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Everything posted by Briannah

  1. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry I wish our bodies came with manuals.   

    The pods moving won't really solve the main problems here, along with the there is absolutely no place to even put one where we are staying currently (the yard is tiny, and so is the driveway, and we have three cars crammed onto it and there is no street parking while a pod was here for a day, the back tiny yard is fenced, no way to put anything in it, and the front yard has a drastic slope.  Secondly, Nikki really doesn't want to carry all the boxes OUT of the basement.  I don't blame him.  So movers is the way to go this time, and let someone else do the schlepping.   And, ​I'm cheap.  Why pay a storage fee for my pod when I can continue using the storage it's in now for free. LOL
    I have brought them to my doctor, but most of them don't seem to have a cuase, she ran a bunch of tests and checks over my food diary and sleep log from my fitbit, and can't find a pattern or basic cause for most of it.    So ​apparently I age weird.  She's still plugging away at it though.   So ​I'm getting the same result you are, 'everyone ages different, and that's probably the cause!".  Meh.  On the bright side, still only have the smallest amount of gray hair in my roots.  (hair is currently blue, but I can see a bit of root).  It doesnt' really matter to me, if it all went white it would be easier to get the crazy colors I like, but it drives certain annoying members of my family who went gray in high school crazy. 
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  2. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    I wish our bodies came with manuals.
    Every time I think I'm figuring out the changes in my body with age, most of which no one ever talked about in my family, something else goes weird.  I'm not talking the "falling apart, unable to live" state like my mom, but the constant parade of guessing how food is going to affect me, sleeping patterns, how easily I injure/bruise myself, changes in the rhythms of my asthma making it harder to predict after I'd had it down to a science, acid reflux crazy, little things that add up to both a medicine cabinet full of things (antacids, gas pills, throat pain suckers since I dehydrate at a moment's whim of my body now, things like that, prescription medically our lifestyle changes are reducing that amount at least).  But we really should come with individualized manuals, this trial and error nonsense sucks. 
    The manual should include actual nutrition too.  Our culture has so obscured what healthy food is it's crazy.  And most people trying to eat well are unintentially eating unhealthy in a variety of ways because packaging and manufactures are allowed to lie and obscure a lot from us.  It's even worse in other countries, china has a crisis of a variety of fake food facing them.  Our crisis is fillers and additives.  One of the many things Trump defunded was an initiative to make manufacturers list how much sugar they ADD to the food.  *headdesk*  
    And, on a note of pure curiousity and interest, I want a manual that tells me how the parts actually work.  So I can look up any organ and see what it's doing, how it does it, interesting facts.  I know I have the internet, but one all collated and at hand would be fun.  I know, I have a weird sense of fun.  
    I'm off, I took a temp job to earn the money for movers, so we don't have to slog with a uhaul this move once house sells.
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  3. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Being Autistic and transgender   

    I would just like to pipe up ant say, the claims about autism with vaccines?   The original author made it up.  He made up the study, and it came out on scrutiny originally that the tests were poorly controlled and done, but he later admitted he'd pretty much made up most of it.  Unfortunately, there is a large population of the population who will not hear that, or all the studies about it.  My best friend's son has autism, so I sporadically follow the new related to it, and often get directed to interesting things by her.  
    I'm glad it brought you peace.  Learning what my disorder is and isn't(add), and where I can separate out behavior issues alongside it and improve as well as coping mechanisms for the actual disorder has brought me much peace.  I have not asked for concessions from people, just let them know I have the disorder and that is why I need to make so many notes for myself learning a new position for example.  So when my brain is jumping around like crazy I have a visual reference to reorient with.  I still get accused of playing the 'add' card.  People get weird with a mental disorder.  Like the brain is some sacred incorruptible organ, rather than a flesh and blood organ that can go wrong like a kidney or a heart or lung.  Mental health really is just another form of physical health at the end of the day, something has gone wrong in an organ, and we have stigmatized it to be something else so we can blame victims instead of helping them it feels like sometimes.   You can't find a solution or treatment for an illness wtihout understanding the illness, adn it's causes. 
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  4. Briannah added a post in a topic New Rule Allows Discrimination   

    Wow, I must never try to type from my phone again.  *facepalm*
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  5. Briannah added a post in a topic New Rule Allows Discrimination   

