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  • Transgender Bloggers Wanted: Share Your Journey

    By Lori

    Create your own blog at TGGuide.com. It's FREE and you can start right now. Some people blog as a sort of journal to share our thoughts, feelings, experiences and insights. Others blog to express opinions on social and political issues. Others blog to share their knowledge and experience with others. Go ahead. Express yourself! Others may be grappling with issues you blog about and your words could provide useful insight or answers. Here are some blog topic ideas to get your creative juices flowing; A daily journal about your life and experiences
    A journal documenting when you go full time
    A journal to document your gender reassignment surgery
    Dating experiences and tips
    Crossdressing tips
    Experience with makeup
    Passing in public
    Your experiences when you go out in public
    Restroom experiences
    Transitioning at work
    Dealing with counselors or medical personnel
    Introspection about your particular gender identity
    Dealing with or overcoming self-limiting beliefs
    Dealing with addictions
    Dealing with self-destructive behaviors
    Interactions with police or government workers
    Changing your drivers license, birth certificate, etc.
    Applying for jobs
    Your big day, when you go full time
    Hormonal development (please don't discuss dosages or make medical type recommendations)
    Experiences with electrolysis
    How other members of your new gender react to you, and your experiences
    Your recommendations to others about to follow your path
    Your thoughts about whether surgery is necessary to be your desired gender
    Differences in how you feel dressed or not dressed
    What your life would be like if you still repressed your inner identity
    Poetry or prose
    These are a few ideas to get you started. Feel free to leave comments to suggest your own ideas, or just start a blog and share with everyone. Just log into your control panel to start your own blog. This could be interesting!
    • 30 comments
    • 5,013 views

Our community blogs

  1. Spent most of my afternoon lounging with Bree both in our computer room and spent some time upstairs. Worked on trying to figure out a few things in my 3D program without success and am now just enjoying raid night with the guild. 

    Today has just been a t-shirt, gym pants and the bra and breastforms kind of day. 

    I did use the nair this morning to remove my chest and stomach hair. If I'm ambitious I'll get my legs tomorrow. Bree is absolutely right about the smooth skin having much more sensation to it. Should have done this a long time ago. 

    Now if only we could get something that works better on my facial hair we'd be gold.

  2. I have been around a few people at various points in their journey and watched several specials on true stories of transitioning and come away with a not so surprising conclusion.

    In most cases when a cisgender male who is married to a cisgender female comes out to her where she is accepting until he sets an hard date for gender reassignment surgery 99 percent get the eye's wide open thing going on, "he is really going to do it", "No more cisgender sex", "Wait a minute, I did not sign on for this".

    Seems when the penis goes so do many spouses.

    Now I don't believe it's just the penis as many married couples have less sexual encounters over the years it's now knowing conventional love making is out the door and the strong man they married is no more which comes from society drilling this into us from day one.

    Can you truly blame the partner for wanting "out" of the relationship? 

    In the minds of many non-traditionals (non-cisgender) we don't see things the same way the significant other sees things and I believe for some this can change.

     I would love to hear what others think on this topic.

     

  3. Latest Entry

    Heya. I did more art. Today turned out to be very uneventful, which is possibly the best thing I could have wished for. Nice quiet day. So I did more art. Another selfie portrait. News-wise, everything is the same. Tired. My dog is still poorly, and slowly recovering. I'm still sick with this flu, and slowly recovering. Had a weird fever spike this evening, I thought I was better already. Either way, I'm too lazy to write more.

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    (Incantation 4: Abjuration 3926x3926 from http://aplaceformypoetry.blogspot.co.za/2016/02/invocation-4-abjuration.html )

     

    Love

    Charl

     

    -o0o-

  4. Latest Entry

    Today is a very laid back day.  We stopped in at the doctors office to follow up on my lab work since I didn't get the call that the order was put in (The computers were dead at our doctors the day we went, my prescription made it the pharmacy but Nikki's didn't, they were struggling so hard) and no one called like they said to tell me I could go in whenever.  And sure enough the order wasn't in the computer, so the receptionist left a note for our doctor to enter it.  And follow up making sure Nikki's referral got through the computer craziness.  Because after crash coursing on the transgender experience, I also was crash coursing on transgender issues, and it's really scary.  Knowing Nikki suffers depression and has anxiety attacks, it makes me really scared with him not being in counseling to help him overcome those.  He doesn't exhibit any signs that he's a danger to himself, but I have a really paranoid brain and I just get flat out scared of things sometimes.  

