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Everything posted by Briannah

  1. Briannah added a post in a topic Need advice re: anesthetic cream so I can use Epilady on my face to get rid of beard   

    Had a belated thought, they have several creams...meh I forget the word, Nair is one brand of the creams, that actually dissolve the hair.  While it will grow back, the advantage of...Oh I remember!  Depilatory!  Dipilatory creams. There are several that are formulated specifically for the face, including ones specifically made for coarse beard hair on the market, and they dissolve the hair slightly under the skin, so you get really smooth skin that lasts longer than shaving no matter what area you use it on, face, legs, arms, underarms, whatever.  (make sure you get the ones specifically for the face though, this is one of the products where it's not okay to fudge and use one tube for all areas)  It's not perfect, but it might be a useful stopgap solution until you can access electrolysis.  It doesn't last as long as epilating, BUT it's painless (possibly a bit itchy depending on your skin unless you are allergic then obviously ignore this post, but I find it weirdly tingly-itchy without it being a reaction, my friend feels nothing, etc) and can be repeated as necessary without damaging the skin.  Usually my skin feels better after I use them than it did before, I think they superload them with moisturizers now.  
    This is an opinion and not objective scientific fact, but I think the depilatory creams are safer and gentler for the skin of the face than epilating, it doesn't tear at the skin the way yanking hair out does.  And I'm a firm personal believer in no pain. 
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    Gennee has it right.  There was another article I saw where one of the old pastors of whose name I forget posted a public plea 'to the gays to please just do hand and mouth stuff until the end of the hurricane season'.  I couldn't stop laughing at the idiocy. Aside from the obvious no one's sexual behavior has anything to do with weather, only our pollution behaviors, the idea that it's a specific act in the relationship only that offends their god is...weird.  Last I checked 'hand and mouth stuff' (yeah, that's how he phrased it!  LOL) is also sex.  I'm convinced if they truly believe what they are saying, there is some form of mental illness affecting their reason, but more likely, it garners attention and is designed to use the human psychological need for reasons to their advantage.
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  3. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Psa to self : Habit Change
    So I need to start going through my house every coupla years and just looking at the stuff that is lying around/saved somewhere.  I have saved some really useless junk over the years.  Anyone remember the Isle of Lost Toys from the old Christmas specials?  Apparently we are running the Sanctuary of Lost Cords.  Which of course Nikki won't let me throw any of those out because we might need them some amorpheous day in the future.  Fine, he let me throw most of the rest of the junk out, and we can do a great device to cord matchup event when we settle to be sure what is junk beyond doubt I guess.  
    It really is amazing the accumulation of things in an average life.  We're not shoppers, we go outta her way to not do that.  We're not garage sale hounds, or antique hunters, or any sort of real collectors of anything.  I can only imagine how much more stuff people who enjoy those things either have to dispose of often or build up.  
    Well, back to work.  At least until the Cheeto declares everything in the country as his.   I'm surprised that man hasn't tried to pass an act yet that he owns everything and we have to pay rental on our things.  After the pay to have them in the first place, of course.  
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  4. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So I just saw photos of St. Maarten after Irma passed through.  On top of the horror for those people, there is this creepy feeling.  I was there, in March, with Ashe.  We lounged on a beautiful beach, we had lunch at this awesome open air restaurant right on the beech and iguanas joined us for the lunch, there was a drive through the beautiful now underwater streets.  It just feels weird when it's somewhere you have been.  Like when I see flood photos from the one we had here.  It's not a feeling of extra bad, it's just oddly disorienting to me and I have no idea what my brain's issue with it is.  
    I looked at the livestreams on Key West, another place I've been and enjoy watching on cam when I'm far away, and it's just so eerie to see how deserted it was.  Also reassuring that the people have gone to safer ground on the mainland.  The storm has not yet hit key west, but the winds are already amazingly and unusually loud on the cams that have sound.  I can only imagine what it will be like when the actual storm hits.  
    There was a collection truck near the Kroger's by us collecting for Harvey, and I found myself wondering how long til it's for both.  And then I further wondered how bad it's going to be.  I remember how bad Katrina was, with the Fema director really nepotism-based friend of bush's and no clue how to actually handle a disaster, and Harvey is in two separate states, with Irma barreling up to take on a third state.  I'm not really confident our current dysfunctional government is going to handle this well.  And I'm not sure what is going to happen to the insurance companies.  They function based on the idea that these massive disasters are few and far between, and it hasn't really been all that long since Katrina.  I also worry what else the Caribbean is going to shoot up our way before the end of storm season.  
    And Houston/Harvey is also a glaring warning of another issue that I fear people will ignore.  A group of scientists warned them they were paving over too much grassland several years back, explaining that it was going to magnify flood issues in the city.  They were ignored, the grassland was paved over because "what do you science guys know" and now they are paying for it.  New Orleans kept trying to get federal aid to fix the aging levees prior to Katrina, and were ignored.  Safety and infrastructure have fallen by the wayside in favor of legislating morality and corporate profits in my opinion, and it's only going to get more dangerous as time goes on.   ​ I really worry for the future generations.  Heck, I worry what is going to happen in the next forty or so years while I'm still here.
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    Oh, that's been going on forever, religious crazy is religious crazy.  You can't talk to people like that, there's no one home.  Because it's easy to believe it's a punishment from some god, and that simply by not being anything that god objects to their safe.  Scientific reality requires actual effort and changes in personal living to make things better, much more work. 
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  6. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry First move is happening. Save me.   

    Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings.  I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done.  We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house.  It does seem like less boxes than the last move though.  And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move.  We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like.  
    I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me.  I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say.  Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world.  What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them.  I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them.  45 and I'm still figuring it all out.  Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it.  I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system).  Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself.  ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life.  I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together.   ​ 
    I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle.  And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is.  I'm important!  LOL
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  7. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    First move is happening. Save me.
    So things are starting to happen faster now.  We have moved in with my mom as planned, and I am alternating between helping Nikki move things and cleaning mom's house.  (Seriously, it took three hours to go through the pantry and get out all the expired food from years 03 to 16).  And the rest of the house is insane, but I'm slowly taming it.  Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really.  Free cleaning and repairs and cooking until we sell and buy a new house.  Old house is nearly empty, just a bit more to pull out and then it's painting time.  We're still waffling on whether or not to fix the damaged laminate.  New car is working out great, old main car is doing great, old secondary car is going to the scrapyard, the costs to fix the brake issue and make it sellable are higher than we could sell it for.  Bummer, some extra money would have been nice.  
    It's kinda weird being here again.  I lived here with Grandma, my mom, and my son when I met Nikki.  I had the downstairs basement finished room, although ever since the big flood it's impractical to use as a bedroom anymore.  Which is a same, as it's HUGE and was lovely with lots of space.  Only ever had to come upstairs to use the bathroom.  I was the hermit Bree in the basement!   
    Nikki's girl mode items are all packed away with a decoy tag, he's still very much closeted as far as our families go.  Since he realized transition is not a path for him, dealing with our awkward families is a door he doesn't want to go through.  As in most things (other than anything food related, do NOT EVER trust Nikki's judgement with food, trust me) I trust his judgement and respect his choices.  And he pointed out I won't be at risk for giving myself a black eye again slapping myself with the breast form.  (Didn't quiet get a black eye, but I did have a nice red mark from that oops.  Why do they put it in such clingy plastic?)  Nikki does have a nasty set of scratches across his back, so I've been teasing him he made a ghost angry that we're leaving.  It sounds more fun than I think the cat did it while we were sleeping.  
    I haven't had any really awful burning for a week, had one bad night last weekend, but it's been good since.  Nikki's physical health is solidly great, and his dysthymia has been very much under control.  He continues on his medication, but the improvements in our life have done wonders also.  Once his job is less demanding (they're in the middle of some big changes that take a lot of hours from him) he's going to see about finding a new therapist in our target town and he can just go after work and then come home until we move.  He has to start over anyway since his passed and then we went on insurance hiatus.  He'd rather do it just once instead of twice. 
    It's sorta amazing how far we've come since last years confusion and upheaval.   ​I'm proud of us.  Now I have to go continue trying to convince my elderly cat that moving was a good thing and that he should eat some of his food.  Dog is loving the adventure of a new house (wish she would stop running full speed into doors though, she's traumatizing ME with her poor banged head) lizard doesn't care.  Our lizard is too cool to care. 
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  8. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Flowering   