    OMG Nikki just told mr that poir womam wasmt even Irush she was just visiting.   Be careful where you vacation lestvit cost you your life I guess from something preventable i huess is that moral.             I wonder if a trans doctor refused to care for an anti-lgbt patient if they would also find protection under this law   i somehow doubt it   
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  6. Briannah added a post in a topic New Rule Allows Discrimination   

    This is going to spiral out into all areas of medicine I think.  What happens when a 'true christian' is required to treat what they perceive as a terrorist, just because he or she happens to be Muslim?  What about atheists?  This issue is so broad I imagine a LOT of nightmares are going to happen.    Or cancer patients who want to choose their life and be their for their existing families when a pregnancy will kill them?  How will this affect plastic surgeries when there is a wide group of vocal people that 'god makes no mistakes, and man has not right to meddles with his choices'?    I dont' think they really considered the ramifications of this. 
    An example of morality not belonging in medicine off the top of my head: the Ireland case where the woman was in full miscarriage, there was NO saving the fetus medically no matter what they did, they refused to perform an abortion because it was illegal and against the countries morals, and she died from septicemia from having the dead fetus in her.  
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  7. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Happy Birthday Monica!!!   

    Happy birthday Monica!  You are a lovely person to chat with, and I hope your birthday is absolutely awesome!
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  8. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry There be hope here!   

    I hope yours turns out as well!  And that the getting it ready is as painless as possible!  It's the first time I ever sold a house, so... it was a wee bit overwhelming.  I don't do well with first time situations.  Summer is a great time in my neighborhood too, you get the college kids whose parents realize buying a house for four years is acdtually cheaper than the dorms at the local SERIOUSLY overpriced university.  
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  9. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    There be hope here!
    So realtor lady after breaking the news gently that we'd missed the pricing bubble and our house was worth less than we hoped, said that we would know if she'd set the right price point, should have at least one showing a week.  So we set it, and our first week is now over (went up Monday).
    We've had three.  No ​offers yet, but I think I would be really surprised if my house sold in five days or less.  But I really want it to sell asap.  But that's good news, people are taking the time to go look at it, not just looking at it online.
    I really need this to go smoothly and fast, I need to move outta here and get back in my own space.  With my things.  Girl time for Nikki, he can't exactly do that here.  Alone time for me.  Logic and reason ruling the house again.  And my poor cat is frazzled, she's always trying to pet him.  She's a cat person.  But my cat is a one human cat, he only really wants to interact with me.  He'll tolerate Nikki's attentions, but he only really wants attention from Nikki he's angry and punishing me, he's always been like that since a kitten.  Didnt' want my son, Nikki, or even his sister to mess with him, only me.  So he's really not happy right now.  Poor little guy.
    Lizard, as ever, is chill and doesnt' care what is going on as long as she gets her food and heat.  Dog ​is happy that she's literally never alone right now.  Nikki's dealing better than me, but he gets more time outta the house, although I do have a part time job now for either a month or indefinitely, I'm so confused and different people keep telling me different things.  I'm sorta worried it's gonna last eleven years, since the last time I accepted a brief temp job through nepotism it did just that.  I actually temped for Nikki, and did so well at it that other people in the office asked me to come in for them, which lead to three days a week starting this week.  I sorta hope it's just the month, so that i can re-earn my savings to pay movers (the rains came, flooded, and broke the furnace and it ate up my movers fund).  If it's longer, I'll take it of course and do my best, to reflect well on Nikki, but dang I liked my happy vagrant housewife life. LOL
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  10. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry 20,000 views   