    Then we had lunch, and now the best part has started.  Lounging around the house lazily.  Not going outside into the cold.  It is so cold outside that when I left work I actually started crying, my eyes just filled up and flowed over because I was so cold.  That was a WEIRD moment.  I dream of palm trees and beaches in Florida, but with our current situation that's really not practical.  But we dream, right?  :)  I don't even know why I love palm trees so much, they just make me happy as long as they are actual trees and not creepy neon plastic ones.  This week is beginning to make me feel like I have some kind of weird feelings about plastic in general.

    Nikki is still in an up mood, and if it's just from the relief of not having to keep secrets from me anymore like a sort of honeymoon phase, I'll take it.  Please good mood last for him as long as it takes to get into the counselor!  I do like seeing Nikki happy.  Tonight we plan to take the mmo raid scene in our guild by storm, we missed the last couple of weeks on the nights Nikki is working on collecting items to make a weapon because we were doing so much talking and sorting out and redefining our marriage.  I'm now of the opinion that everyone should have a sit down every five to ten years and intensely talk about how the marriage is working and what they want from it.  This redefining period has really helped us bridge a lot of issues for both of us and improve the overall experience of living in it for both of us.  I'm so grateful that I have a really adaptive personality in general, and was able to be what Nikki needed once he'd given me the space to absorb and wrap my head around it.  In our early years Nikki always needed to have every problem solved RIGHT NOW and my brain just doesn't work like that.  I need time to absorb the issue, and even identify what my feelings about it ARE let along be able to articulate them and express concerns that can be 'solved'.  Usually between 1 hour and three days, depending on how complicated the subject is. 

    There are some things I can't adapt to.  I have found the line between being able to adapt to a new thing and knowing I don't want to be part of a thing.  I was in a relationship with a really nice man, it was a newish relationship, and he was up front with me that he was a big participant in the adult baby world and I needed to know if we were going to persue spending any more time together.  He gave me resources to see and understand what it was. I took a few days and looked at all of them, and I understand it intellectually, but I couldn't participate.  I had a very strong 'I did my trenches in the diaper wars years ago' emotional reaction, and wasn't sad that they were gone.  I couldn't imagine my life centered around a perpetual infant-parent interaction, even though I could understand the need for nurturing that people who do participate have.  So I told him honestly I couldn't participate and while I really liked him it was clear I was the wrong person for him, and we parted on good terms.   That's how I know Nikki's reality is something that I"m not playing with because it's new and I"m trying to hold on to what we have at any costs.  I know the difference between trying to force myself to fit and realizing a new thing is okay and I just have to work on making some adjustments.  Somewhere after that marriage I let nearly kill me I learned to finally have a strong sense of self, and who I am, and what I can touch and what I can only intellectually understand.  That is making this period relatively easy for me.  So is the normalization that occurred from my Rocky Horror and anime convention periods of seeing men in full women's dress all over the place.  Which ties into something I posted on the forums, exposure is a huge factor in acceptance, or in some cases at least respect.  I respect ex boy and his choices, even if I couldn't join him, because he exposed me in a positive way that let me understand. 

     

  5. As I had promised, here are all the mandalas so far. Those who have colored them are written on each page.

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    IMG_3008.thumb.JPG.df9988019350b80d00917IMG_3009.thumb.JPG.dff96f1a757c85c67e814

    IMG_3010.thumb.JPG.5332f78765c435292c95dIMG_3011.thumb.JPG.23a98507bff5df69f2ad0

    IMG_3012.thumb.JPG.d599007a4dfe1309327abIMG_3013.thumb.JPG.2db8259437df90ae97d5f

    IMG_3014.thumb.JPG.41f76158bbb3443011458IMG_3015.thumb.JPG.73206bb15f5aa31649484

    IMG_3016.thumb.JPG.36d7aa4c213a743e3c0c5IMG_3017.thumb.JPG.c22087152795cf23fc734

    IMG_3018.thumb.JPG.1f51b918bfff367cbcbc2IMG_3019.thumb.JPG.c55b7dc18be87dd8e979b

    IMG_3020.thumb.JPG.ef748a34211adae686619IMG_3021.thumb.JPG.5dadc4789a01bffc0d220

    IMG_3022.thumb.JPG.5e341c6b389448e4a6a79IMG_3023.thumb.JPG.52d84ac0971e0850739ff

    IMG_3024.thumb.JPG.aaf54852d463898105f11IMG_3025.thumb.JPG.7720e606dc61d12996dc3

    IMG_3026.thumb.JPG.5e1e846435e3188087602

    -Alexandru

  6. Wazzzzzzzzup!?

    I know, I know, it's been forever. I've been super busy here lately and havent gotten a ton of down time to do a blog post, I'm really sorry! Plus my darned computer keyboard is dying so typing for a long while gets very frustrating since about 5 keys dont work unless I beat the crap out of them lol

    Not too much to update on really. I'm boring like that :P I've bitten the bullet and decided to finally go see a Chiropractor again and see if they could help out on my back pain. I've seen one before and it didnt help much so I'll admit, I was very very hesitant. Especially since the first appointment costs me a pretty penny of 85$. Plus I dont like people touching me.....