    From my experience after Nikki finally came out to me, there was a long period where everything was constantly different, and typical was a think of the past, but now a year and a half later, typical has reasserted it just looks different than it did before.  However, that doesn't HAVE To be true.  It's true for Nikki and I because we are both at our core creatures of habit and homebody types for the most part.  I know friends who live everyday like a new adventure, in truth, not just a platitude, and 'typical' for them means doing something they've never tried before.  If you like your old sense of typical, it will come back.  If you didn't or like the new one better, it's yours for the taking!  And with the modern age of internet, you can literally find anything you want out there, from toys of childhood (hides her Ebay spending on My LIttle Ponies, nothing to see here!) to full transgender specifically designed altering items from wigs down to shorts with a silicone vagina (I have seen things on the internet helping Nikki figure out what things he does and doesn't want!) to illegal things we won't discuss, but the point is you can find ANYTHING you can imagine, you just have click a few things on google.  Get out and explore girl!  
    Monica is completely right.  I have a few, but they are from my anime cosplaying and more effort in hallloween than my current lazy rear end puts into it days.  I will admit I have put some thought into getting a really high end green one that I don't have to keep touching up my hair since they don't make permanent green dye, but my  natural hair is hot and summer reminds me I might not like wearing one all the time.  Nikki wasn't interested in them at all, has plenty of hair he just has me do it on girl days and days I want to practice a new hair idea on (I find it easier to master on someone else's head before trying it on my own where I can only see half of what I'm doing, and he gets a kick outta doing the girls day stuff with me).  Now my ex-mother in law once had a massive emotional breakdown because I once accidentally saw her without her wig.  You'd think I just murdered her youngest child in front of her or something from the other the top reaction of me coming home an hour earlier than I was expected and seeing her without it as she was in the kitchen.  (I lived there for less than a month, you can imagine why!).  Then there was a hissy fit of how was she supposed to be able to supper herself and my brother in law without the rent money I was paying(on a place she'd been living for three years before I MET my ex-husband, and the three years before I married him).  Apparently wigs are nearly a sacred item for some people, regardless of the cause for them wearing them.  
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  9. Briannah added a post in a topic Makeup Kits   

    The thing to be careful with general makeup kits that are sold is, they are very vague colors chosen that will work with MOST purchasers.  However, skin tones and facial features as well as skin tolerances (not all makeup is creating equally healthy) vary greatly.  I highly recommend going with Karen's suggestion and going to one of the big stores that do the makeovers (even if you don't buy anything, you can still learn a lot of technique and see the shades that will work well).  Also, if you locate a Mary Kay seller, and are willing to deal with the often somewhat heavy handed sales pitches, you can have this done in the privacy of your own home, although skill of the individual seller may vary.  
    Another great way to look up technique is youtube.  There are a PLETHORA of makeup how twos that cover just about everything from general to specific looks how-tos.    Good luck!
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  10. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Housekeeping   

    The answer to the question of do women change clothes often is the same thing as everything else, depends on the individual and circumstances.  I rarely change once I'm dressed for the day, but stains and such sometimes derail me.  Among my circles of friends some change for every little thing, and some are 'this is what i'm wearing, deal" among both genders.  The idea that we change constantly is a historical leftover from the days or morning dresses, receiving dresses, afternoon dresses, and dinner dresses, and ball gowns, and so on that women constantly shifted through as social custom demanded.  I'm glad I'm born now, it sounds exhausting.  And some amount o the modern day stereotype that every woman can't figure out what to wear for an event and tries a bunch of outfits either in front of a mirror or cadre of friends as often seen on tv every time a female character has a work, date, or party type event continues the perception that we change constantly.   
    And nothing wrong with the submissive personalities of the world!  I firmly believe there is room for everyone, and the trick is to know oneself, both who we are and what we want, and then surround ourselves with people that allow us to be that and get the things we want.   ​If you're already figuring out who you are and what you want, you're way ahead of a lot of other people.
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  11. Briannah added a post in a topic Need advice re: anesthetic cream so I can use Epilady on my face to get rid of beard   

    Hi Lisa!  I'm also from Ohio, I'm one of the spouses.   
    ​Until you can find a solution for the elecdtrolosys, may I recommend some time watching youtube videos?  Nikki has extremely dark beard growth (in odd patterns) and after a close shave with the help of some peach concealer (and this is where color theory comes in, you use the 'opposite color' concealer, like I have red blotches on my face so use green for example, his beard growth is dark so it's peach) and then put foundation over it, and it's amazing what it can hide.    There are trans-specific videos on youtube for hiding beard growth with makeup that are very good. I'm ​not sure what color for white, but perhaps the gray might also do well with the peach.  While this isn't perfect I hope it may be of some help to you in the meantime of a more permanent solution.  And perhaps you could ask some of the makeup artists in the comments for assistance with the coloration specifics if you can't find one that fits your colors. 
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  12. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry I've Always Had Terrible Handwriting   