    The younger set wear a lot of padded and shaping bras.  You don't see very many of this demographic using forms, as most of them can't afford the really good cosmetic ones (and I have seen REALLY GOOD ones, but they cost nearly a thousand: there is dissention here, Nikki says apiece I thought it was for the set) and tend to wear clothing that would show it a little on the top and sometimes sides.
    One that spans all age demographics that I know of is the chicken cutlets, those little silicone pad things that even you out. One of the many things they don't tell us about our physical development, very few women are actually truly symmetrical(although I think most are close enough it's not an issue).  Quite a few are so asymmetrical that we have two separate cup sizes, and it can be awkward since for whatever reason the manufacturing industry of bras refuses to deal with this reality.  Jerks. You'd think it wouldn't be that hard to make ribcage sized harnesses with eyelet hooks and separate cups so each woman can get what's needed.  I vary with c and d, but I know one woman who has a b and d, and due to other medical issues is not a candidate for either implant or reduction surgery.  So I learned that it could be worse, don't complain. LOL  I imagine this would also be a thing for some transwomen as genetics does their unpredictable things.​
    However, my understanding of the breast forms origin is for the ugly issue of breast cancer and removal of one or both breasts.  And quite a few people of all genders fall prone to that ugly disease.  And society unfortunately judges women by the size of our chests still, and removing them entirely was socially traumatic on top of the physical and emotional trauma.  So there are unfortunately MANY cisgender women sport them for that purpose.  The numbers are slowly going down thankfully, as early detection, advances in medication, and lumpectomy surgeries become reliable alternatives to mastectomy surgery with equal survival rates, at least among those with breasts, as those without often don't detect it early enough.  Some find emotional comfort in not seeing a reminder in the mirror, others find social relief by not looking dramatically different in public.  Although several do the cloth forms for the same reason Emma spoke of, either early after the surgery during the healing process, or permanently if the scars are sensitive.  There are a scattered few I know of that use the forms that give you one extra size and fit over your breast, but without exception the ones I know are extremely vain and unable to afford implants, as it's quite hot and uncomfortable to wear them around the breast.  I have to wrap my equalizer cutlet in cloth, or I get a nasty skin rash from it personally. 
    Nikki once asked if I'd be willing to play around with them for fun time, and I was like NOPE, not getting massive rashes for that.  Wisely dropped the issue.  Nikki is fortunate that the irritation and heat doesn't do much to his skin beyond somewhat irritating sweat that can just be wiped away as needed, and can use them for long periods when girl mode lasts a while.  If he had my skin, it would be truly ugly.  He prefers the forms for the sense of weight in addition to the shape I believe.  And I think he likes that i can use them to prop my head up when we're watching a movie, more realistic feel than a cloth set that would just sorta go down like pillows if I tried that.  When he's in girl mode I still go outta my way to physically interact like I did when I was dating women for the small moments, and I don't think that would work with cloth, so another reason I'm glad he can use forms, he gets more outta it.  Sometimes I think I go overboard trying to hard, but he says it makes him happy, so I'm not gonna get an Emmy, but I have a happy spouse.
    I wonder if some of the cancer victims also find that comforting?  I'm not sure how I would feel about it if I ever pop a positive on that and it becomes an issue.  I suspect it would be cloth forms for me due to my overly irritable skin.  I'm also not sure how well I would adjust to a massive physical change like that, I'm clumsy.  Even being on crutches when I twisted my knee and bound around my waist so I couldn't bend after abdominal was dramatically crazy for me until I healed, I injured myself and Nikki in the goofiest ways trying to adapt.  I do know a girl who had a double, and she loves it(had massive back issues, and was considering reduction once she'd saved enough), but she did tell me there was a balance learning curve after the surgery.  
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  11. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Progress I guess.   

    Update: It was really weird seeing my house listed.  But now the actual reality of it selling has started, so here's hoping this part goes quickly and peacefully.
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  12. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Progress I guess.
    ​It's done.  By end of day tomorrow, my home will be listed.  It's a bunch of mix feelings, this is what is holding us back from moving forward, but it was MY HOME for eleven years, second longest I have lived anywhere, and longest Nikki has ever.  I'm not surprised, I have learned I really  hate endings of any kind, even when they are what I wanted. we are in the next phase, and this one sorta sucks.  There is nothing more I can do, it's just waiting until someone decides they want the house enough to pay us.  Meh.  
    I will give it this, MUCH easier paperwork wise to sell a house than buy one.    I asked ​the realtor what paperwork we needed to gather to bring to closing, and apparently nothing.  Title agency does all that for us, we just have to show up, sign our name six times (as apposed to what felt like six hundred at closing to buy) and we're done.  No 80 millions trips all over town trying to gather things and turn them into the bank.  Of course, then we have to go through the buying process again.  Yay.
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  13. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Progress I guess.   