    Anyway, my boyfriend recommended me to a guy he went to see by the name of Dr.Bezon. I was really hesitant but went anyway, and when we went through the medical papers and whatnot I DID explain to him that although the paper legally says male, I'm biologically female so I do deal with feminine problems such as lower back pain in menstration, heavy chest from breasts and etc. He understood and didnt question any of it but wrote it down in my file for later reference. I've noticed that instead of using pronouns, he tends to just use the name. For instance, instead of saying "He/she has an appointment" he just uses "Warren has an appointment." Which is kind of nice really. Especially if you're not sure on the person's pronouns!

    So I went and I'll admit, my first appointment was rather painful and sore and I was not completely bought yet. I was impressed that he did call and check up on me after my first appointment to make sure that I was doing alright, which he apparently does to all his new patients. Very thoughtful! I've gone back a few times since that first appointment and I've noticed that the more I've been going, the less pain I'm in. It's so nice! I went in today after my 11hr shift (85% if it being seated in a vehicle) with severe pain between my shoulders. This is a common area for my pain and its usually between 7-10 on the 1-10 pain scale. I was extremely sore and hurting and slouching when I went in and he took his time to work out whatever I had going on back here. He was soooo fantastic. Normally its just some popping of my spine and neck and I'm right as rain, but today he actually did something that felt SOOOOOOOOO amazing. It hurt for a moment but he squeezed at my shoulders individually, pulling and pushing on them to "take the weight off your clavical and try and pull your collarbone away from your rotator cuff a little".

    I've cracked my collar bone in the past so it wouldnt surprise me at all if it's pushed against a few things in there. But he stretched out my shoulders and omg.....it felt SO good! I lost feeling in my hands momentarily and he explained that it was because he was cutting off bloodflow momentarily so he could pull the muscles back into their original places or something like that. It felt so great....The cracking between my shoulders when I breathe has lessened a bit which is nice, and my nightly headaches have decreased drastically! I was having headaches every single night for weeks, now it's once in a while when I havent had any caffine yet. Apparently the muscle I had tension in thats on the right side of my neck (from looking left all the time while driving on patrol) was putting tension around my scalp and causing the headaches and some of my shoulder pain.

     

    Also (several years ago, when I was 8 years old) I was rock climbing and fell 15 feet when I grabbed a snake instead of a rock. He thinks that the fall and the way I landed reversed part of my spinal curve which would cause a lot of my back pain. He's working on reversing that which isnt easy considering all the years and years that it's been messed up. But I'm very confident that he is being a massive help! I'll continue to go as often as I can, especially since my insurance covers it 100% which is EPIC!!

     

    On another note, I reapply for my surgery this week. I was supposed to apply tomorrow (wednesday) but I realized that the appointment for my lab work (TSH test for my thyroid. Very routine.) was too close to my actual doctors appointment and it wouldnt give it enough time to process before seeing my doctor; so we moved it to testing tomorrow, appointment on Thursday. Which works for me, really lol So there's that, and hopefully (please please please PLEASE......) I'll get a quick (and good!!!) response on my surgery.

    Also, for the FIRST TIME EVERRRRRRRRR, I voted today lol NH primaries were today and I decided it was time to contribute. I'm really really REALLY hoping the person I voted for will reach the white house....All the other candidates spell really bad bad vibes for the Transgender community....

    Anyway, not much else going on. I have become rather good friends with all my alts now. To my knowledge, there are 6 of us. (One popped up randomly recently but I kind of like him lol he's funny :P He's like a caffine-filled chipmunk with ADHD lol)

    Milo (sliding scale age, but normally around 8 years), Mathias (age 16), Abriella (age 23), Alexandru (age 23) and Benji (age 18). 

    It's so SOOOO weird to refer to myself as they/them/we sometimes. I'm still getting used to the idea of having Multiple Personalities but at times...I'm thankful for it. It makes me more open minded and I'll be honest, its nice to sometimes not have to deal with work and just tune everything out and 'sleep' while Alex takes over....Call me lazy but it's kind of nice.

     

    Anyway, that's enough out of the insane nut in the peanut gallery.

    Tootles!

    -Ren

     

    P.S.

    A HUGE HUGE HUGE THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!, to Emma for her amazing gift towards my surgery. It was a huge spirit lifter and made me feel insanely good :) You're amazing! Unfortunatly Gofundme made me withdraw the funds from the account due to inactivity or something. But I'm going to get an unopenable money bank to put in my room and the whole check is going in it to keep saving up! I sadly had to spend a lot of my home-earned funds for bills :( school vacation really cut back on my hours for a long month so I lost a lot of hours and $ on my paycheck, so I had to use some of my earned funds on rent and registering my vehicle (ITS INSANE HOW MUCH THEY CHARGE YOU FOR THAT!!!). 