    Our handwriting is heavily influenced by our personalities from what I understand, but it's a myth that having nice writing is a female thing.    Just ​as many of us write like dancing chickens dipped in ink.  A freind of mine and I Have to e-mail each other, we'd never be able to read the handwritten ones!  
    I'm so glad you're getting the things you always dreamed about!  And I'm doubly glad that you had a clean bill of health on your throat!  I'm always nervous when anything in the throat is off due to my families experiences (oh, how our life experience colors our reactions to everything!)  I hope you have a smooth time with the hrt!  
    Hugs!  Enjoy that trip, enjoy exploring the great west coast, and send me photos of the amazing things you see on that side of the country!  I would send you some from my side, but in all reality, it's corn fields.  If you've seen one cornfield, you've seen all there is to see.   
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  13. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So doing much better.  Yeah, that stupidly expensive Medcline wedge thing with the body pillow costs around $300, but WOW if you need some sort of sleeping wedge for a medical issue (I'm pretty sure apnea, copd, and some other conditions besides acid reflux benefit from the incline sleeping position) then I really really recommend this one.  The wedge is pretty firm and holds you up well, and it has a 'stuffer' pillow so you can change which side you sleep on (the other conditions it doesn't matter, only acid reflux really needs it to be left).  Also, don't get the cheater $220 version without the pillow to use your own, the candy cane shaped body pillow for the extra money is awesome.  It's really comfortable, the top wraps around you and stays in place amazingly, and the long side trails down to go between your knees for a spine alignment support.  If they can 'fix' this acid reflux and I can sleep flat again, I'm SO keeping this candy cane pillow thing.  IT's that amazing.  If anyone else here has my issues, this was completely worth the money, and going to pay for itself in a few months from the amount of medication I'm not buying now.
    So between the Gaviscon (works much better for reflux than the pink stuff, it really does not only neutralize the acid but creates a sort of foamy barrier that helps keep the rest of the acid in place) and the Medcline I'm doing MUCH better.  I've stopped taking the Prilosec (lots of potential side effects with long term use) entirely, and in the last week only needed the Gaviscon once.  I think I'm winning!  Feels good to win, but man do I miss my garlic.  I miss garlic more than I miss chocolate.  I have a serious garlic bread craving going on, but I'm not brave enough yet.  Food actually became scary.  Will this make me burn?  How little can I eat and still live so my throat isn't on acidfire?  IT's a weird feeling to be scared of food.   Not just nervous about calories or sugars, but actually frightened to eat at all.  I'm told on a forum I persused by other people with the condition looking for control information this is a fairly common reaction for those who don't have it under control, and it will fade away again with time.  You know me, research gerbil.   
    Still going to see a doctor to talk about this when I can, find out if something slipped out of place inside, some sort of hormonal issue (it all started with that months cycle, I really hope this isn't gonna be a cycle thing or a menopause one, I am getting close to that age), or what.  The websites all indicated even losing a couple pounds will lessen it, in my case I lost 15 and it got worse.  So I have no idea how to take that.  Maybe my stomach is just really mad and wants to digest me.  
    On the state of the Nikki: He's genuinely happy with his job now.  The utter lack of drama and actual ability to do his job and solve problems instead of just playing message tag with corporate people has done WONDERS.  He's putting in some long hours right now, but they use completely different systems than his old job and he's learning what he needs to know to master it.  It's amazing how much our life situations change how we feel and are.  I think its' done as much for the dysthymic depression as the pills are doing really.  so is having a more natural to his bio rythms sleeping habit.  Having all of that together is really bringing him back to his old self.  Which is doing wonders for us as a couple, and an education in how much when one spouse is not doing well it affects the other one, as I'm also doing dramatically better inside as a result of having a happy spouse again.   He bought powerball tickets cuz the jackpot is huge, and turned and asked me if we beat the odds and won, would I still wanna go to Florida?  And was all relieved when I said no, we'd just get a nicer house in new town than we could afford now because I can see how much he loves his job.​  But in 10 years it would be early retirement and this couple would be moving to my beloved Florida.  
    ​So life is good, house feels like an unending pit of work to try to get it ready for listing (that has slowed down as a result of his hours, a lot of the stuff that needs done now is things he is good at and I just sorta maybe understand how), and we bought a new car that gets really good mileage for all the commuting (and both our current cars be old and tired).  After much searching we found a good deal on a former rental car with only 17k miles on it.  Yay! 
    We did look into potentially getting a bridge loan and went to our credit union to crunch the numbers to see if we could afford to move now and just pay a higher mortgage until this one sells, but the first and only downside of using our credit union in our 15 year history with it cropped up, they only do home loans within the county.  Car loans are statewide (so we were able to snag up our great deal, with was 25K less miles and $4k cheaper than any available in my town, everything in my town has a weird expensive bubble) but we can't get a home loan for new town.  They offered us an equity loan to use as a downpayment to try to help, but managing THREE home loans at once seems...out of control.  We're going to research options with commercial banks, but I doubt it will really happen and we'll probably just stick with the original plan of being trapped here til it sells.
    Hope everyone here is doing great and making all your dreams happen!
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  14. Briannah added a post in a topic Mental Health Professionals   