    I have to admit, after just trying to find space in the fridge around hoarder mom's stuff that she forgets she buys and doesn't eat, this part going quickly has an appeal both in the Band-Aid take my home fast sense and the OMG MY OWN FRIDGE AGAIN! 
    We changed our entire diet too.  We've been pretty firmly on the DASH diet eating plans, and at least relearning how to cook has given me something to do.  And a sense of moral superiority because I'm doing something other than sitting around complaining of aches and pains and the costs of medication.  X_X
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  14. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Starting Over   

    I hear you on the changes!  I'm going to turn 46 soon, but am starting to notice more and more things, one of them also being eyesight.  I really need to make an optometry appointment once I get things settled down (In the middle of a complicated life trajectory change my spouse sprung on me, Nikki likes suprises.  LOL).  I'm very sorry about your loss, and happy to see you are embracing your new life changes and making them work for you! 
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  15. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So, still learning to adult apparently. :)
    I've been gone a long time, I'm sorry!    Got ​really sick, found multiple causes, and started addressing them.  One of them was our diet, and Nikki and I are living on the DASH diet as best we are able to right now.  It's hard when you are staying at someone else's house (our repairs and slave labor to the house should be done tomorrow, and it should be listed within the week.  That took FOREVER!).  It helps that Nikki really loves my cooking, and has been visibly on the same page with me when my mom started trying to sabotage our efforts to get healthier.  I know that sounds melodramatic, but it's been a struggle while we're staying here.  I can't sell that house and buy a new one fast enough.  My mom needs me to stay sick and not be able to improve my health and life so that she can keep telling everyone that all her weight and diet induced illnesses arent' her fault.  And when I started getting better, so started the pressure to each junk food and salty things again.  I resisted though, and Nikki has been great backing me up.  It's kind of empowering to realize that I don't have to turn into my mother, that I CAN be successful after all without bariatric surgery (which I was ready to sign on for, but my insurance doesn't cover, and neither did my savings account!) and hopefully will continue to succeed going forward.  (If you have hypertension issues, and want to address them without medication in a real not-creepy-anti-science food culty way, I can't recommend DASH For DUmmies enough.  It explains how the science works, the research that went into it, how to shop, set up your kitchen, and a variety of starter recipes).  I'm still taking my meds, but doctor thinks she's going to take them off once we're back in our own home and the stress of dealing with my mom is removed.  I'm a bit stressed out. 
    Nikki has been really great working on the prior issue I wrote here about about not backing me up and being on my page.  I can't say enough how awesome he's been about it!  I'm not sure I would have been able to deal with the last four months of illness and mom crazy if I still felt all alone like I did back then.  I think I'm flirting with depression, and maybe had slipped quietly all the way in for a while when I really sick, but the dash changes having improved how I feel dramatically on a day to day basis is helping me climb out of it. 
    ​So we have our eye on a house if ours sells and no one else snatches it up, but if they do, there'll be other houses.  ​I'm sorta stuck on a fireplace, so I did my due diligent Bree researches how to safely own and operate a fireplace.  I have learned a great deal about wood, chimneys, laying out the wood for a fire, storage, how to tell a good wood supplier and chimney cleaning profressional from a bad one, and I'm ready to spend a snowy winter's evening cuddling on the cough with Nikki making Smores!  I'm ready, so Nikki said okay, we'll prioritize a fireplace.  WOOHOO!
    Aside from my health, Dash has propelled me thirty pounds lighter and I fit in clothes I haven't worn in years!  Nikki too, but for once I lost more because Nikki cheats at work and lunches at fast food.   I got to see his office environment, and if my last job had been that nice and calm I would still be working!  But I like my housewife life.   And ​I spend a great deal of it working on increasing our variety of food and compliance with Dash.  Salt is the enemy!  I was the average American, and WAY overdosing on the stuff.  It just never percolated how dangerous it can be in those amounts for me before. 
    Life goes in waves like the tide.  But I came out of this down cycle with a long term plan to address my physical issues, and several new coping mechanisms for emotional ones, and I can finally see that at some point there will be an end to this weird "I have a roof, but I feel homeless" limbo.  We basically have a bed in a tiny room, and a corner in the sunroom where the laundry is, and that is our entire plot of "our space" here.  It will be lovely to move back into our own place!  Sell quick little house.  I will really miss you, but gotta go.
    And supposedly one glass of wine a day is good for your heart too.  So...bought a cheap bottle of red and I'm going to try to overcome my aversion to alcohol like I did my aversion to broccoli, pepper, and cauliflower in the last few weeks.  It promises to taste like a cherry cupcake.  I somehow disbelieve.
    I'm done rambling now.  Tell me about any adventures I missed while I was gone!
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  16. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry I Don't Care Much for Myself Tonight   

