UsernameOptional

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  1. UsernameOptional added a blog entry in Michael's Blog   

    More Clarity
    Somewhere around here, I've shared the fact that my mother is NOT accepting of my transgender being.  She was.  At first.  But then something changed, and she wanted to hear no more about it.  She let me know she bore only ONE son [and that wasn't me].  She's also gone so far as to say that there is "nothing 'wrong'" with me, I was just adversely influenced and affected by my work environment and the people I worked around and with - all men.  She refuses to accept that I wanted to be in job where I felt comfortable, and felt more myself - that being, with other men.
    I already knew that my mother was a "girly girl."  She was the kind of girl growing up that laid across her bed, looking at fashion mags and dreaming of a big wedding, a husband, children and a family.  In fact, my mother did not leave home until she was married.  My mother also used to draw and water colour.  What did she draw?  Women in all the top fashions of the day.  She could have been one of those people that illustrates the envelopes that women's sewing patterns come in.
    A few years ago, I learned that my mother is perhaps (I hate to admit it), a bit on the vain side.  In a rant one day, the rant that pretty much shut down all future conversation about me being a transgender man (and despite that the topic really was irrelavent to a degree about me being trans), she talked about how any man she had ever dated had to be physically fit (no pot bellies, for example), had to be a good dresser (that didn't include jeans, or as they were most often called back then - dungarees), had to have neat [appropriately short] hair, and be the quintessentially perfect gentleman.  She went on to let me know that my father was a very nice dresser and a gentleman.
    Now, yeah, nothing wrong in dressing nice when the occasion calls for it.  And nothing wrong in a man being a gentleman.  But my mother was the type of woman that expected and demanded those qualities to the Nth degree.  Of course on the flip side of that coin, she expected that women should dress a certain way with strict attention to whatever the occasion was, AND there were things she felt that only [bio]men should do, be able to do, know how to do, and that unless you are a [bio]man, you don't know jack about those things.  In those things, she would and still does defer to men and take only the word of a [bio]man.  
    Example: cars.  Doesn't matter what I know... if I try to tell her something, suggest something, advise her of a problem, give an opinion, offer to repair something...she will invariably ask me what do I know about it, how do I know it, who told me or how did I learn it.  If it's something very minor, she may accept what I suggest or recommend.  But anything more than minor, she will wave me off saying, "I don't know."  Later, she will make it a point to ask a man about it whether that man is a mechanic, burger flipper, surgeon or pencil pusher.
    In fact, I have learned since my dad died that there are things my mother does not know how to do.  Doesn't have a clue.  Things that, if she'll let me, I do for her 'cause...  she doesn't have a clue.  She will let me know, "you father always took care of that - I didn't have to do those kinds of things."  It's not that my father didn't let her do these things, it's that in my mother's world, those things were his job to do, and she expected him to do them.  My father, being the quintessentially perfect gentleman, acquiesced.
    And so now, we come to the present.  Over breakfast the other day, mother was telling me that she had stayed up a little too late the night before - she had been watching a movie that "had Madea in it."  She couldn't remember the title of the movie and was describing some of the characters.  When it came to Madea, she stumbled over what to call the character choosing instead to say "Tyler Perry."  I said, "Madea."  She said [paraphrasing], "he, Tyler Perry, he plays Madea."  Then she went on trying to describe a scene, referring to Madea as "he."  I retorted with, "she.  Madea is a woman."  My mother came back with, "but Madea is played by a man."  This was supposed to justify her referring to Madea as "he" and "him."
    My mother is so steeped in a strict male/female society, that she can't even refer to Madea as a woman, like most people apparently seem able to do, though I'm sure for many it's only because it's entertainment.  It hit me then -- how will I ever expect that my mother will see and accept me as a man, when she can't even use the proper pronouns for a fictional character in a movie?
    -Michael
     
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  2. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Apologies for the Interruption   

    Hi Dawn -
    No... I doubt it's anything you can do on your end, though it doesn't seem to be something that everyone is experiencing.  In an email from Lori just yesterday, she advised me that she is trying to get someone from tech support at Invision or  at her hosting company to assist with the software upgrade.  She is hopeful that a successful upgrade will resolve the issue with uploading images, among other things.  Tech support has been the biggest issue now for about a year.
    Hang in there... on behalf of Lori, thank you for understanding, your input, and most of all - your patience.
    -Michael
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  3. UsernameOptional added a comment on a blog entry More Clarity   

    Thanks ladies for the kind and supportive words.
    Ya know, it's really funny... my mum is so loving.  She loves babies and dogs and they love her.  And she hurts for you when you are [physically] hurting.  You'd never know that she would not accept someone being trans.
    Crazy, eh?
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  4. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Trump administration poised to change transgender student bathroom guidelines   

    So Drumpf has ROYALLY screwed us over, and the Supreme Court took the cowardly way out.
    I hope they can all sleep well every time a trans kid has been beat up by mini-me bigots while their teachers stand idly by.