    I'd like to chime in also, mental health is a deeply personal process, and not every therapist is right for you.  I've worked with a few in my lifetime, and it took a few tries before my parents found the right one (I was a minor, I had no choices) that I could actually work with and get benefit from.  I see so many people who stick with a therapist that isn't right for them, aren't really benefitting, and seem astonished when I suggest that they try a different one to find a better fit.  It's such a subjective discipline, and that affects the quality of care even between two equally licensed and experienced therapists.  
    And I also agree with Monica, flexibility is important, but I also prefer the face to face, so the therapist has a chance to read body language and facial expressions.  But if that's not an option, phone therapy can be an extremely helpful tool.
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  15. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry IN which Bree whines about medical things.   

    Thank you Chrissy.  I'm on Prilosec, and it helps, but it's not controlling it.  I discovered this liquid antacid called Gaviscon that I'm taking before bed, it supposedly created a foam in the top of my stomach to hold the liquid in as well as neutralizing the acid.  So far it's helped tremendously, and I got my stupidly expensive wedge today, so here's hoping.   ​  I had to give up chocolate, I am a very unhappy Bree.  I like chocolate.  Good to know that about ice cream, will avoid until I sort all this out.  
    Thanks Emma!  It might end up in a surgical situation, as I have a hernia issue that is probably related, so until there is insurance there really isn't much I can do but damage control.  Nikki is still plugging away at ACA forms to see if we can't get help with that insane Cobra payment, and the lifestyle changes seem to be starting to take hold, today was a good day.   Right now he's yelling at the computer, apparently it's hiding the place where he needs to input my passport info to prove I'm a citizen.  Apparently aca has doubts about me or something. LOL 
    At least Nikki is doing great.  Loves the new job, is currently face deep in car shopping (our buick is about dead and the van is a bit old to be doing hour commutes, it's time) and working hard on the house and prepping for the upcoming move to my mom's.  I'm having a bit of an odd reaction to that, it's the second longest place I've lived in my life, at just over 11 years.  Apparently it's the longest for Nikki.  But it's the first that wasn't a rental (that I'm old enough to remember anyway).  Sleeping better, has pep again, and it's amazing how much getting out of a bad job situation can do to improve all aspects.    Now if we can just sell a house and move to new town, life will be awesome.  It wasn't easy, and I freaked out more than once, but the more it comes together the calmer I am.   ​ It's nice to have my old happy Nikki back, that's the best part!
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  16. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    IN which Bree whines about medical things.
    So.  I'd been doing rather well mostly the last year or two medically, ever since that emergency surgery issue in 2015.  So...Cobra for insurance between Nikki's old job and new job is $875 a month.  We don't have that much extra money.  We just don't, even with the really nice raise new job has afforded us.  And of course, I develop a problem.  My stomach acid is trying to digest the rest of me.  Acid reflux gone crazy.  *headdesk*  I have to more months until there is insurance again.  And I'm REALLY hesitant to scrounge up the money to go to the urgent care, for fear of what the senate  is doing with the legislation and inadvertently getting a 'pre-existing condition' and having them repeal that protection and then I'm really in trouble.
    So in the meantime, trying to control it with life style changes as best I can.  I just ordered a $300 pillow.  Seriously. It's called a medcline, and if anyone else here has acid reflux, look it up and see if it's good for you.  I'm a side sleeper, so sleeping on a wedge is a big issue for me.  This medcline thing is a wedge, but it has a hole built in for your arm, which both holds you onto the wedge at night and comfortable gives your arm a place to go on the wedge, but also keeps you on the left side, which reduces the acids ability to escape.  Now I have to wait for it.  
    Changed my diet according to the recommendations, and it's slowing down the burning feelings, but this really sucks.  
    Either way, it's a good reminder to myself to not get complacent about what they are doing with medical care laws.  For me, this problem is temporary.  For millions of retail and food service workers for example off the top of my head, this is every day reality.  Someone asked me why I care so much the other day, when I have access generally.  And this is why, because I can't imagine not having a reasonable end date to being able to get help, and then in two more months being able to.  There is a real fatigue in following the political crazy, but it's important.  
    Love to you all, and I hope you're all in good health.  
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  17. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry Is There A Place For Short-Term Relationships?   