    All in due time ^_^ I'd love to send out thank-you cards to everyone who has contributed to my surgery funds so please (if you're okay with it!) let me know your addresses? It's the least I can do!!! (If you're not comfy with it, that's totally cool too, just know how much I greatly appreciate you!!)

    <3 

     

    Updated pic :P Seriously loving my tattoo and rare manliness....

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  7. Latest Entry

    Had started coming out a lil bit ago to a few people here a few there then to one job i knew would be supportive.  Slowly told some friends and then put it out publicly and just emailed my other job bosses to let them know so that they hopefully heard it from me first.  Now that that's done even though I am incredibly nervous about how it will all pan out i am happy that I have nothing to hide now.  No one to hide from.  Everybody knows ... if they judge me then that's not my problem.  I can express how i want or anything ... its like stepping out of a cage into a new world ... as a new person.  No more secrets about who i am at home or what i think in my heart.  It's incredibly nerve racking to be in this spot where i am ... however its all downhill from here.

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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry
     
                   Wait for me
     
    Notions depraved want for your soul,
    every moment passes taking its toll.
    Remind me, I can not remember if it was lost or something they stole;
     
    Forgive me, forget me, do not weep.
    As I will only sink further drowning in the deep. 
    With but a faint whisper, be quiet, be still. I just want to sleep. 
     
    There is only silence beyond the cold
    A throat that which sorrow took grasp, took  hold.  
    Cry out! Cry out! I can not breathe;
     
    Is there nothing I can do? nothing I can say? 
    To implore you to holdout for another day.
     
    Perhaps I am your friend or a stranger you have yet to meet.
    Just take my hand I will help you to your feet.
    Look me in the eyes and just stare,
    You will begin to realize I do care.
    Open your heart let me see, 
    I will come, please wait for me.
     
                                - J Anderson.
     
     
     
     
     
     
  8. This is basically part 2 of my previous entry about work issues.

    I totally agree with everyone who followed-up suggesting holding out until surgeries are done, I can't imagine starting a new job and then telling them I'm going to be out for X weeks, so better to do it now, which also lets me get more experience.

    The problem is that that's an "exit strategy," but it doesn't address how to cope on a daily basis with a job situation that I find basically humiliating.  I don't like the idea of trying to just see it as a job, but that might be the only way.

    The other important piece that I came across recently involves performing  - and doing something that I feel passion about.  As some may know I have done some performing during a friend's drag show (earlier I would say that I was doing drag, but that isn't accurate anymore).  A couple of weeks ago I did this and after I was done thought I had decided that it was time to give it up.  The issue was that while I kind of enjoyed doing it, I didn't feel like I was bringing enough to it to warrant it (I don't sing, I can't dance...what else?).  But then last week I was at her show - not performing just to see it - she had another guest so at one point she says "I'm going to do one more song and then bring up my guest."  I had a strange feeling of excitement.  I knew it wasn't me, I wasn't performing, but I still for a second reacted like I was.  That's when I realized that I do still want to do it - I just have to find my angle.  So yesterday I signed up for a beginner's jazz dance class :-)

    Passion is definitely something that I'm missing, so I'm excited to pursue this possible venue!

    xoxo

    Chrissy

  9. I like many others, some not even in the UK, face changes of responsibility, although in my case not of demotion. Public sector employment in the UK is being decimated by the Conservative (tory) government, they are giving public service jobs to their private contractor mates, so far my job hasn't been privatised, but the implication of privatisation is that I have less to look after, due to whole sections leaving local government employment, thus making the Council that I work for smaller.  I'm  just hanging on for my pension, which when it's large enough I'll retire. My partner also has very similar problems being a consultant paediatrician in the NHS, which isn't really National anymore, it's been so fragmented that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand's doing.  The media is mostly anti EU and wants the UK to leave, the media is mostly pro tory, not much that is derogatory to right wing views and ideals gets published in the majority of the press or aired on the BBC. I have said before that the public are mostly sheep the press are the wolves who feed on the sheep and the tory politicians are the perverted shepherds who should be looking after the sheep. It's a really cosy relationship, a very subtle sort of corruption really. But there's a new dimension now with corporatism creeping - uh?, no, leaping in with Corporations pulling the strings of the idiot politician puppets, and it seems aided by the media.

    It's funny but I don't feel very free anymore, we used to pity the communist countries in Eastern Europe a few decades ago, thinking that they didn't have any freedom. To think that we have much freedom of speech, is quite laughable with a media so biased toward the new regime, who will take much notice of whatever I say whether or not it's on social media or printed in the fringe press?

