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I have been really feeling vulnerable and as a result emotional. I cried several times today. I've been having a two-fold problem in Facebook. One I have guys constantly wanting me to add them. And then guys messaging me for sex, sex cams, etc. It is ridiculous. Then I have had a few non-trans people make negative comments, either on Facebook or in person. I've been called a freak, man-in-a-dress, dude. It used to never bother me, but I think because I am close to transitioning, it is really bothering me. Also, I've read a lot of articles and I see how a few spoken words by someone prominent in the media can ruin many people's lives. Language can be a powerful thing and we all know that it is easier to tear someone down instead of building them up. An example was Pat Robertson telling his followers not to go to their sons or daughters same sex wedding. Who does something like that? Surely not a man of God. Yet, his followers will hear this as if it came from the heavens themselves. Can you imagine what kind of impact those words will have. I'll bet that hundreds if not thousands of people's lives will be negatively affected because it. It is horrible. And the same thing is true about non-trans folks and their name calling of trans folks. Freak, fag, dude, tranny ... even drag queen. I've been called all of those things (I don't mind drag queen as much though ... but I still correct people). But say that to a 15 year old who is thinking of coming out or transitioning. Think of how horrible that is. Or threats of violence towards trans people. This is the real world that we live in and the consequences. I digress. I've been feeling absolutely terrible to the point of tears because I feel totally wrong right now. And changing it is not going to be easy. Though all of you know that! I also want to mention that a dear friend of the community, Lauren Tenent passed away yesterday. She was the president of TGEA and had an extremely positive impact on everyone. I did not know Lauren very well because I just started engaging again in the community over the last couple of years. However, I remember talking with her back in July at a party for two hours, just getting to know her. She made everyone feel like they mattered and was a wonderful, loving person. Anyways, everyone have a good weekend. Take care. Love, Lisa

Everyone, and I mean everyone, no one is immune, experiences both open (obvious) and closed (not so obvious) rejection in their lives, through all stages of their life, starting in the very earliest years. The reality is not everybody likes and/or loves you, but there will be some who do. The secret is to focus on those who do, and inoculate yourself from those who don't, thus removing their power to hurt you. Examples of open rejection are: Owner of a small restaurant saying they are closed when they are full of customers at lunch time. A person that you thought was 'friendly,' "turning on you," followed by their friends, without cause. A clique or clan excluding you. A doctor writing you a letter saying they no longer want you as a patient, without good reason. A beauty school refusing you service, without good reason. A family member humiliating you in public. A person changing their seat to avoid sitting with or near you. A person sitting in the back of the bus so that they can see you but you can't see them, without turning around. A note left on the soda machine by a tenant moving out calling me a pig, accusing me of drinking all the diet soda (which I rarely drank, but requested the management to provide the diet soda). People making disparaging remarks or noises as you pass by in a public place. Examples of closed rejection are: A big, wad of chopped up fat placed in the middle of my taco. A person urinated on my blanket at the dry cleaners. A person broke ink pens all over my blanket at another dry cleaners. Continuous difficulty in making an appointment at a doctor's office (one "glitch" after another). A party guest deliberately spilling her coffee on my carpet when no one else but me was looking, and when I tried to clean it up, said it was rude to clean it up in front of guests. People turning their noses up at you because they think they are better than you. Your disability questioned by government workers because it is invisible. Ignoring you or looking "through" you, as if you do not exist. The best defense is an offense: remember that this reflects on the hater, and not on you. The best response is no response at all: by not answering back, they end up making a fool of themselves. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH; YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

It is ashame people have to be this why towards their fellow mankind/womankind. I truly hope the days to come do not weight heavy on you because of these people. This might be the perfect time to have some cheese, chocolate and wine while watching a good movie to erase the troubles of the day.

Dear Lisa, Am very sorry for your bad experience. Please realize you are not alone. Have left Facebook (FB) and Twitter, for exactly the same thing. They say you can control access to your account, but I feel that control is very limited. Really don't miss it. Keep my posts on a tightly moderated website, such as this one. That way, I have the support without the hassle! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Lisa, I feel saddened myself to hear your story. I wish I could take it all away but we know that it is almost to be expected and dealt with. But that doesn't make it any easier. Here you have friends that support you always, no matter what. Pound out your frustrations and hurts onto your keyboard. Try to let it go. But overall you must be careful. There are hateful people out there who might do you harm. I know you know that but it needed to be said. I wish you the very best and a wonderful weekend too. And my condolences for the loss of Lauren. I'll bet you would love to be able to cry on her shoulder now. Hugs and hugs, Emma

One of my Facebook friends is my daughter's best friend who posted that she closed the front door and the security latch got wedged into the door preventing it from opening and asked for help. Since I knew she lived closed by I replied with "I will help if you still need assistance". She gave me her address, five minutes from my home. Went over, I knocked on the front door and she came around from the back door. When she greeted me (she had not seen me in five years) no reactions or comments on my new look as female. Looked at the front door, figured out I needed to pry the door and by thinking ahead of time brought a pry-bar with me. Took two minutes to free the door then a minute to hammer a metal strip back into place. Turned to her and said "done", she thanked me and I left. When I returned home she had sent me a private message You look great by the way! I suppose I figured out what your trip to California was about and wow! Congrats on looking awesome!! I guess she then scrolled through my Facebook notes and on one wrote You are so beautiful. Really. Just so you know. More validation for me. Perhaps this might nudge others down their chosen path of transitioning.

