MonicaPz

Karen, I am so happy for you! Monica

Eve and Emma, Alice passes PERFECTLY! She is beautiful INSIDE & OUT. Must confess, I would give her a run for her money! (Hope that doesn't sound too chauvinistic!!) Monica

Emma, Beautiful photography! Wanted to be a cowgirl growing up . . . jealous of the kids that grew up on farms! My back ACHES looking at those pictures! Wish your wife could look at the ENTIRE article before passing judgement . . . Monica

Kristi, The only way I know to skip the "talk," is to attend gender conferences and try to make as many transgender friends as possible. Have found my beloved at a transgender support group (exploring whether I was transgender myself, which I am not). Having couple friends is one of the best ways to find a well put together partner, whether you are LGBTQ or not, in my opinion. Monica

Dear Emma, A butch worth her salt would always pull out the chair for her lady, or hold open the door of a vehicle or building for her lady. Some butches know more about chivalry than many men! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Friends, Have been accused of being a transgender in an insulting way two years ago on a paid Lesbian dating website (http://www.pinkwink.com). Two years ago, was also on the two big name "free" dating websites, but not a nibble. Gave PinkWink another six month chance recently, but giving it up. However, it is worth a try, when it is only $40.00 a year. Have met on PinkWink a lady who found someone on one of the big name "free" dating websites only ten minutes from where she lived. Notice MANY scammers on the "free" and inexpensive dating websites. Now trying gender conferences to meet that special lady, and if that does not work, going to try "Compatible Companions," put out by the owner of eHarmony, for $240.00 or $250.00 a year (I can't remember which). About people far away making contact: In my case, I exhausted all the women participating from my county, and gradually expanded out. Of course, I am willing to relocate. Have found http://www.TGPersonals.com, which is free, the best of the transgender dating websites, in my opinion. Many of the transwomen there complain of guys trolling there looking for hookups, but I also found many great online friends there among the transwomen! Know that "one is the loneliest number," but being with the wrong person can be a nightmare! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, That's a good sign . . . she wants to talk to you as a fellow woman! Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, In the US, the culture can vary greatly by city, and by neighborhood. Lived in Tampa Bay (Clearwater, St. Petersburg and Tampa), Florida and was amazed they were much more cosmopolitan than Brooklyn, Manhattan and upstate New York! Before visiting the U.S., it is best to do your research, try to develop contacts (to ask them about their personal experiences), etc. Wishing you a happy and safe trip! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, If I were her, I would have wrote it a little differently . . . you are beautiful, INSIDE AND OUT. You really have a beautiful heart . . . Yours truly, Monica

Everyone, and I mean everyone, no one is immune, experiences both open (obvious) and closed (not so obvious) rejection in their lives, through all stages of their life, starting in the very earliest years. The reality is not everybody likes and/or loves you, but there will be some who do. The secret is to focus on those who do, and inoculate yourself from those who don't, thus removing their power to hurt you. Examples of open rejection are: Owner of a small restaurant saying they are closed when they are full of customers at lunch time. A person that you thought was 'friendly,' "turning on you," followed by their friends, without cause. A clique or clan excluding you. A doctor writing you a letter saying they no longer want you as a patient, without good reason. A beauty school refusing you service, without good reason. A family member humiliating you in public. A person changing their seat to avoid sitting with or near you. A person sitting in the back of the bus so that they can see you but you can't see them, without turning around. A note left on the soda machine by a tenant moving out calling me a pig, accusing me of drinking all the diet soda (which I rarely drank, but requested the management to provide the diet soda). People making disparaging remarks or noises as you pass by in a public place. Examples of closed rejection are: A big, wad of chopped up fat placed in the middle of my taco. A person urinated on my blanket at the dry cleaners. A person broke ink pens all over my blanket at another dry cleaners. Continuous difficulty in making an appointment at a doctor's office (one "glitch" after another). A party guest deliberately spilling her coffee on my carpet when no one else but me was looking, and when I tried to clean it up, said it was rude to clean it up in front of guests. People turning their noses up at you because they think they are better than you. Your disability questioned by government workers because it is invisible. Ignoring you or looking "through" you, as if you do not exist. The best defense is an offense: remember that this reflects on the hater, and not on you. The best response is no response at all: by not answering back, they end up making a fool of themselves. HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH; YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF!