    Ya know, something triggered another thought and I saw this thread come back up.  IS there a place for short term relationships, and the answer is, of course.  There logically HAS to be.  Because no one knows how long ANY relationship is going to last when they get into it. Whether you go into it with the intention of being short term or long term, relationships do their own things despite our best intentions.  I've had them last everywhere from the first date, to a week, a few months, to nearly 20 years.  I couldn't have predicted which was going to be what.
    Also, I cant' remember if I spoke of this or not, but I do know several people who are in long term committed relationships, who don't live together.  They don't enjoy having other people in their personal space full time, so they just don't.  They each maintain their own homes and lifestyle choices, and spend as much or as little time together as makes them happy.  Some are monogamous, some are poly, but they all make their lives and relationships work for them.  This is also an option to be considered for this situation.  Living together is the 'norm' for dating relationships, sure, but it's not the only option and life is and always should be about personal choices and making our own lives work for us whatever that looks like.  
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  18. Briannah added a post in a topic Being Transgender May Be Hazardous   

    "Overall, the transgender people were younger, poorer, less white and more likely to be unemployed than their cisgender counterparts." 
    This sentence has a profound relationship to the weight issues that the article doesn't really go into.  Eating right is insanely expensive in America, particularly in cities where access to local grown produce options isn't a thing.  I've seen the diets several of my friends had to arrange to be able to keep their families in food over the years.  Our food manufacturers have made huge profits off filling our food with supremely cheap junk, not to mention the 'poor shaming' people have when someone on assistance gets a nice piece of meat or other expensive (but healthy) choice.   The more a part of a group you are that is underemployed or unemployed, the more likely they are going to be existin gon a diet of this cheap, fatteing food to make ends meat.
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  19. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    So, i'ts been a year. Aka How things are now. :)
    As a couple: We're good.  Our marriage is strong, and we've been doing a lot of study on interpersonal skills as well as how brains, both the male and female, work in social relationships.  Some of our issues and misunderstandings cleared up from a really good Ted Talk about the role of hormones and physiological gender differences in the brain.  We're learning to communicate better than ever, and when and how to have deeper talks.  I'm super excited that Nikki landed a really good job the day after a different company made a really insulting payscale offer(literally a little less than standard entry pay for his field, but they wanted all his skills and experience to even apply, and wouldn't disclose pay til way late, they knew it was bad).  That was messy.  Current corporation Nikki works at for six more days is launching a massive reorganization of his department in a few weeks and STILL have not told anyone if they have jobs, where they have jobs, and what changes they can expect in their pay scales (if they get shunted to other departments, there can be significant reduction in pay).  It's stupid and just another reminder that corporations really don't care about their employees in any meaningful way.  And they're all surprised that Nikki is jumping ship.  But this has led to us finally choosing where we're going to live once this place goes, and we have been spending freetime jaunting around chosen town getting to know it (well, he is getting to know the layout, my internal navigation is confused but I'm getting to know my choices even if my phone will have to tell me how to get to them).  The town pool has two amazing looking waterslides that I plan to hit up next summer (hopefully my house won't sit on the market for years, crosses fingers) from time to time in addition to time in my own pool.  The park is huge, got horribly lost in it.  There is a house I'm eying, good price nice big house.  Here's hoping, but I'm not getting attached, it's just one option.  We culled my zillow list hard due to unsuitable backyards.  The stairs I've whinged about came out amazingly.  Epic pinterest success instead of a fail!  Now we're working on painting things.  Oh, the smell of paint.  *gags*  But having a direction and choices has been great for us both.  This summer is not really cooperating with my pool, it's either really cool, or really astounding hot and storming like mad, and neither of us are into death in pool by electrocution as a great way to spend an evening.  The storms are also making the yard crazy hard to maintain, so Nikki's been busy in our backyard jungle.   We're struggling with mad mosquito craziness after several years of very little, vampire bugs are eating us.
    Nikki: Nikki has found confidence and comfort in himself despite continuing attacks on his state of being on the internet (the there is only binary male/female and if you move back and forth you're a liar sort) so Nikki's backed away from most things like that online.  He's focusing on his art, new job, life changes, love of movies, and doing whatever he wants while working with his therapist to continue to control the depression and has found a lot of peace with everything.  Some days it's full boy, some days full girl, most days a mix, but very very rarely is it a bad depression day if at all in the last several months.  So he's healthy again, and that is what matters most.  He's super proud to have gotten new job, which is both a promotion in duty and pay, and has been doing amazing work in the house.  At this point his depression is well controlled and Nikki's been pretty happy.  