    Don't think that I'm anti free-enterprise though, I'm all for it, but I'm very much against giving public services on a plate to private contractors.

    I want to leave the UK and live in Europe somewhere, and not be bothered with the antics of right wing idiots.

    Depressed,

    Eve

     

     

  10. I am having chest surgery in four weeks. I am super excited, and a little terrified.

    Nobody in my family knows.

    They're not supportive, and I don't want any passive-aggressive comments to bring me down.

    I'm sad that I feel I can't share this milestone with them.

  11. "You're too sensitive."

    I've heard that so many times in my life. Worse, I believe it. 

    I should not be hurt by rude people at work. I seem to be the only one who gets hurt. So no, I shouldn't be affected.

    I should not like how I feel when I wear my dresses. After all, it's just cloth. A fabric of threads. And I'm not supposed to like them.

    I should not be scared. Scared that people will discover how scared I am. Of being hurt. 

    I should not even write this here. After all, I'm a mod; mods don't cry. 

    "It's always all about you."

    That hurts too. A lot. So if I didn't feel then it wouldn't hurt snd it would not have to be about me.

    I should be happy, not sad. What have I got to be sad about? "I'll give you something to be sad about."

    Shoulds suck. I should forget that word, delete it from my vocabulary. I like it when I feel my truegender. Inside and out. But it's just a feeling and I don't know if it's okay to feel. Is it? It doesn't seem like it. 

    My cursor gently blinks as I ponder clicking the Submit button. Maybe this is what blogs can be for. Sometimes to pour out my heart. Show the world that I feel. I don't like it and I don't know what to do with it but there it is. 

  12. Things that make me smile…

    Seeing the leaves appearing on the trees in spring. Watching winter give way to spring always makes me happy. The leaves are bright and vibrant and fresh. It seems that, suddenly, everywhere appears to be more alive. People smile more and I guess it’s because they are more hopeful and filled with expectation now that the darkness and cold of winter is becoming a memory.

    Blue sky. Don’t get me wrong, I love clouds (I’m even a paid-up member of the Cloud Appreciation Society) - but you can’t beat a blue sky. There’s something basic and primeval about the way humans react to certain colours - and the blue of the sky is one of those colours that homo sapiens have reacted to for millennia. It’s ingrained in our DNA, I believe.

    Seeing Valentino Rossi win a race. Go Vale!!! You’ll always be my hero. #46

    Jumping on one of my bikes when the sky is blue and heading through the countryside never fails to put a smile on my face. If you’ve never ridden a bike, you’re missing out on what could well be one of the best experiences of your life.

    Watching children jump into puddles left by the rain. Or watching them play in the leaves when it’s autumn. Reminds me of when I was a kid.

    The smell of good coffee. Heavenly. Also the smell of nutmeg or cinnamon.

    Talking of smells... There’s this aftershave (cologne) that I fell in love (or lust) with when I was a teenager. It is called Aramis. One of my teachers wore it every day at school. If I ever catch a whiff of Aramis, I grin like a fool.

    Music. Music always calms me. Or it invigorates me. I’ll listen to many types; there aren’t many genres I don’t like. The only exceptions are musicals and country music - I’ve never managed to get into them. But most other types of music will make me relax and smile.

    Writing. That’s another thing that calms my mind and makes me happy. Except when I have a block.

  13. As the saying goes, "As one transitions, those around them transition as well." I am reminded of this fairly frequently, but more-so this week. My mom and sister have been struggling with my transition.

    My mother and sister still live in the Northwest Ohio area. I told them of my transition and being transgender at different times. I came out to my sister back in April 2014. I came out to my mom later that year. I have struggled with my gender identity my whole life. My mom was vaguely aware of this struggle in my early years. Eventually, I was put in therapy when I was 14 years old to address what was going on with me. My parents really did not know why I was dressing and going out in public. They thought I was acting out. That I was engaging in risky behavior. But they did not understand or know what it was. I did not know what it was either.

    After a year or so of therapy, my therapy ended and was considered "successful". Successful in helping me repress my true gender identity and successful in fooling everyone that I was "normal". Whatever "normal" is. So fast forward 30 years. My father passed away a year and a half ago. My mom is struggling with his death and all of the ramifications of that. And she is struggling with my transition. Not just coming to terms with it. But also trying to understand how this could happen. Naturally as a concerned parent, she is looking back trying to understand how she missed this. She is also trying to fill in her history with the story of my experience.