    The thing with being a constant cheerleader vs. being real present a false image of perfection that other people believe in and wonder why they can't achieve.  I firmly believe showing both the good and joyous as well as the down sides does far, far more good for others.  There is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone that things go wrong in life, and we're not along in our negative feelings as well as pour positive ones, and we're not along that it's hard.  I think only ever being positive and happy is too easy, to unreal and unattainable, and actually potentially damaging to people who wonder why they can't attain that endless perfect happiness.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  And one overriding theme I have learned about in my 'what is this all about' is that the entire thing is living authentically.  Authentic isn't always good.  It's real.  ti's up, down, hard, easy, joyous, sad, frustrating, hopeful, it's the whole package.  
    There will be time to be excited about the future after you've had a chance to settle your feelings.  A divorce is a huge thing, even for people who want it.  Endings are never what we think they will be, and we always have to process our feelings about them.  And there is a world of difference between what we think it will be and we will feel and what actually happens.  You did the best thing you could do. You got dressed up, you went out, had as much fun as you could, and it's okay if you don't feel super happy right now while you're processing.  Some days will be amazing, some will be sad, but you have to just feel your way through them to get the full human experience.  Dont' beat yourself up about what you think you should be feeling, just feel what you do and do the best you can with it!   ​Fighting the blue feeligns in my experience just makes it worse.  Talking them out and pushing through them worked for me, just find what works for you and go for it! *hugs*
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  17. Briannah added a post in a topic Need advice re: anesthetic cream so I can use Epilady on my face to get rid of beard   