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  5. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Trump administration poised to change transgender student bathroom guidelines   

    COMMENTARY
    Randi Weingarten | March 03 2017 5:34 AM EST
    "Over the last eight years, we made great strides in expanding LGBTQ rights, enabling those of us who are gay to live our lives without fear or discrimination. But these days it feels as if our gains are all crashing down and we are moving back in time. On transgender rights, as with so many other rights and freedoms he is trying to restrict, Trump has shown that he’s captive to the worst instincts and divisive policies of his inner circle..."  -- advocate.com
    Fighting Back Against Sessions's Trans Attack
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  6. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic 5th Trans Woman Murdered in US this Year   

    TWO MORE MURDERS
    Trudy Ring | March 02 2017 10:16 PM EST
    "Holland, who also used the name Jaquarrius Brown, was unemployed and lacked stable housing, friend Chesna Littleberry told the site. She often stayed with Littleberry, who said Holland was like a younger sister to her and taught her self-acceptance. “I’ve struggled with accepting myself and being who I am, and she always helped me with that," Littleberry told Mic. “I want her to rest peacefully.”" --advocate.com
    Murders of Two More Trans Women Reported
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  7. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic 5th Trans Woman Murdered in US this Year   

    "Because sometimes murder is just murder regardless of what the victim is, and they have to figure out if it it was because it was a transperson, or if it was because there was some sort of acrimony between them, mugging gone wrong, mistaken identity(weirdly this happens), insurance, a million motives."  -Bree
    This is very true - sometimes it's just a murder.  My gripe is, while officials seem always quick to flirt with just a possibility of hate being involved in crimes against other non-TGLB people, I have yet to hear/read any news item about a murdered trans woman "possibly being a hate crime."  No conclusions.  No bottom lines.  Just a "possibility" that will be considered once all the facts are in.
    I'm not suggesting they wear it out, or jump to such a conclusion and especially not to the point that after a while people desensitized to it.  But if they can make comments in passing upon first discovering other brutal crimes, they can do the same for a trans woman who's been brutally murdered, and in light of the fact that trans women seem always being murdered.  The possibility is ignored so often, that I can't help but believe it IS because the victim was trans.  I mean... what else can ya think when they won't even acknowledge a woman's gender identity?
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  8. UsernameOptional added a topic in Transgender Crime   

    5th Trans Woman Murdered in US this Year
    I still cannot, for the life of me, figure out why the murders of transgender poeple are NEVER immediately thought to be, believed to be, speculated that or suspected of being, a hate crime - only statements are made like (paraphrasing), "officials have not commented on whether the murder will be investigated as a hate crime," or "it's unknown if this will be concidered a hate crime," or "the murder is not being investigated as a hate crime at this time," etc., etc., etc..  Even in murders where their is unmistakable, viciously brutal over-kill, no one will even say, "this looks like a hate crime."   It's like they go total stupid about it.
    I don't get it.
    27 February 2017 | by Stefanie Gerdes
    "At least one news station – New Orleans’ WWL-TV – misgendered her, and a number of others used Chyna’s dead name." --gaystarnews.com
    Performer shot down in New Orleans is fifth trans woman to be killed in the US this year
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  9. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Trump administration poised to change transgender student bathroom guidelines   

    Allison Tate | February 24 2017 6:07 PM EST
    "Governor Andrew Cuomo stated that Trump's transgender rollback has 'no force or effect' in New York state."  --advocate.com
    Transgender Students Will Keep Protections in New York (Video)
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  10. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic College: Feces swastika found in gender-neutral bathroom   

    When I first read the article Charlie linked, I was really jacked up about it.  Whoever did this, took down three groups in one fell smear (yeah, the pun is intended) - Jews, transgender people, and hard-working blue collar people (the janitors) whom the culprits probably figure are all black or brown, and so they couldn't care less that they had to clean up that mess.
    What also hurt is that this happened in an institution that one would think would be progressive, accepting, inclusive, EDUCATED above bigotry.  An art school.  Of all places, a sanctum of artisticly creative minds.  Being an artist (albeit, a "starving" one...LOL), this merging of the arts and hate is painful.  It has now shown me that they are everywhere... the haters are in every nook and cranny, in every crease in the fabric of mankind.
    And they are all feeling empowered now....
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  11. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic College: Feces swastika found in gender-neutral bathroom   