    This past week, she has struggled with the coming "death" of my male gender and what that means to her.  Getting used to having a new daughter and no longer a son. Does she call me by my female name? Or my male name? I told her to call me whatever she felt comfortable calling me. That it was okay and natural and that she needed time to get used to this. My hope is that eventually it will be difficult to call me her son. But I understand that to her, I am her only boy. She was concerned that I would demand that she refer to me as a daughter and that it was going to take her time getting used to it. I told her that as long as someone's intentions were not malicious that I wouldn't be upset if someone misgendered me or forgot to call me by my female name.

    My sister is having the same difficulty with having a sister versus brother. The sense of loss is very real. Even though I am the same person, in this very bigendered world, we wrap our identities in our gender roles. Those around us interact based on how we present ourselves and are perceived. This is more-so the case in a close knit family. And when we no longer act or present in a way that represents our gender roles since birth, this is considered an act of rebellion, an affront to  "normal" people who consider this "abnormal". How people deal with this, depends partly on them and their relationship with me.

    Regardless, my expectations are the same. I expect to be treated with respect and expect to be accepted without understanding. My word taken at face value. Yet, I will cut everyone some slack. My transition will take time for people to adjust to. Some more than others. I have been struggling with my gender identity for 40 years. If it takes people some time to adjust and get used to it, not having that experience, it is totally understandable.

    Everyone take care. I hope that everyone has had a wonderful week.

    Love,

    Lisa

     

     

  14. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4OEVLzEpLw 

     

     

    This video is about my tips to help you with anxiety and depression. 
    fInd me on all social media via my youtube account xx

     

  15. How ever one satisfies as transgender people we strive to further improve your inner core! We all know about online dating since my article will focus on dating & sensual pleasures of tranz folk. Let's begin without further wasting, we know online dating doesn't work for most.  For me a male to female transition to on & off straight orientation to bi sexual orientation. I find many pleasures of dressing up as her, with all kinky things attached being & living as girl without sex. Well sexual pleasure are good either way, but its the small things to turning into big things with being her that matter the most. The other day I went dressed casually to cinema as her with a couple of girly friend's and their friends. I had the most amazing time sitting between model personality if not babes. Everything was unplanned, I've learned the more you plan better you fail. So spontaneous is my answer. Maybe I am living as a girl too much. Today the most amazing thing happen to me at the ladies gym in changing room. I am not on harmones, or had any surgery thus far. I am 1 happy cross dresser as of today. Imagination goes bonkers wildly when I go for harmones in future or breast pills etc!! As a cross dresser I admire feet or having a feet fetish, I spend on average in a month $200 for pedi`s! I wear silicon breasts to show off bust. I am totally passable to average Joe. I can't think of what more I can do beside beautification facial surgeries(without GRS, SRS surgery god forbid)? I haven't done electrolysis yet prefer every 2nd day shaving my body & facial hair!!!  Remember the Chewbacca syndrome that's me from mid east typical dude. I luv dating with men on 1 particular website, where I have been picked up 4 times in last year alone!!! Will not get into that.  I am trying to date a girl who is super model. My family supports me all the way, which I wouldn't be anywhere without them. I am going at the rate of washroom of VIP clubs of turning down glances of babes feeling the urge. My all close girl friends want to date me 1 by 1. But I don't drive

    my Volvo S40 for over speeding. I drive a moterbike with my heels yet strap on rubber long boots every now or than. My fetishes can start from a stick to all the way to beauty of feet, legs or breasts. I don't know which way to go yet being spontaneous guides my surges in right path. I look like average girl but there is wild boy waiting to leash or be pleased. Visit on YouTube Shazy Jeo or outcast-all.com

  16. Latest Entry

    I have been on spiro for five or 6 months...I have to start taking estrogen soon so I don't get osteoporosis...the other option is going off spiro but I don't want to go back to producing testosterone...I'm scared and alone

  17. [TRIGGER WARNINGS; INCEST, CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE, SUICIDE, VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE.]

    Basically the gist of this is never casually joke about suicide and incest, ever.

    I've found that support for myself as a transgender person among other transgender people is almost non-existent. So the gloves are off. I'm coming right out with my worst secret and wanting it public.

    This post isn't a fancy infographic and it hasn't any gifs of gyrating bodies.  It has no pictures or selfies or cats.  It has no links to news stories or articles.  This post is a news story all its own.  It's one of the worst things you will ever read.  All of it is true.  God knows I can't put hours into one of my other posts and exist.  My posts require you to read. So here goes: no setup, no build, no background. No one's reading this far anyway.

    My Mom knew I was a girl.  But, she also had a thing for teenage boys and everyone including my friends knew it.   When I was 11 or 12 she stripped naked in front of me and showed me how women masturbated. At some other point, we had intercourse.  She was attracted to me.  She needed her fix of teenage boys through me.  We kept this a secret because we knew how violently my biological father would react.