It struck me as I was watching BBC morning news, how bizarre it is that same sex marriage isn't allowed in Alabama, why bizarre you might ask? Well I live in Birminghma UK, and we are all aware that a city of the same name exists in Alabama, so? well didn't lots of people emigrate to the USA to escape restrictions on their freedom, escaping to the land of the free? And yet paradoxically in Birmingham UK same sex couples can marry without any bother, the law and police uphold all LGBT rights, there is a lively LGBT quarter on the south side of the city. All my life I have wanted to visit the USA, but I'm not so sure now especially as I'm no longer presenting as a cis male, and the last places I'd want to visit in the world would be the Southern States or Arabia, again how bizarre that the two areas in the world that I'd avoid like the plague are in conflict with each other..................Thank God for Europe. If not all Southern States are similar to lesser or greater degrees, please inform me. Ok you might be thinking more anti-USA crap, not so at all, I'd still love to visit the civilised & enlightened Northern States, New York and San Francisco would be near the top of my list, when I win the lottery! I'd also add that MOST Americans I have met have been friendly and nice people, so how strange that Alabama should want to present itself as the opposite! Last week I blogged that i'd had mesotherapy on my face, and that I'd keep you informed of the progress, the bottom half of my face has improved somewhat but the bags under my eyes are still there :-( However the full effects are said to work after 3 weeks, so there's still a couple of weeks to go, and I'm trying to remain positive! We've booked ferry crossings and camp sites for a visit to holland at the end of April, this will be Eve's first visit abroad on her new passport, totally as Eve, not appearing as male at all, and why should I, I don't appear as male in the UK anymore, I have to keep telling myself I am EVE. That's all for now folks! Eve

Hey Lisa:) Sorry to hear that things have gotten to you today. I had one of those days not too long ago and wrote a long blog entry about it. It's definitely good to get it out. Some people just try to make themselves feel better by making others feel bad. The ones that get really mean have the biggest issues. I had one guy reply to a comment I made on youtube, telling me that he hopes that I will die soon. The sex creeps just seem to be everywhere online. That's the reason I've deleted most of my accounts on transgender social sites. You can limit who can send you messages and friend requests on Facebook, but there's no way to stop all of the unwelcome requests. There's a lot of support out there though, try to focus on friends and our amazing community when it gets bad. Just remember to kill them with a smile:) It's like Taylor Swift says: Cause the players gonna play, play, play And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate Baby I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake Shake it off, shake it off:))) Also Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Feel better soon! Kristi

Dear Monica, I agree with you 100%. Take the high road, be an example of one who doesn't ger dragged into the gutter with the pigs. By doing this people see them for what they are. Emma

I agree with Karen, you look terrific. If you really want to gain weight, eat carbs, like bread, pasta, rice... All that stuff will "help" but long term it's really sugar, which may create havoc with your insulin and blood sugar. I think you're better off letting nature take its course. If you're thin, you're thin! Many would be totally envious... :-) I'm 5' 8 1/2" and am now stable and happy at 155 lbs. it's not easy but with practice it's not that hard either. We eat meat/fish/poultry with salads and veggies. Popcorn and wine for dessert. :-) in moderation of course. The most important thing is to stay healthy and exercise. Health is one of those things too easy to take for granted until it's a problem. You do look great. Enjoy it! You deserve it. Emma

This reminds me of a poem-rant I wrote once when I was ticked with the world, angry enough at the time to chew 16-penny nails. All I could do was hammer on the keyboard. Anything else would have landed me in jail...

Ben, I am just now becoming familiar with your writing, which is excellent and speaks from your heart to mine. You are certainly no confused silly little man. Thank you for your writing and please, keep it up. Sincerely, Emma

I am very happy to have completed transition and become accepted in my new identity. However with very little support from friends and family of the past. The stress of keeping up each day is starting to take its toll on me. I was hired full-time in a job in which everyone that surrounds me on a daily basis does not know of my past, Nor do they give me any inclination that they even think that I have ever been anything other than who I am now. Because I could not afford any type of hair removal I successfully chose plucking in order to get me by. I pleasantly report that the plucking succeeded in reducing my hair growth dramatically and the hairs come back thinner and lighter. However the only way to completely eliminate beard shadow would be electrolysis or laser. The shadow occurs from the pigment that is located at the base of the follicle. Even cis-gender women can have this problem, so I do not feel completely out of place.. I do spend at least 1/2 hour each day doing maintenance on my face to keep looking feminine and fresh, but there really isn't that much to pluck unless I skip a day. But since I first plucked, I have not shaved and this growth has slowed significantly. Since Hormones have also helped me, I do remember reading that over time Estrogen may cause the facial skin to thin out a bit, revealing more of the shadowed pigment underneath the skin. So how does this affect me??? I feel more self conscious about having a shadow because I do not and cannot have anyone talking about or guessing about my identity. However I have seen cis-gendered women with more shadow than me so half of these feelings may be in my head. Words cannot express what it is like to have to dress professionally 24/7. I went from never being able to dress up to having to follow a strict professional dress code which requires things like dresses, skirts, nylons and fine leather shoes. I have gotten used to this now, but I sincerely miss the days when I could just get up and be casual once in while. Well I am so tired I can't stay awake. I sleep in hotel rooms every night and end up keeping my makeup on through the night just in case someone were to pull the fire alarm forcing me to leave the comfort of my room. More to follow.......... Amie

it is hard to maintain , yet GG's feel the same way as you know and your absolutely right I have seen many more woman with more pronounced grouth then mine yet I have days that no matter what I do it still shows through to me . Keep your head up hun , I by the way Love my Heals and Skirts the nylons yeash can you say HOT , lol no good on a pms day is it .LOL take care hun I am so proud to know you and call you my friend and Sister . Stephani