    I can't even say what I think about this - our board doesn't allow that kinda language....
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  12. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Outside US, trans kids' toilets often not a federal issue   

    "As Donald Trump and U.S. courts seek to make transgender use of toilets an American battleground in schools , the more progressive corners of Europe and Latin America are shaking their heads in bewilderment. From Tipperary to Tierra del Fuego, schools let children go to the bathroom that suits their identity, a trend that could be reversed if the bitter U.S. debate travels overseas."  --AP
    Yeah, for such an allegedly world-leading progressive country, the U.S. is about the most up-tight, anal-retentive, prudish country in the world.  It seems that the U.S. has not yet emerged from the Victorian era despite the advances in technology, science and in other areas.  No doubt because the U.S. is considered a world leader, and is emulated by so many other parts of the world... the attitudes and actions of this country's politicians and bigots will be a poison to other countries.  All we have to do is look at what happened to one or two countries in Africa after one uber-ultra-far-right-conservative-homophobic maniac convinced them that homosexually had to be stamped out at all costs!
     
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  13. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Woman says billboard's message slams gender equality   

    Pictures and news video HERE
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  14. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Apologies for the Interruption   

    Thanks for your input, Dawn - I will email Lori to be sure she sees this post in case there is anything she can use in figuring out or fixing this problem.  If it's a timeout of some sort, I think I understand that issue as I ran into a similar situation on another website.
    -Mike
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  15. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Trump administration poised to change transgender student bathroom guidelines   

    Hmmmm, I had posted to this thread, but it's mysteriously gone...
    UPDATE ----
    THE DEED'S BEEN DONE -
    Greg Toppo , USATODAY Published 7:57 p.m. ET Feb. 21, 2017 | Updated 4:57 p.m.
    "Fifteen states have explicit protections for transgender students, and many individual school districts in other states have adopted policies that recognize students on the basis of their gender identity, Sarah Warbelow, legal director of the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) told The Associated Press. Just one state, North Carolina, has enacted a law restricting students' bathroom access to their sex at birth. But so far this year, lawmakers in more than 10 states are considering similar legislation, according to the National Conference of State Legislators."  --usatoday.com
    Trump administration changes transgender student bathroom rules
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  16. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Kansas has legislated endangering gay people.   

    NOTE:  This article is from 2014.  From what I can tell, it appears that more intelligent heads prevailed, and Kansas House Bill 2453 never made it into the law books.*
    Though this thread has been locked due to the age of the information, now outdated, it is being left up for members to read the linked article if for no other reason than so we do not forget how bigoted and hateful too many people can be when it comes to the the TGLB community, that those bigots and haters are still out there, and they will probably continue to create and [try to] pass laws to keep us down.
    *Source(s):
    Kansas Senate leaders won’t pass religious freedom legislation this year
    Kansas House Bill 2453
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  17. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Washington State Supreme Court rules against florist who turned away gay couple   

    Ya know, sometimes, the poor, improper or inappropriate wording of an article ticks me off just as badly as the issue being reported --
    "The case is one of several involving Christian wedding vendors that have emerged in recent years amid a dramatic expansion of gay rights."  --Sandyha Somashekhar, washingtonpost.com
    Gay rights... Have not.  Been.  "Expanded."  AND, the rights that have been finally afforded gay people, aren't "gay" rights, but simply rights - rights that straight, cisgender people already enjoy/ed, liberally garnished with entitlement and impunity.  Gay people are NOT getting any special treatment or any special rights - they are not being given something that others are not getting.  It's the other way around - it's the straight/cis people who are getting what must be "special" rights.  They must be special - 'cause we don't ALL get them.  People who just happened to be gay WEREN'T getting what everyone else already had.  Rights that should never have been denied to begin with.
    And of course, the same exists for trans people.  Being different equates to getting less, and having what little you do have - taken away from you!  You have the nerve to ask for what you deserve, and suddenly... those rights become "special."
    Wow.  Just, WOW.

    ::: steps down off soapbox :::
    Anyway - yay! Washington State Supreme Court.  We can only hope for our gay brothers and sisters that the US Supreme Court will side with Washington if the case goes that far.