    Later on, we knew we couldn't live with ourselves.  I was suffering from an eating disorder, bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria.  I was vulnerable.  At some point, we made a suicide pact.  We would at least die on the same day, if we couldn't die together.

    On March 17, 2009, the suicide pact was finally enacted.  She died, I tried but didn't.  Why I am still alive is a story for another time.  Recently, I tried to tell my biological father that my anorexia had relapsed and I wanted to get some help getting something to eat.  He chose to humiliate me in a public place instead.

    I went home and stared at a suicide note I had written a while ago, thinking they would be my last words.  My biological father has permanently surrendered his right to talk or look at me again.

    It is a miracle I am still alive and I get no credit for my strength of character to avoid suicide.  I am not the rich spoiled brat transgender woman that tv news and daily newspapers favour.  My pain is much, much deeper than getting bullied at school.  But I am invisible.

    I do not hate my Mom.  Her illness was not unknown and she clearly overcame it when my sister and youngest brother were most vulnerable. No physical damage or consequences came of it, like pregnancy or an STD.  I love my Mom and I think in penitence she has become my guardian angel.  She is a very good guardian angel.  I also had a  vision of her as The Shepherdess of the Garden of Twilight, the title of one of my novels.  But her role as such a Shepherdess is for another post.

    No, it is my other family I hate because of this.  They should be taking care of me and helping me heal.  Instead, they think I am better off never hearing from them, and if I never contacted them, I could accurately say I have no family at all.

    I have been through 23 years of therapy for my damaged childhood, and my family.  I will not be polite about it amymore. It has ruined my ability to enjoy sex with partners. But I said to my biological father "my anorexia has relapsed" and he chose to humiliate me anyway.  My anorexia relapsed because trauma about my sex with my Mom had been released. My therapist thinks I'm cured just by saying I was sexually abused. I don't think any other therapist will help, please have empathy and do not suggest any.

    I confessed these things because no one is reading.  This is a long-form entry like my others and because it requires reading skills that high school students are no longer required to have, this blog entry is as invisible as I am.

    My name is Debora Simon. My email is areaeightyfour@gmail.com | My twitter handle is @areaeightyfour | My facebook page is easy to find under Debora Margaux Simon | Please DM me on twitter or PM me on facebook or email me to contact me.  

  18. Latest Entry

        Today my mother and I went out to get a tree. I picked out a blue spruce. It's really pretty and smells good. We are still putting on the ornaments but it looks really nice.

        Christmas will always be my favorite holiday.1449353216100-2129794634.thumb.jpg.088ecTheres our tree!

  19. Today, Friday, 20th. November, 2015, is the Annual; International; Transgender Day Of Remembrance - ( TDOR ) .  Let's Wear Something Purple, in Support Of The Rainbow Flag.  If We Can't make it to A Comemorative Event, then We Can still show Our Support, for those Less Fortunate, than Ourselves, Who have lost Their Lives, at the Hands of Other's, or Have Taken Their Own Lives. Here in the UK, We should remember the Transgender Lady, Who had been put into an All-Male Prison, at Leeds, in West Yorkshire. Sadly, She took Her Own Life, in the Last Few Day's !  I WILL Wear Something Purple Today, as I Am a 53 Year-Old; Transitioning Male-to-Female Transsexual, Myself. Please, join Me, and Other's around the World, in showing Our Support Today, this Transgender Day Of Remembrance - ( TDOR ) . Thank You Very Much. Regards, Stephanie. 

     

  20. I never thought of it like this...

     

    Okay, we all probably never thought of it, okay make that the persons who never gave the world a chance to influence and change your gender.  I've always been trapped in a body with a body part belonging to someone else.  And even as a child I would ask everyone, "WHERE DO YOU SEE A BOY, BECAUSE IF YOU TALKING TO ME, I'M NOT LISTENING AS I AM NOT A BOY!!!"

     

    So did I give my parents the chance to grieve the loss of a son they never had, or is my mother just trying to be a royal pain in my ass.  Okay, my dad never used the right pronounce, and he treated me as softly as he could.  But I never wanted to be a soft girly girl.  I needed to know how to kick the boys into submission and how to shoot at a target with a proficiency that most grown up would cry over getting.  And how to handle a car and still look like a model on a catwalk.  Yes I am, and I obviously want to stay my daddy's little girl.  And somehow I was treated like all the other girls in the area, because I know he knew that he wouldn't ever get a boy in life from me, unless I come home with a guy.

     

    So I came to the conclusion that my mother will never let go of the gender assigned to my birth certificate which I will and can't ever respond, because that will and can't ever be me.  I'm looking down at my lilac nails as I type this and think.  Okay, so she (my mother) is trying to cultivate another interaction like that of my brother with her.  But it will never happen, I would become her last born and the girl she can run to if she could accept me for who I am, but till this happens, I am not going to give me anymore heartaches at trying to convince her that this is for me to be at my best.