Dear Lisa, Am very sorry for your bad experience. Please realize you are not alone. Have left Facebook (FB) and Twitter, for exactly the same thing. They say you can control access to your account, but I feel that control is very limited. Really don't miss it. Keep my posts on a tightly moderated website, such as this one. That way, I have the support without the hassle! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Karen, Please call several patient references before deciding on the surgeon. May I suggest you visit three different surgeons for consults. An excellent website is http://www.HealthGra...s.com. There are similar websites to HealthGrades that I would consult too, but I can not recall their names. Also, I would explore surgery that uses your own tissue instead of implants. I think there is a procedure where chest muscles are used to create breasts. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Melody, As we grow through the years, we are not the same person from the past, not even as recent as six months ago. Likewise, your friends are growing, some in the same direction, and others in different directions. This is why it is important to be adding friends as you go along, so that you are not devastated as you lose some friends along the way. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Pamala, There are two kinds of dreams. The first, and the most common, are dreams where the body is at rest but the brain is active, sorting out and digesting the daytime activities. The second is spiritual in nature, where the soul is plotting out the future and working on deep understanding. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Jenny, Years ago, took care of an autistic man who had recurrent scar tissue in the urethra, caused by multiple catheterizations (he had many surgeries all his life, starting as a baby), that caused a burning sensation and a backup of urine, sometimes to the point of not urinating at all. Had to take him to many doctors to get it fixed. It is a painful procedure to get it fixed. In his case, this was life-threatening, so we had no choice. Would suggest you consider Puritan Pride "triple cranberry" soft gels, one in the A.M. and one in the P.M. to start, and later, one at Noon, if needed. Their phone number is 1-800-645-1030. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica

Dear Eve, Is there any chance you can get a cisgender woman to go to medical appointments with you? That was what I did with my beloved, and things went so much better for her! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Rae and Emma, Am a cisgender (born female) Lesbian, and experienced true love in a relationship lasting ten years with a transwoman. Have no regrets, except that I did not have a Holy Union with her, and, if I did, I would have been with her 25 years now! Hope God blesses me with true love again! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Emma, Almost everyone's feet are NOT the identical size. Usually one foot is a half size larger/smaller than the other. As a cisgender (born female) woman, I have a size 11 on one foot and 11 1/2 on the other foot. Also, my hands are rather large, but not ugly. Size in itself does not determine how beautiful/ugly a body part is. Most women report some dissatisfaction with one or more of their body parts. The secret is not to dwell on it but look at the big picture! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Mikah, Women come in all shapes and sizes. One shape/size is not necessarily more feminine than the other. Am concerned that your romantic partners and friends feel so free to share their opinions about this when they should be giving you their support! Please don't give your power away! Yours truly, Monica

Dear Eve, Please explain "mesotherapy," as I have never heard of it. Thank you. Yours truly, Monica

Please allow me to explain what a body map is. Many are familiar with the concept of an amputee having the feeling of where the toes or fingers of their missing limb are, and feeling as if the missing limb is present. When some FTMs stand before the mirror and as they relax, they can see the outline of their male body, such as how tall they are, the thickness of their arms and legs, how broad their chest is, the features of their face and the shape of their privates. They can also tell how muscular they are. Likewise, some MTFs can stand before the mirror, they can sense how tall their female self is, the bone structure of their face, the size of their breasts, etc. In my opinion, this is not the product of fantasy, but the observation of their true gender, just as a person who has lost a limb can not only sense the limb that is not there, but the location and what the limb looks like. Feel strongly this exercise before the full-length mirror, if at all possible, but the bathroom mirror will do; and making every effort to replicate what is seen as the true gender, will create the best closure.

Dear Karen, Please be careful when buying "discounted" (opened?) packages of sex toys, to carefully sanitize them when you get them home. Yours truly, Monica

Great advice for anybody about anything!