    Me: Still fighting losing internal battle with the dismorphia and my family issues getting poked on a regular basis, but have regained my footing in my day to day life and my marriage.  People sometimes seem to think of marriage as disposable in a very real way, and even if I don't go into full disclosure and just gloss it over with 'there were secrets and we're rebuilding' and let them think he cheated on me or whatever they read into that, they're all astounded that I want to fix things instead of bailing.  And I think that is a partial factor of our societal marriage rates, but I like that we worked it out and all the secrets have been aired out and worked through.  I did have a stupid where I agreed to too much change for my personality in too short a time frame ,but I am surviving this and the more direction there is to work towards the better I feel inside.  My asthma has improved dramatically, so we are more and more active, and I expect it will further improve in new town, since it's about 90 miles south of here and well outta swampland.  I'm super excited to go to a new place and just do new things with new people.  My internal life in my house is wonderful, so next step is obviously to make the life outta the house match. : ) 
    Edited to add:  I'm really looking forward to getting away from Christmas decoration, lawnmower, and grill stealing neighbors and their creepy behavior>  WOOHOO!
    That's where a lotta stress, communication, therapy, education, new friends, old friends, and sorting out the important from the fluff and fixing health issues has taken us.  It's been a ride, and I'm happy so many people here shared in it and helped make it a bit softer on those bumpy tracks.  *hugs to all*
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  20. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    I'm on my iPad and it's harder to type so forgive bad typing and weird syntax.  Spent yesterday checking out target town and it was surprisingly awesome.  The park is so big and twisty we actually got lost and it took nearly an hour and Nikki trying to drive on a pedestrian only path to find our way back out.  Lol.  The Victorian is a no go it has a five foot deep back yard.  But the modern looking second house of which I have zero idea what style name to call it is in a lovely location and workable yard.  It's been on the market six months so there is a chance it will still be there.  Here's hoping.  The Chinese food at the restaurant we tried for lunch wasn't bad either.  Target town has hills   I've been living on the flat pancake of the 
    I feel a little more like Emma now and maybe this can be an adventure instead of crazy.  
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  21. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    Hi Blue!  it's been a crazy ride, but as things are slowly pulling together I'm doing better.  I have had my disorders so long, and generally function around them so well, that I mostly actually forget they are there until I make a dumb choice like that and poke them hard and jump off the emotional cliff as it were.  It's why I always try to have backup plans for my backup plans, it's a coping mechanism for the terrorizing panic attacks I'm prone to.  Life, no one gets out unscarred. ​  
    I am eyeing a nice Victorian, it needs a lot of cosmetic work, but the price is low, but I'm a bit worried about the yard.  The yard looks like it won't work, and that's non-negotiable.  I'll live in a plain uncharismatic ranch with a gorgeous yard if I have to.  LOL Nikki says maybe two months to having this place ready to list, and then once we find a buyer a huge chunk of the current stress will lift off.  I have paralyzing freakouts that no one will want the house.  Nothing will make that go away until we close on the house.  Then we can focus on buying the next one and setting up for the new chapter of life.  Closer to my friend N happily. 
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  22. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    Oh you know, having a bit of  a breakdown after I had to put down my Murder Kitty at only five years old.    But ​Murder Kitty will not tolerate vet care, and while his condition was fixable, only with a LOT of constant vet care.  No one at our clinic has ever seen anything like his reaction to them.  So it was best to let him go quietly.  Then I tried to keep busy working on the great life reorganization plan, and I realized the great life reorganization plan exists outside of theory and had a panic breakdown.  It was a dumb idea on my part to agree to change EVERYTHING in my life at once.  I have deep seated security issues, and this amorphous shapeless mass of a future crushed me.  I should have known better.  I got so focused on what Nikki needed, somewhere in the last four months or so I sorta forgot I exist.  And my mom gave the only heirloom I ever wanted, that we fought over for years cuz she wouldn't even let me USE the dishes on holidays even though she never used them even once, to my cousin, and when I objected told me I'd never expressed any interest.  SO much fun realizing you don't exist for your family unless your standing in front of them.  But we're moving away sometime soon.  
    It's better now though.  NIKKI GOT A JOB!  Yup, he leaves his current crappy one in two weeks, and is getting a raise and a more responsible position.  And it's only an hour north of the city we wanted to live in, so tomorrow we're going to a small town that is exactly between his job and the city where we have friends and stuff to do, about a half hour either way, and see if we want to consider living there.  The other option is a city north of his job that is bigger, but further from target city.  So if we hate small town we have a fall back plan.  I'm sorta excited to go check this place out.  We still have to sell this house obviously, but Nikki's commute is only an hour until we do, and he's done longer commutes before.  He's gonna have a normal m-f schedule again.  Hooray!   And his current job that is eliminating his department in like two weeks still hasn't even communicated what was going to happen to him or my best friend who works there, so the timing was LOVELY.  I'm really happy for him, and me, and having a direction is giving that future a sorta shape.  It's still all amorphous and scary, but it's starting to have a definite shape which is making me feel better.  We're moving in with Mom in September until the house sells and we get a new one so we can offer immediate possession to the buyer and no stress trying to orchestrate the two transactions. 
    But I'm not crying in the corner anymore, so I'm back on the internet.   Missed ya!  
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  23. Briannah added a post in a topic Topical analgesic for epilation   