     

    Hormones is another sore issue with us, as she would like me to stop, and the only time that I actually hear that she sort of cares for me is when I told her that without it I will probably kill myself and not think twice about it, because I can't live as the person that she wants me to be.

     

    Okay, this statement will make most people jump at their phone books to call and tell me it's not the end of the world.  Well, let's see how long did it take you to realize that you need to do the changes.  How many suicides are there in the world because of persons not allowed to transition.  I wouldn't kill myself, but I might do something that will still result in me dying (running into a gang fight with no bullet proof vest and get shot, but making certain that I took out as many of them before they could shoot me, and if they can't shoot, I would probably shoot myself through the crotch).  Okay, that is one of the thoughts I have in my head.  But seeing that I know I am the last line of defense for my oldest sister, and I don't want her to be injured or anyone to attack her.  I wouldn't want to leave her behind as I wouldn't be there for her.

     

    I have also learned that for every argument I have that I can die, I have an argument to stay alive, because if I don't do the fight that others are afraid of to do, who will do it and how will the nation I live in ever decide to change the way they treat us as human beings.

     

    Yes, I am not going to do anything to me, because I need to keep on with a fight in the world.  First South Africa and later, move into other nations because, equality is the way forward, not the way people want to change everyone.

     

    Cheers, stay safe and love life.

    Michele H

  21. Andrea

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    Sometimes things are happening in a rush, like when the river hits the rapids. All you can do is try to hold on and keep your head above water. . . and just hope you miss the rocks. There have been at lot of those rapids during this  6 month trip. In fact the flow has been mostly rapid. what a ride. And amazingly I look up and see that familiar face, The one I've been looking at for 11 years, 10 of which she really had little clue about the girl that was stuffed deep inside me. When Annette met Andrea.we both felt this bond, hard to understand and I won't attempt to explain, but the emergence of a previously unknown woman, who brought with her many unknown things, didn't seem to really be significant, the bond was mysteriously very strong. As I first stepped onto my road to transition, she stepped with me. And I look up while swirling thru the rapids and there she is, her face showing a web of emotions, that look that shows exactly how I feel. What a totally exciting, scary, thrilling, mind bending trip. . . for 2!

    The crashing wave of this last rapid is called 'delay' forces beyond our control add 7 more days to the countdown. We have been on a schedule these 6 months, we can do this by turkey day and we can get back to work before all the money disappears, After 67 years I have a 6 month window to make Andrea Jean's dream come true. This is really my first opportunity, ever, but it is a limited time offer

    I had a moment yesterday morning, the thought that it might not happen, I might be this close, but never able to make the 'cross-over'. I thought I may be sentenced to a life of unacceptable gender bending form. I felt the weight of real depression overwhelm me.I cried, and became amazed at the strength of my feelings, I had never felt it as powerful as I did then. I was just so driven to get my body right, I was numb.

    I woke up this morning and set out to make sure this gets done, a mind set and a course of action, be sure it happens ON THAT DAY, anything else is unacceptable. My fear, that moment of absolute clarity, and absolute depression has inspired me, I am going to do what it takes, no surrender, no prisoners, no failure. With a touch of logic, I believe I can do this. . .I see the surgeon on Tuesday, the moment of truth.

  22. Today I was wondering what a good haircut for my face shape would be.

    I daydreamed a bit about how nice it would be to have a list of celebrities with my facial shape. Then I could just look at their best looks. OK I was being lazy....

    Anyway that led me to this site http://www.pictriev.com/ which it just so happens does not require an account or social media login. 

    I just uploaded a "casual" pic wearing light makeup and a cheap wig.

    Apparently I need to step up my game. The cruel and unforgiving masculinity meter tipped to 53%. It did however offer me 3 cis female celebs that I resemble to varying degrees of fidelity. A quick googling later and i had some hairstyle ideas! 

    Now its off to Amazon to looks at wigs. Wheeee

     

  23. Latest Entry

    I have always had abandonment issues. I guess I always knew that things will eventually get to this point in my life where not only everyone I love and hold dear no longer have the inclination or strength to stand by me but I, myself have to abandon my own life which has been built on a lie.
     
    It this point I feel helpless against the current pulling me towards my transition. I tried to stem the tide and pretend it is not so but, I lost the battle and like before have no otherway but forward. 
     
    People say I am selfish but, from where I stand the selfish thing to do is suiside which again seems quite attractive as apposed to faking another 30 years of my life.
     
    No I will move forward and live my life by embracing myself and the people who have the courage, like me, to live life against the ods.