     

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  18. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic North Carolina's HB2 Anti-GLBT Bill   

    UPDATE --
     
    By Ralph Ellis, CNN | Updated 2:31 PM ET, Thu February 9, 2017
    "The law also stops local governments from passing their own non-discrimination laws that would expand rights for LGBT people or allow them to use bathrooms and other public facilities that correspond to their gender preference." --cnn.com
    North Carolina legislation aims to repeal 'bathroom bill'
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  19. UsernameOptional added a topic in Transgender Rights & Political Activism   

    Many Don't Want Laws That Allow Discrimination
    (... but it seems that politicians aren't listening.  -DML)
    Nico Lang | Wednesday, Feb 8, 2017 03:00 AM -0700
    "In a Thursday briefing, press secretary Sean Spicer claimed that the president would remain committed to the religious liberty issue. Spicer claimed that religious faith is being “pushed out in the name of political correctness” and further action will be taken by the government to reverse that trend." --salon.com
    Most Americans don’t want “religious freedom” laws that allow anti-LGBT discrimination
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  20. UsernameOptional added a topic in Transgender Rights & Political Activism   

    Attacks On Transgender People Increase
    Naomi Goldberg | 02/06/2017
    "At the core of this report is the critical role of state level laws in the fight for transgender rights and the patchwork of protections state-level progress has created. Just since January, legislators in 15 states have introduced nearly 40 anti-transgender bills that intend to restrict access to bathrooms, health care, and/or the ability to update identity documents."  --huffingtonpost.com
    Despite Shocking Inequality, Policy Attacks On Transgender People Increase
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  21. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic US transgender people rush to legally change gender in wake of Donald Trump's win   

    Here's something else to consider...just as some states (like SC) have illegalized protections that any of their cities have adopted, and made it illegal for others to try to do the same, Drumpf could scrawl his signature onto some executive order illegalizing any protections that any state has adopted.   Might not happen... but they might try.  Just because he's backed off removing protections at the federal level [for now], doesn't mean it won't be revisited.  And who's to say he and his cronies won't try to brainstorm for some legal way they can make a country-wide sweeping law that makes ANY protections - existing or future - illegal?  For now they've got their hands full with that other issue about who can or can't enter the country, and the constitutionality of it all.  After that's ironed out... that loose cannonball will be rolling all around again.
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  22. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic US transgender people rush to legally change gender in wake of Donald Trump's win   

    Whether it's banning people from a particular country, or banning people of a particular faith... transgender people are worried because Drumpf has an anti-gay and anti-transgender history.  In the past, he has made some VERY derogatory statements about transgender women - check out this thread (hopefully any associated links are still good).  Personally... I don't believe he's changed.  Not to mention he has a vice-prez who's anti-TGLB stance is even more rabid than his own, AND he's surrounding himself with people notorious for their respective anti-TGLB attitudes.
    Therefore, no matter what this latest ban is really all about, the fact remains, he is doing whatever he can so far to over-ride, dilute, erase, erradicate, undo, unravel, or otherwise reverse many things accomplished or put into place in the last eight years.  Considering the way he lies, twist facts and flip-flops on topics, we could wake up one morning and find everything that has been put in place to afford trans people what little  we have - wiped out.
    So, is the fear logical?  Maybe not.  But it's certainly expected and understandable.  From where we stand, it's harder to trust politicians than it is for the average, cisgender individual.  Remember, they are the ones who feel it's perfectly alright to deny certain groups the same rights that others have.  Marginalized people too often are forced to walk a narrow path, never knowing if the path will be widened, or if they'll just be pushed smooth off that path.
    And while I don't wanna push this topic too far out in left field, the media has not portrayed Drumpf as anything but what he is ......
    -Mike
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  23. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic US transgender people rush to legally change gender in wake of Donald Trump's win   

    I hope this blind fear doesn't cause some to go out and do things in the direction of transition... such as getting their names changed... and outing themselves before they are ready.  We might have to see a therapist before beginning hormones, but I think all barriers to getting one's name changed have been all but dropped.  It would be bad for a person to change their name, especially if that name is one that is traditionally gender-specific, if they are not quite ready to go full head on.
    There is no doubt that this administration is causing discomfort for the TGLB community... and I think especially for those of us in the "T" part of the family with all the threats of un-doing everything that's been gained over the past eight years.
    -Mike
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  24. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Republicans decide to eat one of their own !   