    I used one for a while back in high school on my legs because I'm stupidly clumsy and razors and got swayed by the happy and simple looking commercials.  The thing with the epilation supposedly is that if you rip out the hair long enough, it supposedly damages the follacles and nerves enough that it both grows back more sparingly and sensitivity lessens.  Sort of a 'bite your bullet and then one day it will magically be easy' thing was what I was told over and over, but it just seemed to hurt worse the longer I used the thing and I just tossed the whole thing aside. In the end I ended up not caring what studies and other women claimed, that crazy thing hurt like hell, I'm wimpy with really sensitive skin and a low pain threshold, and gave up after a few months and went for Nair.  It's messy, it's stinky, and sorta itchy, but it's not painful, far less dangerous than razors in my hands, and while it doesn't last anywhere near as long as depilating, it does last longer than shaving.  And makes your skin weirdly touchable after, I think they put some heavy duty moisturizers in that stuff.
    But, in proof on the oft quoted mileage may vary, Nikki's sensitivity to it is very low, and Nikki uses the epilator with very little pain even in places that I considers REALLY sensitive like the underarms and chest where no depilator will get near me without being thrown over Niagara Falls.  Individual skin sensitivity and hair growth seems to play a large factor in this.  
    I know several women who consider the fast Band-Aid rip of waxing to be preferable to something like the mechanical depilators, they claim doing a large area at once and getting it over with is better than the slower sweeping of the unit over their skin.  Take that for what it's worth, and if you are personally very heat sensitive waxing will not be the right option.  
    I did find this article that may be useful to you though. ​ 
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  24. Briannah added a comment on a blog entry A Wonderful Experience   

    *waves* Heya Emma!  Lovely to see you looking happy and having a great time on the great adventure!  And I firmly believe that waxing was created as some form of torture and they found cosmetic applications for it later.  *laughs*  
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  25. Briannah added a blog entry in Learning to grow   

    Bad week.
    Having a crap week, and am going offline for a bit to sort it all out. 

    Last week I was feeling...odd.  Especially late at night.  Saturday night I felt really odd, and checked my fitbit, and had a crazy high pulse rate for laying down.  40 bpm above my usual resting rate doing nothing.  So after goofling symptoms off the er I want, were I spent the next five ours waiting to find out if I was having a heart attack, pneumonia, viral infection, acid reflux onset, or a mineral deficiency (and those can be extreme, scariest medical moment of my life as a mother was a magnesium deficiency from the stomach flu where my son literally could not control his body or move on his own, scary ride to hospital, then once the blood panel came back a magnesium iv set him back to normal like magic!).  So the winner is...acid reflux.  So now I take Prilosec generic stuff (and omg what is with the fizzy cough syrup tasting coating on these things?).  It must suck to be a doctor when five such varied causes all have the same symptoms really.  Doctor was lovely, and I'm okay now.  I'll still feel weird with the pulse rates for a bit, Prilosec stuff needs time to work. 
    Then today Murder Kitty was acting weird, and wrong.  So we took him to the vet, and came home alone.  My five year old murder kitty is gone, and I'm trying to process.  I always assumed this crazy cat would be there when Creed (15 and counting)  and Alita (10 years old this summer, pretty old lady dog) went, and just outta nowhere he's gone. MAYBE they could have saved him this time, but he could have re-experienced the issue right away and faced a lifetime of vet care (which he REALLY does not do well with, he lost his mind as usual so bad they had to sedate him fully to even examine him to find out what was wrong) and we can't turn his life into an endless battle royal of endless home and vet medical care he just won't tolerate.  So my Logan went to sleep.  And I miss my cat. 
    So everyone be well, I'm going to go sort through all the emotional turmoil of the week and focus on furthering my health and Nikki's mood, which is at an all time low after this week.  I'll be back after things are better.  *hugs for Emma and Monica on their new journeys!*
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