    Had a belated thought, they have several creams...meh I forget the word, Nair is one brand of the creams, that actually dissolve the hair.  While it will grow back, the advantage of...Oh I remember!  Depilatory!  Dipilatory creams. There are several that are formulated specifically for the face, including ones specifically made for coarse beard hair on the market, and they dissolve the hair slightly under the skin, so you get really smooth skin that lasts longer than shaving no matter what area you use it on, face, legs, arms, underarms, whatever.  (make sure you get the ones specifically for the face though, this is one of the products where it's not okay to fudge and use one tube for all areas)  It's not perfect, but it might be a useful stopgap solution until you can access electrolysis.  It doesn't last as long as epilating, BUT it's painless (possibly a bit itchy depending on your skin unless you are allergic then obviously ignore this post, but I find it weirdly tingly-itchy without it being a reaction, my friend feels nothing, etc) and can be repeated as necessary without damaging the skin.  Usually my skin feels better after I use them than it did before, I think they superload them with moisturizers now.  
    This is an opinion and not objective scientific fact, but I think the depilatory creams are safer and gentler for the skin of the face than epilating, it doesn't tear at the skin the way yanking hair out does.  And I'm a firm personal believer in no pain. 
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    Gennee has it right.  There was another article I saw where one of the old pastors of whose name I forget posted a public plea 'to the gays to please just do hand and mouth stuff until the end of the hurricane season'.  I couldn't stop laughing at the idiocy. Aside from the obvious no one's sexual behavior has anything to do with weather, only our pollution behaviors, the idea that it's a specific act in the relationship only that offends their god is...weird.  Last I checked 'hand and mouth stuff' (yeah, that's how he phrased it!  LOL) is also sex.  I'm convinced if they truly believe what they are saying, there is some form of mental illness affecting their reason, but more likely, it garners attention and is designed to use the human psychological need for reasons to their advantage.
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  19. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Psa to self : Habit Change
    So I need to start going through my house every coupla years and just looking at the stuff that is lying around/saved somewhere.  I have saved some really useless junk over the years.  Anyone remember the Isle of Lost Toys from the old Christmas specials?  Apparently we are running the Sanctuary of Lost Cords.  Which of course Nikki won't let me throw any of those out because we might need them some amorpheous day in the future.  Fine, he let me throw most of the rest of the junk out, and we can do a great device to cord matchup event when we settle to be sure what is junk beyond doubt I guess.  
    It really is amazing the accumulation of things in an average life.  We're not shoppers, we go outta her way to not do that.  We're not garage sale hounds, or antique hunters, or any sort of real collectors of anything.  I can only imagine how much more stuff people who enjoy those things either have to dispose of often or build up.  
    Well, back to work.  At least until the Cheeto declares everything in the country as his.   I'm surprised that man hasn't tried to pass an act yet that he owns everything and we have to pay rental on our things.  After the pay to have them in the first place, of course.  
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  20. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So I just saw photos of St. Maarten after Irma passed through.  On top of the horror for those people, there is this creepy feeling.  I was there, in March, with Ashe.  We lounged on a beautiful beach, we had lunch at this awesome open air restaurant right on the beech and iguanas joined us for the lunch, there was a drive through the beautiful now underwater streets.  It just feels weird when it's somewhere you have been.  Like when I see flood photos from the one we had here.  It's not a feeling of extra bad, it's just oddly disorienting to me and I have no idea what my brain's issue with it is.  
    I looked at the livestreams on Key West, another place I've been and enjoy watching on cam when I'm far away, and it's just so eerie to see how deserted it was.  Also reassuring that the people have gone to safer ground on the mainland.  The storm has not yet hit key west, but the winds are already amazingly and unusually loud on the cams that have sound.  I can only imagine what it will be like when the actual storm hits.  
    There was a collection truck near the Kroger's by us collecting for Harvey, and I found myself wondering how long til it's for both.  And then I further wondered how bad it's going to be.  I remember how bad Katrina was, with the Fema director really nepotism-based friend of bush's and no clue how to actually handle a disaster, and Harvey is in two separate states, with Irma barreling up to take on a third state.  I'm not really confident our current dysfunctional government is going to handle this well.  And I'm not sure what is going to happen to the insurance companies.  They function based on the idea that these massive disasters are few and far between, and it hasn't really been all that long since Katrina.  I also worry what else the Caribbean is going to shoot up our way before the end of storm season.  
    And Houston/Harvey is also a glaring warning of another issue that I fear people will ignore.  A group of scientists warned them they were paving over too much grassland several years back, explaining that it was going to magnify flood issues in the city.  They were ignored, the grassland was paved over because "what do you science guys know" and now they are paying for it.  New Orleans kept trying to get federal aid to fix the aging levees prior to Katrina, and were ignored.  Safety and infrastructure have fallen by the wayside in favor of legislating morality and corporate profits in my opinion, and it's only going to get more dangerous as time goes on.   ​ I really worry for the future generations.  Heck, I worry what is going to happen in the next forty or so years while I'm still here.
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    Oh, that's been going on forever, religious crazy is religious crazy.  You can't talk to people like that, there's no one home.  Because it's easy to believe it's a punishment from some god, and that simply by not being anything that god objects to their safe.  Scientific reality requires actual effort and changes in personal living to make things better, much more work. 
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  22. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry First move is happening. Save me.   

    Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings.  I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done.  We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house.  It does seem like less boxes than the last move though.  And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move.  We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like.  
    I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me.  I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say.  Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world.  What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them.  I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them.  45 and I'm still figuring it all out.  Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it.  I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system).  Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself.  ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life.  I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together.   ​ 
    I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle.  And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is.  I'm important!  LOL
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  23. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    First move is happening. Save me.
    So things are starting to happen faster now.  We have moved in with my mom as planned, and I am alternating between helping Nikki move things and cleaning mom's house.  (Seriously, it took three hours to go through the pantry and get out all the expired food from years 03 to 16).  And the rest of the house is insane, but I'm slowly taming it.  Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really.  Free cleaning and repairs and cooking until we sell and buy a new house.  Old house is nearly empty, just a bit more to pull out and then it's painting time.  We're still waffling on whether or not to fix the damaged laminate.  New car is working out great, old main car is doing great, old secondary car is going to the scrapyard, the costs to fix the brake issue and make it sellable are higher than we could sell it for.  Bummer, some extra money would have been nice.  
    It's kinda weird being here again.  I lived here with Grandma, my mom, and my son when I met Nikki.  I had the downstairs basement finished room, although ever since the big flood it's impractical to use as a bedroom anymore.  Which is a same, as it's HUGE and was lovely with lots of space.  Only ever had to come upstairs to use the bathroom.  I was the hermit Bree in the basement!   
    Nikki's girl mode items are all packed away with a decoy tag, he's still very much closeted as far as our families go.  Since he realized transition is not a path for him, dealing with our awkward families is a door he doesn't want to go through.  As in most things (other than anything food related, do NOT EVER trust Nikki's judgement with food, trust me) I trust his judgement and respect his choices.  And he pointed out I won't be at risk for giving myself a black eye again slapping myself with the breast form.  (Didn't quiet get a black eye, but I did have a nice red mark from that oops.  Why do they put it in such clingy plastic?)  Nikki does have a nasty set of scratches across his back, so I've been teasing him he made a ghost angry that we're leaving.  It sounds more fun than I think the cat did it while we were sleeping.  
    I haven't had any really awful burning for a week, had one bad night last weekend, but it's been good since.  Nikki's physical health is solidly great, and his dysthymia has been very much under control.  He continues on his medication, but the improvements in our life have done wonders also.  Once his job is less demanding (they're in the middle of some big changes that take a lot of hours from him) he's going to see about finding a new therapist in our target town and he can just go after work and then come home until we move.  He has to start over anyway since his passed and then we went on insurance hiatus.  He'd rather do it just once instead of twice. 
    It's sorta amazing how far we've come since last years confusion and upheaval.   ​I'm proud of us.  Now I have to go continue trying to convince my elderly cat that moving was a good thing and that he should eat some of his food.  Dog is loving the adventure of a new house (wish she would stop running full speed into doors though, she's traumatizing ME with her poor banged head) lizard doesn't care.  Our lizard is too cool to care. 
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  24. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Flowering   

