter and lighter all the time. For your thoughts surrounding what relationships will be like as Dee, remember YOU OWN YOURSELF NOW, therefore no one can ever disown you. That's probably the most gratifying feeling of living authentically for me; before now and throughout my life I was always "owned" by what I was supposed to do for others, and disregarded what I needed to do for me. You do not need to tell anyone until such time it is right for you and you will know when that time is right. Enjoy pride weekend with your niece and take as little or as much of Dee with you as your comfortable with and enjoy the time owning yourself. It's never been a struggle for me becoming Jessica; the struggle lied in losing the self identity as cis male that should never have been mine to begin with.
  8. Well. I had that long anticipated and dreaded "talk" with my son today that his Dad was transgender. He's 23 years old; we're very. very close, and have gotten even closer since his mother passed away. He works in a field that typically is full of "transgender bashing jokes", and has had very little if any exposure to the reality of gender diversity. All he has heard comes from his peers who are equally clueless. So, he came over today and I told him that I had something very important to discuss with him; that it was a very difficult thing to discuss, and the mere fact that we're gonna have this conversation shows how important he is to me. (He blurts out "you have a girlfriend!!??) Long pause...……………………."No, not that simple." Something that I've known since I was about 8 years old and have been ignoring it and putting it off and off and off, hoping it would go away, but it keeps creeping up again in my psyche. In the meantime, I said, he and his mother always came first and I've always made sure that the family and the business was taken care of first. Well. I've been seeing a psychologist for a while now and do you know what gender dysphoria is? He wasn't sure, so I explained it. Right off the bat, he said so what; if it makes you happier with your life he was all for it . I said I was, but he will likely have a lot of questions down the road and I would like to teach him about it and him to learn more about it and hopefully he would eventually become my biggest advocate. He said of course he would. No problem!!!!!πŸ˜πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜²πŸ’•. He asked if that meant I would like men, I said no, I like woman, but regardless I wasn't open for any kind of intimate relationships now, and explained sexual orientation is un-related and a different thing. He asked how soon I would change, I said I didn't know for sure, I was beginning hormones next week and I'll see what happens from there. That was the gist of my coming out, I tried to keep it simple upon the excellent advice of my therapist. We will have many, many more discussions, but the likelihood of his being on board and becoming my greatest cheerleader is a good probability. By the way, he didn't have a clue before today.
  9. Hi Emma, had to look it up, (the Benjamin Scale). I would say most of my life up to 10 years ago I "saw" myself as "IV" on the scale, and since have seen myself as a VI although in reality I've probably always been "VI" most of my life, I just never knew it before.. , but I know now😍 . Yes it is very important to be visible, one of the most important things we can do as a group, if we are able to, to help others struggling with their gender. I intend to keep my place in any community I'm in because I help build it, and have my whole life; I'm a part of it and it's a part of me. Also funny how the more you get out authentically, the easier and more natural it becomes and feels. I rarely even think of my self as transgender anymore when I'm out in public, nowπŸ’‡β€β™€οΈ
  10. Last week I had an opportunity to attend my second Transgender Conference in Pennsylvania; having only attending my first just 8 weeks earlier in Boston. I hadn't really definitively planned to, but another TG member offered to share the cost of accommodations at the Convention Center and the schedule fell in line with my planned travel from Florida to NY. My first Event, in Boston, appropriately billed as The First Event, was a big test for me. Having preparing for many years to step out in public as Jessica, but never having actually done that, I wanted to see my comfort level in presenting authentically for a continuous and relatively prolonged length of time. My first time going out in public was 3 days prior to the start of the convention and I remained Jess continuously for 10 days after. That experience met and exceeded my expectations; it was like falling back into a huge, plush, sofa that I just didn't want to get up from. Well, responsibility always calls, and you have to answer, but from that point on I really got into high gear with "living authentically". ( using the term "transitioning" bothers me immensely in that it infers I'm becoming someone new, rather than finally accepting and living as someone I've always been).πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ So about 6 weeks after First Event, I was off to the Keystone Conference, aptly footnoted as " A Celebration of Gender Diversity". One week earlier I moved into my new Florida home, living entirely authentically, and now was off to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. I met many from First Event there and it was very special to remember their names and chat again briefly about how we've been doing since. The icing on the cake, however, was the opportunity to share the Keystone experience with someone from the TG forum and having the time to get to know each other better as one girlfriend to another. I really look forward to continuing that special friendship; my first as Jessica. There were workshops Thursday, Friday And Saturday during the day covering many topics; I focused largely on those dealing with GRS, FFS, non surgical procedures, make-up, and the like. All were very good and I learned a lot to add to what I learned from First Event. The dinner outings were also great, but I gained 4 solid pounds (Ugh), breakfast, luncheons and dinners throughout. Several keynote speakers for the luncheons and Saturday banquet were all right on; but the most significant thing I've taken away from the whole experience is that the overall public perception of gender diversity is changing rapidly and on the verge of acceptance. We should be seen, not try to "hide" ourselves; learn to be more comfortable out there and be our own "goodwill ambassadors" when in public for the community we are all a part of. I will post more on specific topics from the convention down the road that should be of interest to those that were unable to attend. Jess😍
  11. Ouch!😬 Know your pain! Had 9 molars, and wisdom teeth removed by oral surgeon at once about 5 months ago.. Yogurt, canned fruit, eggs, soft boiled or fried, over very easy, Nilla wafers, saltine crackers, (let 'em melt in your mouth), and follow dentist instructions to prevent dry socket. after 5 -7 days things will slowly return to normal. Feel for you!
  12. Talk to her; get her to talk to you and listen to her.
  13. I didn't really choose my life as Jessica, I think it was inevitable. For too long I chose the male and the female never, ever stopped nagging me. It's only when I stopped trying to choose it, that all the possibilities opened up to me. As far as insecurity goes, I think I always thought of my self as somewhat secure? Probably was wrong in that assumption; at 64 years old I feel a new, stronger sense of security in myself that was relatively unknown to me. Hard to explain, but food for thought, and that sense feels good to me.
  14. Or maybe let life choose you, instead😎
  15. Sounds like a great day! ☺️ Hope it can extend into your weekend, too. Always good to laugh at yourself, at the very least keep smiling at yourself, because you know what no one else knows. It can't be tested; I gave those up a long time ago! I did a 415 score on the "Cogiati" and thought the white ambulance was gonna knock on my door any second, LOL. Never had a suicidal thought in my life, and if I never transitioned I'd probably be okay, but damn I've never been Happier than since I put my foot down and said I'm gonna do this! I'm just go with my gut feeling now because I know what no one else knows. The mere fact that I think it means I know it.πŸ™‹β€β™€οΈ
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