    Archangel -
    I don't want to take this thread too far off topic... but there are a few things that need to be explained to you before we can get back on track with bathroom bills since you are here to learn and broaden your understanding of humans --
    1.  TRANSGENDER is an umbrella term used to bring together crossdressers, gender fluid, transsexuals, gender outlaws, androgynous, a-gender, non-binary and in some circles, the intersex, all together as one big happy little family, and is intended to mean anyone who does not strictly identity along the male/female binary system, or does not identify as the gender they were assigned at birth, or does not identify as either gender.  As far as crossdressers, it's just my opinion that ALL crossdressers are transsexual, just some don't want to admit it [yet], and could be why they are included under the transgender umbrella.  But let's not digress ...
    2.  A person who identifies as the gender opposite of what they were labelled at birth based solely on genitalia, is uncomfortable with that genitalia, and needs to be seen as the opposite sex... is transsexual whether they medically transition or not
        a.  Not everyone can go on HRT, or hormone replacement therapy
        b.  Some do not wish to go on HRT, NOT because they are not transsexual or medically unable to, but some believe that it is not good for the body, dangerous, or a poison they can do without
        c.  Some never transition, or delay transition because they feel there are obligations in their life and/or social pressures that prevent them from doing so - that does NOT make them any less transsexual, or real
    3.  That said, a transsexual does NOT have to be on HRT in order to legitimately transition.  There are transsexuals who physically and socially transition, meaning they dress and act as the sex/gender they identify with, living full-time as that gender
    4.  People who cannot medically transition, and those who simply physically and socially transition are not just "playing" at being transsexual
    5.  Transsexual does NOT equate to "real" or "genuine."  That one has physically, socially, medically and/or surgically transitioned does not make that person any more transsexual, "real" or "genuine" than one who has not, or can not.
    6.  Transgender does NOT equate to "fake," "disgenuine" or "playing games," but instead as I mentioned above, is simply an "umbrella term."   Look at it this way:  There are Russians, Brits, Americans, Africans, Japanese, etc., but they are ALL people.  Different, each of them.  None of them are "playing at" being people, being human.  All different, with different cultures, but under the same big human "umbrella."
    7.  On this board, ALL members are to be accepted for however they identify, respected for the people they are, and addressed with the appropriate pronouns OR by the pronouns they prefer.
    -Michael
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  25. UsernameOptional added a post in a topic Republicans decide to eat one of their own !   

    As I mentioned in my post above, "all the big fuss and hullabaloo is ALWAYS about a "man in a dress" going into a women's restroom."
    The man in the picture is Michael C. Hughes.  He is a transgender MAN.  The very type of person that these politicians don't think about.
    Now...I'm playing devil's advocate here.  I don't know the details of Hughes' transition - for all I know he could be transitioned up to and including "bottom surgery," or gender confirming surgery.   He may also possess an amended birth certificate, or perhaps was issued a new BC with the proper sex marker.  But there are many trans men who look like any other man, who have not had bottom surgery (GCS), and it is those men I wanted to bring to your attention, and the kind of man that needs to be brought to the attention of lawmakers, too.
    The reason the men need to be considered - there are a few states that will not make ANY changes to a person's BC.  In such states, I'm sure it's difficult to get the sex marker on other legal documents and ID changed.  In some states that do/will change a person's BC, a requirement is that the person has to have had GCS, and provide proof that they have.  
    So if a guy is unlucky enough to have been born in a state that either will not change the marker on his BC, or will not change the marker unless he's had bottom surgery, laws like those in NC, and like the one that was just flushed down the crapper in VA, would REQUIRE that HE use the WOMEN'S restroom.
    Here are a few possibilities if a trans guy, looking like Hughes was to go into a women's room:
        1.  All hell would break loose in that bathroom
        2.  There will surely be one woman seek out authorities, or
        3.  Some woman, who's husband is waiting for her just around the corner, will run to him to tell him some guy is in the women's room - he might blow a fuse and decide to play the Knight in Shining Armour and run to the rescue of the women
        4.  He could potentially be dragged out of that bathroom by men in the area who believe they need to protect the women-folk and children, and hold him until authorities arrive, or
        5. believe they have the right to beat him into the cracks in the floor
    ...and other possible scenarios - I think perhaps (I hope) you get the picture.
    And as is obvious, by your own reply above, "I would challenge him," you never considered the mayhem that could ensue, because all anyone is EVER concerned with is a trans woman... or as the fear-mongers call her, "a man in a dress," or a "pervert" out to take advantage of women and children.
    Now that I've pointed out what could happen to a trans man who looks like any other man, think of what a trans woman would endure, if she were forced into the men's bathroom (something else the lawmakers are not able to wrap their tiny little heads around), looking like ANY OTHER WOMAN.
    Just wanted to offer you food for thought    And a little more understanding of the situation, too.
    -Mike
    Note:  The reason you see Hughes with a camera, it was a campaign of sorts, to bring this very thing to the attention of the public - the fanatical fear-mongers are so busy labelling trans women as perverts looking to do harm, and not thinking about what would happen if trans men were forced into women's spaces.  The camera was to record the event, and everyone present at the time was advised as to what was going on.
     
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