    From my experience after Nikki finally came out to me, there was a long period where everything was constantly different, and typical was a think of the past, but now a year and a half later, typical has reasserted it just looks different than it did before.  However, that doesn't HAVE To be true.  It's true for Nikki and I because we are both at our core creatures of habit and homebody types for the most part.  I know friends who live everyday like a new adventure, in truth, not just a platitude, and 'typical' for them means doing something they've never tried before.  If you like your old sense of typical, it will come back.  If you didn't or like the new one better, it's yours for the taking!  And with the modern age of internet, you can literally find anything you want out there, from toys of childhood (hides her Ebay spending on My LIttle Ponies, nothing to see here!) to full transgender specifically designed altering items from wigs down to shorts with a silicone vagina (I have seen things on the internet helping Nikki figure out what things he does and doesn't want!) to illegal things we won't discuss, but the point is you can find ANYTHING you can imagine, you just have click a few things on google.  Get out and explore girl!  
    Monica is completely right.  I have a few, but they are from my anime cosplaying and more effort in hallloween than my current lazy rear end puts into it days.  I will admit I have put some thought into getting a really high end green one that I don't have to keep touching up my hair since they don't make permanent green dye, but my  natural hair is hot and summer reminds me I might not like wearing one all the time.  Nikki wasn't interested in them at all, has plenty of hair he just has me do it on girl days and days I want to practice a new hair idea on (I find it easier to master on someone else's head before trying it on my own where I can only see half of what I'm doing, and he gets a kick outta doing the girls day stuff with me).  Now my ex-mother in law once had a massive emotional breakdown because I once accidentally saw her without her wig.  You'd think I just murdered her youngest child in front of her or something from the other the top reaction of me coming home an hour earlier than I was expected and seeing her without it as she was in the kitchen.  (I lived there for less than a month, you can imagine why!).  Then there was a hissy fit of how was she supposed to be able to supper herself and my brother in law without the rent money I was paying(on a place she'd been living for three years before I MET my ex-husband, and the three years before I married him).  Apparently wigs are nearly a sacred item for some people, regardless of the cause for them wearing them.  
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  25. Briannah added a post in a topic Makeup Kits   

    The thing to be careful with general makeup kits that are sold is, they are very vague colors chosen that will work with MOST purchasers.  However, skin tones and facial features as well as skin tolerances (not all makeup is creating equally healthy) vary greatly.  I highly recommend going with Karen's suggestion and going to one of the big stores that do the makeovers (even if you don't buy anything, you can still learn a lot of technique and see the shades that will work well).  Also, if you locate a Mary Kay seller, and are willing to deal with the often somewhat heavy handed sales pitches, you can have this done in the privacy of your own home, although skill of the individual seller may vary.  
    Another great way to look up technique is youtube.  There are a PLETHORA of makeup how twos that cover just about everything from general to specific looks how-tos.    Good luck!
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