Jessicatoyou

No. there is nothing wrong with you. It's been a pretty tough year not only for trans people, but also for all human rights in general, as I see it. Religion has become a powerful political force in forcing their own dogma upon the populace and is furthering to entrench their exclusionary views of right and wrong, normal and abnormal, morality and immorality. I feel like we are being forced back to a time around the civil war era and everyone should be concerned, women, children, any marginalized groups, Blacks, Asians; you can go on and on. I AM DEEPLY SADDENED THAT AFTER MY 68 YEARS ON EARTH, SO MANY LAWS ARE SUCCESSFULLY BEING PASSED THAT ARE ATTEMPTING TO WIPE OUT THE ABILILITY OF SO MANY PEOPLE TO SURVIVE, MUCH LESS SURVIVE WITH DIGNITY. Would I ever de-transition, though? Never. At this point in life, I have never been more happy, comfortable and confident in being who I genuinely am. And I have no doubt that society is far better served by my being out, too! Whether they like it or not. I believe this will pass someday. Trans has been a part of society throughout the ages and will always be.

That's an entirely another topic. My own expectations were completely turned inside out and unexpected with respect to romantic relationships. I'll address that in another blog.

Isn't it funny but sad at the same time, that most of my life was lived in fear of anyone knowing my secret. Now, that my secret is out; I sense that some people are very afraid of me? If only everyone opened their eyes. I dream of that the day when no one will be afraid of each other.

I used to think that the few occasions throughout my life that I had tried on woman's clothing I was crossdressing. Now that I live my life in my authentic gender and have since 2019, I now understand clearly that when I presented most of my life as a man, THAT was when I was doing the crossdressing. Free now and forever.

Actually, I have to say I "began" my journey at a very young age; I have little doubt, at birth. I now can acknowledge that everything I did throughout life, I simultaneously imagined myself as "Jessica". You see, my self-image never matched my outward appearance and I always compared what I thought my life would have been like if it did. With EVERYTHING I did. Growing up, friends, relationships, family, work, play, sports, school, business and career, disappointments and accomplishments. I had never met anyone transgender, except several times when a trans woman in her early stages of coming out would dine in my restaurant with a few of her support group. They may have viewed me as hospitable, welcoming, and respectful, but in reality, I was fascinated. That was 1996, and I would keep my secret tight until 2018 when I began to really understand, address and accept my eventual mortality. The time was then or never.

Seems hard to believe, so much has happened since, but only 4 years ago I didn't have a clue what it was, this "thing called transitioning", but I was sure I was transgender. I began my journey at age 64, and it will never end, to say the least!☺️ Much more to come.

You left out one thing.... you are loved.

To clarify, NOT a dream!! Yes, you are her. I already see many similarities. 😉

My best guess without any reservation, YES! I already see many similarities.

The way to conquer hate....smother it with love... authenticity, honesty, goodwill, empathy, sympathy, understanding, appreciation, visibility, admission, commitment and community. Everyone is yearning for it, they only haven't really experienced it yet. And it begins with oneself before it becomes contagious.

Such a wonderful time for us to go through,...exploring, learning, listening, seeing, feeling, loving, and overcoming, too. Coming back to ourselves is kind of like a rebirth! Not a new one, but one that we were coerced to be removed from at a very early age, and now we're finally able to realize the joy in who we are! Learning from other women is the best path to becoming comfortable once again, and when others see it in you and feel your own comfort, only then will they understand. It's something we've always understood.🙋‍♀️

I figured out early on in I was without a doubt NOT cis-gender; but not able to make it my priority to learn, explore, or experiment. While I was not sure of my own gender, I was pretty certain that my sexual orientation was that of a heterosexual male. Therefore, when I transitioned, I fully expected to identify as female in gender and lesbian in orientation.. During my transition, my thinking evolved into that of embracing the masculine aspects of my identity and merging them with female aspects of my identity. That suited me just fine, but after my GRS and becoming very involved and active in a predominately cisgender community, I began to explore the possibility that my own sexual orientation could also have been defined somewhat by the societal expectations placed upon me in my early developmental years. In other words, as I was taught to assume a male role, was I similarly taught to shun sexual attraction to masculinity. Throughout my life, if I were to walk into a room with 100 people, I would notice the women and not the men. I purposely began to take a childlike approach with an open mind and explore and learn! I recently explored my sexuality with a rather "masculine" male and have to admit I enjoyed it. AS did he !! I now notice the men pretty distinctly equally with the women. Am I female, male, non-binary, hetero, gay, bi? I don't want to get limited by labels, but for sure am keeping an open mind and the world is really opening up to me, now, much more than I had ever expected or planned.

Cause for celebration! I can feel your happiness and it instantly makes me happy. You're going to love who you are! And everyone else will, too! I know.😉

Great step, Dee! Yes , from the sound of it, you're on YOUR way!!